47 - Setting Positive Intentions in Your Life

Christina and Meghan found a huge benefit from consciously setting intentions after their husbands died. Whether you're talking about a daily practice or you're going into a family event or a difficult workday, setting your intention for the event ahead of time can remind you of your control in the situation, and can set you up for a positive experience. Isn't that what we all want?

Full Book Cup Club Book of the Month:
Each month we choose a book to read together. Join us in reading our next Full Book Cup Club book of the month: "Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance" by Angela Duckworth

Links we talked about this episode:

Goals vs. Intentions 
https://www.holstee.com/blogs/mindful-matter/the-difference-between-a-goal-and-an-intention

Flameless Candle:
https://a.co/d/gAlMgdW

Boundary Phrases:
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRqrmRjN/

Transcript

00;00;00;00 - 00;00;21;01
Christina
I was sitting at the beach the other day and I saw porpoises which splash dolphins think dolphins were swimming down the beach. And I thought, I'm going to get out of the car and shoot some video and make this into an inspirational thing for our Instagram, for our social media. I'm going to put some who did it.

00;00;21;01 - 00;00;21;26
Meghan
For the gram.

00;00;21;26 - 00;00;37;20
Christina
Yeah. Like the sun was setting. It was just a picturesque moment and I was just going to shoot it for my car. And I thought, no, I'm going to get out of my car. Because I remembered a friend asking me, Hey, do you get out of the car? And so I was like, I'm going to get out of the car and get this shot.

00;00;38;09 - 00;01;00;02
Christina
And so I get out of the car. I'm just enjoying the moment. There's a little boy on the beach and his mom is showing him these porpoises going, you know, they're running along the shore. And all of a sudden I'm like, did somebody just throw I look down, I'm like, did somebody just throw coffee on me?

00;01;00;22 - 00;01;03;23
Meghan
And I looked and I realized a bird.

00;01;03;23 - 00;01;28;27
Christina
Had cracked on me in my brand new jacket. Oh, I have no words. I got in my car. I was like, seriously? Took my jacket off, got in my car. I'm sitting there like, seriously, did that just happen? Then I realize I don't even I didn't even get the video. It did not even I got a record and friends the worst part of all.

00;01;28;27 - 00;01;36;11
Christina
And and if you're a woman, you're going to understand this. I feel like women will understand this. I just wash my hair that day.

00;01;37;10 - 00;01;39;00
Meghan
Oh, no, no.

00;01;39;04 - 00;01;49;03
Christina
I still had a good 5 to 7 days from having to wash my hair again. I'm just like, Are you kidding me? You could have picked like day five, even day for to poop on me.

00;01;50;07 - 00;01;52;06
Meghan
Yeah. Hi, I'm Megan.

00;01;52;07 - 00;01;55;28
Christina
And I'm Christina. And this is a full cup club podcast.

00;01;56;13 - 00;02;05;22
Meghan
We're here to talk through the good, the bad and the ugly of loss. Whether that's losing a loved one, a job, a dream, or even your marbles.

00;02;06;14 - 00;02;25;05
Christina
So whether your cup has coffee, tea or vodka in it. Welcome to the Full Cup Club, friends. Welcome to today's episode. We are going to be talking about setting intentions. But before we begin, Megan, what is in your cup and what is filling your cup currently?

00;02;25;19 - 00;02;57;29
Meghan
So I have a new drink to try today. Ooh, I have never had it before and I feel like it's fitting for our podcast. Okay. The brand is Liquid Death. Oh, my God. It's. It's flavored sparkling water. I've seen this before, but I thought it was just water. They have flavors. Now, this one is called severed limb, and it's like really intense branding.

00;02;58;19 - 00;03;21;19
Meghan
You can is it has calories like it has a little bit of sweetness. I haven't tried it yet, but it's not like regular sparkling water that is typically no calories. So I'm trying it for the first time. I waited, I bought it and I was like, No, I'm gonna wait to try it on the podcast. Okay. It does not taste like it should have calories at all.

00;03;21;19 - 00;03;28;24
Meghan
Like it tastes like lime sparkling water. It tastes like lime juice mixed with sparkling water. Like, very slimy.

00;03;29;03 - 00;03;29;10
Meghan
Hmm.

00;03;29;28 - 00;03;30;11
Meghan
It's good.

00;03;30;20 - 00;03;33;13
Christina
So what is filling your cup? What else is filling your cup?

00;03;34;06 - 00;03;43;12
Meghan
What is filling my cup? Metaphorically, is the peppermint crunch. Junior Mints are out now because it's the holidays I really like.

00;03;43;13 - 00;03;44;15
Christina
There is crunch on them.

00;03;45;10 - 00;03;53;16
Meghan
So yeah, there's a there's not usually but around the holidays they have one that has a little crunchy on the outer stain.

00;03;53;16 - 00;03;54;01
Christina
Okay.

00;03;54;09 - 00;04;21;08
Meghan
Uh huh. And I really like those some. So I got a box just for me, not a stocking stuffer, not for somebody else. I was like, No, this is candy for me, right. Well, and I guess what's actually filling my cup is I forgot about it. And when I came in here to record the podcast, I saw it on my desk and I was like, Oh, yes, oh, that's so cool.

00;04;22;08 - 00;04;28;03
Meghan
So what are you drinking today? What's filling your cup physically in your cup and then metaphorically.

00;04;28;03 - 00;04;52;16
Christina
So I feel like I'm well caffeinated, so I didn't want to add to my caffeine intake I am having. Do you ever have like just some hot water with lemon, fresh squeezed lemon or something like that in it? I am having mine with a lime today. So funny we have a lime. Oh today. So it's, it's hot water with lime in it.

00;04;52;16 - 00;04;54;10
Christina
So that is, that's funny.

00;04;54;10 - 00;04;59;13
Meghan
We are having a very similar drink but I have never done it and like heated.

00;04;59;29 - 00;05;23;17
Christina
Oh, it's tasty. Yes, very tasty if you ever get a chance to do that, because I just didn't I wanted my hands to be warm, to hold a warm cup. It was 32 this morning here. And so I wanted something warm. Yes. And then what is metaphorically filling my cup this last week? I had I've never seen this in my year before.

00;05;23;26 - 00;05;47;04
Christina
I had a hooded oriole. So it's a yellow bird. I live in the Pacific Northwest and I have never seen I've lived in this home. We're coming up on 20, 23 years and I've never seen this bird in my yard. And it is a bright yellow bird with black wings. I posted it on social media and people started telling me that it was a sign of good luck.

00;05;47;04 - 00;06;08;28
Christina
So I looked it up and I love that it said that it it was a sign that the hard things that you have gone through are you're moving past them and good luck is coming. And then a few hours later, that is when the bird at the beach whooped on me, which is also if you are not familiar, that is also a sign of good luck.

00;06;08;28 - 00;06;15;23
Christina
Is a bird pooping on you. So twice in one day I had these good luck things.

00;06;15;23 - 00;06;17;06
Meghan
You better buy a lottery ticket.

00;06;17;06 - 00;06;50;09
Christina
I know two times in one day, so that's exciting. So yeah, that is what's going on. We, we are going to talk about intentions today and we thought going into the holidays is would be a good time to chat about this subject. Maybe it's something you're not familiar with, maybe you're more familiar with setting goals, but intentions are more about how we want to feel or that goals are more a future accomplishment that you're setting.

00;06;51;08 - 00;07;25;01
Christina
Intentions are in this moment, in this present moment, in this place that I'm about to walk into, what is the feeling that I want to have in this situation? So one is more outcome oriented and one is more present and internal intentions are more present, moment and internal. So when we walk into work, when we walk into our family's house for the holidays, when we get in the car with our kids in the morning, what is our intention for that moment and even what is the intention for our day?

00;07;25;01 - 00;07;51;25
Meghan
Intentions give you control over your day and over those situations where sometimes you don't have a lot of control, like at work or visiting your family for the holidays. There's a lot of wild cards and outliers there for a lot of people, so setting an intention ahead of time for how you want to feel in those scenarios gives you control.

00;07;53;14 - 00;08;17;19
Meghan
Yes, I just sorry. I just when I just said scenarios, I thought about this guy that I dated for like a second. And like before I dated Jason and he pronounced it scenarios and no shade to anybody who does that. But it just really irked me when he did it. And so that's why I paused there for a second.

00;08;18;02 - 00;08;23;01
Meghan
I, like lost my train of thought because I was like, Oh, where does she.

00;08;23;01 - 00;08;26;09
Meghan
Go?

00;08;26;09 - 00;08;35;26
Meghan
So but yeah, no, Shane, if anybody pronounced it like that, that's not my problem. I think I just didn't like that guy.

00;08;35;26 - 00;08;59;15
Christina
So why are these things important? As Megan said, we don't have a lot of control. Sometimes we don't feel like we have a lot of control in life and so having an intention when we walk into a situation helps us, gives us something to focus on when we walk into that space. It also helps us to focus on our attitude so out of our attitudes.

00;08;59;15 - 00;09;10;20
Christina
When we walk into families for the holiday, or maybe you're walking into a really hard situation where you're having a meeting and things are just in chaos and you're.

00;09;10;25 - 00;09;11;07
Meghan
You.

00;09;11;07 - 00;09;16;26
Christina
Really want to be able to focus on how you handle it because our attitudes are something we can control.

00;09;17;21 - 00;09;52;02
Meghan
Or something a situation where you're nervous, where you're going. In summary, it's a you set a meeting, maybe you have a big presentation or something going on with your boss at work, right? Or you're just nervous about something setting your intention that you're confident in your presentation or the work that you've been doing if if you're nervous about something going on at work, that's an example of a way you can kind of shift the perspective of a situation by setting an intention.

00;09;52;24 - 00;10;21;04
Christina
The other thing is boundaries. If we're walking into something hard and we want to hold boundaries in that situation is what we will allow into that space. And our attitude when we are setting the boundary is maybe that we do not allow people to speak unkindly to us, and maybe that's a boundary that we've set and we want to uphold that boundary.

00;10;21;04 - 00;10;49;18
Christina
But our intention is that we would greet that maybe with kindness when someone has been unkind, but we will hold that boundary and not allow people to be unkind. So we don't change that. We don't turn on that person and explode. We just treat it with kindness and respect and maybe turn and walk away. So that can be a way that you're setting an intention to hold a boundary.

00;10;50;16 - 00;11;16;14
Meghan
Yeah, because it goes back to setting intention as a way to preserve how you are feeling. So in the example that Christina just gave, you don't want people to speak unkind to you. So if you blow up at them then now you're feeling bad, you're feeling negative and angry. So in that moment, instead we just remove ourselves from that situation and if that's what's right for you.

00;11;17;17 - 00;11;42;22
Meghan
But yeah, as we approach different holidays or different family events, sometimes that's triggering for people going home or, you know, seeing their family, but thinking ahead to the boundaries that you're going to set before they become a problem, I think is important. So you know how you're going to react in a situation. You've you've figured it out ahead of time and you have your script.

00;11;43;05 - 00;11;52;01
Meghan
You have what you're going to say when something happens. I think that's really important to just think ahead to yes.

00;11;52;01 - 00;12;00;20
Christina
And then that does boundary. You can go online and look at boundary. Phrases are a really good thing to have in your pocket walking into those situations.

00;12;01;09 - 00;12;15;02
Meghan
Yeah, there's a there's a woman on TikTok that she's recently blown up. I wish I remembered her TikTok name, but I don't. But I think she's recently kind of gone viral for her boundary phrases. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

00;12;15;22 - 00;12;29;16
Christina
She has, I think, about 40 boundary phrases, and she tells you to just memorize a few for going into a situation and just to really learn. Those are, yeah, I don't allow this into my life. Different things like that.

00;12;29;16 - 00;12;36;19
Meghan
So so I have some examples of boundary phrases. Kristina say something mean to me. Go.

00;12;38;10 - 00;12;47;15
Christina
Did you seriously? Oh, I mean, I'm. I'm going for it. I cannot believe you voted that way.

00;12;47;28 - 00;12;49;13
Meghan
What an odd thing to say.

00;12;50;17 - 00;12;57;24
Christina
Yes. Yes. I can't believe you let your son eat that again.

00;12;57;24 - 00;13;00;06
Meghan
I'm not obligated to explain myself to you.

00;13;00;11 - 00;13;01;05
Christina
There we go.

00;13;01;13 - 00;13;02;09
Meghan
Boom.

00;13;02;15 - 00;13;37;01
Christina
Yes. Memorize some boundary phrases and you can be kind when you say it and respectful. Because when you walk away, if you're not, maybe I don't even know if I need to say kind. But if you're respectful and you can still walk away and feel true to yourself about how you handled that, I think that's a really important part of setting those boundaries and the holiday, because we're going to talk about some examples of what we want and that will kind of help you understand maybe what you want your attitude to be when you set the when you hold a boundary with someone.

00;13;37;20 - 00;14;07;03
Christina
So if you're like, no, I don't care what it looks like, that's totally understandable. But if you want your intentions to be that you walked out of that situation with peace in your heart and that you still love everybody, I love that my sister says that her intention is to have a I believe it's peace with her, be at peace with her family, and that is her intention when she walks into a situation.

00;14;07;11 - 00;14;22;22
Christina
And so I think that if somebody challenged your, you know, was disrespectful or challenged your way question your way of voting, then a good boundary phrase to have that if you say it with attitude, you're not going to be, you know, turning up.

00;14;22;27 - 00;14;24;27
Meghan
You're not going to be at peace. Right.

00;14;24;27 - 00;14;25;16
Christina
Exactly.

00;14;25;16 - 00;14;28;15
Meghan
And it goes back to how you want to feel.

00;14;28;15 - 00;14;29;00
Christina
Yes.

00;14;29;00 - 00;14;37;07
Meghan
So your actions dictate your feelings. Yeah. In this case, yes. What are some examples of intentions that you've set?

00;14;37;15 - 00;14;59;09
Christina
When I go into a situation, I a lot of times if I'm going into something, I want to have fun. My intention is to have fun. And yeah, really, in the last year, one of my big intentions, I won't even say in my last year in the last three years since Michael died, this is how I practice being present, because intentions are about you being present.

00;14;59;09 - 00;15;20;27
Christina
That's what's happening that day, not three months in advance, you know, in to the future. I a lot of times well set my intention and say I want to be present, to practice being present in the moment. And that is I am very future oriented. I live in the future. And so this practice of setting my intentions has really helped me.

00;15;20;27 - 00;15;41;12
Christina
Honan Being in the moment. So yeah, a lot of times it's to have fun and to be present, not to be thinking about Oh man, the next holiday is coming up and my kids won't be here for that next holiday and worrying about the future rather than being like very present in the moment, like, oh my goodness, we are building gingerbread houses and this is the first time we've done it.

00;15;41;12 - 00;15;47;25
Christina
And this is so much fun and I'm so happy to be here with them. So that would be what that looks like for me.

00;15;48;19 - 00;16;12;27
Meghan
Yeah, I think that that's the same for me is I want to have fun in this situation and that is that's more so. I mean, it's not that I didn't have fun before, but I think I've been better about focusing on intentions since Jason died because I wanted to live my life to the fullest, you know? So I want every situation to be fun, every job that I have, I want to be fun.

00;16;12;27 - 00;16;35;10
Meghan
I want to go to work every day and feel good about what I'm doing. You know? So every family event or whatever I want, I want to have fun. So that means I probably don't talk about how I voted or my, my thoughts on, you know, really hot button issues. Maybe we just maybe that's not a conversation for right now.

00;16;35;14 - 00;16;56;29
Meghan
You know, I also one of the ones that I said a lot is to make sure that my son has fun. So if I'm doing something for him, like going to a kid's birthday party, listen, if you are a parent, you know that going to other kid's birthday parties is like one of the worst parts of being a parent.

00;16;58;00 - 00;16;59;25
Meghan
It is. You know, Christina's nodding.

00;17;00;09 - 00;17;00;27
Christina
It's true.

00;17;02;09 - 00;17;30;14
Meghan
So but you know, he's going to have fun. So I want him to have fun in this experience, whether it's a birthday party or, you know, like some event or whatever. My intention is for him to have joy. So I will act a certain way, keep my mouth shut or or maybe it's the opposite. Maybe I'm talking to other people as an introvert and I'm just like, No, I'm going to be here and I'm, I'm chatting, I'm having fun.

00;17;30;14 - 00;17;34;15
Meghan
So he's having fun, you know? So that's one that I set sometimes too.

00;17;35;04 - 00;17;40;16
Christina
That's a good it's almost like you're checking yourself before you go and you just don't.

00;17;40;22 - 00;17;42;15
Meghan
Ruin it for him. Mm.

00;17;42;23 - 00;17;57;24
Christina
Yeah, it's a great point because your what, your energy is your kids can feel that. I mean, they've been with you since birth and so they know like, yeah, oh, my mom seems like she's feeling off with this and they latch on to that energy.

00;17;57;24 - 00;18;20;07
Meghan
Yes, it is scary sometimes when my son will come in and I'll be like, Mega focus on something or just I'll be grumpy. Like I'm a loud I sometimes I'm in a bad mood, I'm stressed out or whatever, and I'll come in and be like, Are you okay? And I'm like, Oh my God, how do you. Yeah, I guess I'm not hiding it very well.

00;18;20;07 - 00;18;40;18
Christina
Yeah. So that's a good a good way to do it if you are maybe struggling with some family members. I know I keep going back to family. This can be at work or anywhere in school, whatever that looks like for you. But if you're walking into a situation where maybe you and your mom or your uncle or something, there is a struggle going on in your family.

00;18;40;18 - 00;18;59;10
Christina
You don't want your kids to remember that they they walk away feeling. And that is not the intention and that is between you and somebody else is to really check your check yourself before you are in those situations so that you know your kids who wants to. None of us want to look back on our childhood and think of those things.

00;18;59;10 - 00;19;00;27
Meghan
So yeah, right.

00;19;00;27 - 00;19;05;01
Christina
Check, check your intention early before that.

00;19;05;07 - 00;19;31;14
Meghan
So we're recording this around the holidays and we talk about setting intentions to, you know, going to family events and holidays and stuff. I think that it's important to also consider what I was talking about for setting intentions with my son, going to birthday parties and stuff, doing the same thing around the holidays, too, because it's so magical for kids, you know?

00;19;31;16 - 00;20;02;02
Meghan
So I think it's more so than other family events like Mother's Day and, you know, any other time you would get together with your family, I think it is more important around the holidays to think about how interactions that are negative. You know, if you get in an argument at Christmas or fight with your parents or whatever it is, how that affects your kids, because it is a much more magical time of year than any other time.

00;20;03;06 - 00;20;09;06
Meghan
And we don't want to ruin that. Exactly. We all know what adulthood is like. You to have it in your childhood.

00;20;10;09 - 00;20;30;25
Christina
That is true. This is true. This is true. And I think it's also when we are intention, it's a lot like setting a goal for the year or for long term what we want to do. Yeah. And if things are not lining up with your goal, you and we'll talk about goals and a future, how to set a goal in a future podcast.

00;20;31;26 - 00;20;56;13
Christina
But for right now, just to understand that whatever doesn't line up with that goal or whatever doesn't line up with your intention, those things you want to eliminate out of your life. So if you start recognizing that every time I walk into this situation and I cannot seems to stay on it because the people around me, the situation around me does not lend itself.

00;20;56;13 - 00;21;23;29
Christina
Maybe there is somebody in your life that maybe your intention for the day is to have a positive attitude and they are so negative that you cannot stay that course. Then maybe that's time to sit down and say, You know what, this is not allowing me to this person in my life. I need to maybe set a if I can't hold a boundary with them, I may need to not have that friendship anymore.

00;21;23;29 - 00;21;26;06
Christina
Whatever that looks like. And so missing.

00;21;26;06 - 00;21;47;27
Meghan
Yourself from the situation. Yes. And I think it's important to note that it's not your job to make them positive example of your setting, your intention of having a positive attitude and there being negative Nancy's that's on them. It's not that's your responsibility or even right to force them to act a different way either.

00;21;47;27 - 00;22;12;10
Christina
Yeah. Yeah. You become much like the five people you hang around with. So if your intentions are to be a certain way and that is not there, they do not lend themselves to that. That may be something that you need to reevaluate. And I think this is a lot like a goal where that maybe one in our life we say, what do I want to look back when I'm 80 and and what are the things I want to accomplish and do?

00;22;12;10 - 00;22;49;24
Christina
Did those things line up with intentions is the same thing. If we don't set a goal, if we don't set an intention, we have nothing to measure. And what happens in life if you don't have something that you're aiming for, you will mindlessly wander off into who knows what. So that is a big part of setting. That intention is if you want to have this positive life, if you want to have joy and fun and all of these things in your life, you have to know what you're aiming for here with your intentions, or you may end up off in, you know, a cesspool of unhappiness over here that because you wandered off when you

00;22;49;24 - 00;22;51;02
Christina
didn't know where you were going.

00;22;52;03 - 00;22;56;08
Meghan
Yeah. So what are some examples of intentions?

00;22;56;24 - 00;23;06;23
Christina
We've talked about fun and we've talked about joy and we talked about being present. We've talked about being kind in hard situations.

00;23;07;14 - 00;23;13;25
Meghan
I think being kind to other people, but also to yourself.

00;23;13;25 - 00;23;37;16
Christina
Yes, yes, it can be both, because sometimes we're going through something hard we can. I don't I don't know. I, I definitely had a season in my life. A lot of a lot of years in my life was really hard on myself. And I've learned to be kind to myself and have compassion for myself. So I think that's a really good, really good point that I made.

00;23;38;01 - 00;23;44;17
Meghan
Yeah. I think also being patient patience as an intention, being positive.

00;23;46;05 - 00;24;07;21
Christina
What about letting go too of like if you're really struggling with something to set the intention of letting things go, maybe there's something that's really you're really struggling with and you just have to practice. Like who? Just let it go. Just imagine yourself dropping it. And, and it's a practice of I'm going to let that go. I'm not going to focus on that.

00;24;07;28 - 00;24;12;10
Meghan
Yes. So when do you set intentions?

00;24;12;10 - 00;24;34;18
Christina
I personally started doing this about a year ago. So after my goal pass, we've talked about this before. I got this really cool LED candle. I didn't want to burn my house down, so I got a candle that it looks like a real candle. People come into my house and they honestly believe this is a real candle and we've linked to in our bio before, if we remember, we'll do it this time.

00;24;34;22 - 00;24;35;00
Meghan
Mm.

00;24;35;09 - 00;24;54;05
Christina
But I turn this candle on every morning and I just kind of was like my ritual. And about a year ago I started setting my intention. What did I want my intention for the day to be? And that's when I set my intention. So I think that something that you have a habit around that you do first thing in the morning is a good way to do that.

00;24;54;05 - 00;25;02;20
Christina
So yeah, if it's brushing your teeth or or coffee, do you have a practice time when you set an intention for the day.

00;25;03;13 - 00;25;34;24
Meghan
I think it's important to be by yourself to. Mm. To do it alone which is harder in my life. But you know, on my way to work or just, you know, sitting in the car, I tend to mindlessly set intentions. It's not something I focus on. And unless I'm having a hard time with something and then I'll just sit for a second in my car and set an intention there.

00;25;35;04 - 00;25;52;12
Meghan
Or if you take your kids to school, you can do it with your kids to teach them how to do it. But when you're setting your own intentions, at least for me, it's helpful to be by myself so I can so I can think so my brain function without having to answer questions or feed anybody.

00;25;52;22 - 00;25;55;10
Meghan
Mm Yeah.

00;25;55;10 - 00;26;21;29
Christina
I remember very, it's a, just a core memory in my life of coming home after getting off work and I would get home a little bit after 6:00 and Michael would already be home with both of the kids. And I knew that I was about to walk into chaos. I knew that they were probably all watching TV and the house looked like a bomb went off and nobody everyday is going to want dinner.

00;26;22;11 - 00;26;54;05
Christina
And I'm pretty sure I had PMS at the time and I was like, prepare that when I walk in the door like things were going to be bad. And I just remember pausing before I walked in the door and in taking a deep breath and being aware that my attitude as a lot of times the mom, the parent in that situation, walking in that my attitude was going to, you know, I could either explode on them, which is not my, you know, normal operating procedure to her.

00;26;54;05 - 00;27;18;08
Christina
But I had PMS. She hey, like walk in and recognize like they'd all, you know, they'd been at school all day. They've been at work all day. Everybody was just as tired as I was. And my attitude going into that situation could, you know, I could make it worse or I could make it better. And so even pausing before you walk in the door to your family.

00;27;18;18 - 00;27;42;11
Meghan
Yeah. Thinking about where they're coming from. Yeah. Where they where they are too. Yes. And that doesn't mean you're less stressed out. It just means you you didn't take a minute higher. You don't add fuel to the fire, right? Yeah, right. That's a that was a great example. I'm just doing it in the moment when you're about to walk into something stressful and then, you know, because you're still stressed out from your day.

00;27;42;11 - 00;27;46;26
Meghan
So in situations like that, that's I've I've had that too. And probably a lot of them.

00;27;46;27 - 00;27;51;29
Christina
I mean, sometimes as a mom, you might have to go in the bathroom and like just be like, Excuse me.

00;27;52;16 - 00;28;08;26
Meghan
I got it. Yeah, that's what I'll say. I'll say to my son, I need however many minutes. I need 5 minutes of silence or I need 30 minutes of silence. And then we can do whatever you want. I just need to unwind, you know? And he's cool. He knows I'm not mad. And I just, like, need a minute.

00;28;08;26 - 00;28;29;14
Christina
So in that moment, even if it's a high stress situation or even if things have gone sideways, you can pause, take a deep breath, walk outside, walk into a different room, and just be with yourself for a couple of minutes and say, What are my intentions for the remainder of the time that I have when in this, you know, thing that I'm in, so.

00;28;29;25 - 00;28;32;04
Meghan
Right. All right. Do you have anything else to add?

00;28;33;06 - 00;29;01;17
Christina
One thing I would add going into the holidays is we've talked about boundaries. My counselor suggested a few years ago that if you are in a situation where maybe people push boundaries or maybe you, you know, people ask something of you and then they keep pushing, oh, they want more, they want more, they want more. He said that a good idea is to get it in writing.

00;29;01;17 - 00;29;16;28
Christina
So maybe you are going to a friend's house and you're going to have go to this party and you know that the friend is going to ask more and more of you. They're not going to give you any heads up, but you know that they're going to be like, Oh, can you do this? Can you do this? Can you do this?

00;29;17;13 - 00;29;48;20
Christina
And you may have walked in saying, okay, I only have from 3:00 to 6:00 to be here so I can stay from 3 to 6. And the party ends at five. I can help but getting it in writing, even if it's a text message, okay, what is the plan? And then when they deviate from that and they continue to push the boundaries, then, you know, and you can say I have plans at 6:00 and even then not you can still say your plan may have been to go home at 6:00 and you may have not had anything else.

00;29;49;00 - 00;30;07;02
Christina
But really just to like get it in writing will help you in those situations for setting boundaries and that really helped me in a few years ago. And so I just thought I would throw that out there to anybody going into the holidays. If that's something that you find where people add more and more and more, Oh, we're going to go do this.

00;30;07;02 - 00;30;21;29
Christina
Oh, we're going to go do that. And you're just like, I did not plan to do all of those things. Yeah, it's a good way. Get it in writing. And then you have, you know, you set your boundaries of I was only I was only able to be with you from 3:00 to 6:00.

00;30;22;14 - 00;30;34;21
Meghan
Yeah, that's a good idea. Okay, friends. Well, the time has come, so whether your cup is empty, half full or overflowing, raise it up. Here's to the craziness of life after loss.

00;30;37;02 - 00;30;54;02
Meghan
Thank you so much for being here with us. Please subscribe to our podcast if you found it helpful and you can also find us on social media, on Instagram, at Folk Club podcast, and if you search full club club podcast on Facebook. Again, thanks friends and we'll see you next time.