Full Cup Club Podcast - Getting Back Up After Getting Knocked Down With Grief

25 - Mixing Dating and Grief Part 3: Our Stories of Dating After Loss

July 13, 2022 Full Cup Club Episode 25
Full Cup Club Podcast - Getting Back Up After Getting Knocked Down With Grief
25 - Mixing Dating and Grief Part 3: Our Stories of Dating After Loss
Show Notes Transcript

In part 3 of this series, Christina and Meghan share their personal stories of dating after the deaths of their husbands. Dating after loss is weird and hard and awkward and different, these two widows get it! Listen to this episode to hear their stories about dating after loss and maybe pick up some advice along the way. Thank you for being here!

Also check out Part 1: What is Your Why
 https://fullcupclubpodcast.buzzsprout.com/1927889/10873215-23-mixing-dating-with-grief-part-1

And Part 2: Introducing a New Partner to Family and Friends https://fullcupclubpodcast.buzzsprout.com/1927889/10912485-24-mixing-dating-and-grief-part-2-introducing-a-new-partner-to-family-and-friends

Links we talk about in this episode:
Everyone Has a Podcast Except You by Justin, Travis, and Griffin McElroy: https://amzn.to/3O7hHJU  

If you find this podcast helpful, please subscribe and leave us a review! Having reviews is the best way for people to find this podcast. New episodes are available every Wednesday. Thanks for being here! You can also support the show by buying us a coffee :)

Support the show

If you find this podcast helpful, please subscribe and leave us a review! Having reviews is the best way for people to find this podcast. New episodes are available every Wednesday. Thanks for being here! You can also support the show by buying us a coffee :)

Find us on our website, Facebook, and Instagram too!

00;00;00;00 - 00;00;23;22
Christina
I got the coolest gift on my birthday. It was completely like a gift from the universe. God, I don't know. Hmm. But my son called me. I was on an adventure, this on my birthday. And my son called and he said, Mom, your bees are back. And just to, like, go back a little bit. I have had bees for several years.

00;00;23;22 - 00;00;39;17
Christina
Michael and I started beekeeping as a hobby and I got my greenhouse and my bees this winter. They didn't make it. And that happens. But on my birthday, bees arrived to my house. My box.

00;00;39;19 - 00;00;43;07
Meghan
Oh, my gosh. Do you think that that was Michael saying hi?

00;00;43;08 - 00;01;03;09
Christina
I feel like I mean, of all the birthday presents that I could have gotten that was like that was the cherry on the cake for. And I really thought that, like, if he could have sent me a birthday gift because that means that I've been having to go out and hand pollinate the stuff in my greenhouse because the bees I didn't have.

00;01;03;23 - 00;01;05;07
Christina
So it was just.

00;01;05;09 - 00;01;06;20
Meghan
Such a thoughtful gift.

00;01;07;00 - 00;01;16;07
Christina
That is something that you would have given as a gift. You would have been like, Oh, you'd have been like, this will save her from having to pollinate. So yeah, it was a great.

00;01;16;13 - 00;01;28;19
Meghan
I would I mean, I appreciate you thinking of my gift giving as like on that much of a pedestal. I will never send you bugs ever. Hi, I'm Megan.

00;01;28;19 - 00;01;32;11
Christina
And I'm Christina. And this is a World Cup Club podcast.

00;01;32;24 - 00;01;42;01
Meghan
We're here to talk through the good, the bad and the ugly of loss. Whether that's losing a loved one, a job, a dream, or even your marbles.

00;01;42;24 - 00;02;11;18
Christina
So whether your cup has coffee, tea, or vodka in it. Welcome to the World Cup Club Friends. And today's episode we are doing part three of mixing grief and dating in episode one. If you haven't listened to that, we talked about why the asking the big question, why do you want to date after you lost someone? And part two, we focused on family and friends and introducing them to your new partner.

00;02;11;25 - 00;02;33;15
Christina
And today, in part three, we are talking about our experiences with dating after the loss of our spouses. If this is the first time you are joining us, I want to say welcome to all of the new listeners we recognize that this is a pretty big topic. After you lose a spouse and so this might be the first time you found us.

00;02;33;21 - 00;03;02;08
Christina
Maybe you sat down and Googled dating and grief or loss or whatever that looks like. Maybe your parent is starting to date after the loss of, you know, your other parent and you're just lost and wondering what to do. Go back to part one and part two and to listen to that and then jump back to episode one and hear our stories and how Megan and I met after the losses of our husband.

00;03;02;09 - 00;03;19;02
Christina
So welcome to all of the new listeners. Before we get started, we do this every week. Megan, what is in your cup? What are you drinking physically and what are you metaphorically like? Can you tell us what is filling your cup right now?

00;03;19;08 - 00;03;41;05
Meghan
Mm hmm. I sure can. First, I am drinking a fizzy water, which will not come as a surprise to anybody, anybody in this conversation. But it's hot. And I feel like you have recently realized also that when it's really hot out, a sparkling water is just ultra refreshing, right?

00;03;41;05 - 00;03;43;14
Christina
Yes. Yes, I did just discover that.

00;03;43;18 - 00;04;10;02
Meghan
Right. So today I'm drinking my boogie brand that I love, San Pellegrino and the flavor. It's a new one I haven't tried before. It's blood, orange and black, raspberry, super good. Oh, super boogie. I am here for it. I love it. But that got me thinking. What's a black raspberry? You know, which. Which then got me thinking. Are blue raspberry real?

00;04;10;18 - 00;04;40;18
Meghan
Why is like blue flavored juice always blue raspberry? Is it just because all of the red fruits are kind of taken? So, like strawberry and cherry, those are always like red, right? When it's like juice that blue. Like, why isn't it blueberry? Like, blue raspberry doesn't taste like raspberries. What is this? That's a good question. It's a conspiracy.

00;04;40;22 - 00;04;42;05
Christina
Interesting. Interesting.

00;04;42;05 - 00;04;59;22
Meghan
Right. So blue raspberries are not real. Like, in case you are like, oh, I don't know, I'm going to Google it. But no, they're not. Black raspberries are real and they taste kind of like blackberries, but. Yeah, why? Why is blue raspberry? Why is that even a thing? Why is that even a flavor?

00;05;00;06 - 00;05;00;23
Christina
I'm stumped.

00;05;00;28 - 00;05;06;00
Meghan
I don't know. Big questions today. I know it's on everybody's mind.

00;05;06;18 - 00;05;15;14
Christina
It's early for me here in the Pacific Northwest, so my mind is boggled, I got to tell you. So what is metaphorically filling your cup right now?

00;05;15;21 - 00;05;41;05
Meghan
Metaphorically. So I've I've said it's hot. I'm in Texas. It's been over 100 degrees for the past several days. The next ten days, the forecast continues to be over 100 degrees. It's hot here and that is normal. And when I comment on it, I'm not complaining because I actually really love the summer. I love to swim and be outside.

00;05;41;05 - 00;06;06;06
Meghan
And so something that's really filling my cup is that I get time to swim. I've had a really busy summer, so when Billy comes over, he will come swim with me. And swimming is not one of his favorite things to do, but he does it because I enjoy it. And when we go out and swim, he well, when I say swim, I of course mean laying in a pool float.

00;06;06;06 - 00;06;32;18
Meghan
But he will be on WASP patrol. We have we don't have bees. We have wasps like I don't know if it's the area or Texas in general, but crazy amount of wasps, all different kinds. And anyway, so he is like my wasp bodyguard so that I can have a relaxing time in the pool. He is just like on WASP duty to just make sure they don't come too close, you know?

00;06;32;28 - 00;06;50;11
Meghan
So anyway, having a couple of days of that, like in a row has been really, really fantastic. I just really love to just chill in the pool, you know? And so that's been filling my cup. So now it's your turn. What are you drinking? And then what is metaphorically filling your cup this morning?

00;06;50;11 - 00;07;06;16
Christina
It's early here in the Pacific Northwest. I am having a cup of coffee because it is I know. I hate to hear this. It's drizzling, it's overcast. It's the Pacific Northwest. What can I say? So I'm having the temperature. Honestly, I haven't looked. But I'm in about you. It's like 58 degrees.

00;07;06;29 - 00;07;09;26
Meghan
Don't judge. It's like double that here.

00;07;11;07 - 00;07;37;15
Christina
Yeah, it's. It's rough out there. So I'm having my morning cup of coffee and metaphorically. What is Philly make up this last week I went on an adventure and it was just wonderful to get out of town and see new things and have just adventures. I love a good adventure. I love going somewhere that I've never been and see new things.

00;07;37;15 - 00;07;43;04
Christina
And that really fell to my cup in the last week. So adventures.

00;07;43;24 - 00;07;53;01
Meghan
Yeah, that's so fun. Yeah. You went on a while. I guess it wasn't necessarily a birthday trip, but your birthday fell in the trip.

00;07;53;09 - 00;08;15;20
Christina
Yes, it fell on the trip. And I discovered on the trip because it was, you know, the temperature of the face of the sun that. Yes. A fizzy water. Mm. When it is very hot is actually quite refreshing. And I found a new fizzy water that listeners need to know about is Jelly Belly is putting out fizzy waters.

00;08;15;25 - 00;08;39;07
Christina
And for those of you who are new fizzy waters around here are seltzers. Yes, they're called sparkling water. Thank you. And so Jelly Belly, I tried the very cherry and it was tasty. They also have like juicy pear and a couple of others. So, yeah, if you're out there and you're looking for a new static water, as we also call it, and check this out.

00;08;39;07 - 00;08;40;01
Christina
Yeah, for fun.

00;08;40;01 - 00;08;44;15
Meghan
Yeah, I'm going to find them. I'll be the judge. I'll be the judge of that.

00;08;44;16 - 00;08;45;03
Christina
There we go.

00;08;45;03 - 00;08;47;19
Meghan
Next, we could chat.

00;08;49;10 - 00;09;07;06
Christina
Okay. So first up, we're going to share a little bit about our experiences with dating after the loss of our spouse. And I'm going to let Megan go first. So share. Would you mind sharing with us your experience with dating after the loss of Jason?

00;09;07;07 - 00;09;34;25
Meghan
Yeah. Yeah. So Jason died in June of 2018. It was like November 2020 before I got together with my current boyfriend. So that is over two years. That's almost two and a half years later. And and it was about two years, maybe a little more when we started talking. So I'm just trying to give like a timeframe. Like I was not ready right off the bat.

00;09;35;06 - 00;10;03;04
Meghan
Absolutely not. And I think it was probably maybe a year and a half or so after Jason died that I started to think maybe I might want to date. It was like, maybe I'll get my toes back in. But at the same time, like we talked about in the first episode of this series, I was happy. I, I had really focused on building my life back up and, and to what I wanted it to be.

00;10;03;04 - 00;10;23;27
Meghan
So I was happy in my life. I wasn't looking for anybody, but I did feel emotionally ready. So it was kind of about that time when I started to notice when people would flirt with me. It was like it was like up until then, oblivious, had no idea, no clue, wasn't even thinking about it, not on my radar at all.

00;10;24;04 - 00;10;45;06
Meghan
But it was about that time when I would recognize, Oh, he said this, but he means this like you know what I mean? So it was like that sort of I don't know, that muscle memory, I guess from like dating in the past, like kind of kicked back and I was like, Oh, okay, all right. And I felt emotionally ready.

00;10;45;13 - 00;11;30;11
Meghan
And to me, that meant that I could handle saying, no, I don't want to be part of this, you know, like, like saying, no, I don't want to date you or, you know, like letting somebody down or or getting broken up with being emotionally ready to me meant being able to handle that kind of like not necessarily heartbreak, but just like rejection, you know, and then also having the the confidence and my head on straight where I could recognize something, something good, you know, and and or, you know, or if it wasn't good to be able to get out of it, you know, to be comfortable and confident on my own and not just jump

00;11;30;11 - 00;11;53;16
Meghan
into a relationship because I needed to be in a relationship. You know what I mean? Yes. So it was about a year and a half where I saw after Jason died, where I felt like that is something that I could do. And then it was, you know, months and months later that my current boyfriend slid into my DMS on Instagram and which is a theme in my life.

00;11;53;16 - 00;12;06;12
Christina
Yes, yes. Because I slid into your DM. So, you know, there's that we're just stalking you on the Internet. Please, listeners, do not stock Megan on the Internet. You can follow her, but she her her card is full. She has bills. She has me.

00;12;06;19 - 00;12;33;06
Meghan
I am I have enough. I have enough friends. I'm sorry. My quota has been reached. I'm at the max limit, you know. So. So, yeah, we just started talking and it was a very slow burn. It was like we would chat here and there and then we chatted more often and then it was kind of daily and then it was like throughout the day, each day, and we didn't actually go on a date.

00;12;33;11 - 00;12;59;11
Meghan
Well, to be fair, this was peak pandemic. So yeah, you know, we didn't see each other in person for months after that. Our first date was actually virtual. It was like it was almost as if we were dating long distance. If you've ever dated anybody long distance, you know, where you like is video chat a lot. We our first date was virtual and we logged in to watch a podcast recording live.

00;12;59;20 - 00;13;20;10
Meghan
So it's my brother. My brother and me is the podcast. It's the McElroy Brothers and it's like a big podcast. So I'm sure that some people have heard of it. It's like big. I didn't I hadn't heard of it because I didn't. I just, I don't know, I hadn't at the time. But anyway, so he invited me to like watch that together virtually.

00;13;20;21 - 00;13;46;27
Meghan
So we did that and we joke because that was actually our second first date. We dated very briefly before Jason and I got together. So yeah, we met a long time ago through a mutual friend. So just, you know, stayed connected on social media and then, and so yeah, then it just grew from there. But what I needed, you know, was I needed that slowness.

00;13;46;27 - 00;14;16;01
Meghan
It was almost like being kind of forced into just chatting or, you know, just texting or video chatting or whatever, just being forced into, like, slow conversations and and not moving too fast and, you know, just by the pandemic and everything because, you know, that was actually really good for me, you know, just I don't think I would have done as well just jumping into dating in like the normal way.

00;14;16;07 - 00;14;38;10
Meghan
I needed it to be slow because it was the first time I had done this essentially like the first time I had dated anybody after losing a spouse. Like that's different. That changes the rules, you know. So, so yeah, that's just kind of like the, a brief history of us. Tell me about you and Sean.

00;14;38;12 - 00;15;00;19
Christina
So for me, it really hadn't been single much in my adult life. Michael and I married when I was 24. I had had a previous relationship before that, so I really hadn't spent a lot of time alone. I had never lived alone. And so when my son left for college, after Michael passed, I was really enjoying living alone and being single.

00;15;01;06 - 00;15;26;27
Christina
I had two really good friends, Megan and Carlos, and it was long distance friendships like Megan is talking about and I really enjoyed those. Does they still you know, there are a huge part of my life. However you can't say, hey, let's go grab tacos. You can't play a board game, right? And that was really something that I was missing is having someone to do things with and I saw it.

00;15;26;27 - 00;15;52;17
Christina
Oh, well, I will make another local friend. That would be really nice to have a local friend and one day I needed to repair something around my home. So I popped into our local hardware store and I walked in and this guy, you know, he's walking and he works there and he just kept he locked eyes with me and he just kept walking.

00;15;52;17 - 00;16;00;04
Christina
And I thought, this dude's going to he's going to trip. He keeps it was like a comedy thing that I'm watching. Like any second he's going to trip.

00;16;00;05 - 00;16;01;29
Meghan
Were you freaked out? Like.

00;16;02;26 - 00;16;24;17
Christina
Not really. It was just like it was so sweet, like, to have somebody like I think I am not somebody who is aware of people looking at me. I'm completely oblivious. And so it was like, oh my, no, this guy is actually like he he's checking me out. And that was what it was like. Okay, this is actually happening.

00;16;24;17 - 00;17;03;18
Christina
And I walked in. Eventually it clicked in my brain that I was aware of who this was and he worked there. He helped me get some things and we struck up a conversation and it turned out like my brain was like, Oh, okay, he had helped me. So this is Sean. This is how I met Sean. And right after Michael passed, if you remember from episode three, I shared about our community coming in and building a fence at my home after Michael passed, just as a way for them to help process their grief.

00;17;04;00 - 00;17;39;27
Christina
And Michael's best friend sent me to the hardware store to pick up the lumber store, to pick out fence boards and the person who helped me was actually Sean. So I met Sean just as a brief encounter. I wouldn't say that that my first interaction with Sean was within a week or so of Michael passing. And I remember him just looking so sad for me, just, you know, I could tell he just he was so sad for me and he was aware of who I was in that first interaction because he lived in my neighborhood.

00;17;39;27 - 00;18;03;26
Christina
I didn't know him, but he lived in my neighborhood and he had heard about Michael passing. And he sure, he said, I'm so sorry for your loss. And he said, I lost my wife a few years ago to cancer. And I was really surprised when he told me that, because I know a lot of people in town and I really honestly thought Sean was making it up.

00;18;03;26 - 00;18;26;14
Christina
I know that sounds weird, but, you know, right after somebody passes, you're like, oh, you know, are people trying to pull something? But yeah, what it was is that he and his wife had moved there. She knew she had cancer. They had moved here to the coast to and she really wanted it was like one of her things that she really wanted to do and she had tested all of our margins had come back clear.

00;18;26;14 - 00;18;56;18
Christina
She had cancer. They moved to the coast as like a hey, let's live our best life. And after they got here, after they were here a little bit, the cancer came back. And so that's why I hadn't met them. They weren't active necessarily in the community. And so, yeah, so here I was 17 months after Michael died in a hardware store and he and I just like quick interaction and me being me, which Megan will know and I make friends with everyone.

00;18;56;18 - 00;19;13;24
Christina
And so I sent him a friend request on Facebook and we started chatting a week or so later and I'm just like, Hey, would you ever want to just play board games? I thought, This dude will understand what it's like to loss, you know, maybe he won't make it weird. We can just be friends. He made it weird.

00;19;13;24 - 00;19;34;23
Christina
Folks know. Just so about two weeks later, we made plans to, you know, go grab dinner and play a board game. And I was just like, okay, this is going to be so nice to have somebody I'm not going to have to worry about. You know, he understands that this is just us being friends. Like, I was so meticulous.

00;19;34;23 - 00;19;59;11
Christina
I think I even, like, read Megan the note that I sent to him, making it very clear that I just wanted. I'm not. I'm not looking for anything. I am just. And about 5 minutes before we went out for that first dinner, I started freaking out because I realized, oh, my goodness, I think this is a date. And I remember, like messaging Megan I messaged my friend Johanna.

00;19;59;11 - 00;20;04;22
Christina
I was like, Johanna, if anybody in town says that we are dating, you just need to nip that.

00;20;04;22 - 00;20;06;08
Meghan
In the bud. I was so.

00;20;06;08 - 00;20;08;02
Christina
Adamant about this is not a date.

00;20;08;19 - 00;20;08;27
Meghan
Because.

00;20;08;27 - 00;20;35;06
Christina
Honestly I was really enjoying my single life. I was finally feeling like my head was clearing about 10%. I was inter. I feel like I was in a good place, but I was still processing grief pretty. You know, I was I was up and running on the grief process thing and so we ended up going out on what was our first date that I didn't realize I was going on a date and we just clicked, we hit it off.

00;20;35;06 - 00;20;58;27
Christina
It was nice to have somebody who got it, who understood what it's like to go through the grieving process and to experience all the things and to break down crying at work and to, you know, watch your children as they are going through the grief process and all of those things. So I am I'm not just dating as somebody who has lost somebody.

00;20;58;27 - 00;21;19;24
Christina
I'm also dating a widower who who lost their person. Yeah. And what is unique about us is that we come at it from very different angles. And for Sean, he had anticipatory grief. So for them, the process was about two and a half years total from the time they found out to the time that his wife passed. And for me it was sudden.

00;21;19;24 - 00;21;55;21
Christina
It was completely out of the blue, totally unacceptable, unexpected. And so when when we're chatting, it's you see these very different experiences where that they were able to have conversations about what Sean's future would look like and what, you know, maybe she was hoping for him and that they were able to have conversations about, hey, like maybe healing conversations, I guess you would say not not leaving business unfinished for Michael and I that was completely unexpected, and our relationship was good.

00;21;55;21 - 00;22;10;10
Christina
But there's still things that I'm processing that I'm like, Oh, man, I wish we would been able to have this conversation or I wish I would have understand stood where he was coming from on this subject. We didn't get to have that. And so it's it's very interesting.

00;22;10;10 - 00;22;11;05
Meghan
Just different.

00;22;11;05 - 00;22;38;01
Christina
Yeah, it's different. And going in my friend Carlos, I remember him telling me probably like in the middle, you know, before I met Sean, I wasn't planning to date or anything. And he told me, he said, it's just going to be different. And I have held on to that, like dating someone new after the loss of your spouse or any time you're dating, it's going to that person's going to be different.

00;22;38;15 - 00;22;41;29
Christina
Sean is not. Michael 2.0 That's true.

00;22;41;29 - 00;23;03;17
Meghan
That is a hugely important point. You are not cloning your person. You're not looking for, you know, that person reincarnated. However, it is pretty funny that I am dating somebody that I dated before. Like it. It's different though, you know. I can tell now that it's it's you know we're both older and wiser.

00;23;03;24 - 00;23;04;02
Christina
Mean.

00;23;04;22 - 00;23;50;03
Meghan
That's just that's just what happens and you know as you age but I am a lot more calm, a lot less likely to just try to, you know, control everything. I'm just I, I do not get, like, upset and angry, like I maybe would have about little things because it's like, now I know what big loss feels like, so, you know, a little thing that's annoying, that can't touch me because, like, I know what it's like to feel sad, to feel, you know, those huge emotions of I know what the big bad feels like, so I'm going to appreciate what I have and those little annoyances.

00;23;50;03 - 00;24;13;09
Meghan
They're just nothing now. Nothing. Absolutely not. So we didn't really date long enough before for those annoyances, you know, to like kind of come out. So I can't like compare that, but I definitely am calmer and just more chill about most stuff now after having gone through the loss of Jason.

00;24;13;21 - 00;24;27;10
Christina
That makes sense. I, I definitely, I would say for me in this relationship, I, I live every day like it was my last. And like you're saying, you're different.

00;24;27;12 - 00;24;37;12
Meghan
You do when you were in the hospital, you were like, okay, was this did I check all the boxes? If this was my last day, if this is it was today a good day. Yeah.

00;24;38;00 - 00;25;10;23
Christina
And I and I appreciate that. You know, like I said, this is not Michael 2.0 and where Michael highly valued things being stable and his you know, all of the boxes being checked Sean is like me and our personalities are similar and he is a lot more adventurous. And it's funny were that Michael once wanted to get from point A to point B, I am very much the person that's like I enjoy that journey where Michael enjoyed getting to the destination and Sean is, okay, who enjoys the journey?

00;25;10;23 - 00;25;34;07
Christina
So it's very odd for me if we are at a zoo and literally a zoo and Sean will stop and he'll read the signs and he'll really like look at all of the things and check everything out. And it it really gives me pause and I'm like, Oh, wow. And I, so I, I can appreciate both of these men.

00;25;35;10 - 00;25;36;16
Meghan
For separately, right?

00;25;36;17 - 00;25;51;26
Christina
Yes. For what they what they bring to the table. So, yeah, it just said, you know, you have to be able to see those things and understand that this new person is not going to take the place of of your previous partner.

00;25;51;26 - 00;26;13;23
Meghan
Right? Yeah, I, I don't struggle with that. And maybe it's because, you know, it has it's been over four years since Jason died. Billy and I have been together for almost two years now. One thing that's important is still being able to talk about Jason, still being able to bring him up, like, for instance, starting a podcast about grief and loss.

00;26;13;23 - 00;26;33;28
Meghan
I mean, I'm going to be talking about Jason all the time because it's just constantly, you know, as we're recording, coming up with the new ideas. So Billy is ultra supportive. He actually bought me a book about how to start a podcast. I think that's what it's called. It's right here. It's right here. Everybody has a podcast except you.

00;26;33;28 - 00;26;55;10
Meghan
It's the McElroy Brothers. So the podcast, the guys that did the podcast from our first day, they wrote a book about how to start podcasting anyway. So Billy bought me that book as like a, Hey, here's, you know, cool idea. I'm going to be yeah and talk about Jason with my son. Like, it's just not weird that he comes up in conversation.

00;26;56;04 - 00;27;22;15
Meghan
It's not weird for anybody. There's no, like, hurt feelings or jealousy or, hey, you really need to get over that. Like, there's none of that. And if there was, then I don't know that it would work because it's just important to me to be able to keep his memory alive, particularly with my son and all of Jason's kids, to which Billy is also supportive of.

00;27;22;15 - 00;27;45;21
Meghan
And he's met one of them, but they don't they don't come around as often. You know, and they've all got their own lives. And but anyway, so that was really important to me, is to be able to, you know, keep keep his memory alive. In fact, if I can share just a quick little story. Billy broke a coffee cup the other day, and it's not a big deal like accidents happen.

00;27;45;21 - 00;28;07;12
Meghan
Who cares? It's a coffee cup. But he thought it was Jason's. He thought it was something that I was keeping. It was a Star Wars cup, and Jason was obsessed with Star Wars, so he thought the cup was Jason's. And he felt so bad that he broke this cup accidentally thinking that it was Jason's. So I feel like, you know, obviously it was like, oh, it's no big deal.

00;28;07;12 - 00;28;31;13
Meghan
Like, it wasn't it's not an important cup. Who cares? No biggie. But I just thought that that was a really telling of how supportive he is as somebody coming into a relationship or somebody just not even coming in, somebody existing, being in a relationship with a widow or with somebody who's lost, somebody. I thought that was really cool that he immediately was like, Oh my gosh, this was Jason's.

00;28;31;13 - 00;28;36;22
Meghan
I'm so sorry. And not, like, good riddance to Jason's stuff or, you know, yes.

00;28;37;06 - 00;28;53;21
Christina
I've heard of people dating after the loss of a spouse and the person that they're dating who has not lost someone they would they didn't want to hear about it. They didn't want to talk about it. They equated it to like someone talking about an ex and it's different.

00;28;53;22 - 00;28;56;15
Meghan
It's not the same as talking about an ex.

00;28;56;15 - 00;29;17;27
Christina
Yes. And especially, you know, you still need to process you need for that other person to understand where you're coming from and all of the things. And Sean and I openly talk about our late spouses and, you know, Sean freely with people will say, my late wife and that type of thing. And so it's nice to have someone who gets it.

00;29;18;11 - 00;29;36;13
Christina
And I think it's it's a healthy thing if you're in a relationship and the other person's like, I don't want to talk about your late spouse. I feel like that might be a red flag and the relationship. Yeah, this is not somebody who's ever coming back into the relationship. But you still they are still a part of that relationship.

00;29;36;13 - 00;29;53;01
Meghan
Yeah. And I think that there's also kind of a healthy balance here where you you have to be emotionally ready to be in a relationship. You know, there is there is a point we're talking about your late spouse constantly is it's it's not fair.

00;29;53;03 - 00;29;53;19
Christina
To the other.

00;29;53;19 - 00;30;11;19
Meghan
Person. Yes. It's it's more about sharing memories. It's more about keeping their memory alive, less about like burdening the other person with your problems or less about, you know, like processing. You should have processed.

00;30;11;20 - 00;30;11;29
Christina
Yeah.

00;30;12;15 - 00;30;14;21
Meghan
Before entering into a relationship.

00;30;14;21 - 00;30;51;21
Christina
Yeah. There. Your new partner is not your therapist. So if you have not, if you find yourself sitting there and talking about it, it's one thing to share your experiences. It's another if you are working out your issues with your partner, that's not fair. I think it also one of the interesting things that comes up is Shawn, is I shared that Shawn is so helpful with teaching me about how to we built a little pig palace out back for my guinea pigs and he doesn't he doesn't hesitate to show me how to do something and then, you know, let me do it.

00;30;51;21 - 00;31;16;21
Christina
Where before with Michael, I would have sat and watched. I'm actually like, I am participating. I am we're 5050 in this thing. And a lot of times we're using tools that are Michael's. And it's you know, it's not weird. It's not weird to have Shawn use Michael's stuff or Shawn's wife. Like, there's things around the house that he's like, Hey, would you like this?

00;31;16;21 - 00;31;36;27
Christina
Or We use something of hers when we're at his house and it feels like such an honor. It doesn't. I know for some people like you would think that that would be weird, but it feels more like an honor to use somebody that they are comfortable allowing you to like, Hey, you know, she had this paintbrush and he knows that I'm an artist.

00;31;36;27 - 00;31;50;17
Christina
And so he's like, Would you like this paintbrush? And it doesn't feel weird. And I love that about our relationship is that we don't get freaked out or weird at all about using our late spouses stuff of the other person.

00;31;50;21 - 00;31;52;15
Meghan
So yeah, that is really cool.

00;31;52;16 - 00;32;25;05
Christina
I think to keep in mind when we're dating, you know, if you're dating that the other person, again, they have history, they have there are things from the past. So understanding that that new person that you're with, just like if you were dating someone else, they they come with their own stuff and respecting life and their children are going to come with their own memories and being healthy in those relationships because I think one of the things that was surprising about dating Shawn, this totally caught me off guard.

00;32;25;22 - 00;32;50;27
Christina
My son is 24 and so I never expected my son to, for lack of a better way to put it, be imprinting off of Shawn. I didn't expect that. I didn't expect him to catch on to things that Shawn did. And to emulate those things, I guess is a good way to put it. And even at that age.

00;32;50;27 - 00;32;56;12
Christina
And so that was a surprising, you know, thing to see.

00;32;56;12 - 00;32;59;09
Meghan
Yeah, that's pretty cool. Are they around each other a lot?

00;32;59;09 - 00;33;23;14
Christina
They are. They we spend you know, we spend quite a bit of time together and we are all very comfortable around each other. So that's that's a really fun part of it is that my my son, he he loves to joke he sarcastic he and so it's it's very funny to watch one day this is this is a funny story and I don't know if you know it.

00;33;24;00 - 00;33;47;10
Christina
We probably are going to have to cut a lot of this weirdness out. But anyway, so my son came in to the living room and Shawn was sitting on the couch and he walked in and he looked at Shawn and he said, I don't know if you want to sit there. And Shawn almost like why? And he my son says to him, it didn't work out very well for the last guy that sat in that spot.

00;33;47;10 - 00;34;14;14
Christina
And I just like, oh, my goodness, it's so shocking. And, you know, if you've lost someone, you will understand that. It's like sometimes there's like dark humor and it's a coping mechanism. And that was how my son was kind of coping and joking, because where Shawn was sitting was literally where we found Michael when he passed. And, you know, I think of other people that probably would be very startling to someone who had not lost someone.

00;34;14;21 - 00;34;20;01
Christina
But scientists rolled with it like he got it. So that's one of those unique things.

00;34;20;01 - 00;34;22;15
Meghan
Pretty funny that.

00;34;22;15 - 00;34;42;22
Christina
I'll give you some insight into my son's humor. One of the things that if you're listening to this and you're thinking about dating, keep in mind that if you're somebody who's struggling with being alone, you feel like, oh, my goodness, like I want to date, I don't want to be single. Someone shared a story with me about their parents.

00;34;42;22 - 00;35;15;12
Christina
Their father had remarried very quickly after the mother passed. And this was an unexpected loss. This was not anticipatory grief. This was out of the blue. And the father or within days of passing, he was ready to get married. And it's a different generation. It's an older generation. And he quickly remarried. And the woman that he married because it was so quick, he did not take his time and he didn't realize that this was not a healthy person.

00;35;16;02 - 00;35;39;22
Christina
And for the rest of his life, it was. Some things were quite miserable for he and his family. And one of the things she said to me, this woman said to me, is she said, there are worse things than being alone. And I thought that was really profound, is to remember that you are thinking about dating or you're in a relationship and you're like, Oh, this is not working.

00;35;39;22 - 00;36;00;20
Christina
And I see some red flags. There are worse things in your life. You can marry somebody and you could be miserable. You could be in a relationship with somebody and you could be miserable to remember that do not rush into a relationship. Take your time. I saw an interview with Tom Hanks and he said and I mean, I immediately wrote this quote down.

00;36;00;20 - 00;36;23;08
Christina
He said, Time is your ally. And so remember that when you are starting to date or your looking time is your ally, get to know the person. There are chemicals. We know there's dopamine. There's all kinds of chemical things that happen in the early part of a relationship in that honeymoon phase. And we don't see red flags. We don't see all of the things.

00;36;23;08 - 00;36;48;02
Christina
So take your time. There's nothing wrong with taking your time when you meet someone to get to know them. There's no rush. You know, you don't have to rush into getting married or anything like that. Just take your time, enjoy the process, get to know the person, go on adventures you are still working out. I am still to this day working out.

00;36;48;26 - 00;37;05;02
Christina
Sean and I've been dating for almost a year and a half and I am still grieving. I will grieve for the rest of my life the loss of Michael. I will process that for the rest of my life. Take your time. There's no rush. This new person, Sean, in my life does not mean that I didn't love Michael.

00;37;05;19 - 00;37;18;16
Christina
It does not mean that I'm masking the pain with Sean. It does not mean that I'm replacing him there is a balance there between this new relationship and me continuing the process. The fact that I lost my partner.

00;37;18;16 - 00;37;48;18
Meghan
Yeah, I think that you have a unique perspective too, because dating a widower. So Sean has that experience too. You were talking about time being your ally. And I just that is that is exactly the truth. That is personally what I needed was just a very slow relationship. You know, it was months we had chit chatted all day, every day for months before we saw each other in person, kind of, you know, forced by the pandemic, like I said.

00;37;48;18 - 00;38;16;03
Meghan
But I needed to build that up, I needed to build that trust and that bond before I entered into a relationship. And I didn't really know that I needed that at the time. This is me looking back, thinking, I'm so glad that we started that way. You know, I would have loved for there to not have been a pandemic to force that forced it.

00;38;16;03 - 00;38;22;07
Meghan
But, you know, here we are, you know, so I'm actually, you know, pretty, pretty grateful for how we started relationship.

00;38;22;09 - 00;38;46;15
Christina
For me going into dating we talked about in episode one why we wanted to date and for me I, I believe I shared this for me, I wanted someone to go on adventures with, I wanted someone to eat tacos with, I wanted someone to play board games with. And that is what I have found. And Sean is someone this partner in crime to do these things with, to go on adventures.

00;38;46;15 - 00;39;13;15
Christina
And I hope, you know, if you're listening to this that you really do take seriously writing down what it is you want, you are at a different phase in life. We've talked about this. I'm not raising children anymore. I was looking forward to retirement with Michael and being able to go and do these things. And for me, what that looked like is before we were rating waiting until Michael retired, we weren't going on little trips on the weekend.

00;39;13;22 - 00;39;35;11
Christina
We were saving all of that for retirement. Now that Sean and I are dating and we've both lost our spouses is I don't wait for a retired Sean to retire. We go on adventures on the weekends we do these little adventures. So really to sit down and say in this new relationship, what does this look like? What have our experiences coming together?

00;39;35;20 - 00;39;57;10
Christina
Sean enjoys traveling and so we will run up the coast and go visit something and just take our time and we pull off the side of the road on the exit that we've driven past. I've driven past hundreds of times, and there will be these cute little towns that I never knew and how sad it is for me to reflect in my life and say, Wow, I miss this.

00;39;57;10 - 00;40;17;00
Christina
But you know what? Now I get to do this and I get to experience this. So stop and ask yourself, why do I want to date and what would I like to see out of this? And then what does that look like? And so I appreciate all of these cool adventures and checking out things that, you know, we've both wanted to check out.

00;40;17;01 - 00;40;43;01
Meghan
Yeah, I agree. I wasn't looking for anyone. I wasn't looking to date. I was just open to it. I am at a different life phase. I mean, I have school age kid at home, so I need somebody to, you know, just do life with. And recently something I, I was talking to him about, I was like, you know, doing mundane, boring stuff is also great.

00;40;43;07 - 00;41;06;29
Meghan
Yes. You know. Yes. And I think that's important because that's like 95% of life is like grocery shopping. So anyway, that is kind of how we started dating. One thing I knew from the beginning, it's that I absolutely did not want to date online. I did not want to download an app, I did not want to create a profile.

00;41;06;29 - 00;41;30;15
Meghan
I didn't want do any of that. Jason and I actually met online, so I have done it before, kissed a lot of frogs before I signed my prints. It was a terrible experience up until it was fantastic, so I just didn't want to roll the dice that way again. And one thing we'll talk about in the next episode is how to stay safe.

00;41;30;15 - 00;41;42;20
Meghan
When you are entering the online dating into entering that world. I I've been there before and so we have some have some cool stories to share.

00;41;42;26 - 00;42;14;21
Christina
So I want to jump back to something that you said earlier about the mundane things and doing the mundane things together. That was really important to me as well. And when we started dating, Shawn had a family member who was going through cancer treatment and eventually passed. And for me that was really important because I wanted to see we can all see people in the best light we can.

00;42;14;21 - 00;42;37;29
Christina
People can put on a good show and all that stuff. So really being able to see how he handled walking through the hard things and how he was there for his as they went through this process and what that looked like was really important to me. So if you are have lost your partner and you're entering back into relationship, a new relationship.

00;42;38;05 - 00;42;51;00
Christina
This is not like when you're 20 years old and dating, this person comes with their own history and their family and they are in a very different season of life. And so they may have parents that they're taking care of. They may have all of these things.

00;42;51;00 - 00;42;52;07
Meghan
And yeah.

00;42;52;21 - 00;43;05;15
Christina
You just don't play games at this age, too. I hope not that if you're a little bit older and you've lost, you know, a spouse and if somebody is playing games with you and then get the heck out of that red flag.

00;43;05;16 - 00;43;07;12
Meghan
Yeah. Abort mission. Yeah.

00;43;07;28 - 00;43;33;12
Christina
So if they're making everything look pretty and lovely and, you know, it's easy to date someone when things are you know or be in a relationship with somebody when things are easy, but you really get to see someone's true colors. So don't shy away if somebody is experiencing something hard, give it time. And, you know, all relationships are going to have, you know, rocky points.

00;43;33;12 - 00;43;48;07
Christina
But wow, I would rather see somebody, a character and what they value and what means a lot to them than them being fake. Yeah. The just the easy parts of relationship because hard things happen.

00;43;48;08 - 00;43;55;08
Meghan
Right. And that's, you know, just another point for taking your time as our friend Tom Hanks as timeless ally.

00;43;55;08 - 00;44;01;23
Christina
Yes. Did you know that Tom and I have a birthday? We're birthday. So that's a fun fact.

00;44;01;23 - 00;44;02;06
Meghan
Fun.

00;44;02;10 - 00;44;15;13
Christina
When I was little, I was watching, I think Johnny Carson. And it was Tom Hanks birthday and it was my birthday. And I just remember as a little kid just being like, oh, I share a birthday with Tom Hanks.

00;44;15;13 - 00;44;19;16
Meghan
So that's so exciting. My celebrity birthday person is Harry Potter.

00;44;19;17 - 00;44;21;00
Christina
Oh, really?

00;44;21;02 - 00;44;21;16
Meghan
Yeah.

00;44;21;18 - 00;44;24;05
Christina
I didn't know that.

00;44;24;05 - 00;44;24;29
Meghan
Nice.

00;44;25;09 - 00;44;32;16
Christina
So I thought it would be fun to ask a few questions. And so I'm just going to throw these out. This first one is it?

00;44;32;16 - 00;44;36;27
Meghan
Oh, my goodness. This is my favorite. I love to be surprise with questions.

00;44;36;27 - 00;44;55;17
Christina
Okay, so this one's a two parter. What are you carrying into this relationship, this new relationship from, you know, that you've learned previously? Okay, what are you putting down? So what are you carrying into this relationship that you learned and what are you putting down from your previous relationship?

00;44;55;17 - 00;45;29;16
Meghan
So answers to questions don't usually come to me like fast, but I am ready. Okay? Okay. I know what so what I am carrying into the relationship. I am more confident now with being the head of my household, fixing things that are broken, calling for help when I need it, just generally a more well-rounded person. Probably it's like I think we've talked about before where Jason would have me help him with process, but he was the chef and I was the solution.

00;45;29;17 - 00;45;57;26
Meghan
He was always in charge and I was that over, you know, it was, you know, I would hold the flashlight or or, hey, hold this right here, you know, while I drill it in or whatever. You know, I was the assistant. Now I am the lead. I am in charge. And and I mean, not always, but like, you know, I am the one introducing, implementing, starting a project and saying, okay, we're going to do this and I need you to do this part.

00;45;57;26 - 00;46;22;26
Meghan
You know, it's like I have leveled up. Jason left role as a manager and I have been promoted. This is what it feels like. So it's like into this new relationship. I am bringing that, you know, not necessarily like I have to be in charge all the time, but no, I'm talking specifically about projects. I have confidence with home projects and I am like, okay, we're going to do this and this is how it's all going to do.

00;46;22;26 - 00;46;49;22
Meghan
I have like all the plans I've bought all the stuff, and it's like, okay, this is what I need your help with, you know? So that's kind of like a weird, very specific thing that I am carrying forward. It's just confidence with home stuff, repairs and building and stuff. What I am leaving, what I have put down and will never pick back up is being persnickety about things always having to like have control of a situation.

00;46;49;22 - 00;47;12;18
Meghan
And just like I'm just more chill, you know, I am I am less likely to get angry about something. And that's not me. Just like hiding from my emotions. That's not me. Just like stuffing it all down. That's me realizing that so much little stuff doesn't matter. And why am I going to let it live rent free in my brain?

00;47;12;18 - 00;47;36;09
Meghan
We are just going to move on from whatever the problem is, you know, who cares? Whatever. Like accidents happen. People make mistakes. Let's figure it out together. Like 95% of problems can be solved with communication. Like, maybe we have maybe there has been a miscommunication here, let's figure it out and move forward, you know, as opposed to just like being huffy and mad, you know.

00;47;36;22 - 00;47;40;07
Meghan
So that is my answer. Same question back to you.

00;47;40;07 - 00;48;01;03
Christina
Okay, so what am I carrying into this new relationship? I think that Michael and I had a really strong friendship and that is important to me to be friends. And so for me, I highly value friendships across the board. And that was something that going into this, I was just looking for a friend. So that worked out nicely.

00;48;01;28 - 00;48;24;08
Christina
I was I wanted a friend. And so yeah, there's a lot of friendship. Like that's a huge part of our relationship is the friendship. So I'm carrying that forward into this one. What I'm putting down, it's, it's funny because like you kind of did the opposite. You said this is something you're carrying. And so what I'm pinning down is traditional roles, I guess I would say yes.

00;48;24;08 - 00;48;50;04
Christina
So I'm I'm putting this down where that I, I speak up, I more challenge things as far as like before, like you're saying, like Jason was the manager. That was a very much Michael like and I was the assistant manager and we worked together, but it was like, well, ultimately he is, you know, the final authority on this and I've really put that down.

00;48;50;04 - 00;49;17;09
Christina
And so that is something that very early on with my counselor that I talked about after Michael died is just like me questioning why did I do that? Because when I did push back with Michael, he was like very receptive and oh, wow, I see your point. I just didn't do it very often. So with this, what I'm putting down is I guess that, you know, being quiet and not speaking up for myself or not saying like, hey, I'm push back on this with you.

00;49;17;09 - 00;49;28;23
Christina
So that is something that I put down. Is that just like, I guess traditional gender, world roles that a guy's in charge or, you know, a male is in charge and females just need to do what they.

00;49;28;23 - 00;49;32;02
Meghan
Say or follow directions or whatever.

00;49;32;03 - 00;49;40;11
Christina
That was not on Michael. That was on me. That was something that I, I needed to work on. That was not something that he did. So yeah. So that was.

00;49;40;11 - 00;49;42;06
Meghan
Something. Yeah. I love that.

00;49;42;06 - 00;49;55;10
Christina
The next question I have is kind of a fun one. I think it's fun. Do you think, okay, you would have been friends if they'd known each other. Be honest, you don't have to it. I had to make it very.

00;49;56;29 - 00;50;28;17
Meghan
I think I don't think they would be friends. I think they would be friendly. I think they would be nice to each other if they were neighbors or a coworker or or whatever. But they both had such a or Billy has and Jason had a very tight knit, close group of friends that they've been friends with forever that I don't think that they would make space for somebody, a new friend to enter.

00;50;28;17 - 00;50;43;24
Meghan
Okay. So it's not that they wouldn't be friends because they're personalities of a clash, because they're both they're both nerds. They're both gamers. But I don't think that they would be friends just by virtue of just being introverts and their friendship card being full.

00;50;44;04 - 00;50;45;22
Christina
Okay. Okay. That totally.

00;50;45;22 - 00;50;51;08
Meghan
But they would be nice to each other. Okay. Right. So they would be, you know, friendly, but. Okay.

00;50;51;21 - 00;50;52;04
Christina
That makes.

00;50;52;04 - 00;50;56;01
Meghan
Sense. Okay. What about Sean and Michael?

00;50;56;02 - 00;51;20;28
Christina
I absolutely think they would have been friends and I even have like science to back it up. Just kidding. Pseudoscience. So I know each of their Myers-Briggs personality types and there is no doubt in my mind that they they were completely like they would have been the best of buddies. I and I. It does make me sad that we didn't know Sean and his late wife before they passed.

00;51;20;28 - 00;51;40;13
Christina
That would have been really cool for us to know them. I think I've mentioned this, we actually lived ten houses apart, so it's kind of crazy that we didn't know each other, but I think that they would have been friends, their their personalities were compatible for friendship. So yeah, I think they would have been buddies. I think they would have gone fishing together.

00;51;40;13 - 00;51;55;10
Christina
I think they would have done stuff together. Absolutely. And if they were neighbors, oh, my gosh. I think they would have been out at the back fence every night, like chatting and. Well, I guess girls, Chad, they would have been they would have been shooting the breeze or whatever you want call it. They totally would have.

00;51;55;10 - 00;52;08;23
Meghan
Oh, my gosh. I there is not a chance that either Jason or Billy would leave the house on purpose to go. No, they're both introverts.

00;52;10;00 - 00;52;33;01
Christina
I know this because we have a neighbor that. Yeah, he and Michael used to go out and and chat, so. Yeah, I'm fully confident that they would have been friends, so. Yeah. Okay, next one question. I don't know if this is a fun question, but it's an important question. What do you want people to know about mixing grief and dating?

00;52;33;01 - 00;52;45;20
Christina
Like what is really important to you about them that you would want people? Like if you could just sit down and shake someone by their shoulders and say, Listen to me, this is the most important thing and I want you to hear, what would it be?

00;52;45;21 - 00;53;14;01
Meghan
I think that the most important thing is that you need to be happy on your own before you enter into a new romantic relationship. Hands down, you have to have your shit together. You have to have dealt with and process past and just be mentally available to enter back into dating. You have to be happy on your own 100%.

00;53;14;01 - 00;53;35;27
Meghan
I think that's true. Whether or not you've lost a spouse, I think it's harder to get there after you've lost somebody. But I think that that is just sound dating advice. You need to be happy on your own before you enter a relationship, just in general. But I do think that that is a harder feat to accomplish after you have lost somebody.

00;53;35;27 - 00;53;58;18
Christina
That's a great that's a great point. Absolutely. And I think I think I mentioned it in the last podcast. But if I didn't, I was very happy. I was happy. I was I was happy. I was not looking to date. So I agree with you. I being in that place makes it much easier when you find yourself on a date that you didn't realize you're on.

00;53;59;29 - 00;54;04;14
Christina
Yeah, it. That is so true. Make sure that you are in a good place.

00;54;05;20 - 00;54;08;20
Meghan
Yeah. What about you? What's your sage wisdom?

00;54;08;20 - 00;54;33;18
Christina
I would want people to know that it's hard. I think when friends and family I really stress this on social media is that Shanaya will post pictures of our adventures. Our community has been incredibly supportive of us as a couple. They knew both of us before we lost our spouses. And so there's just this really love and support.

00;54;34;01 - 00;55;04;01
Christina
But what I want people to understand is behind that. It's a hard it's being able to find, you know, have this space for this new person in your life and then also finding yourself on your closet floor, crying so hard that animalistic sounds come out of you. And even though I was ready and even though I was happy and, you know, with and I had done the work, you're still it's still going to be hard.

00;55;04;16 - 00;55;28;19
Christina
And for you to understand that that's normal. I think that's very normal that it's going to be hard. And I want people to hear that and to know that this doesn't mean that you didn't love your spouse because you started dating someone. It doesn't mean that you're trying to numb or anything like that. You're not replacing your spouse, but this stuff is going to be hard and that's normal and that's okay.

00;55;29;16 - 00;55;51;23
Christina
You did not die with your spouse. Maybe parts of you are gone, but this is going to be hard. But you know what? There are adventures out there to be had. And I truly, truly believe that your spouse would want you to be happy. Yeah, I just don't want you to be surprised when you start dating that you're like.

00;55;51;23 - 00;55;59;13
Christina
This isn't all sunshine and roses. No, it's hard. But you know what? There are some really wonderful times out there, and so that's what I would want people to know.

00;55;59;13 - 00;56;07;29
Meghan
Yeah, I think overall that's a net positive. It's hard and there's good. There's bad, but there's more good than bad. Yes. Do you have anything else to add today?

00;56;07;29 - 00;56;15;22
Christina
In closing and just a reminder, you know, time is your ally in this process. As Tom Hanks, as.

00;56;16;04 - 00;56;18;26
Meghan
Our best friend Tom Hanks said.

00;56;18;26 - 00;56;51;23
Christina
Yes, our best. And to remember, there are worse things than being alone. Don't rush into something. Take your time. As always, I would love to add, you know, just a special welcome to anyone who's listening to the podcast for the first time. We'd love to get to know you better, friends. We'd love to hear your stories. So if you're comfortable sharing them with us, drop us an email, drop into our DMS on Instagram or Facebook and share your story with us.

00;56;51;23 - 00;57;25;15
Christina
I know that you think a million people are sharing their stories with these to know they're not. Just to be clear, we are not getting as many stories because I love to hear stories. I think stories are what connects us. And so when you drop into our DMS and share that it is a fuel for us to keep going because sometimes with podcasts it's very we can see numbers, we can see that people are listening, we can see that there are downloads, but when there's no communication, it feels like, I mean, are these real people?

00;57;25;15 - 00;57;46;11
Christina
Are they robots? Who are we talking to? And so when you send us, you're things and you say, hey, last week I went and I picked up my dad's ashes or he I lost my friend in high school. And your podcast is helping me to process that or hey I just started dating and I listen to those podcasts and I'm really enjoying it.

00;57;46;21 - 00;57;48;15
Christina
That helps us. And I know that.

00;57;48;15 - 00;57;56;26
Meghan
You are even or even hey, how did you deal with that? You know, asking us a question. How did you deal with this thing?

00;57;56;27 - 00;58;21;09
Christina
Yes, that is so helpful. So and we I know and you know, Meghan knows time is valuable. So when you take the time to do that, we appreciate it so much. So if you would help us out, ask us questions, we'd love to do a podcast offline. Hey, I'm dating and this happened or you know, I'm dealing with my you know, sister in law who's really struggling with us, you know.

00;58;21;09 - 00;58;41;21
Christina
Do you have any advice on that or. Oh, my goodness, tell us the juicy details of this part of the relationship. What is this like all of those things? Let us know. We love to hear from you. Full Cup Club podcast at gmail.com or find us on Facebook and Instagram under our full couple podcast.

00;58;41;25 - 00;59;13;06
Meghan
Yeah. Okay friends. Well, the time has come. So whether your cup is empty hassle or overflowing, raise it up. Here's to the craziness of life after loss. Cheers. Thank you so much for being here with us. Please subscribe to our podcast if you found it helpful and you can also find us on social media, on Instagram, at Full Cop Club podcast, and if you search Full Club Club podcast on Facebook again, thanks friends and we'll see you next time.