54 - Buy Yourself Flowers - it's the Powerful Thing to Do

Christina and Meghan share some ways to take the power back on hard days - holidays, anniversaries, or other important days that might be difficult to get through after losing someone or even a break up or divorce. Hard days will happen, and sometimes days like Valentine's Day shine a beacon on the fact that your person is gone. We know the feeling, we get it, and we're here to share our methods for getting through it. Take control where you can - buy yourself flowers.

Links from this Episode:
Succulents: https://amzn.to/3I7zvVM
Research about plants reducing anxiety & depression: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5663021/

Full Book Cup Club Book of the Month:
This month we're reading Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. Join us! Grab yours now or check it out from the library.

Transcript

00;00;00;01 - 00;00;05;14
Meghan
We're going to find out if I can actually speak or not on this podcast, because.

00;00;05;14 - 00;00;07;18
Meghan
This is the one that's number one, 50.

00;00;07;18 - 00;00;09;19
Speaker 3
Four.

00;00;10;16 - 00;00;18;19
Christina
Like, has it been her braces or not? Yes. On this episode is the first one that I embrace is free.

00;00;18;21 - 00;00;20;27
Meghan
Oh, my gosh. That's so exciting. It goes.

00;00;20;27 - 00;00;22;26
Christina
Wild. Yes, I know. Your mouth.

00;00;22;26 - 00;00;25;09
Meghan
Feels great.

00;00;26;04 - 00;00;42;11
Christina
Not really. Because I have to wear the retainer for like that. So anyway, I got my braces off, and now I have permanent retainers that are in my mouth and that is a whole thing. So now I my list is different than it was.

00;00;42;11 - 00;00;42;17
Speaker 3
When.

00;00;43;24 - 00;00;44;23
Meghan
I was just afraid.

00;00;44;29 - 00;01;14;07
Christina
It's going to be different. So it's fun. I am so thankful. I'm super grateful that I got to do this. And if you have something in your adult life that you want and you can afford to do it, I would encourage you to do that thing for me. The reason I got braces, I don't know if I've shared this before, but I have a pretty sizable gap in my two front teeth growing up and my parents had it bonded and so I looked like it had these extra large two front teeth.

00;01;14;19 - 00;01;36;24
Christina
And my sisters and my mom have beautiful teeth and I just wanted to have teeth that looks like my family, if that makes sense. Like to be able to see your family reflected back when you look in the mirror. And I know when we hopped on here, I said to Megan, Oh, my gosh, like I, I saw my teeth and was like, Oh, that looks like my sister Melody.

00;01;37;04 - 00;01;44;20
Christina
So, yeah, it is a it's a big deal to me. This was almost like a healing thing, if that makes sense for my adult life.

00;01;44;20 - 00;01;47;28
Meghan
So it's yeah. So I'm like, Yeah, that's exciting.

00;01;49;10 - 00;01;50;17
Christina
Hi, I'm Christina.

00;01;50;17 - 00;01;53;23
Meghan
And I'm Megan, and this is the Full Cup Club podcast.

00;01;53;26 - 00;01;56;29
Christina
If you've been knocked down, we're here to cheer you on as you get back up.

00;01;57;00 - 00;02;00;03
Meghan
So whether your cup has coffee, tea or vodka in it.

00;02;00;07 - 00;02;16;14
Christina
Welcome to the FA Cup Club. Okay, friends, on today's episode, we are talking about buying your own flowers. But before we begin, Megan, what is filling your cup? Literally and metaphorically?

00;02;16;14 - 00;02;36;03
Meghan
Well, physically, I am drinking, so my son and I just thought, okay, well, this. I'm gonna answer both questions at once because it's a beautiful day today. It's like 60, 70 degrees. And my son and I went on a bike ride up to the gas station to get treats. So does that count as exercise still, if you like, get a treat?

00;02;36;17 - 00;02;37;25
Christina
Absolutely.

00;02;38;06 - 00;02;38;22
Speaker 3
Worth down.

00;02;38;22 - 00;03;02;08
Meghan
Yeah, sure, for sure. So we went up to a 7-Eleven and they have my favorite green juice there. So I got some. It is. You'll have to try it. It is so good. It's seven select cold organic pressed juice and it's the clean and green one. It is so good. It's the best green juice have ever had. My son likes it.

00;03;02;08 - 00;03;27;23
Meghan
You all got to try it. Listen, stop what you're doing. Go to 7-Eleven and try this juice. It's very good, but yeah, that's what's filling my cup metaphorically, is that it's so beautiful. Outside, we have this crazy ice storm, like, not that long ago, and now it's 70 degrees. Are you kidding me? There is still ice in the shady parts of my backyard.

00;03;28;02 - 00;03;42;29
Meghan
There's still ice where, like, my rooflines kind of meet each other and, like, freeze. But it's a beautiful, sunny day that, like, the sun feels hot on my skin. Like we were sweaty when we were bike riding. It's crazy to me. The difference.

00;03;44;03 - 00;03;50;20
Christina
It worries me because that it yes, I saw the ice she showed me and it was like an inch thick in our backyard and.

00;03;50;20 - 00;04;07;20
Meghan
Oh, my, it was bigger than that. Yeah. And it's here. So I live in Texas and it ices. It doesn't snow. I mean, super rare, but it's ice. So like, if you are in the north and you're like, Oh, Texans can't handle it. And it's like, Yeah, we can't, but it's because.

00;04;08;22 - 00;04;09;02
Speaker 3
It's.

00;04;09;02 - 00;04;21;28
Meghan
Ice, it's not snow. So driving on it, absolutely not. Oh, my son missed four days of school because of ice. Wow. School was closed. Businesses were closed.

00;04;21;28 - 00;04;28;09
Christina
So I know my daughter lost power. She's in Austin and she lost. They totally lost power. So.

00;04;28;09 - 00;04;29;27
Meghan
Yeah, crazy.

00;04;29;27 - 00;04;31;07
Christina
That's crazy. Yeah.

00;04;31;07 - 00;04;34;09
Meghan
And now it's beautiful out. So get it together weather.

00;04;34;09 - 00;05;01;09
Christina
I mean I thought there we joke in the Pacific Northwest about especially where I live about the weather being bipolar because if it's one it could be, you know, like the weather, give it a couple hours, it's going to change. Right. So, yeah, and then I look at you guys and I'm like, we ain't got nut, not Texas, so don't let me forget like we have to tell this story a listener wrote in a story that's a little unforgettable as far as, like the red flags episode.

00;05;01;09 - 00;05;15;03
Christina
But what is film makeup I'm having? I started making two extra ounces of coffee and so in my physical cap is the rest of my coffee this morning is called two whole ounces.

00;05;15;07 - 00;05;26;05
Speaker 3
Two ounces. I only allow yourself £10 to go one full of coffee. Look, look, I.

00;05;26;05 - 00;05;37;25
Christina
Got I got I have A.D.D. and I take medication and I have to watch it. It's a it's a there's a fine balance over here. It it's helpful. It's a very helpful.

00;05;37;25 - 00;05;39;05
Meghan
But there's caffeine is helpful.

00;05;39;17 - 00;06;06;01
Christina
It is. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's very helpful. Yes. So anyway. Yeah, that is what and then what is just like lighting me up right now. I got pictures of Lottie, my new dog. I got pictures of her and she is a chunk. I did not expect that the last time I saw a picture of her, she was just a normal sized dog and she kind of looks like she might have eaten one of the other dogs.

00;06;06;28 - 00;06;32;09
Christina
The rolls. I can't wait to squish those rolls. And I bought her clothes this last week, but we are really struggling in our household because we lost our dog in July and this is February and so we're really feeling those mixed emotions about bringing another dog into the home. And so we're we're not sure how our heart feels, if that makes sense.

00;06;32;09 - 00;06;53;17
Christina
And so we're just really kind of trying to be excited, but still really heartbroken after losing her in July. And expectedly, they're new. Go back and listen to our Pet Loss episode. And yeah, so if you are familiar with grief, it stirs up a lot of things. So yeah, so we're trying to get excited and find clothes and all that.

00;06;53;28 - 00;07;04;26
Meghan
It reminds me of the movie Inside Out, where all of the emotions are mixed in the as you remember. Yes, it's like happiness is mixed with sadness.

00;07;05;02 - 00;07;21;21
Christina
Yeah, yes. Yes. That's very much what it feels like is this. They're trying to sit together and they're trying to decide what what we're going to feel. So, yeah, when joy comes and sits with sadness is like. Exactly. Or is it sadness comes on set to joy? I don't remember. But that is a.

00;07;21;21 - 00;07;23;11
Meghan
Great one to remember. Yeah.

00;07;24;01 - 00;07;28;06
Christina
I going to have to watch it again so I can cry. No.

00;07;28;06 - 00;07;29;05
Speaker 3
Oh, made a good cry.

00;07;29;11 - 00;07;43;12
Meghan
Cry. I watched this limited series on Netflix called From Scratch. Don't Watch It If you have lost a person, your partner, your person, this is not the show for you.

00;07;44;07 - 00;07;48;16
Christina
I started it. I started it. But I have not. I'm like, I don't know.

00;07;49;01 - 00;08;01;14
Meghan
No, it starts off so fun and you're like, okay, this is just going to be like a rom com, like whatever background noise, right? Listen, I am fully messed up from watching this.

00;08;01;26 - 00;08;10;02
Christina
No, no, I. I don't do shit. I appreciate that. You the other day, like, were like, do not watch. Is it?

00;08;11;00 - 00;08;11;15
Meghan
Oh, the.

00;08;11;15 - 00;08;21;18
Christina
Patient. The patient. I appreciate that because I was going to go and watch that. So I appreciate that. Steve Carell, was that who that is? Oh, yeah.

00;08;21;27 - 00;08;34;19
Meghan
That is about a therapist and a patient who is like, I don't want to give too much away because I don't know. Yeah. Trailer But you were talking about potentially one day maybe considering being a therapist.

00;08;34;28 - 00;08;37;10
Christina
Yes, maybe that's another.

00;08;37;10 - 00;08;42;00
Meghan
Thing I'm rolling in. So that's yes, that's what that's like.

00;08;42;15 - 00;08;43;15
Christina
Was like watch this.

00;08;43;16 - 00;08;47;19
Meghan
This you don't do it.

00;08;47;19 - 00;08;48;01
Speaker 3
Great.

00;08;48;19 - 00;08;49;14
Christina
Great.

00;08;50;09 - 00;08;53;16
Meghan
But it's fiction. So it's okay. We're just remember those because.

00;08;53;16 - 00;09;21;20
Christina
It's never partially based on the truth. I love all the shows now with Shonda Rhimes and she's like, None of all of this is made up except for all the parts that are true. Yeah. Yeah. So I love that. I want to share what this listener wrote. And so if you are listening again, if this is your first time joining us, we did an episode on Red Flags in Relationships and that was episode 53, I believe.

00;09;21;23 - 00;09;50;06
Christina
So she wrote somebody wrote in and I mean, yeah, this is what she said. She said a few weeks ago I had a first date with a guy where the guy showed up at the bar in his car completely naked, not exaggerating, she says, not even shoes or socks in a blacked out panic. I then went into the bar with him after he dressed where he proceeded to put four rum and cokes on my tab.

00;09;51;22 - 00;10;00;03
Christina
I listen to your red podcast, but I am having trouble figuring out which category this offender falls into.

00;10;01;19 - 00;10;03;29
Meghan
I have so many.

00;10;03;29 - 00;10;05;06
Speaker 3
Questions, you know.

00;10;05;06 - 00;10;14;15
Meghan
Why was he naked? Did he have to live with them or did he have to like go get clothes? And if he had clothes with them, why didn't he have them on his body?

00;10;15;05 - 00;10;41;24
Christina
That is just disturbing. Like, see, okay, here's where and I'm not going to say the F-word, but my favorite murder is like politeness of politeness. And I'm trying to do that, to adopt that because as women, we are taught to be polite. We're taught to, you know, we don't want men to be upset. We are uncomfortable with men being.

00;10;42;20 - 00;10;43;27
Christina
Yeah, with their daughter.

00;10;43;27 - 00;10;52;04
Meghan
I think they would have been in shock. Like just I would have been fueled by like 100% of the world.

00;10;52;17 - 00;11;09;15
Christina
And I appreciate you making that up. I appreciate you bringing that up because I have been in a situation not that one, but exactly what you're saying. You were in shock and you just keep going like you. You're just like, I don't know what to do. And so you just keep going.

00;11;09;16 - 00;11;15;27
Meghan
It reminds me of the have you heard Elise Myers talk a story about her first date?

00;11;16;11 - 00;11;17;23
Christina
Oh, my gosh. Yeah, that's.

00;11;17;24 - 00;11;33;10
Meghan
Great. So my did that. And the guy's like, what? There's 100 tacos and she's okay? Yeah, because it's just smoking. And you're like, Whoa, that was unexpected. Yeah. What now?

00;11;34;16 - 00;11;53;12
Christina
Yeah, I have not figured that out yet, but, yes, I'm glad you brought that up, because I have been in a situation where it was like you are just so in shock. You're just like, you just keep moving forward. So my friend Olive, I just want to say, like, you're not alone. And in that I love that she like put she didn't put it in this one.

00;11;53;12 - 00;12;07;02
Christina
It was the next part because I ask for permission for us to share. But she was like, I know I did not make contact with like and she sent the eggplant emoji. I know icons like.

00;12;07;17 - 00;12;21;02
Meghan
People are so weird. Do you think he lost a bet? Like, why? Oh, he naked? Oh, man, yeah. Was he a nudist? And if that's the case, then, like, did he disclosed that?

00;12;21;06 - 00;12;22;27
Christina
Wow, I've seen that. If that's the.

00;12;22;27 - 00;12;30;22
Meghan
Case, then why would he put on clothes to go into the bar? Right. I don't know the rules with being a nudist. Maybe that was just really like tone deaf.

00;12;30;27 - 00;12;41;02
Christina
Maybe he was just like, okay, if she's cool with this. Yeah, some people. Wow. Can you imagine busting out with a pepper spray? Pepper spraying him in his car.

00;12;41;21 - 00;12;44;29
Meghan
In his junk? Sorry. I'm like, oh.

00;12;44;29 - 00;12;45;26
Christina
Men listening are.

00;12;45;26 - 00;12;52;02
Meghan
Like, I mean, but honestly, yeah, though I don't know what I would have done.

00;12;52;03 - 00;12;53;10
Christina
Yeah.

00;12;53;10 - 00;12;55;04
Meghan
What would you have done in that situation?

00;12;55;17 - 00;13;00;21
Christina
Wow. I just don't know. I don't know because I really wanted.

00;13;00;21 - 00;13;03;14
Meghan
I think she did and been like what? And still.

00;13;03;21 - 00;13;15;20
Christina
And I think I would have to I would have been so shocked. I'm just being honest. And if somebody is listening to this that plans to, you know, or like I ever date you in the future, please don't show up naked. This is not to see how I.

00;13;15;20 - 00;13;17;05
Speaker 3
React to that, you know.

00;13;17;05 - 00;13;40;02
Meghan
See, that's only true for like if it's unexpected. So now that we know that that's an option that could happen and somebody showed up on a first date with you, you'd be like, No, and you'd be because you have this like training already, you know? But it's like when it happens and it's just fully out of the blue and unexpected, that's when you're like, What?

00;13;40;19 - 00;13;41;16
Speaker 3
Yeah.

00;13;41;16 - 00;14;05;24
Christina
Okay. So I did nails for 15 years and I had a lot of officers that were clients of mine and I loved like the stories and one that a client, I won't sell her name. It's totally fine. She's retired. But she said as a female officer, when there are male inmates, they will flash them trying to get reaction.

00;14;06;05 - 00;14;20;02
Christina
And so like you have to be prepared on how you are going to be to react to a man doing that. So I guess it's kind of the same thing like if you know what to expect. Some of her reactions.

00;14;20;02 - 00;14;21;28
Meghan
Were pretty well she do I yeah what was her.

00;14;23;05 - 00;14;47;29
Christina
A lot of times that they would laugh on purpose like to get them to like not do it like really like that little thing or say something like that so that they would quit doing it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So it's interesting. Yeah. Men, the things that they do. But I'm so sorry that our listener went through that and yeah, that stinks.

00;14;48;08 - 00;15;14;05
Christina
But thank you for sharing. Thank you for making us laugh like I love that. I appreciate I appreciate a good laugh and oh, man f politeness. Let's, let's all have politeness, politeness. Okay. So on today's episode we are talking about buying your own flowers. And if you have not heard the song by Miley Cyrus about buying flowers, go listen to it.

00;15;14;05 - 00;15;37;25
Christina
If you haven't heard it, I would be shocked. However, the song is basically about a woman realizing she can buy her own stuff for herself. She can buy her own flowers. She can dance, she can hold her own hand. She can. She can do all of these things. And when you have lost someone and and all go back, that song is very empowering for a lot of women.

00;15;37;25 - 00;15;56;17
Christina
And it's a thing of like, hey, I can take back control. Like, I am not. I am my own person. And when we lose somebody, a lot of times when we lose our person, you have holidays and all of these things. You have birthdays and anniversaries and all of these things coming up. And that can be just this very it.

00;15;56;17 - 00;15;57;11
Speaker 3
Just.

00;15;58;04 - 00;16;00;23
Christina
It just rips your heart out because, you know, it's like, yeah.

00;16;01;00 - 00;16;08;02
Meghan
You can be fine and you can be healing and doing your own thing on a normal day, but then something like Valentine's Day or.

00;16;08;02 - 00;16;10;12
Christina
Your anniversary or birthday.

00;16;10;12 - 00;16;17;04
Meghan
Comes up and it's not a normal day. Mhm. So it just really calls attention to the fact that you're alone.

00;16;17;17 - 00;16;52;10
Christina
Yes. And so we want to talk about the idea of buying yourself flowers and just this going back to Megan and I have talked about this a lot before. Just this idea of you are a homeless person, you do not need another person in your life like if somebody comes into your life, that's that's awesome. But you need to be a whole person and be able to take your, you know, care of yourself and to like we've talked about a little bit before this idea of treating yourself like you would a beloved guest or dearly loved friend.

00;16;52;10 - 00;16;54;15
Christina
So that's what we want to talk about today on the podcast.

00;16;54;23 - 00;17;16;04
Meghan
Yeah. So we thought this would be a cool episode to do because Valentine's Day is around the corner and, you know, Valentine's Day and so like it's almost controversial. It's like some people are like, Oh, it's a Hallmark holiday. And other people are like, I want, you know, the works, flowers, dinner reservations, a night out, whatever, you know.

00;17;17;13 - 00;17;39;18
Meghan
And I think what is most important to think about when you're approaching a holiday, if your person has died or if you're just single, you know, divorced or whatever, is recognizing whether or not it is a big deal. Is this holiday important to me? And be honest, you know, yeah, Valentine's Day is important to me or yes, it's our anniversary or no, it doesn't really matter.

00;17;39;18 - 00;18;02;19
Meghan
It's just another Tuesday, you know. But be honest with yourself. And then if it is an important day, take take control where you can control. You know, I think you could plan for it like you did for your anniversary or you tried, you did for it. You successfully planned for it. It's just.

00;18;03;14 - 00;18;27;27
Christina
It fails. Yeah. For anybody who's new to just joining us, our 25th wedding anniversary came up in at the end of August. And I did. I was so proactive. I talked about it on the part. Like I bought the cake, I bought the flowers and it failed. Like the shipping company did not get the cake hair. It was a special cake.

00;18;27;27 - 00;18;46;25
Christina
It was delayed. If you've ever smelled like soured milk, that's what it smelled like. The flowers were half dead when they got here. And which was crazy because I've ordered from this company so many times. And so it was just kind of like, you know, I believe you said to me, like you, you gave it, you know, you tried.

00;18;47;11 - 00;18;49;06
Meghan
And did everything you could.

00;18;49;16 - 00;19;10;01
Christina
Yeah. And and I do want to acknowledge that really quick. Like you can do these things that, like, we're talking about and you can be proactive and it can fail. And I was telling Megan earlier, it's kind of like playing pickleball. And you guys know, I fell like three weeks ago, and after I fell, I remembered Michael had said to me, You need to learn how to fall.

00;19;10;12 - 00;19;26;15
Christina
And after he died, I was like, Wait a second. Is there a way that you're supposed to fall? So like when I got back up and everything I asked the people I was playing with, I was like, Hey, because I was two guys and a girl and I was like, Hey, is there do they teach guys how to fall?

00;19;26;24 - 00;19;46;01
Christina
Like, because my husband said this to me, but I never pursued asking. And they're like, Yeah, like you, you know, you tuck and roll. And I'm like, okay, they don't they don't teach us that. And so I watched the video later. Somebody posted a video about like, this is how you a therapist was physical therapist, it's how you talk and role.

00;19;46;01 - 00;20;05;28
Christina
And so I just want to say that like you may have to second role, it may all go like awry, but you give it your best. And to be able to get back up and you know, you might not be unscathed. You might be battered and bruised after something happens like that. But you know what? You were proactive and you took control of that.

00;20;05;28 - 00;20;13;07
Christina
You didn't, you know, say, oh, I wish somebody would have sent me flowers. I wish somebody would acknowledge that. No, heck no. Right. You take that on yourself.

00;20;13;21 - 00;20;15;16
Meghan
Right. And that's where the power is.

00;20;15;16 - 00;20;16;21
Christina
Yes, exactly.

00;20;16;29 - 00;20;38;13
Meghan
Take control. Mm hmm. Even if it fails, my first Valentine's Day after Jason died, I almost said Michael. Because you were just talking about Michael. My friend sent me a gift. She sent me a little planters with succulents, so it was just a delightful little thing. And she sent it for Valentine's Day. I thought that was really nice.

00;20;38;13 - 00;21;00;06
Meghan
So that's cool. Just a tip if you are, you know, listening and you know, somebody that has lost their person, just a nice little gesture like that. Yeah, it was just from Amazon, too. So, you know, all she did was put in my address, right? So it was like the easiest way to send something. I'm not. I'm not, like, belittling her effort or anything.

00;21;00;06 - 00;21;02;24
Meghan
I'm just pointing out that it's easy to do that for people. Yes.

00;21;03;03 - 00;21;33;15
Christina
Yes, yes. It's so thoughtful. And and, by the way, and maybe we can link this in the show notes. I've done that actually several times. Like when you think about sending people flowers through random side note, Amazon has succulent and you can send it's like 20 or $40. I think if you pick out the sizes and I've done that in lieu of like sending somebody flowers for in their loss is kind of a good one so you're welcome for that that little tidbit.

00;21;33;29 - 00;22;03;23
Meghan
That little gem. Yeah. So so yeah, I think that's the the big thing we were going to say is you can take control of the narrative, you know, so even if your partner is alive and you're in a happy relationship and there's something coming up that's important to you, I have been in situations before and I'm betting a lot of our listeners have too, where I didn't voice that I wanted something to happen.

00;22;04;07 - 00;22;32;14
Meghan
I was just expecting it to happen because that was that was what was normal for me. And then there was a miscommunication. The wires got crossed because my partner didn't know that, you know, and that's not how they do this holiday. That's not what they're used to, you know. So, yes, I think that the element of control that you can have in this case when your partner is alive and you're in a relationship, is communicating what you want, you know?

00;22;32;28 - 00;22;54;17
Meghan
Yeah, I've I mean, I've I went 30 years without doing that. People aren't the same, right? People don't celebrate in the same ways. And you know, for like for anniversaries, I like to do something. I don't want a gift. I want to have an experience together, you know, but like not I mean, some people want a gift and you have to share that.

00;22;54;17 - 00;23;02;01
Meghan
And that is the controls that you can have when you're in a relationship when these days and these important things come up.

00;23;02;04 - 00;23;18;15
Christina
Mm hmm. Yeah. Because sometimes it I mean, it's it's not actually about the thing that you're buying. Mm hmm. It's not about that. It's. Yeah, there's. There's deeper things going on there. There's bigger. Yeah, there's bigger stories you're telling yourself. Yeah, all the things.

00;23;18;15 - 00;23;18;22
Meghan
Yeah.

00;23;19;02 - 00;23;42;29
Christina
I love the I love the new thing where parents who are doing like the gentle parenting. There was one that I saw where the child was. There was a newborn, I think. And in the scenario and the toddler was upset and doing something and the mom was like, Do you need some attention? Instead of getting upset with the child?

00;23;43;07 - 00;24;09;05
Christina
She was like, Do you need some attention? And the little boy was like, Yes, I need some attention. Yeah. And it's like, I think that that is an important thing to remember in this. If you are alone that maybe saying to your friends who care about you, Hey, I'm going to need some attention on this day. Like, yeah, I mean, it's just it might feel awkward, but like, hey, the stars come in and I, I might need to be checked on.

00;24;09;05 - 00;24;14;02
Christina
I might need, like, could we go to dinner? Could we do something? Ask for what you need.

00;24;14;02 - 00;24;33;18
Meghan
Yes. Yes. It's taken me 36 years to realize that. That reminds me, though, of your daughter, who she was going to come home for. It was Christmas or something, I don't remember. But she wound up staying because her friend's dad had died or something and she wanted to stay with her friend. Mm hmm.

00;24;33;22 - 00;24;46;08
Christina
She went home early from when I graduated in the spring. She went home because. That's right. And both parents had passed away. And so my daughter understood that this person was going to need her.

00;24;46;08 - 00;24;47;14
Meghan
She needed their money.

00;24;47;14 - 00;25;09;21
Christina
Yeah. And it was a newer friend. They hadn't been friends long, but like when she shared like this, my daughter knew. And so I think those are things to pay attention to. Like if you yeah. You know, if you it's like if you have the power to do good, it's in your power if you know these things because you're in this group that nobody asked to be part of and, you know, just pay attention to those things.

00;25;09;21 - 00;25;29;11
Christina
What is what is this person going to need? Oh, hey, it's so-and-so's first year having a Valentine's Day without their partner or it's his first Christmas or whatever that looks like. It's his first year without, you know, his mom being here, that kind of stuff. Pay attention to those things. So, right.

00;25;29;12 - 00;25;47;26
Meghan
It's like you you mentioned in an episode, I don't remember which one, but writing down those important dates that your friend has, you know, so like, yeah, pay attention to the death of nursery or yes, their anniversary or whatever, whatever the important dates are, and write those down. And then that way you can just send them all.

00;25;48;13 - 00;25;55;21
Christina
I have those on my calendar. If somebody probably walked in my house, they'd be like, Oh, this is disturbing, you know, because so many.

00;25;55;26 - 00;25;56;20
Meghan
People who have died.

00;25;57;11 - 00;26;14;18
Christina
I do. And so I just have it on my calendar. It just says the person's name and then like it's at the top or at the bottom, it says birth date, like for family members. But I just like it takes 2 seconds to send something. Yeah. Hey, thinking of you or whatever. Like it takes 2 seconds.

00;26;15;03 - 00;26;23;13
Meghan
Yeah, it is. So listen to the rest of our episodes because they're all like.

00;26;23;13 - 00;26;23;25
Speaker 3
Oh.

00;26;23;25 - 00;26;36;13
Christina
Then we thought it would be fun. Me and the mouse in my pocket. I think you were involved in it, too. I'm not sure to give you guys ideas because maybe for Valentine's Day, like your budget.

00;26;36;15 - 00;26;56;13
Meghan
Sorry, that reminds me of how you were like, I don't like to speak for you like just now. You know, you were like, I don't like to speak for you. But I said something to my sister and I said we were proud of it and I spoke for you. And so I hope you're proud of it because I don't like to speak for you.

00;26;56;13 - 00;27;02;06
Meghan
But I did.

00;27;02;06 - 00;27;05;15
Speaker 3
Oh, my gosh.

00;27;05;15 - 00;27;10;11
Meghan
I wouldn't say proud of it. I am proud of it. It's okay to speak for me. Okay? Okay.

00;27;11;11 - 00;27;40;04
Christina
Okay. Okay. So Megan and I thought it would be great to give you guys a list of things to do for Valentine's, because we know, like, it's not in everyone's budget to go out and do something extravagant, like maybe going out to dinner is a little out of your budget right now. You know, if you're maybe thinking of having like the Galentine's Day dinner with your girlfriends, maybe you can't do that and maybe you guys can all bring over, you know, do a theme like color theme.

00;27;40;04 - 00;27;49;00
Christina
I love those color themes that are going on out there on social media where friends are like, we're having a party and you get purple. And so everything that that person brings eat is purple. Another person gets.

00;27;49;00 - 00;27;49;28
Meghan
Most fun.

00;27;50;05 - 00;28;08;03
Christina
Cotton candy. And I don't know what other food is pink. What are the cake? I don't know. But each person like doing something like that where it's like not so expensive. So we wanted to give you ideas like that to be creative and where that you maybe don't have to spend a bunch of money. So order. What's another idea that.

00;28;08;03 - 00;28;13;23
Meghan
Is so fun. Now I'm thinking of like themed charcuterie boards.

00;28;13;23 - 00;28;16;11
Christina
Yes, yes. Right. Yeah.

00;28;16;14 - 00;28;44;06
Meghan
So such a fun party. So I think that like, like my friend Ed, she sent me little succulents and little planters to, to plant my little plants. Mm. Plants are so therapeutic. If you are going through something hard, it doesn't have to be lost. But just like in general, like just hard stuff in life, there's, there's data out there about how therapeutic it is to take care of a plant.

00;28;44;25 - 00;29;07;10
Meghan
So I think that putting together a little a flower pot or planting some herbs or something like that, getting in the dirt and making sure the plant is, you know, safe. And in a situation where, you know, the dirt is all good, where it's going to thrive, maybe it needs fertilizer and water, like doing all of those steps.

00;29;07;10 - 00;29;29;03
Meghan
It's so therapeutic. So that could be something that you plan to do on a hard day. I remember, man, when Jason died, I was so into plants. Yeah, I was like, I had all my flowers and I'm in a lot of my potted plants have died. But I mean, I just going to say, I don't know if this is.

00;29;29;03 - 00;29;35;07
Christina
Going to be traumatic for you if you kill everything. But Megan is living proof. She's good. She went through that days.

00;29;36;06 - 00;29;50;24
Meghan
And then I went through the phase and it was it's my pot and plants that didn't make it because in the winter, in the winter, sometimes that ice is here and in the summer it gets really hot. So just the watering frequency varies so much that I just stopped doing it and then that's how they died.

00;29;50;29 - 00;29;57;23
Christina
So, oh, okay. I think another thing you can do is make a dessert, like make your favorite dessert or even make your.

00;29;57;24 - 00;29;58;05
Meghan
Go by.

00;29;58;05 - 00;30;17;25
Christina
Is favorite dessert or yes, my it something like that. Like you mentioned dinner with friends if you go on like a rock hunt. I know that sounds weird, but like I love the beach, but yeah, like going on a rock hunt if you like. Some people collect rocks that are in the shape of a heart. If you're like me or something like that.

00;30;17;25 - 00;30;38;01
Christina
What if something in your neighborhood is it walking and hunting and looking for flowers and taking pictures of them? I Yeah, I swear to you, I live in the Pacific Northwest. I have lived here. We're coming up on 25 years and I can walk every single year in my neighborhood and see different flowers. And they're wild. And I'm like, I have never seen that one before.

00;30;38;01 - 00;30;48;09
Christina
So I started taking pictures of them too. Like, you know, keep track, but do something like that. Find be creative. I think in this process it does not have to cost you a dime.

00;30;48;22 - 00;30;57;23
Meghan
So yeah, yeah. Going for a walk mode for a bike ride, doing some kind of exercise will help you feel better.

00;30;57;23 - 00;31;12;16
Christina
Yes. Yeah, definitely. And a meditation on like on that day. Yeah, I think exercise and meditation, if you can plan those two things for the day, find a meditation on YouTube again. Doesn't need to cost you money, but you know, tennis shoes again doesn't cost you money.

00;31;12;28 - 00;31;37;21
Meghan
Mhm. Or some kind of a creative thing. You don't have to be a creative person to do a creative project, but something where you're using your hands, you're focused in on whatever you're doing, what you're making, if you're painting or if you're doing some kind of craft. And let me reiterate, you don't have to be a crafty or artistic person to do those things.

00;31;38;02 - 00;32;05;02
Christina
I think that looks different for everybody. You just as a side note, yeah, that I've realized that creativity for me was art and creativity for Michael was redoing like all the wiring in a truck, like ripping it out and redoing the wiring harness. And it was like, Oh, everybody's creativity looks different. So if yours looks like totally different, who cares?

00;32;05;02 - 00;32;08;05
Christina
Don't worry about what other people think. You do that thing. You do you.

00;32;08;05 - 00;32;32;02
Meghan
Yep. Yeah. And then these are all ways where you're taking control. So you're saying, you know, that this day is going to be hard, so you're going to do something for you on the day. So whatever that looks like, we gave you some ideas, but maybe none of that. Maybe none of those are good. But, but hopefully it'll, you know, help you come up with what works for you.

00;32;32;11 - 00;32;56;29
Christina
Mm hmm. I think one of the things that I want to add into this is recognizing that that day, when you come up on that day and we kind of mentioned this earlier, that you don't know, like I have lived here for 25 years away from family and I would do fine up until the holiday. But the day of the holiday, it would hit me.

00;32;57;08 - 00;33;21;12
Christina
And it took me many years for that not to happen. And I know that like if if you are newer to grief, loss, whatever that looks like, those holidays can be really hard. And if it's Valentine's Day or whatever, when you have that happen, yes, it sucks. We have been there. We are not saying like it's going to be pretty and wonderful and all that stuff.

00;33;21;12 - 00;33;45;00
Christina
But I love I follow somebody. Her name is Tiffany Rowe and she's a counselor and she was talking about that she was going to counseling and had this aha moment. So I'm an Enneagram seven. If you are not familiar with that, it means that I, I like all things fun and bright and colorful, and I also can have a problem sitting with my feelings for very long.

00;33;45;13 - 00;34;05;02
Christina
I want like I'm like, I'm going to deal with it and then we're going to move forward. And so I have to really watch myself of like I might actually feeling my feelings because I am a very emotional person. But am I actually feeling it? And she talked about how that we see this thing about like naming our emotions like, Oh, what am I feeling?

00;34;05;03 - 00;34;25;10
Christina
I'm feeling sadness. Oh, what am I feeling? I'm feeling joy. And Meghan has mentioned this before, this idea that you have to sit with your feelings, like if you feel something, if something hard comes up and you're like overwhelmed by that feeling, allowing yourself to feel that feeling and not trying to push it away or anything like that.

00;34;25;15 - 00;34;49;16
Christina
But what Tiffany Rowe talked about was you don't name the feeling like in that moment you're like, oh, this is this is a grief. No, no, you don't give it any words. You feel it. You sit there and you feel it. And that's something that I have been practicing lately and I'm like, Holy cow! Because you're like jumbling it with words and trying to give it definitions and all of that stuff, but just sit with that and allow yourself to feel it.

00;34;49;16 - 00;35;16;05
Christina
And what is it? Is it 90 seconds, 90? So it's like 90 seconds, like sit there. And what happens is after 90 seconds, that feeling is going to move through you. It's going to move on. So on that day, if you're feeling overwhelmed, allow yourself to feel it. Don't push it away. Don't try to cover it up with other fun activities like a let yourself feel it, let it move through you and then go do your fun activities.

00;35;16;05 - 00;35;37;09
Meghan
Yeah I think that's a great that's a great thing to to add is yeah. It's not going to be necessarily great on these hard to even if you plan ahead and you're doing something with your hands or you're doing something fun or whatever, it still might be hard. So you still still feel those feelings. Okay. Do you have anything else to add?

00;35;37;20 - 00;36;01;25
Christina
I love hearing from you guys, right? In telling all your things. We love your stories. Those are the best to hear your stories. Check out Megan's new Web page that she built us. I love that my son the other day was like, Mom, do you do you guys, you know, do you need a web page built? And then I sent him the link and he was like, Oh, Megan's taken such and such class and such and such class.

00;36;01;25 - 00;36;03;11
Christina
He was like, Maybe not the classes.

00;36;03;11 - 00;36;05;15
Speaker 3
That she had to take you know, just like.

00;36;05;27 - 00;36;07;05
Christina
This is hilarious.

00;36;07;09 - 00;36;12;14
Meghan
I took how to make a WordPress website from Google. Like.

00;36;13;26 - 00;36;19;28
Christina
He's like clearly, she's clearly taken a blah blah blah and blah blah blah and blah blah blah class.

00;36;19;28 - 00;36;25;19
Meghan
So, you know, I have taken an HTML and a thesis class. If those were the ones that.

00;36;25;19 - 00;36;27;07
Speaker 3
He's exactly why he said.

00;36;27;19 - 00;36;35;05
Meghan
Yeah because those are website things. Yeah. But you don't really need those things to build a WordPress website just well you know you did.

00;36;35;05 - 00;36;54;06
Christina
A great job everybody go check it out. She has the links to like the books and all of the things and to be a guest on her podcast. So if you are somebody who has gotten back up after being knocked down, we'd love to hear your story and have you share it with us. And so check out full cut flip podcast.

00;36;54;12 - 00;37;20;29
Meghan
Dot com and yeah like and subscribe man if you leave us a review, it helps other people find us. So we appreciate it when you do it. Yes. And we're happy you're here. Okay, friends, the time has come. So whether your club is empty, half full or overflowing, raise it up. Here's to getting back up chairs. Thank you so much for being here with us.

00;37;21;07 - 00;37;35;26
Meghan
Please subscribe to our podcast if you found it helpful and you can also find us on social media on Instagram app for Cup Club podcast. And if you search full club club podcast on Facebook again, thanks friends and we'll see you next time.