63 - Memorial Fails Minisode

Sometimes things don't pan out! It's okay, we'll get through it. Meghan and Christina share their fails in this minisode.

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Transcript

00;00;00;02 - 00;00;23;09
Christina
Hey, friends. Today we're bringing you another. Many showed what we'd like to touch base on is how things are going with memorializing our spouses that we lost. And sometimes that does not always turn out like we planned or hoped it would. And we just wanted to share, like, real life, like how it's going for us. And we're going to jump right in.

00;00;23;19 - 00;00;26;12
Meghan
And this is a mini so this.

00;00;26;12 - 00;00;47;16
Christina
Is a minnesota and if you like, want to hear more about this topic, jump back to episode 33 once you're done listening to this many showed and we did an entire episode, it was lots of solid, great ideas. We want to refer you back to that episode because we felt like it was really solid and we didn't want to regurgitate that information for you.

00;00;48;05 - 00;00;58;24
Christina
So jump back. We will link that in the show notes. But Episode 33, we went through how to memorialize somebody and we wanted to update you on how it was going for us. Yes. Megan, can you just tell us.

00;00;58;29 - 00;01;00;15
Meghan
Can I share my mishaps.

00;01;00;15 - 00;01;02;16
Christina
First? Yes. Yes, please.

00;01;03;19 - 00;01;22;07
Meghan
Okay. So what I had chosen to do with my husband Jason's ashes was to plant them. And it was something that I knew he would like. You know, he really liked being outside. He really liked taking care of, like, plants and stuff. And I was like, He's going to love that. I bought. I bought a Japanese maple tree because his favorite color was red.

00;01;22;14 - 00;01;41;03
Meghan
He really loved, like, Japanese type stuff. I just knew. I just knew that that was the tree he'd want to be, you know? And so I took care of it as it did all right in the first year, and then it died. And I'm like, Oh, no, oh, no, it's happened again. And so I bought a replacement tree and I thought, you know what?

00;01;41;14 - 00;02;02;21
Meghan
Maybe the tree that came from the place, it just wasn't a good one. Like I went to a nursery and bought like a good looking, solid Japanese maple tree to try again. Died so. So for the third time, I was like, You know what? One more try one more time, and I'll order from this, like, special tree website.

00;02;03;03 - 00;02;29;14
Meghan
I'm going to get my tree. It's going to be great planted. It died. So at this point, I'm like, okay, this was a nice try. And I think that instead we're going to pivot or we're going to do something else. And so what I wound up doing is digging up his ashes and I got some small urns, which I think we talked about memorial up here.

00;02;30;17 - 00;03;00;10
Meghan
I got some small urns and I gave them, you know, I put some ashes and spread them out among family members that that would want them. And, and so yeah, like the thing that I wanted, the thing that was going to be so beautiful, like what a beautiful memory of my late husband in the place that he always loved being, which was home, you know, a tree we could just watch, grow and bloom every year.

00;03;00;14 - 00;03;17;12
Meghan
I thought about getting, like, a little plaque for it. Like, in memory of, like, a little memory garden. Those dreams do not pan out. And you know what? It's okay. It's okay that that didn't work out. And we had to pivot and do something else. I'm not mad. I'm not upset. We just had to change it, and that's fine.

00;03;17;12 - 00;03;26;23
Meghan
Yeah. So anyway, there's the there's the life update on that real life. Real life happened. Well, actually, it didn't. That's the problem.

00;03;26;23 - 00;03;41;13
Christina
That's got to be the worst. It's like I think about that when you send plants, like I have three plants that people sent. I think it was three when Michael died. And I feel like this and I have a green thumb, but I feel like a little bit.

00;03;41;18 - 00;03;42;10
Meghan
Yeah, I did too.

00;03;42;16 - 00;03;54;22
Christina
Oh, my gosh. What if these tiny like and then, like, I felt like it like, I mean, I know people didn't. There's pressure to project but yeah, it's probably like, oh, I can't even keep my spouse alive. And now like my plant.

00;03;55;02 - 00;04;18;26
Meghan
The plants, you know, I have a plant still that somebody sent after my after Michael, after Jason died. And we get our spouses the next day this way. Yeah, I it's like it's still alive. It's thriving. Like it's still growing and blooming. Like, I was pretty proud of myself on that one, but anyway, I couldn't keep the couldn't keep the Japanese maple tree alive, so.

00;04;18;29 - 00;04;22;25
Meghan
Oh, well, you know. Well, what are you going to do? It's all right.

00;04;23;03 - 00;04;47;06
Christina
Yeah, it's okay. Okay. So I. Michael didn't have a headstone, so Michael was cremated, and it's, you know, his urn is in my bedroom. He has a really cool wooden box in my bedroom. And so I just. I guess that was, like, enough for me, but for his family, it was really important to have a headstone, which I understood.

00;04;47;15 - 00;05;06;03
Christina
And it took me a long time because I knew in my head what I wanted. I wanted it to be really simple and all this. And his family's been amazing about like whatever I wanted to do, shout out to my in-laws. They have been amazing. But it took a while because a headstone is extremely heavy and it's like, How am I going to get this to the family plot?

00;05;06;03 - 00;05;25;25
Christina
Which by the way, the family plot is like 30 minutes up in the mountain. And so I had to get it and the place is 30 miles. The headstone place is 30 miles from my house, so that's like an hour round trip. And I was stressing about it and I just feel like I'm not going to stress about this will happen when it happens.

00;05;25;25 - 00;05;57;27
Christina
And someone in Michael's family had passed a little over a year ago and her husband was taking her stone up. And it just the timing like I found out he was taking his the headstone place did Michael Stone in like 24 hours. It was amazing but funny story. I went and I designed the headstone and Megan helped me like I was like on with her, like, hey, can you help me with the font and all of the stuff?

00;05;57;27 - 00;06;17;26
Christina
And I can just have a side note that I did not know this. So I was like, Why does this headstone look more feminine than masculine and shout out to like, you know, her degree comes in handy every once in a while, but she shared with me like lowercase is more feminine and uppercase. All uppercase is more masculine.

00;06;17;26 - 00;06;18;20
Christina
And so just.

00;06;18;20 - 00;06;31;09
Meghan
Because lowercase letters, look, they're like curvier, you know, so it's like a little bit less severe. But if everything's in all caps, it just looks a little bit more intense, which, you know, men are more intense.

00;06;31;15 - 00;06;58;27
Christina
They are. They are. That's why we welcome it. So I think she helped. Oh, so Megan helped me design this like I knew what I wanted in my head. She was, like, really great about helping me with stuff. And I had the proofs done and they were starting on it. The next morning I had the hat, everything was done, and hours later, hours later, it's dark outside.

00;06;59;05 - 00;07;27;01
Christina
I mean, I'm going to, I'm like getting ready for bed. And I realize I put the wrong death date on his headstone. Now, that was a legit mistake, my friends, because 21 years earlier and one day my brother died and so that date is stuck in my head. The day before, Michael's was my brother's, and so I had August 29th put on his headstone.

00;07;27;10 - 00;07;52;27
Christina
You had September, September C I'm like, that's our anniversary. August 29th. Yeah. Oh, man. This is why I should not be left alone. So, yes, I had put September 29th on his headstone rather than September 30th. And fortunately, when I called the headstone place, they answered the phone at like 7:00 at night, and the man's wife was super helpful.

00;07;52;27 - 00;08;15;09
Christina
They stopped everything. They had it redone the next day, not the headstone, but the proof and everything was done. The headstone was picked up and I never even had to stress Michael's uncle, like grabbed the stone by. I got to see it and they took care of it. They haven't said it yet, but I mean. Yeah. So, friends, I wonder what.

00;08;15;09 - 00;08;20;00
Meghan
Made you realize that it was hours later you're, like, going to bed? Just divine intervention.

00;08;20;01 - 00;08;39;03
Christina
Mean. I'm just like, whatever. I did something wrong, I probably should have shown that to other people. Like, I probably should have ran that by my daughter like a few other people before I Yeah, it just hit me. I'm like, oh my God, Ciara. So I'm sure people have had the wrong thing printed on headstones before. I'm sure of it.

00;08;39;03 - 00;08;57;25
Christina
It has to have happened probably the way that I did. Michael's like, I still have his ashes, but I don't personally plan to spread them. I figure my kids can do that someday when they have mine, whatever they would like to do with that. But we did plant a tree, a memorial tree up at his family's plot.

00;08;57;25 - 00;08;59;25
Meghan
But you just didn't. You didn't. Plant has.

00;08;59;25 - 00;09;00;21
Christina
No, we did.

00;09;00;21 - 00;09;02;16
Meghan
It in there. No, you know, it was just.

00;09;02;16 - 00;09;20;08
Christina
Yeah, so we did do a tree. I think it's still alive. I'm hoping we got a lot of snow this year. I'm going to go up and check on it here pretty quick. But yeah, and another couple of ways. Like I love any sort of so I've heard a couple of stories like this and I just think it's a great one of our listeners.

00;09;20;08 - 00;09;46;07
Christina
Theresa shared that one of her friends to Memorial was her spouse. She has planted hundreds of daffodils, apparently on the way to this one waterfall. So nobody realizes. I love that that like somebody like why this is done or whatever. But these daffodils, like, come up every year. And I love that. I love that, I love it. It's like, who snuck around and did this?

00;09;46;07 - 00;10;01;28
Christina
Like, now when I see stuff on the side of the road like that and I would love to do that, but I'm like so afraid that I'm going to like plant something that's going to be invasive and then people are going to be like, it's going to make the paper like, why are these growing? They've taken over. But I love stuff like that.

00;10;01;28 - 00;10;24;10
Christina
And my friend Josh, he put a bench up on the hillside above one of our our local trails here in memory of his mom. So I love anything that's like that, that's out in nature. And people can see especially flowers or just a spot to sit and, you know, think about your person. So yeah, and there are a lot of stuff that we've put in the said 33.

00;10;24;10 - 00;10;39;19
Christina
So jump back to episode 33 and just do you have yourself permission that if it takes a year, if it takes five years, I mean I'm at the three and a half mark year here, friends and I'm just getting a headstone, so don't beat yourself up.

00;10;39;24 - 00;11;01;26
Meghan
Well, and you know, if you mess it up the first time, it's all right. You can pivot five years. Yes, that's all right. Well, you know, I guess in some cases you can't. But and in my case, you know, it was a it was okay. I think the real lesson here is that it's okay if it doesn't work out how you expect it or want to.

00;11;01;28 - 00;11;23;17
Meghan
It's all right. It'll be okay. All right, friends. Well, this has been a little mini soad about new ideas for memorializing your person, and then just some, hopefully relatable stories about how it didn't work out. If it didn't work out for you and you wanted to share that with us, share with us on social media, you could DM us on Instagram or Facebook and otherwise.

00;11;23;17 - 00;11;25;09
Meghan
We'll see you guys next time.

00;11;25;09 - 00;11;25;29
Christina
Have a great week.