48 - FBCC: Grit

Christin and Meghan discuss "Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance" by Angela Duckworth in this month's Full Book Cup Club episode, and why it's a good read for those who have lost someone. This isn't a book about grief, but it's still a useful tool if you're grieving.

Links we talked about in this episode:
The Grit Scale - https://angeladuckworth.com/grit-scale/

Full Book Cup Club Book of the Month:
Each month we choose a book to read together. Join us in reading this month's Full Book Cup Club book of the month: "Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance" by Angela Duckworth

And join us in reading our next Full Book Cup Club book of the month: You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero

Transcript

00;00;00;08 - 00;00;30;00
Meghan
So recently I had a really good bottle of red wine, and if I was a better person, I would be able to say the name of it. The brand. It was given to us as a gift, and it was really good. And here's the thing I'm not a wine person. I'm not really much of an alcohol person. But I specifically don't really drink a lot of red wine because most of my life I have not been able to afford a quality wine.

00;00;30;00 - 00;00;56;04
Meghan
And, you know, two buck chuck cheap red wine. It tastes like feet. Let's let's not beat around the bush here. I don't know who enjoys the taste of cheap red wine, but I think you can get away with cheap white wine a little easier because of the snacks. But anyway, we had a really good bottle of red wine and I was like, Oh my gosh, is this what people are talking about.

00;00;57;25 - 00;01;00;10
Meghan
When they say, Oh, they talk.

00;01;00;10 - 00;01;13;26
Meghan
About having wine? Is this what they mean? This is great. I'm 36 years old and I've just discovered good wine. Thank you. Hi, I'm Megan and I am Christina.

00;01;14;05 - 00;01;16;17
Christina
And this is a full Cup Club podcast.

00;01;17;01 - 00;01;26;08
Meghan
We're here to talk through the good, the bad and the ugly of loss. Whether that's losing a loved one, a job, a dream, or even your marbles.

00;01;27;01 - 00;01;51;24
Christina
So whether your cup has coffee, tea or vodka in it. Welcome to the Full Cup Club. Hey, friends. On today's podcast we have full book cup Club. Woo! It's December and our book of the month is Here We Are. We have read grit by Angela Duckworth, but before we get started on that, Megan, what is in your cup today?

00;01;52;02 - 00;01;53;28
Christina
Metaphorically and physically?

00;01;54;16 - 00;02;14;24
Meghan
In keeping with the theme from the last episode, I'm trying a new drink. Okay. From the same brand liquid death. Okay, because we love making jokes about it. This brand is called you know what? If anybody is allowed to, it's us is exactly. Absolutely 100%.

00;02;14;29 - 00;02;15;03
Meghan
Mm.

00;02;15;14 - 00;02;28;04
Meghan
So this flavor is bury it alive. The last flavor I had was the lime one. So it's called Bury It Alive, but it's BMR y like berries that killed it. Oh, okay. It's weird.

00;02;28;12 - 00;02;33;01
Meghan
But you like that's a choice. Yeah.

00;02;33;19 - 00;02;35;15
Meghan
Yeah, it's. It's weird.

00;02;35;26 - 00;02;37;04
Christina
So she takes another drink?

00;02;37;07 - 00;02;44;26
Meghan
Yeah, well, I just want to be sure the lime one was better. Oh, okay. This one is not. It's not. It's not bad, but it's weird.

00;02;45;12 - 00;02;48;13
Christina
Okay.

00;02;48;13 - 00;03;15;29
Meghan
And what is filling my cup? Metaphorically. Oh, okay. So I live near Dallas, Texas, and if you are in Texas, near Austin, further south, you have a grocery store called H-E-B. We haven't had them up in Dallas until recently. A few months ago the first H-E-B up here opened and it was like crazy. I absolutely did not go, I'm not y'all.

00;03;15;29 - 00;03;34;04
Meghan
It's still a grocery store. I'm not going to stand in line to get into a grocery store. But I did go for the first time recently and they have this whole section at the front of the store of meals that are already done for you. And all you have to do is like peel off the plastic on the top and put it in the oven.

00;03;34;09 - 00;03;58;01
Meghan
And it is like fresh chicken and vegetable oils or there's like salmon and herbs and asparagus, like your game changer for this busy mom. I am so excited about this. We bought so many of those and that is all we're eating this week and that is what's filling my cup. I am so excited about it. Like I am pumped.

00;03;58;01 - 00;04;17;18
Christina
They built an H-E-B in the last six months across from my daughter where my daughter lives in Austin and I go and stay with her. Sometimes I just spend a month there with her. And I got to tell you guys, if you haven't H-E-B, you need to go find they have it fresh tortillas and you've got to try the butter tortillas.

00;04;18;00 - 00;04;19;03
Christina
And then also my son.

00;04;19;06 - 00;04;20;13
Meghan
And I can attest.

00;04;21;01 - 00;04;33;06
Christina
They have Kaso that has a brisket in it and you put it in the oven and it gets all melted deliciousness and then you buy the big bag of the fresh bag of tortilla chips.

00;04;33;06 - 00;04;36;10
Meghan
So oh, they're fresh chips like in the bakery.

00;04;36;10 - 00;04;36;22
Christina
Yes.

00;04;36;22 - 00;04;40;22
Meghan
Or like on the chip aisle. All right. Okay. Thank you. My list for next time.

00;04;41;04 - 00;04;42;12
Christina
Yes, yes.

00;04;42;19 - 00;04;47;19
Meghan
Try it. So what is in your cup and then what is filling your cup? Metaphorically.

00;04;47;27 - 00;05;07;23
Christina
Okay, so in my cup today I am enjoying throughout the holidays I have the Trader Joe's cranberry ginger seltzer that I'm drinking. Oh, my goodness. I love it so, so much. But they only have it for the holidays. I mean, that is like the Trader Joe's like sadness. There are things that are seasonal.

00;05;09;03 - 00;05;29;05
Meghan
You know, Trader Joe's is another cool grocery store. I feel like H-E-B and Trader Joe's are both like just different. They're like, you know, they've got something else to offer that's got a little sparkle. And I wish I got to Trader Joe's more often because I want to try that seasonal stuff because I know it's not going to be there all the time.

00;05;29;05 - 00;05;51;05
Christina
Yes, yeah, yes. I love it. What is metaphorically selling makeup? So about five years ago, we took a mirror off of our wall because we were putting in a a TV on that wall. So it's been leaning up against my wall for approximately five years. I was waiting on my goal and then to put it up and then he died.

00;05;51;17 - 00;05;54;02
Christina
And so I have had Ruud on.

00;05;54;02 - 00;05;56;09
Meghan
I know that he still.

00;05;56;09 - 00;05;57;14
Meghan
Had things to do.

00;05;57;28 - 00;06;20;03
Christina
I mean, I will give him that. He built a fence in my front yard to keep my animals in before he died. But come on, man. So this mirrors that leaning up against the wall, and it requires. It's it's heavy, you guys. It's heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy mirror. And it requires it has hardware. This isn't like a one single little thing that you're hanging it on.

00;06;20;03 - 00;06;22;03
Christina
It was two different points that had to be hung.

00;06;22;11 - 00;06;22;18
Meghan
Huh?

00;06;22;28 - 00;06;43;29
Christina
Friends. Friends. I use the stud finder to find the studs in the wall. Then I found out there was no stud on where one of the things of the hardware hit. So I had to go to the store and I had to get the metal anchors. I screwed those metal anchors. And there are four points on each of this hardware that I had to screw into the wall and use a level.

00;06;45;03 - 00;06;46;14
Christina
I had to do the whole thing.

00;06;47;00 - 00;06;47;20
Meghan
Crushed it.

00;06;47;23 - 00;06;51;21
Christina
I did. It is hanging. I got it hanging this morning. And my friends, that's.

00;06;51;21 - 00;06;54;04
Meghan
Hard by yourself, too, because it's heavy, right?

00;06;54;15 - 00;06;55;28
Christina
Well, my son, that is the.

00;06;55;28 - 00;06;56;19
Meghan
Only time.

00;06;57;07 - 00;06;59;00
Christina
That there was a male like.

00;06;59;17 - 00;07;01;02
Meghan
This is.

00;07;01;02 - 00;07;13;28
Christina
That my son came in and he lifted one side of the mirror and that was it. And when I tell you, like, I am not kidding, I put the level like my phone level. If you don't know that you have a level in your phone.

00;07;15;08 - 00;07;16;05
Meghan
If you have an I don't know.

00;07;16;24 - 00;07;17;03
Christina
How many.

00;07;17;03 - 00;07;17;29
Meghan
Other phones too.

00;07;17;29 - 00;07;45;05
Christina
Yeah. And I put it up on top and friends my, my eyes welled up with tears when I realized it was like on the bubble, it was at zero. And I'm like, so proud of myself. Like, it is. I just like job I feel like and you and I talked about this name was saying like anything's possible with YouTube and I come from a faith background which they're like people say with God, all things are possible.

00;07;45;14 - 00;07;59;01
Christina
And so we we are going to combine that here on the show. And like with YouTube, all things are possible. Forget they're going to be T-shirts and mugs like that is how we do things. I feel like at this don't steal our.

00;07;59;01 - 00;08;01;20
Meghan
Idea before we put it on a coffee mug, y'all.

00;08;01;22 - 00;08;14;27
Christina
This is Adobe Wade. Yeah, this is. This is us right here. But when I feel like this point in my life, like, yeah, I the theme of my life is I wait on no man. So there we go. We go.

00;08;15;02 - 00;08;40;01
Meghan
Yeah. So what have you. What other things have you done with YouTube? YouTube taught me how to build a fence. Taught me how to build a gate, taught me to find the engine and cabin air filters in my car. How to change the light fixtures in my in my front yard. I've like outdoor lighting, how to change the whole fixture out, how to install a ceiling fan, how to install wood floors.

00;08;40;01 - 00;08;43;04
Meghan
Y'all, I could this this is the podcast now.

00;08;43;23 - 00;08;44;19
Christina
I mean just.

00;08;44;19 - 00;08;49;16
Meghan
Listing I mean with YouTube anything is possible for me. Yeah.

00;08;49;27 - 00;09;06;16
Christina
Yeah. I like I am learning I knew how the basics of crochet but even like going in and like learning new stitches, I've been able to go on YouTube and learn that kind of stuff. I love me some YouTube, like the next thing I'm going to do is doors in my house, people. And I mean, that's the thing.

00;09;06;16 - 00;09;17;00
Christina
And that I learned how to do it on YouTube yesterday. I mean, in a ten minute video, I'm going to freakin hang doors in my house and like for you to do it. She has lost her mind, but that.

00;09;17;00 - 00;09;18;05
Meghan
No, you're crushing it.

00;09;18;27 - 00;09;20;09
Christina
Yeah, I'm going to do it.

00;09;20;09 - 00;09;22;08
Meghan
Well, speaking of crushing it.

00;09;22;17 - 00;09;33;17
Christina
Today on our podcast, we are going we read a grant this month for the for backup club and we're going to introduce our author. She's she's here with us in the studio. Yeah.

00;09;34;16 - 00;09;35;18
Meghan
That joke is funny.

00;09;35;18 - 00;09;39;11
Meghan
Every time you take our little podcast.

00;09;39;13 - 00;09;47;10
Christina
Hey, friend. Also, can we just have a moment? Because we encourage people to celebrate things we just hit. Was it three.

00;09;47;11 - 00;09;48;10
Meghan
3000, eight.

00;09;48;10 - 00;09;49;18
Christina
Thousand downloads.

00;09;49;18 - 00;09;58;09
Meghan
So think that means like listens. So for, you know, downloads means, you know, 3000. Listen listen to our podcast self.

00;09;58;09 - 00;10;26;17
Christina
Yeah. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you all for liking and following and subscribing and sharing us with your friends. So yeah, give that shout out today. So let me introduce you to Angela Duckworth. The Angela Duckworth, Ph.D., is a 2013 MacArthur Fellow and professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. She was she has advised the World Bank, NBA, NFL teams and the Fortune 500 CEOs.

00;10;26;17 - 00;10;56;20
Christina
She's also the founder and the CEO of Character Lab, a nonprofit whose mission is to advance scientific insights that help kids thrive. She completed her B.A. in neurobiology at Harvard, her M.S. in neuroscience at Oxford, and her Ph.D. in psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. And so she is the author of our book today. No, she is not here in the studio, but I read this book a few years ago and I enjoyed it so much.

00;10;56;20 - 00;11;16;25
Christina
And it was one of the books that I read before Michael died. And I really feel like having this book in my toolbox was helpful. And so I am so happy that we read this book and just to be able to read it again and go over it and hopefully this will inspire you if you have not already read it to read it.

00;11;16;25 - 00;11;48;03
Meghan
So yeah, I hadn't read it. This was my first time reading it and I checked it out from the library. I listened to it, so I checked out the audiobook from the library. So just a reminder, you can check out audiobooks and e-books from your local library as well as obviously as well as the physical copy. But you might, you know, if you're a person who commutes to work or just doesn't have time to sit down and read a book, as much as you'd like to look into checking out the audiobook from your library.

00;11;48;04 - 00;12;09;14
Christina
Yes, I, I recall reading, listening to this audiobook when I was going back and forth to school 30 miles away. So it is a great one on a commute in if you are not familiar. We want to educate. We always want to be adding value to listeners. So if you are not familiar, you can download apps. I know our local library.

00;12;09;14 - 00;12;16;29
Christina
Ask your local library which app they use. Ours uses Libby and Megan. What did you say yours was called? The app use.

00;12;17;00 - 00;12;18;16
Meghan
Called Cloud Library.

00;12;18;22 - 00;12;38;13
Christina
Cloud Library. So you would go to your library, ask them which they use, you download the app and then that app will ask you your library card number, you input that, and then that's how you get your audio books. And it's just like the library. You may have to wait a week or two. It will tell you, Hey, there are two people online.

00;12;38;13 - 00;12;51;15
Christina
It's going to be a week before you get this book, but it's free and it's wonderful and I love using that. And then when they're not available, if it's not a library book that they have, then I go to Audible. So you can also get those on audible.com.

00;12;51;25 - 00;13;17;26
Meghan
Yeah. So first we'll talk about the general theme, the overall theme of the book, and then we'll talk about why it's important or why we felt like it would be important for widows and people who have experienced loss to listen or read this book. So the theme, the general theme is that success is better measured by grit in a situation than intelligence or talent or skill, anything like that.

00;13;18;03 - 00;13;43;20
Meghan
It's better measured by your grit and determination as opposed to those what people think are natural or, you know, inherent skills. Right. So why is that important for people who have experienced loss to hear? Because it tells you that it's possible to pick yourself back up. Yes, right. You have just gone through something devastating and you can get back up.

00;13;44;03 - 00;13;56;27
Meghan
Yes, you can build grit. It's not something that is just set in stone. It's something that you build throughout your life when when you have struggles, when you're dealing with difficult situations.

00;13;57;08 - 00;14;18;20
Christina
Yes. And this book is not if you're listening for the first time, you're like, I landed on this and I this is a grief podcast. It's okay. This book is actually not written for people who are grieving. But we just said, hey, people, I often wonder because people look at us and say like, oh, my goodness, like they're their back up, they're standing back up.

00;14;18;20 - 00;14;36;26
Christina
They got up quickly and they're moving forward. And I worry that people see that and think, I can't do that. I can't do that. But I love that this book talks about that. Like you're saying, it is possible it can be built. You know, if you are somebody who's like, I can't do that. Yes, you can. It is.

00;14;37;03 - 00;14;37;21
Meghan
Something.

00;14;37;21 - 00;14;38;12
Christina
That is built.

00;14;39;16 - 00;15;00;16
Meghan
Yep. You just have to take those baby steps, which is what we did. Mm. Now, it's been four and a half years for me since Jason, my husband died and it's been three years for Christina and her husband. Mike. Yes. So back in the beginning, we weren't out here building fences and hanging mirrors. No, back in the beginning we were just trying to wrap our head around it.

00;15;00;17 - 00;15;08;19
Meghan
Yes. But we took little steps every day to build it, build ourselves up to be who we are now. And that's not because we're special.

00;15;09;03 - 00;15;09;15
Christina
No.

00;15;09;27 - 00;15;11;18
Meghan
No, not anybody could do that.

00;15;11;18 - 00;15;13;00
Christina
Yes, absolutely.

00;15;13;07 - 00;15;27;08
Meghan
Lack of grit. If you feel like, oh, I'm just not a gritty person, something that Angela Duckworth, the author, says is that the lack of grit can stem from hopelessness and hopelessness is suffering that you think you can't control.

00;15;27;09 - 00;15;27;19
Meghan
Mm hmm.

00;15;28;02 - 00;15;36;06
Christina
It does feel like you can't control when it's. When all of this happens. It just. It feels like the world is spinning out of control.

00;15;36;08 - 00;15;37;14
Meghan
And it does.

00;15;37;21 - 00;16;07;17
Christina
And, yeah, so getting back up can feel really impossible. And so, yeah, so much uncertainty in that moment. And if you are hearing this and you are early on in that grieving process, I hope that you can see us and think, okay, if they can do it, I can too. And no, please, no, it is possible. I often wonder if people look at Megan and I and think, what in the world like?

00;16;07;17 - 00;16;30;20
Christina
What's wrong with them? They're going on with their life. They laugh. They giggle about stuff. They talk about all of these things that they've done. And I worry that they think like, you know, for one, like, are they, you know, is that okay? But also, where did they get that from? I'm not like that. So, you know, they're back up and running and I'm still laying down here on the ground.

00;16;30;27 - 00;16;56;16
Christina
I like that. When you think about grit and understand that it's it's possible that you don't feel hopeless when you look at us that you know, that like Megan said, you were no different than you are. It's just practicing a little bit of, okay, today I'm going to try standing out for 30 seconds and tomorrow I'm going to try standing out for 40 seconds.

00;16;56;16 - 00;17;01;13
Christina
It's a little bit built and it is possible for you.

00;17;01;13 - 00;17;31;28
Meghan
Yeah, exactly. That kind of leads me into something else that she said and I've heard this and other places too. Now it makes me wonder if they quoted her, but that success has 80% showing up, so not related to skill or talent or intelligence or whatever. It's 80% just showing up, just being consistent all the time. So, you know, in those early days where you're just you're just you're just struggling to do anything, just showing up for yourself every single day.

00;17;32;03 - 00;17;48;26
Meghan
You're 80% of the way there. Yeah, that's training for. Yeah, yeah. Just keep swimming. But that's true for, for anything. If you have gym goals like going to the gym goals that you set at work, you should probably show up to work 100% of the time.

00;17;48;26 - 00;17;52;26
Meghan
So that would be a good idea.

00;17;54;08 - 00;18;15;13
Meghan
But like any goal that you said, something I really loved about this book is she talked about a goal hierarchy. So if you think about like a pyramid and the very top of it is your main goal. So your top level goal, you write that one and then so maybe your goal is to run a marathon. I think we've used this example, right?

00;18;16;00 - 00;18;43;00
Meghan
Your goal is to run a marathon. Then you have mid level goals and lower level goals too and those are written in pencil so that they can shift and change as needed. And maybe they are race because they're not necessarily required to get to that top level goal. But you have this hierarchy where you reach these lower level goals and then that leads you to the mid-tier goals which should lead you to your top level goal.

00;18;43;03 - 00;19;04;16
Meghan
So I really liked that. I thought that was really good way to say it. So when we're talking about success or when she was talking about success, she she touched on it several times that successful people aren't necessarily smart or gifted. And I think that we see that all the time. And we may say, oh, they're just lucky or they're talented or or they're just different from me.

00;19;04;16 - 00;19;13;14
Meghan
And that kind of goes back to what you were saying. Christina Oh, they're different. I'm not like that. I can write, but that kind of lets you off the hook.

00;19;13;21 - 00;19;14;25
Christina
Yeah, I get that.

00;19;14;25 - 00;19;24;12
Meghan
It's a way to let yourself off the hook to, you know, to not work on that grit and build that grit and determination to get to that place, that level.

00;19;24;17 - 00;19;59;03
Christina
I find it is a pretty common misunderstanding. And this goes to some work done by Carol Dweck, and that is on this growth mindset versus a fixed mindset and just really understanding that things can be learned and and these things go hand in hand. Angela Duckworth's research and Carol do X and I run into this a lot where people because I create art, people will say, Oh, I can't I can't create art.

00;19;59;10 - 00;20;22;12
Christina
And one of the things that I have learned over the years is that art is just like math and science, that it is a skill that you can learn, you practice it and you learn it. And my big Aha with that and didn't I naturally when I was little could draw, I could do anything I picked up I could do.

00;20;22;13 - 00;20;53;02
Christina
People were just kind of like, Oh, I can't believe she did that. And I was a little kid. So I thought that that was just a natural. I do have a natural bent towards that. However, I remember taking a class 25 years ago, a tall painting class, and there was somebody in the class that was painting. And I just looked over and I remember thinking and bless her heart, I mean, it was it was really like, whoa, that's really, really bad.

00;20;53;06 - 00;21;17;13
Christina
And, you know, show me to think that. But I just really was like, she just keeps showing up, like, bless her heart, she just shows up every week. And friends, a few years later, I saw her and her work blew me away. And it was the first time I was in my mid-twenties when this happened and I was blown away at her.

00;21;17;13 - 00;21;43;23
Christina
The tenacity that the fact that she stayed out of it was great right there. She stayed at it and she blew me out of the water with her art and that was the first time that I realized like, Oh, if you just practice, anybody can do these things. It's just my brain is wired for it. Natural. So if you're listening to this and you have that with art, just as a side note, it's not true.

00;21;44;00 - 00;21;49;28
Christina
You there is a life out there that you're good at. Are your bad? No, it's like math. Yeah. Anything else?

00;21;49;28 - 00;22;10;04
Meghan
You learn how to do that. You can learn. It takes practice. It's like she talks about and I've heard this in other places, too. It takes 10000 hours, right? Yes. The hours of practice. Yes. I think a lot of time all we see is the finish line, the final product. So maybe you know, you're looking on Instagram and you see that woman's artwork and you're like, wow, that is so beautiful.

00;22;10;09 - 00;22;26;00
Meghan
And you don't know that she has been working at that. She was just terrible at it five years ago or however long. And now you see her artwork and it's gorgeous and you're like, Oh my gosh, I can never be an artist like that. But yes, you don't see the blood, sweat and tears that went into that.

00;22;26;01 - 00;22;26;13
Christina
Right.

00;22;26;27 - 00;22;33;22
Meghan
Right. You know, because she started exactly where you are. It's exactly willing to put in the work. You have to be willing to do it.

00;22;33;22 - 00;22;54;02
Christina
So, Carol Dweck, research talks about that, where that they took little kids and they tested them and the little kids that they said, oh, you are so smart. And the little kids didn't try any harder because they didn't want to mess with anyone's perception of them that they were smart. The kids that they told, Oh, me and you worked really hard at that.

00;22;54;02 - 00;23;15;20
Christina
Those were the kids who excelled when they were tested again. So they did these tests, and if they said they were smart, they just kind of stayed there. However, if they told the child that they worked hard, they saw that the next time they took the test, they tried even harder and they got a better grade. Were that the kids that were smart, they actually didn't excel, which was really surprising.

00;23;15;20 - 00;23;47;13
Christina
So it's that idea that you have the potential to grow. It's just your mindset. We don't come into the world with a, you know, there is no ceiling. It's just our nasty, our grit just to stay after it and keep growing. And so that's why these these ideas kind of over cross over in this and she talks about that it's Carol Direct's work and if you're not familiar with it, look her up on YouTube.

00;23;47;13 - 00;23;48;09
Christina
It's really funny.

00;23;49;27 - 00;24;16;22
Meghan
Yeah. Yeah, it is. Speaking of children, I think that a cool point that Angela Duckworth made in this book was that she talks about babies and how they practice things without feeling embarrassed. So I think a lot of us have a fear of failure. It's prevalent. And in societies you're afraid to fail, but you shouldn't be. Failure should be celebrated because failure means you tried.

00;24;17;03 - 00;24;39;06
Meghan
Failure means you tried something new. Right. And babies, when they're learning to walk and they fall down, they're not embarrassed. They just get back up and do it. So just act like a baby. You're no, but I mean, I really liked that analogy that she that she had in the book.

00;24;39;13 - 00;25;01;12
Christina
I love because she offered that point. She went into this idea of deliberate practice as well, that how important it is when we're talking about kids to have deliberate, intentional practices and even as adults that we have these stretch goals in these practices. And so even today with putting that mirror up, that was a huge stretch goal for me.

00;25;01;12 - 00;25;27;05
Christina
Yes, I put screws into the walls. I have hung mirrors before, but they were small mirrors. It was nothing like this. And this was a huge stretch goal for me to put in these anchors that I had the hand screw into the wall. These were stretch goals. And now that I've accomplished that, now I realize like, Oh, I could do bigger things, I can do the next big thing.

00;25;27;05 - 00;25;40;19
Christina
And so, right, having these intentional practices, these deliberate practices that are hard and more challenging for you is what builds grit. And yes, I really liked her where she talked about that.

00;25;40;22 - 00;26;03;08
Meghan
Yeah, I liked that too. And that's exactly what we were talking about. Why it's important to listen to this book as a widow or as somebody who's lost a person, because that's exactly what you're doing. Your first stretch goal might be to make dinner without your other person there, to get dinner on the table for the kids or whatever.

00;26;03;25 - 00;26;22;18
Meghan
But if you keep building on that and you're like, okay, well I've done that and now I'm going to I've got to take my car to get an oil change, like I'm going to go out into the world. Now, those are stretch goals when you're dealing with grief. Yes. You know, so you just keep snowballing it and it keeps building and building.

00;26;22;18 - 00;26;29;27
Meghan
And then eventually you're out here hanging huge mirrors, building fences. You can take on the world.

00;26;29;29 - 00;26;31;00
Meghan
Mm hmm. Mm.

00;26;31;09 - 00;26;32;19
Christina
Yes, exactly.

00;26;32;26 - 00;26;58;05
Meghan
So you can test. There's actually a grit test or a grit scale. It's that Angela Duckworth dot com. We'll link it in the show notes but you can test your level of grittiness and I have a funny story, so I'm okay. I'm generally like a gritty person just through, you know, all of these cool lessons that I keep learning in my life.

00;26;59;15 - 00;27;01;01
Meghan
All of these forced lessons.

00;27;01;01 - 00;27;04;01
Christina
Yes, exactly.

00;27;04;01 - 00;27;26;28
Meghan
And I remember I was working out with a personal trainer for a little while because I have a really bad knee. I've had three ACL surgeries. My meniscus is like jello, like, I don't know, and my knee is just not good. So I decided to get back in shape. I should workout with a trainer because I would probably be safer on my knee.

00;27;26;29 - 00;27;33;28
Meghan
Right? So this guy's probably like 22 years old, never been fat in his life. Like he is. You know.

00;27;34;11 - 00;27;36;01
Christina
She was just fat.

00;27;36;17 - 00;28;00;09
Meghan
Right? Yeah. Just like one of those. And that's cool for him. That is great. But I remember one time he I absolutely knew just through conversations with him that he didn't he didn't have an understanding of how hard it was to do things. When your husband had died, you know. And so so I remember one time the gym I was working out at was walking distance from my house.

00;28;00;21 - 00;28;17;28
Meghan
And one day I drove to the gym instead of walking, cause I like to walk or jog as like a warm up and then cool down to the home. But it was raining, so I drove and he was like, He what? Today I was like, Oh, it's raining and I want to get wet. And he said, Oh, walking in the rain is called character building.

00;28;19;01 - 00;28;22;11
Meghan
Okay, Chad, what?

00;28;22;11 - 00;28;28;27
Meghan
Right. All right. No, I'm good. I'm good. I got plenty. Why don't you try this?

00;28;28;28 - 00;28;33;06
Meghan
You want to take a left?

00;28;33;06 - 00;28;34;27
Meghan
Yeah. Oh, my gosh.

00;28;35;24 - 00;28;41;22
Meghan
No, thank you. I'm good. Thank you. I mean, take the ones where I can get them. All right?

00;28;41;22 - 00;28;42;05
Meghan
So.

00;28;43;00 - 00;28;49;27
Meghan
So anyway, I think that this book so it was called Grit. What is the tagline of it? It's grit.

00;28;50;00 - 00;28;53;18
Christina
Grit. The power of passion and perseverance.

00;28;53;19 - 00;29;00;04
Meghan
Yes. I think that this book would be great to read kind of early in the.

00;29;00;05 - 00;29;03;01
Christina
I would say six months out. I would say.

00;29;03;01 - 00;29;28;08
Meghan
Actually 4 to 6. Like probably not right away. No. Like I think pretty early on because, you know, it's a it's that's the time when you're getting back up when you're. Yeah. When you're trying to s yeah. I would say 4 to 6 months would be a good time and that's not going to be true for everybody. I'm just thinking about where I was at that point after losing Jason, you know?

00;29;29;14 - 00;29;38;21
Meghan
But that would be that would be what I would say. And. Christina Yeah. Do you have something else to add before we announce our next book?

00;29;38;24 - 00;30;02;06
Christina
Yes. I think both of us both you and I really liked this Japanese proverb that was in here. And it's it's such it just so encompasses what we believe around here. And the quote is Vol seven, rise eight. And really that's just it's just that perseverance that if you fall down.

00;30;02;09 - 00;30;03;24
Meghan
As you get up, getting back up.

00;30;03;29 - 00;30;20;08
Christina
And I will share this again in the future. But I was giving an hour with my mom one night and we were at a place, one of those where it's kind of like Chipotle, where they're making the food in front of you, they're making a burrito. And I did not turn around, but I heard a little a little kid fall behind me.

00;30;20;18 - 00;30;42;00
Christina
And the mom said with with just such positivity. She said, when we fall down, we get back up. When we fall down. So get back up. And she just kept saying that to the little kid. And I loved it so much because she didn't like get down on the floor and be like there was no gasp. There was no like, Oh, you fell.

00;30;42;00 - 00;31;04;29
Christina
Are you okay? It was just this positive, reassuring. And I hope that that is what you hear from us always is just this like when we fall down, we get back up and that you can hear that. You can say that to yourself over when you fall down, you are you're going to fall along this journey. You're going to feel like you just got kicked in the teeth and then somebody else came along and kicked you in the side.

00;31;05;12 - 00;31;25;04
Christina
When you fall down, when we fall down, we get back up. And we hope that that is something that this book just it it has the science behind it, the research behind it that you can you can do that. And so, Megan, this was Jenkins pick. This is Megan's first pet. So I want her to announce it. And I haven't read it yet.

00;31;25;04 - 00;31;26;15
Christina
I haven't read it so well.

00;31;26;15 - 00;31;56;27
Meghan
That's a change. Yes, exactly. Usually you pick the book and it's one I haven't read. So next month, so in January of 2023, our book of the month is You Are A Badass by Jen S.R.O.. So I'm really excited. This was this is a book I read before Jason died. This is not a book about grief. It is a book about it just reminds you of who you are and what you're capable of.

00;31;56;27 - 00;32;13;06
Meghan
And I read it at a time in my life when I was really struggling with like just balancing a lot and everything. And I just I needed that reminder that I was capable of reaching my goals and my dreams and stuff. So I'm really excited.

00;32;13;22 - 00;32;14;27
Christina
I'm excited because it's.

00;32;15;04 - 00;32;15;12
Meghan
It's.

00;32;15;12 - 00;32;23;20
Christina
Been in my library and you have suggested that I just haven't done it. So this will be my kind of like blind reaction where people.

00;32;23;20 - 00;32;25;07
Meghan
Yeah, I really like you. Yeah.

00;32;25;07 - 00;32;26;02
Christina
So it's.

00;32;26;05 - 00;32;34;29
Meghan
Exciting. It is. It is a profanity laden like it is. I would I would call it a self-help self-development type. But it is not your standard fare.

00;32;34;29 - 00;32;40;14
Christina
I don't think. Okay. Okay. So if your ears are precious and you can't handle it.

00;32;40;16 - 00;32;47;05
Meghan
Yeah. If you're if you're if the curse words aren't for you, this book might not be for you. But I just want to give you a heads up ahead of time.

00;32;47;16 - 00;33;02;06
Christina
And this is a best selling book, I believe. So you should be able to find it in your local library, in your local libraries, audio, and if not check audible or your local bookstore, you should be able to find this book pretty easily.

00;33;02;06 - 00;33;12;07
Meghan
Yeah, she has. She has three or four books too, so it's not just a one off. Yeah. So, okay, so yeah, you are a badass. And also, that's the book we're going to read next month.

00;33;13;02 - 00;33;13;28
Meghan
There you go.

00;33;13;28 - 00;33;16;07
Christina
I like.

00;33;16;07 - 00;33;28;17
Meghan
Okay. Do you have anything else to add? Yeah. All right. Well, the time has come, so whether your cup is empty, half full or overflowing, raise it up. Here's to the craziness of life. After last.

00;33;28;26 - 00;33;31;11
Christina
Year.

00;33;31;11 - 00;33;48;10
Meghan
Thank you so much for being here with us. Please subscribe to our podcast if you found it helpful and you can also find us on social media on Instagram at Four Cup Club podcast, and if you search Full Club Club podcast on Facebook again, thanks friends and we'll see you next time.