60 - 3 Ways to Protect Your Peace in the Chaos of Life

We are ALL ABOUT protecting our peace these days. You can't afford not to when your world has been flipped upside down. In this episode, Christina and Meghan share some ways they keep the peace amidst the chaos in their lives. With lots and laughter and a little bit of advice from some widows who have been there, we hope you find this podcast helpful and maybe even a little bit funny.

Do you have a question you want us to talk about? DM us on Facebook or Instagram, or visit our website and ask! We love hearing from you.

Full Book Cup Club Book of the Month:
This month we're reading Atomic Habits by James Clear. Join us! Grab yours now or check it out from the library.

Transcript

00;00;00;01 - 00;00;05;16
Christina
Happy Daylight Savings. We made it through another winter. I'm so excited.

00;00;05;17 - 00;00;12;22
Meghan
This is my favorite. I like it when we get more light. I wish we could be on Daylight Saving Time all the time.

00;00;13;07 - 00;00;14;19
Christina
I think we all. I mean.

00;00;14;19 - 00;00;19;13
Christina
Is there actually someone out there that's like, no, no, I don't need the action?

00;00;19;14 - 00;00;24;13
Meghan
Well, don't tell us if that's you. We want to live in our happy, little, sunshiny bubble.

00;00;24;14 - 00;00;45;04
Christina
Exactly. I just now I went and I was resetting a clock electronics. God love them. They're great. But there are times when you're just like this clock. How in the world as I could. It's like the old VCR. You're just like, just going to let it blink. But I walked out and I turned it around, and I was like.

00;00;46;03 - 00;00;55;13
Christina
I had written a note in Sharpie on the back of this clock explaining to myself. And I was like, Thank you passed me for thank you for me.

00;00;55;14 - 00;00;58;27
Christina
So, yeah, we just talked about that in episode 57 and I.

00;00;58;27 - 00;01;00;07
Christina
Was like, I love you, girl.

00;01;00;07 - 00;01;02;07
Christina
Thank you.

00;01;02;15 - 00;01;17;04
Meghan
Oh, my gosh. I love little surprises like that where I'm like, Yeah, thanks me. Yeah. Great job. So here's your reminder right now to write on the back of your microwave or whatever how to change the clock.

00;01;17;04 - 00;01;22;09
Christina
Exactly. You're welcome to that little that little tidbit of information.

00;01;23;16 - 00;01;24;04
Christina
Hi, I'm.

00;01;24;04 - 00;01;28;00
Meghan
Christina, and I'm Megan, and this is the Full Cup Club podcast.

00;01;28;03 - 00;01;31;06
Christina
If you've been knocked down, we're here to cheer you on as you get back up.

00;01;31;07 - 00;01;36;05
Meghan
So whether your cup has coffee, tea or vodka in it. Welcome to the Full Cup Club.

00;01;36;18 - 00;01;56;28
Christina
Hey, friends. On today's episode, we are going to talk about protecting your peace. Sometimes after we lose someone or we go through something really hard or big change, our piece is really important. I mean, you don't even have to go through something hard to need to protect your peace. So we want to talk about that today. But before we begin, Megan.

00;01;58;10 - 00;01;58;18
Meghan
I want.

00;01;58;24 - 00;02;02;10
Christina
To you just took a big swing at something, and I just caught you right in the.

00;02;02;10 - 00;02;02;15
Meghan
Middle.

00;02;03;19 - 00;02;04;26
Christina
Okay, tell us what.

00;02;04;26 - 00;02;10;06
Christina
Is in your cup? What is. What are you. What is literally in your cup and metaphorically in your cup.

00;02;10;19 - 00;02;28;09
Meghan
So literally, I'm drinking a grapefruit. Lacroix. Back to basics over here with the the standard Lacroix flavors I love so much. Hmm. So, yeah, I have the it actually says pumpkin mousse. And that's probably not a pimple.

00;02;28;18 - 00;02;33;09
Christina
I think it's Pamela on this. I think so. That's what our family calls it.

00;02;34;14 - 00;02;38;20
Meghan
French. So there's like a more to it. I don't know.

00;02;38;20 - 00;02;39;18
Christina
I could be wrong.

00;02;40;01 - 00;02;42;10
Meghan
I could be, like, more accent.

00;02;42;19 - 00;02;45;20
Christina
I was going to say my family's from the south, so maybe it.

00;02;47;15 - 00;03;01;17
Meghan
Was my way. But you. That's. Yeah, I don't know. But anyway, it's that one. Yeah, I'm from the south, but like, the city in the south is not, like, you know.

00;03;02;12 - 00;03;03;09
Christina
Highfalutin.

00;03;03;10 - 00;03;05;01
Meghan
Yeah, I think sweet tea is fine.

00;03;05;03 - 00;03;10;29
Christina
Like, my family shows up.

00;03;10;29 - 00;03;14;24
Christina
And they're like, Why have you not made me sweet tea? I've been here 5 minutes. Yeah.

00;03;15;24 - 00;03;20;06
Meghan
And then what? What was the other question? What is metaphorically in my cup?

00;03;21;05 - 00;03;27;11
Christina
It's filling your cup. I said that wrong because we usually say what is not just in your cup, but what is filling right.

00;03;27;16 - 00;03;34;28
Meghan
You did say it wrong and I'm so glad you are owning that for everybody.

00;03;37;25 - 00;04;15;05
Meghan
No, just kidding. What is filling my cup? That it's daylight savings time that we get that extra hour of daylight. So the older I get, the worse it's gotten where I just cannot with cloudy weather, I want sunshine. 24 seven. Summer is my favorite month, even though it's 200 degrees here in Texas. Like because you get those long days with all the sun and not many like cloudy, stormy or just like cloudy, cold kind of days, though I cannot thrive in that kind of environment.

00;04;15;05 - 00;04;18;08
Meghan
I'm like a lizard. Yes.

00;04;21;14 - 00;04;22;11
Christina
Like a blue belly.

00;04;22;11 - 00;04;27;17
Meghan
Looking for like a cactus. Don't come near me. Let me just bask in the sunlight.

00;04;30;08 - 00;04;37;14
Christina
Oh, yeah. That was a good visual, because you're not necessarily somebody who likes to be hugged. So.

00;04;37;16 - 00;04;42;24
Meghan
Oh, you don't even have to, like, beat around the bush like that. And this is I do not want a hug.

00;04;45;05 - 00;04;53;00
Christina
Like the first the first and one and only time I have been in the presence of Megan, I knew she did not like to be hugged. And so I just, like, walked up and she.

00;04;53;00 - 00;04;54;24
Christina
Put her arms out and I was like, okay.

00;04;54;24 - 00;04;55;18
Christina
This is this. Like, it.

00;04;55;18 - 00;05;15;13
Meghan
Was a special occasion. But yeah, you have to be welcomed in like a vampire though.

00;05;15;13 - 00;05;35;14
Christina
What? I'm trying not to smell like. Okay. Oh, my guys put it together. Tears. Well, okay. Sorry, I read too many vampire, but I like that was just too good. Oh, wow. Okay.

00;05;35;24 - 00;05;37;28
Meghan
Yeah. You know, with the other thing, though.

00;05;37;28 - 00;05;39;22
Christina
Like a drama, just like pulling it together.

00;05;40;05 - 00;06;09;09
Meghan
Unrelated to, like, sunshine. I have a new, like, recording set up where I don't know if it sounds different. I hope it does because I made this, like, sound dampening situation. So I feel like. Like legit recording work, legit podcasting, even though this is like a homemade little thing. I just feel like, okay, we've made it. This is episode 59 and we I'm 59.

00;06;09;17 - 00;06;12;08
Christina
I think. So I'm going to just trust you on that. Let's go for.

00;06;12;09 - 00;06;20;28
Meghan
Middle 89. Our podcast is Middle Aged and I finally got like a sound dampening situation from my microphone, so that's pretty exciting.

00;06;22;16 - 00;06;32;00
Christina
And then there's me who's in my closet, and I just like part the clothes and like stick everything in between. And so the clothes are actually my sound. So you're super techie over there.

00;06;32;00 - 00;06;32;15
Christina
I mean.

00;06;34;00 - 00;06;38;29
Meghan
I am pretty tech savvy. You're not you're not wrong. But this is not a technologically.

00;06;39;18 - 00;06;42;26
Christina
It's not that.

00;06;42;26 - 00;06;46;24
Meghan
Okay, when we say what's filling your cup physically and metaphorically?

00;06;47;01 - 00;06;55;09
Christina
So it's early in the morning here and it's daylight saving. So I am and when I say early in the noon.

00;06;56;00 - 00;07;05;03
Christina
It's noon. Oh, my gosh, what is in our cups today?

00;07;05;03 - 00;07;23;07
Christina
We did not add like Irish cream or anything different cups, I promise you. But that sounds tasty. Okay, so I am still drinking my coffee. That's where we're at on that. What is filling my cup like? I. Yes. Okay, Winter, I don't do well in winter. It's just me.

00;07;23;07 - 00;07;23;19
Meghan
Neither.

00;07;23;26 - 00;07;29;22
Christina
And we get one less hour of light than you guys do in Texas. Do you know that in the low? Yeah, it's like a full.

00;07;30;09 - 00;07;31;15
Meghan
Yeah, I'm not surprised by that.

00;07;31;15 - 00;07;32;16
Christina
We have the rain.

00;07;32;27 - 00;07;34;03
Meghan
Mm hmm. Yeah, it's.

00;07;34;03 - 00;07;43;24
Christina
It's just a wow. So the best thing I can do in the wintertime is make sure that I'm exercising. And, I mean, can we guess what Christine is going to talk about.

00;07;43;24 - 00;07;49;19
Meghan
Is I think it probably rhymes with schmeichel's from all.

00;07;49;19 - 00;08;16;08
Christina
Yes, damn. So Pickleball is. So if you are somebody who is struggling, getting through the winters, find something fun to do to exercise. If you're struggling, it makes all the difference. I've I've yeah. This is my thing to do in the wintertime or in the summertime. But it definitely has helped me in the wintertime. So yeah, playing pickleball is been so much fun and hanging out with people and doing all the things and yeah.

00;08;16;15 - 00;08;19;23
Christina
So I won't keep going on. For my love for Pickleball.

00;08;20;16 - 00;08;49;25
Meghan
I think my challenge with finding something fun to do, exercise wise in the wintertime is time. Not so much like the activity, but like my schedule is such. I think a lot of people, you know, you work like 8 to 5 or whatever or even just any kind of full time schedule. It's hard to find the time when it's sunny outside to do something outside or, you know, because it gets dark so much earlier and then just yeah.

00;08;49;25 - 00;08;55;23
Christina
And who wants to leave their house? Like once you're home, you just want to put my soft. Well, that's, you know, don't want to leave.

00;08;55;23 - 00;09;14;22
Meghan
Correct. And so we made a little garage gym because we were like, oh, we are not likely to leave the house to go exercise, especially in the winter, you know, and then having it, having it in, you know, so close, it's like, okay, we can, you know, work out in the morning or at lunch or whatever because we work from home a lot too.

00;09;16;16 - 00;09;31;07
Meghan
Still. Still haven't. I mean, we do sometimes, but it has not become this routine that I thought it would having it so close, you know, because there's still the problem of, oh, I have my soft clothes on, I have to go change to work out.

00;09;31;14 - 00;09;50;06
Christina
Okay, so here's my thing. Here's my thing. For all of you who have home gyms, I feel like the reason for a home gym is because this might be shocking. But you can workout in your pajamas, you can work out in your soft clothes. Just do it. Just go for a walk, get on your elliptical, in your pajamas, whatever you got to do.

00;09;50;08 - 00;10;13;04
Christina
Just it's I feel like it's more about creating the routine, which is what you're talking about, getting into the habit of it. I'm just like, okay, for week one, 5 minutes, that's all you're allowed to do for the first week is 5 minutes, and then the next week are like 10 minutes because you know that when you get on there for 5 minutes, you're going to like start looking at tick tock or start watching the video and then you're on there for a while.

00;10;13;04 - 00;10;15;00
Christina
But just five, 5 minutes.

00;10;15;04 - 00;10;38;01
Meghan
I also find that like in your pajamas is helpful. Like if I go two weeks walking on the treadmill for half an hour or whatever, I am so bored of walking on the treadmill. You know, I have the access absolutely. Of some pretty cool injuries to deal with. So anyway, this is not an episode about Meghan's difficulty with exercising.

00;10;39;15 - 00;10;39;19
Christina
The.

00;10;39;19 - 00;10;58;08
Christina
Random stuff. But no, like people, this is something that we deal with. Like in reality for a lot of people trying to get into a routine. And it is part of what we're going to talk about today about preserving your peace. Exercise is a great way to help with that. Yeah. So we wanted to talk about preserving our peace.

00;10;58;08 - 00;11;18;12
Christina
I, I mean, if you have, I heard Meghan say or maybe she just says it to me, it is super important to me to preserve my peace. And almost immediately after losing Michael, it was this boundary that went up where people would try to come over to my house and it was like, No, no. And I had never been like that before.

00;11;18;12 - 00;11;47;15
Christina
And so this is an ongoing process for me to preserve my peace. Yeah. And I want to share something with you. This has been a recent revelation for me. So one of the things I have realized recently is that I am someone who is used to living in a high state of anxiety. It is normal for me. I grew up that way and when you grow up that way, you don't realize that there's any other way to live.

00;11;47;19 - 00;12;16;04
Christina
So I think of it like a snow globe where that somebody shakes a snow globe and all of the snow is flying around. And it's only been recently that in my life the snow has settled and I'm looking around going, Oh, this, this is normal. It's not normal to live in a blizzard. But what happens sometimes when you've grown up in a blizzard is that you don't realize that what you've done in your life is because that's normal.

00;12;16;14 - 00;12;34;17
Christina
You become the person who shakes that snow globe. You become the person who an anxiety it to the situation by adding things to your life that are not maybe healthy for you or being around people who are not helping you to stay calm and not live in a blizzard.

00;12;34;25 - 00;12;58;01
Meghan
We talked about that and when we talked about the Brené Brown book that we just read, we talked about it was like the Viking or victim. When we're talking about that, where, you know, if you're if you've constantly lived in this one, like with this one mindset of a victim mindset, then that's what's kept you alive this far.

00;12;58;01 - 00;13;13;07
Meghan
So that's what you go towards. So what you're saying is not the victim mindset, but it's the same thing, same idea, where you you're choosing to go back to whatever environment has kept you alive. And even though that's chaotic.

00;13;13;07 - 00;13;34;04
Christina
Yes. And so it's this idea of once you recognize that that's what you're doing, you need to go and honor that that this is you've you've done things, coping mechanisms. I came I talk that there are things that from your childhood that you've done because this is a place of, you know, this place is normal to you and you honor that.

00;13;34;04 - 00;13;53;22
Christina
And then you say, okay, how do we move forward with this? What is a healthier way to to move forward? And so that's something that I have been doing recently and I wanted to share. And you and you're the same way you're very much about like, okay, this is not this person is not bringing peace into my life.

00;13;53;22 - 00;14;06;28
Christina
And so so we wanted to talk about today is why is it important to protect your peace? And what does it look like when you protect your peace? What are the things that you're doing to protect that? And so welcome.

00;14;07;12 - 00;14;15;15
Meghan
Welcome. 15 minutes of the episode, we finally start talking about it.

00;14;15;15 - 00;14;41;04
Christina
We had I just feel like we're all over it today. But you know what? Let's just blame it on the time change. So for me, protecting my peace means me having more bandwidth. And the reason I have more bandwidth is because my brain is not dealing with all of the anxiety that comes with, oh, my gosh, like this person is bringing drama into my life, or I'm allowing this person to bring into my life.

00;14;42;06 - 00;15;02;04
Christina
And so my brain doesn't have to try to keep track of all of those things. So that's one way for me that it it provides me more bandwidth and my muscles are more relaxed. I don't have that constant nagging feeling. So those are some things that when I'm protecting my peace, that's what it looks like in my life.

00;15;02;18 - 00;15;17;28
Meghan
Mm hmm. What about you? Yeah, for me, it's. It's similar in that, like, I think that you naturally have more bandwidth when you're choosing what you're allowing in, you know? But, yeah, I think that it's more like I.

00;15;17;28 - 00;15;18;13
Christina
Am.

00;15;19;07 - 00;16;01;02
Meghan
Lowering. Like, I'm calming down. So I feel like when my piece is not protected, when I'm when I'm unguarded, I just feel very anxious all the time. So every little thing adds up and makes it worse and worse and worse. And I'm just constantly just, like, on edge and stressed out, you know? But protecting my peace is like not letting it get to that point because I haven't allowed the things that usually stress me out to do that because I've stopped them or I've had somebody help me or whatever, you know, like it feels like, you know, like when you just scribble on paper, that's what it feels like in my brain when I am,

00;16;01;25 - 00;16;05;10
Meghan
when I need to do better, protecting my peace. You know.

00;16;06;06 - 00;16;39;25
Christina
I recently went through a guided, oh, I don't know what to call it, but it was working with somebody on going back and walking through childhood worms. And in the process of doing that, you're, you're literally visualizing yourself as a kid and talking about the things that you needed as a kid. And one of the things that you walk away with is this reality of like, that little kid is still inside of you and those wounds are still there and you need to protect that person because sometimes we can't think about protecting ourselves.

00;16;39;25 - 00;17;12;07
Christina
We're not ready to. But we would protect a small child. We would protect them from certain people coming into our lives are putting them from in certain situations. And so that has been something that really helped me to see is this person that I'm around, are they is this somebody that I would let a small child around? Is a situation a situation I would put a small child in and then recognizing that to you and it was really eye opening.

00;17;12;18 - 00;17;21;23
Christina
And then also to put if you need to put a picture of yourself as a child so that you see that you remember like you would protect her or him.

00;17;22;01 - 00;17;47;21
Meghan
I only recently learned how to like protect my peace. And I think it's just since Jason died because I had to, you know, it was like I was forced into, like having to focus on preserving as much of my own self as possible. Because, you know, I've said before, like, I was not operating at 100%. I had to do what I could to, to function, you know.

00;17;47;29 - 00;17;58;14
Meghan
So I've only, you know, in the past five years done this. But something that's really stressful for me is mess and clutter. You know, it's.

00;17;59;07 - 00;17;59;10
Christina
And.

00;17;59;16 - 00;18;31;03
Meghan
It it stacks up and compounds and it's like every room has some little area that just needs to be tidied or, you know, there's just like this pile of mail that needs to be gone through are like all the towels that we've washed in the past 18 months, just like need to be folded and put away instead of, like in a pile in the laundry room, you know, it's like all these little things add up and I when my house is clean and tidied, I feel the sense of calm, you know?

00;18;31;14 - 00;18;58;01
Meghan
And it's like I almost don't realize. It's like a it's like a frog in a pot. I don't realize the water's boiling until I'm cooking, you know? But protecting like rain but protecting your peace is more like recognizing what's going to heat the water up, you know? And it's like, how can we live that in the butt and stop it so that we don't boil?

00;18;58;01 - 00;19;18;12
Christina
Yes. And that's such a great thing to bring up, is just recognizing what it is that is creating that in your life because, again, like me, like when you you don't know, you don't even realize that it's happening or what's triggering it if you've never been in a place of peace to start with. Yeah. And so that's a good point.

00;19;18;13 - 00;19;37;06
Christina
That's it's just like this really hard thing to get to and not all, you know, not everybody's going to have that privilege to be in a place in life where they they can stop and find that. But, yes, even if it's 5 minutes of peace to find that in your life, we want to encourage you to do that.

00;19;38;00 - 00;20;00;25
Christina
So, I mean, like you, I love that you talked about your home. I can even speak your home being in a place of peace. And it when it's clean, it brings you calm. And so if that is something that you find, I would encourage you, even if it's just your desk, if you start with your desk. I know when my kids were growing up, it was just chaos.

00;20;01;10 - 00;20;41;05
Christina
And I just my my job at my job, like at that's where I could keep everything organized. And sometimes it's just creating that small space of peace. Maybe at your bedroom, maybe right now you're going through really hard stuff and your whole home is in chaos. But your bedroom is a place that you can find peace. And if that's doing soft lighting in there, but if you know somewhere you can keep the kids out of if you have little ones and you guys are going through hard things, maybe it's just your bedroom, maybe it's your closet where you lock yourself in your closet or something just to have 5 minutes.

00;20;41;05 - 00;21;07;21
Meghan
I think something that's helpful, like if you're dealing with hard stuff like, you know, like if somebody dies is to keep your common areas tidy. So because they're kind of, they're like the main areas you're in in your house, like the ones that you see the most walking through the kitchen, the living room, whatever, if, yes, those places, if if everything is put away in those places, it's helpful.

00;21;07;21 - 00;21;22;23
Meghan
You know, it's calming. Yes. To sit in a place that is not cluttered. And like. I know. I mean, listen, I have a kid and he was once very little and he had toys. So I get it.

00;21;23;04 - 00;21;24;15
Christina
So, like, you know.

00;21;24;15 - 00;21;33;19
Meghan
That's that's an issue. But like, you know, that's a reality. But there are still just get a tub, a bin for toys and just teach them to put them away.

00;21;33;19 - 00;22;00;22
Christina
Like I remember when Michael, you brought something up about the areas being tidy after or maybe you lose someone. I remember like I just had a moment. Where do you ever have people who are in your home? And if you've recently lost someone or you have lost one, you may know this. Like people come in and they help you and or if I have guests that are staying for like a week or something, things get put in different places.

00;22;01;04 - 00;22;23;03
Christina
And I had people in my home and things were out of place and I just had like a moment of freak out in the middle of that. And I just needed everything to be and it's home and I'm not that person, but it was just yeah. So I definitely relate to what you're saying is was in those times, it's like you just need things to be normal, right?

00;22;23;03 - 00;22;48;13
Christina
In your, you know, when the world seems like chaos, sometimes just a small space of normalcy can really bring you comfort and peace. Mm hmm. I know one place that did not bring me comfort after losing Michael was our bedroom. That was just such a you know, it's a place that you're, like, sleeping every night with this person and you're cuddled up, and it just did not bring me peace.

00;22;48;13 - 00;23;10;14
Christina
And what I had to do and I know you've talked about this, too, with your bedroom, but I really had to redo a lot of things and I had to make it a place of peace. Right. I did two different elements in and different lighting. I brought a like the salt lamp and and some plants and just different things like that.

00;23;10;14 - 00;23;16;17
Christina
Softer things like lighting was definitely like a mood lighting in there that helped.

00;23;16;17 - 00;23;44;29
Meghan
So I had to do that too. I made I moved around my bedroom like I moved the furniture around and decorated it how I wanted to. And it was, it was more like decorating it and making the house mine instead of ours. So making the choices, choosing the things. And this was an immediate this was, you know, this took some time, probably, obviously.

00;23;44;29 - 00;24;12;29
Meghan
But but yeah, in the bedroom, in the living room, just taking those spaces and making them mine. And then I also would because clutter and mess is such a trigger for me, I would take a small area and declutter it. So like it would be the junk drawer in the kitchen. I would go through it, keep the stuff we need, and organize it with like a drawer organizer and then get rid of the rest.

00;24;13;10 - 00;24;32;20
Meghan
I or like a single cabinet, right? Like the pots and pans cabinet. Organize that or, you know, one closet. So like these small spaces over time really made a big difference as long as they stayed tidy, which like 80%, we're doing our best.

00;24;32;20 - 00;24;54;25
Christina
Yeah. And if you've recently lost your person, do not start with their stuff. Do know. Oh, my gosh. Don't know. Go through their drawers. I love that you and I, when we met, you had stuff and you were like, one day you're like this basket. I mean, how long Jason had been gone? A few years. And you were like, This basket has been sitting here.

00;24;55;15 - 00;24;57;11
Christina
And one day you were like, I just did it.

00;24;57;22 - 00;25;17;22
Meghan
Yeah, it was in our bedroom. His he had like a laundry hamper in the bedroom. Like a like a like one that was a lid. It wasn't like a basket you carry. It was like a decorative thing, you know? And it was just like in a corner of the bedroom. And I didn't do anything with it. I just, like, left it.

00;25;17;22 - 00;25;31;22
Meghan
And it had his dirty clothes in it. Like it was probably a year between a year and a year and a half after he died that finally I was like, I need to wash these and get rid of this.

00;25;31;22 - 00;25;54;07
Christina
Yeah, we were friends. And what's, what was helpful for me is seeing you do that because I it took me a long time to do that with Michael stuff. That's only been a recent thing. And so if you are listening to this, we are not suggesting that you jump up and do your person stuff right? If you have the time, just, you know, here's your permission to.

00;25;54;10 - 00;25;54;22
Christina
Yeah.

00;25;54;22 - 00;25;55;10
Meghan
Start with something.

00;25;55;10 - 00;25;56;24
Christina
Go work on a junk drawer.

00;25;57;20 - 00;26;17;24
Meghan
Yeah, yeah. Or like fold the blankets that you have in your living room. Like, it can be as simple as just, you know, just tidying. It doesn't even have to be getting rid of stuff. But that is something that really helped me create peace in my life when it was so chaotic. And now my life is chaotic in a different way.

00;26;17;24 - 00;26;43;10
Meghan
Like it's just busy with, you know, family stuff, right? So I still struggle with keeping a clean house, but because it messes with me. So much, I have to prioritize it, you know, because of how it affects me. Like mentally it is, it is mental health for me to have a clean house. It's not just about it being clean.

00;26;43;10 - 00;26;47;17
Meghan
It's about like my brain.

00;26;47;17 - 00;27;08;29
Christina
I agree. I didn't even know because I lived in chaos for so many years with our home, with two kids and all kinds of stuff. And I didn't know until after Michael died. And it was like all cleaned up and organized and I didn't realize how important that was. So that is a newer thing to me to have that that piece.

00;27;08;29 - 00;27;15;19
Christina
And now I feel like today my house is like is it's just in disarray. And I when we're on here, oh.

00;27;15;21 - 00;27;40;20
Meghan
I'm the same when we're done writing, my office is getting a full claims. And so I've talked about we've talked about bringing peace, like creating peace in your home quite a bit. But there's some other ways that you can create peace or just protect your own. And my favorite way to do that that I've only recently learned is to tell people no, is to say no.

00;27;40;20 - 00;28;03;11
Meghan
I don't want to do that. No, I'm not going to go there. No, I don't have time for this. And I'm such a yes person, people pleaser, like I'm a reformed people pleaser. So it's how I like to think about it. So just telling people now and you don't have to be a jerk about it, but just being like, no, I don't have, you know, I don't have the the time or the energy to do that.

00;28;03;11 - 00;28;11;29
Meghan
Let's reschedule or let's just not, you know, can we can we not instead?

00;28;11;29 - 00;28;45;07
Christina
Yeah. And a lot of times if if we grow up with caregivers or somebody who didn't make us feel safe, a lot of times we're hyper vigilant about other people's needs and we self abandon. Yeah, that is, that is hard for us. Yeah. To tell people no and, and think of ourselves. I love the holistic psychiatrist on Instagram but putting someone else's needs before your own isn't isn't selfish itself.

00;28;45;07 - 00;28;55;05
Christina
Abandonment society glorifies this and it's a massive reason why so many of us are unwell. Mm. Damn, I. Yeah.

00;28;55;13 - 00;28;57;23
Christina
Yeah.

00;28;57;23 - 00;29;20;18
Christina
Oh, yeah, yeah. And we self abandon and it's just, it comes from us, you know, watching maybe a parent, a caregiver, whoever that was, who their needs were more important than ours. And we're, we're watching them, we're trying to make things safe. And so we abandon ourselves. And then eventually I saw somebody the other day talking about that.

00;29;20;18 - 00;29;37;16
Christina
We do it to ourselves as adults. Maybe the pair abandoned us when we were kids, didn't meet our needs. But now as an adult, we turn around and we do it to ourselves. We make sure other people's needs are met and we don't say no. And this is definitely a thing for me that I've worked on in the last ten years or so.

00;29;37;16 - 00;30;03;02
Christina
I 100%, yeah. So this idea that's helped me is to ask myself, am I giving out of lack or out of abundance? And that has helped my peace a lot in do I actually have this to give I Sobhani around talking about the most generous people are the people with good boundaries and I know people with good boundaries and I'm like, what you think of them as being jerks because they say no.

00;30;03;02 - 00;30;24;14
Christina
At least for me, I'm like, they they say no. They they straight out will say no to people, nope, can't do that. But if you think about it, they're the ones who are the most generous with their time because they know like I'm giving this out of abundance. And so that has helped me a lot to be like, Oh yeah, I want to give out of abundance, not out of lack, right?

00;30;25;02 - 00;30;26;00
Meghan
Yeah.

00;30;26;00 - 00;30;49;18
Christina
And then I love that idea too, that this idea, that resentment grows out of perceived unfairness. And so we can start feeling resentful when we're like, Oh, we're doing all of these things for this person. And the reality is they didn't ask me to do it. They didn't ask us to do that. We are just self abandoning and doing this for them and it's us.

00;30;49;18 - 00;31;09;12
Christina
And I think a lot of that is it's important to go back and examine when we're looking at our piece, going back and saying, why am I not at peace? And recognize a lot of times this about us? It is absolutely not about the people around us. They're not doing this to us. There's something that maybe people around us are trigger.

00;31;09;13 - 00;31;12;17
Christina
They're triggering something in us. It's not them.

00;31;13;01 - 00;31;18;15
Meghan
Yeah, yeah. I like that quote. Resentment grows out of perceived unfairness.

00;31;18;25 - 00;31;44;29
Christina
I want to say that was Mike Foster. I like following his account on Instagram. He has some great clothes, if I can talk. Quote, I'm experienced not long ago where I was with some people and I felt triggered by somebody. And I recognized that I needed to leave the situation and I really had to sit and reflect on that and examine what was going on.

00;31;45;15 - 00;32;07;20
Christina
And I recognize that was something in me that was not a that was not that person. Because I'm sure other people have a great time around them. But that triggered something in me and that was on me and I had to remove myself. And so I think that's really important when you're trying to preserve your peace, is recognizing what is triggering you.

00;32;07;21 - 00;32;16;07
Christina
Is it family? Is it, you know, people around you and then stopping and asking yourself, what's going on?

00;32;16;14 - 00;32;51;07
Meghan
It definitely takes a lot of introspection, so you have to really know yourself and be able to get down to the root of the problem because it's so easy to be like, well, you know, my my family is intruding on my peace by leaving their shit everywhere. You know, that's that's resentment and if we really drill down to it, it's like, oh, actually, it's the clutter that's the problem, not the people.

00;32;51;16 - 00;33;11;06
Meghan
And maybe they don't realize that about me, that it's really hard for me to exist in a space like this, you know, to function. So you just have to be able to, like, really drill down to the problem so that you can do, you know, so that you can protect your peace, so that you can do it effectively.

00;33;12;07 - 00;33;38;21
Christina
So we want to encourage you, as always, like we want to give you some really tangible advice. And so protecting your peace. Think about it. If you started just like we talked about earlier with exercise 5 minutes a day. Yeah, for 5 minutes a day. You're going to create this peace that could be sitting and in your favorite comfy chair, putting on a meditation and dimming the lights just for those 5 minutes.

00;33;38;21 - 00;33;51;05
Christina
What does that look like to you? Does that mean talking to a plant for 5 minutes, whatever that looks like for you, locking yourself in the bathroom so that you can take a shower? Here's my, like, fun little.

00;33;51;15 - 00;33;51;24
Meghan
Huh?

00;33;52;01 - 00;34;13;28
Christina
Call it lame, whatever. But if you have little kids or just chaos in your life, it may mean taking a shower with a nightlight on versus your overhead lighting. You know, to create a mood to create just this different atmosphere. Yeah, whatever that looks like. Find it and do that thing 5 minutes a day. Now, here's my other thing.

00;34;14;01 - 00;34;24;11
Christina
Go to your calendar and put a sticker on your calendar like I did this. I created 5 minutes of peace today. And that way you can see every day, Hey, I did this, I created this 5 minutes of peace.

00;34;24;26 - 00;34;26;21
Meghan
It could be like a nice experience.

00;34;26;22 - 00;34;28;08
Christina
Going by is not peaceful.

00;34;29;08 - 00;34;30;02
Christina
Speaking of.

00;34;30;14 - 00;34;53;20
Meghan
Take their sticker away. You could be sitting in your car, you know, just like taking a minute for yourself. It doesn't have to be something I feel like meditation meditating is such a buzz word and it's like this scary thing to like. I don't know how to do it, you know? But really, it's just.

00;34;54;08 - 00;34;54;18
Christina
Like.

00;34;54;28 - 00;35;08;09
Meghan
Sitting by yourself in silence, you know? Just like breathing. You like to go to the beach to sit and look at the ocean, and you have the luxury to, like, live close to the beach.

00;35;08;10 - 00;35;09;05
Christina
To do that.

00;35;09;05 - 00;35;32;09
Meghan
Thinking maybe there's somewhere else outside somewhere in your yard or going on a brief walk, like around your neighborhood. I did that after Jason died. I used to go on what I would call sunset walks. He died in the summer and we have those long summer days, so it's like 730 at night. I'd go out and go for a walk and the sun would be setting and then the sky would be really pretty.

00;35;32;09 - 00;35;47;04
Meghan
So I used to go on sunset walks and that was really helpful. And I would listen to like new music and, you know, like listen to playlists I hadn't heard before. So it was just it was just very pleasant, you know, apart from the whole dead husband thing.

00;35;48;13 - 00;35;49;09
Christina
Yeah, there's that.

00;35;50;15 - 00;35;56;14
Meghan
But but anyway, it doesn't have to be, you know, a whole crazy thing. It's just being intentional about doing that for yourself.

00;35;57;09 - 00;36;15;10
Christina
Yeah. And if you know, in closing, if you're going to well, I don't even know what peace feels like. I've lived in a snow globe and and things are chaotic and it's just constantly being shaken. Is there if you were to stop and think about it, I. I had this thing, I have it. And I'm not going to share what it is.

00;36;15;10 - 00;36;39;06
Christina
But when I go to have blood drawn, I'm not very good at it. And I always try to think of this one scenario, and that is the place that I find peace that specific scenario that I'm thinking of. And can you think of what it is when you're trying to think of being at peace? Is it a place?

00;36;39;06 - 00;36;59;01
Christina
Is it a person? And to identify that peace, that thing that brings you comfort, that thing that brings you peace, and once you identify it, like hold on to that feeling and figure out what that is, and then what's going to happen is that next time you find it, if it's a bedroom, if it's people that you're around and you're like, Oh, I recognize this.

00;36;59;01 - 00;37;20;09
Christina
This is the same peace that I felt in this situation, more around this person. Maybe your spouse was somebody who brought you peace and you have not felt peace. If you connect with that and allow yourself to feel that, then you will recognize it in the future and be able to find it. At least that what I have found.

00;37;20;11 - 00;37;43;10
Meghan
And it's about taking like a little bit back at a time, you know, so there's no doesn't suddenly settle too and you know too let's don't suddenly start sprouting. It's like over time it settles the clouds, clear up, the snow melts, the grass starts to grow, and then seeds start to grow. And then the flowers start to bloom, like, over time, so.

00;37;43;19 - 00;37;44;01
Christina
Mm hmm.

00;37;44;13 - 00;37;59;20
Christina
I just want to say that, like, you're welcome for the background noises of a lady snoring. And you hear her while we're doing this episode. Oh, good. Oh, good. Because it's pretty rough in here.

00;37;59;20 - 00;38;04;05
Meghan
Good thing you don't smell a podcast.

00;38;04;05 - 00;38;06;13
Christina
You're welcome. You're welcome to that.

00;38;07;02 - 00;38;15;22
Meghan
Okay, friends. So if you find our podcast helpful or entertaining or fun or charming or you just even like good.

00;38;17;20 - 00;38;18;21
Christina
If you could.

00;38;19;17 - 00;38;45;03
Meghan
Leave a review or write us, that helps us be shown to more people. So the more interaction our podcast has, the more downloads, the more ratings, the more reviews it has on every platform. So like Apple, Spotify, Amazon, wherever you listen to podcasts, the more likely it is to be shown as an option for other people listening to similar type podcasts.

00;38;45;03 - 00;39;13;05
Meghan
So if you could leave a review, we would love it forever. We love you so much. Thanks for being here. You can find us on Instagram and Facebook and our new website for podcasts dot com and we appreciate you. So yes. Okay, friends, the time has come. So whether your club is empty, half full or overflowing, raise it up.

00;39;13;05 - 00;39;34;23
Meghan
Here's to getting back up chairs. Thank you so much for being here with us. Please subscribe to our podcast if you found it helpful and you can also find us on social media, on Instagram at full Up Club podcast, and if you search Full Club Club podcast on Facebook again, thanks friends and we'll see you next time.