46 - 9 Tips for Self Care During the Holidays

The holidays can be stressful when you're not grieving, but add loss into it? Woof. In this episode, Christina and Meghan give you 9 tips for self care during the holidays (and honestly, these are useful tips even if you aren't grieving). 

Full Book Cup Club Book of the Month:
Each month we choose a book to read together. Join us in reading our next Full Book Cup Club book of the month: "Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance" by Angela Duckworth

Transcript

00;00;00;09 - 00;00;21;06
Meghan
I have an accent wall in my bedroom. That's been painted this cool geometric pattern. I say cool. I loved it. I love I think it's cool that this triangle design, it was bright colors, but it's time for a change. And so I was like, okay, let's, let's paint it where we've got all the furniture out of there and you know, now is a great time to do it.

00;00;21;06 - 00;00;43;06
Meghan
So I got this deep green color and I painted the wall today. And I'm going to do I'm going to do some more to it. It's not just going to be a painted wall. So I just put the paint the little, you know, the tray that the roller goes in. I just put that in my bathroom and close the door so that, you know, I can come back to it later.

00;00;44;13 - 00;01;15;06
Meghan
And it turns out that was a bad call because Billy went to the bathroom and his cat followed him and discovered the paint and then discovered that she didn't like having paint on her paws and just kind of like it looked like she kind of freaked out. I mean, I say it looks like because I wasn't there, all I can see is the smears on the floor and the and the cute little paw prints just all over the counter.

00;01;15;12 - 00;01;34;28
Meghan
And our furniture that's in there because we kind of pushed a lot of furniture into the bathroom, a few paw prints on the carpet. So it was funny because while I was painting, I had the bedroom door closed so that this didn't happen, you know, and then it still happened anyway. But you know what? It because we caught it quickly.

00;01;35;09 - 00;01;56;14
Meghan
Oh, was it wiped off easily from the countertop? Because there's like a coating, you know, it's not porous, but it's so it wiped off easily from the countertops, a little bit harder from the carpet. But because it was wet, we still got it out and it was just a little bit on our poor. You know, the hardest thing to get the paint out of was the cat.

00;01;56;14 - 00;02;19;15
Meghan
So we have two cats, we have Billy's cat, and then my cat garaged kitty of the two. Thank goodness this happened to Lulu, his cat, because somebody would have lost an eye or an arm if my cat had to get a bath. There's no way she would tolerate that. Hi, I'm Megan and I.

00;02;19;15 - 00;02;22;27
Christina
I'm Christina. And this is a full cup club podcast.

00;02;23;10 - 00;02;32;17
Meghan
We're here to talk through the good, the bad, and the ugly of loss. Whether that's losing a loved one, a job, a dream, or even your marbles.

00;02;33;10 - 00;02;55;04
Christina
So whether your cup has coffee, tea or vodka in it. Welcome to the Full Cup Club. Hey, friends. On today's episode, we are going to be chatting about self-care during the holidays or a.k.a. holiday self-care. Yeah, well, before we began, Meghan, what is in your cup? Physically and metaphorically? What is filling your cup?

00;02;55;04 - 00;03;22;05
Meghan
In my physical cup, I just have water. It's just. It's just a plain old cup of water. I just felt like I needed to hydrate. And then the thing that is filling my cup metaphorically is painting this wall, actually. So I was a little bit nervous because I really loved the mural that was under it. But I have plans for this project I want to do with the wall and I don't have the supplies for it yet, but I was actually out getting the supplies when I got a call like, Hey, how do you get green paint out of carpet?

00;03;22;05 - 00;03;40;23
Meghan
Thank goodness I came home. But but yeah, I have this idea of just like a cool accent, a feature wall that I want to do. And that is just I love a project, I love home DIY stuff, you know, you know this. So I'm just, I'm really excited to, to finish it up and that is just it is giving me life right now.

00;03;40;24 - 00;03;41;14
Meghan
What about you?

00;03;41;19 - 00;03;50;29
Christina
That's cool. I went back to an old favorite, only this is the second to the last. This company is out of business, but it's my sugar cookie tea.

00;03;51;07 - 00;03;52;08
Meghan
Room and it's.

00;03;52;08 - 00;04;12;27
Christina
My second to the last one. But they're out of business and it's tasty. But it is cold. But it's clear that is what's filling my cup. Is that as clear? Right now outside? It's very cold, but it's clear. And we in the Pacific Northwest, it's sunny. Yeah. Yes, please even had like a little rain today while the sun was shining.

00;04;13;00 - 00;04;16;08
Christina
And so I will take it. What do you call those I hear?

00;04;16;21 - 00;04;19;24
Meghan
What do you call that when it's raining while it's sunny?

00;04;21;13 - 00;04;23;16
Christina
I think there's a song, but I don't even know.

00;04;23;29 - 00;04;41;11
Meghan
I call it a song is their power. But I tell you anything. Yeah, I took a, like a dialect quiz once, and it was just like, Hey, what do you call these different things? And it could pinpoint where you where you're from, you know, and it goes pretty close on mine. Yeah.

00;04;41;28 - 00;05;07;01
Christina
Mine. I was shocked. It, it located where I lived or it said like where I was from, which is the San Joaquin Valley in California. It located there and at low or Reno, it was those two. And I was like, how in the world from saying crayon or crayon or like, how do you say the thing that you color with?

00;05;07;01 - 00;05;16;17
Christina
Or What's the the thing that's in the rose to say, you know, like Highland whatever. And I'm like, how do they know this stuff that trips me out?

00;05;16;28 - 00;05;18;02
Meghan
Yes, it's cool.

00;05;19;05 - 00;05;29;13
Christina
I've never heard a name for that. I just know the song. It's like, I want to know if you've ever seen the rain coming down on a sunny day. Oh, what? You don't know what I'm talking about.

00;05;29;18 - 00;05;35;26
Meghan
I know the song you're talking about. No, no, no, I do. Oh, okay. Yeah, I was just I was commenting. I'm like, oh, there's words for it.

00;05;35;26 - 00;05;37;04
Christina
There's several words out it.

00;05;37;13 - 00;05;44;15
Meghan
Yeah, there's, there were, there were choices, but I don't remember what they were because I call it a sunflower now.

00;05;44;19 - 00;05;52;17
Christina
Okay. I would have to look the choices out. But yes, we it was it's been pretty here. So I got that's nice. I got a lot of things done this morning.

00;05;52;27 - 00;06;08;21
Meghan
I like a crisp, sunny day when it's sunny but chilly. That's nice that the rough I grew up was for the birds. I don't want this gloomy weather or rain snow. Yeah. Just get out. No.

00;06;09;00 - 00;06;25;17
Christina
I didn't hook up with that. Yeah, I didn't grow up with snow. And here I grew up with clear and cold and then moving here, it's gray and raining. And so days like this are just in the middle of, you know, all the during this are they're bringing me life.

00;06;25;20 - 00;06;27;28
Meghan
So yeah, yeah. Love it.

00;06;28;00 - 00;06;50;20
Christina
So today we are going to be talking about holiday self-care. We are coming up on Christmas and New Year's and going into the New Year and this time of year can be a bit stressful going into that. And particularly if you have gone through something hard and you are getting back up from that, it can be very stressful because you've already got the weight of that other stuff.

00;06;50;20 - 00;06;56;04
Christina
So today we wanted to chat about just some things to be mindful of as we go through the season.

00;06;56;04 - 00;07;24;15
Meghan
Yeah, because the holidays can be stressful in general just without having gone through something difficult. The holidays, you know, as an adult, particularly if you have kids or even grandkids, there's just a lot more going on than usual. I mean, even if you don't have kids, there's holiday parties and just, you know, places you're expected to be and things you're expected to do more, you know, more so this time of year.

00;07;24;15 - 00;07;47;03
Meghan
So we just thought it might be a cool idea to talk about taking care of yourself during the holidays. So one of the things that probably the most important thing I think on this one maybe not that's not that's not fair to say. It's just thing number one on this list that we kind of came up together is to let go of stress.

00;07;47;13 - 00;08;15;18
Meghan
So whether that's just mental stress or financial stress or even time stress, you know, something I did a long time ago is let go of the the what I felt like was an obligation to send Christmas cards home. I haven't sent Christmas cards in years, and I don't feel bad about it. It's just it's just not something I have the bandwidth to do it.

00;08;16;08 - 00;08;48;18
Meghan
Nobody cares. Nobody's mad at me. But then also, you know, time stress is is real this time of year. An example I could think of was like I used to bake for everybody. I used to bake cute cookies or cake pops or banana bread or whatever for everybody and that kind of thing. That takes time, you know? And that's just time that I, I didn't want to use like I didn't want to give my time toward doing those things and that's okay.

00;08;48;26 - 00;09;14;23
Meghan
Like, that's totally fine. People don't care. And I didn't bake cookies this year, right? Nobody cares. Particularly like your kids and your family, they just want they just want you to show up. That's it. They just want you to be present. Yes. That's you know, it's not important to be stretched so thin doing all these things that don't bring you joy, particularly if you're dealing with something difficult.

00;09;14;23 - 00;09;41;28
Meghan
Right. Whether it's grief, whether you're grieving like the loss of a loved one or a pet, even, or you're dealing with difficult things at work, just whatever it is. And then the other stress I was I wanted to talk about letting go of was financial stress. The Bahamas can be expensive, right? You're expected to bring gifts everywhere. Right.

00;09;41;28 - 00;10;27;21
Meghan
Work, family, people you barely know, acquaintances. You know, it's like people you don't really know and you still have to wind up like trying to find some little something for them or all the teachers at school or whatever. Right. And I just want to say that nobody cares if you don't bring a gift. Right. It just I just want to release you from that burden of feeling obligated to send a gift to, like, your kids teachers there have been years that I didn't have the funds to do it, you know, and I did feel bad during those times.

00;10;27;21 - 00;10;50;08
Meghan
And I just I want to go back and tell myself, like, hey, it's okay. Like, they're not they're not in it because they get a $20 gift card at Christmas. Like, you know, they do this job because they love it. But, you know, so I just because I because I can't tell past me that I want to tell people listening that it's okay, you know?

00;10;50;23 - 00;11;04;23
Meghan
Yeah. If you can't afford a big Christmas this year, it's. It's better to just not buy the thing than to get into debt or get into, you know, because that's just going to create more stress. And so I grew up.

00;11;04;23 - 00;11;23;16
Christina
In a time where in my, you know, everybody would buy everyone a gift in the family when I was a kid. And then when my husband and I got married, it was well, actually before that. So my dad was like, Hey, let's cut back. Because people are just going into debt in the eighties like crazy, buying everybody gifts.

00;11;24;04 - 00;11;53;09
Christina
And then so that kind of slowed down. But even when Michael and I got married, Michael's family came from a very different background as far as Christmas went. And so it really kind of brought those things into balance that I do remember. Before Michael and I got married, I was a single mom, had a toddler, and it was Christmas time and I wanted to get her something and I didn't have a lot of money, but I found little tyke stuff.

00;11;53;22 - 00;12;12;14
Christina
Mm. A couple little tikes things on that were second hand and got them for her and I just like little kids are not going to know and I actually recently saw something that was like make it, you know, just like make it normal to buy second hand things, you know.

00;12;13;05 - 00;12;14;13
Meghan
For me, like that.

00;12;14;26 - 00;12;16;09
Christina
Exact creative.

00;12;16;09 - 00;12;20;22
Meghan
Person, a crafty person making something is so cool.

00;12;20;28 - 00;12;40;16
Christina
Yeah. So if you are a parent out there and you just need to hear that, you know, during the holidays, if you don't have a lot of resources and stuff like your kids aren't going to know and it's going to be okay. And that's not what the holidays are about. And so I think, as Megan said, just to like make sure your present, give somebody your presents as a present.

00;12;40;16 - 00;12;42;05
Christina
As a gift. You are.

00;12;42;06 - 00;12;42;27
Meghan
The gift.

00;12;43;03 - 00;12;44;07
Christina
Yeah, you are the gift.

00;12;44;14 - 00;13;10;05
Meghan
Yeah. So also kind of, you know, along the lines of not being stressed out, you know, trying to let go of some of that stress around the holidays. It's important to rest. And this is I'm I am so bad at it. It is absolutely just not something that I, I notice that I need to rest until like I'm past the point where it's useful.

00;13;10;05 - 00;13;23;02
Meghan
So, you know, I am learning to I am not just trying to like stand on a soapbox and be like, you need to do this. I do too. I am so bad at knowing when I need to rest. But it's I know it's important.

00;13;23;02 - 00;13;38;26
Christina
It is. I saw something the other day that was like, men don't require as much sleep as women, apparently, and women need eight or more hours a day. And so I'm like, Oh, okay. Then I usually do seven. But lately I've been like, okay, I'm going to I'm going to see if I can do eight.

00;13;39;10 - 00;13;41;23
Meghan
Why do I not require as much sleep?

00;13;41;23 - 00;13;43;26
Christina
Because we are the superior.

00;13;44;24 - 00;13;47;28
Meghan
The know. We will.

00;13;47;29 - 00;13;51;24
Christina
Hire more. We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders.

00;13;51;24 - 00;13;56;24
Meghan
And that's it's tiring. It's exhausting, honestly, being so great all the time.

00;13;56;24 - 00;14;13;08
Christina
Yeah, we can make humans. So, you know, there we go. Our our body requires more. But yes, the breast is so important and that can really mess with your mental health a lot if you are not. Yeah. Sleep and I know.

00;14;13;09 - 00;14;14;15
Meghan
Oh my God. There's this.

00;14;15;09 - 00;14;38;21
Christina
This thing that I've watched moms do this and dads could do this too. But I know a lot more moms that because they don't have time during the day, what they'll do, there's actually there's actually a name for this. But what they do is they'll stay up late to recapture like some alone time. And if you're doing that, just be aware, you know, that you're sleep.

00;14;38;21 - 00;14;46;27
Christina
Are you getting enough sleep? Are you watching your time? Because it's a real thing. So just be mindful of that.

00;14;47;06 - 00;15;09;29
Meghan
Yeah. And I mean, you know, sleep is certainly important. I remember it was one of the I realized that after Jason died that I because I was never operating at 100%, I had to do the things in my control to have the best days that I could after he died and getting enough sleep every day was one of those things that I could control.

00;15;09;29 - 00;15;34;27
Meghan
So that's something I really leaned into, was making sure I got enough sleep. But, you know, self-care during the holidays, it's not just about sleeping. When you're resting, you're also taking time for yourself, whatever your hobbies are, whether it's watching Netflix or playing your video game or doing a craft or whatever, that is what it looks like for you to unwind.

00;15;35;18 - 00;16;02;18
Meghan
Those things are still important, you know, because you can get so busy with our kids performances after school and wanting to take them to see all the Christmas things that are happening and, you know, feeling obligated to make make all the treats and do all the shopping and all that, that it's important to still remember that you've got to take that time to breathe and unwind so that you can be present.

00;16;02;18 - 00;16;09;23
Christina
And I just want to add, you know, it occurs to me I'm listening to you. We are, what, 13 years? Is that our age gap?

00;16;10;03 - 00;16;10;25
Meghan
Yeah, we know.

00;16;10;25 - 00;16;32;01
Christina
And I know something like 12, 12 years. So there's a 12 year age gap between Megan and I. If you are just joining us and I have adult children and so I'm in a different phase in life. I am a widow, I have adult children. And so my holidays look a little bit different. I have more time. But then it also lends itself to more time to think about past holidays.

00;16;32;11 - 00;16;56;22
Christina
And so if if that's something that you're doing and you know, to be gentle with yourself, like you may not be overwhelmed. You may be like, oh my goodness, like this is hard. So sure, give yourself grace in that and the same thing. You might have more time to rest and sleep and stuff, but also at the same time, you know, maybe you can help somebody out during the holidays, but don't get yourself overwhelmed.

00;16;56;22 - 00;17;15;23
Christina
So to say if you have a lot of time on your hands, sometimes that may feel like, oh, I need to go out and do more because I have this free time. No, you still need to take care of yourself. You still need to set boundaries around that for your mental health and for your self-care. The world is not going to fall apart.

00;17;15;25 - 00;17;33;20
Christina
If you know, for example, there was a volunteer position and you know, I just set some boundaries around it. Like I can only do the weekends, even though it could have been done every single day of the week, it was like, Nope, I'm just going to do the weekends. I'm only going to do, you know, X amount of hours per day.

00;17;33;20 - 00;17;46;08
Christina
So if that is you, please do not feel like if you are in that space in life that you need to do more. You are enough just doing whatever is within.

00;17;46;08 - 00;18;11;20
Meghan
Yeah, you know, I like that. Just because you have the time doesn't mean you have to spend it. Volunteering or whatever. You know, it's important to still rest. Yes. But, you know, if like kind of like you were saying because you are in a different life place than I am. And so, you know, there are people that are probably like, man, I wish I had kids, two younger kids to like go do all of the Christmas stuff with.

00;18;11;21 - 00;18;17;17
Meghan
So maybe there is an opportunity to volunteer some of your time there. But yeah, don't overextend yourself.

00;18;17;21 - 00;18;38;25
Christina
And this isn't really in our notes and I'm not sure where it would fit in, but I mean on on that same kind of line, because I am in this stage of life and because of where I am, I went to I, I decided to do the things that I would do if my kids were little. I went to a Christmas parade last night and I just went by myself.

00;18;38;25 - 00;18;59;05
Christina
I sat in the car by myself and I was like, my kids had a fun childhood because I was the person that was fun. And I can still do those things. I might still be fun. I went to a children's art show last night and I went to another art gallery. And so you can still do those things even though you're alone.

00;18;59;05 - 00;19;06;16
Christina
So don't don't feel like you need to sit at home and be sad or or whatever during the holidays. You can still get out and do those things by yourself.

00;19;06;19 - 00;19;35;19
Meghan
Yeah. Speaking of doing things by yourself, I also want you to know that you can decorate as much or as little as you want. You don't have to decorate at all. It's not a requirement. Nobody is out here the there's not a Christmas lights police actually if you live in and that kind of is but but you know I think it's also important to decorate for yourself, too.

00;19;35;19 - 00;20;05;19
Meghan
I remember the very first Christmas after Jason died, I was like, I want multicolored Christmas lights put up on my roof by somebody else. I want to you know, I wanted the ones, you know, how you they like go over each peak or whatever on the roof. And but there's no line of lights connecting in between all the different, you know, what I'm talking about where just it's a really nice out of your house with no random extra like like yes.

00;20;05;20 - 00;20;22;10
Meghan
That's what I wanted, you know. And so I was like, I've got to find somebody to do this for me. And I did. And I have had those lights put up every single year. That's because they make me happy. I like it. Something I let go of is using inflatables to decorate for Christmas. It is not. They don't spark joy.

00;20;22;11 - 00;20;42;23
Meghan
I don't like I don't I don't like having to untangle them when the wind blows or whatever, you know. And we had a bunch of Star Wars ones and I have not put them up since Jason died because I was like, he doesn't care. He's not here. Nobody's going to be mad at me for not doing this. Yeah, I am here.

00;20;43;07 - 00;20;48;06
Meghan
I am in this house. I'm going to decorate. How? What makes with what makes me happy.

00;20;48;06 - 00;21;14;20
Christina
Yeah. This year. Today we are recording on December 11th and I don't have my Christmas stuff up. I have a couple of inflatables in my front yard, but I haven't put my Christmas stuff out and I've just been giving myself permission that that's okay. And so maybe tonight I'm going to get my Christmas tree out and put a few things out.

00;21;14;20 - 00;21;34;21
Christina
But normally, you know, I would have had it done weeks ago and I don't know why that's happening. I was gone for a month, so I felt like I lost a month of time. I don't know. But, you know, I'm just I'm just rolling with it and it's going to be okay. And like you said, it's like the the Christmas police aren't coming around to get on to me, so.

00;21;34;21 - 00;21;59;18
Meghan
Right. Right. Well, we, you know, I, I stopped doing the big Christmas tree after Jason died and we started doing a little Christmas tree forest with a bunch of colorful trees this year. We're not even putting that up. And this is partly because we blew the cap that loves green paint, also loves to eat the little Tinsley stuff on fake Christmas trees and effort.

00;21;59;21 - 00;22;03;16
Christina
So that sounds expensive because that sounds like a trip to the vet.

00;22;03;21 - 00;22;20;07
Meghan
It's definitely a lot of vomit in the carpet, so it's lots of carpet cleaning. But so yeah, we decided, you know what, it's not worth putting these up. So we haven't hungry stockings. I did, I did put up a little bit of stuff on the mantel, but whatever. Yeah.

00;22;21;13 - 00;22;22;13
Christina
Just roll in with it.

00;22;22;18 - 00;22;27;22
Meghan
But you do have your little you have your little pig, your pigs there in the right or they just light up.

00;22;27;22 - 00;22;53;00
Christina
Inflatable pigs from tractor supply company. And I keep last year my daughter was visiting and she put Christmas lights up around my living room, the multicolor and my kitchen and friends I've loved them up all year. Color makes me happy and now we turn them on every night when the sun sets. And so it kind of does have a little Christmas vibe that it does all year long.

00;22;53;09 - 00;22;58;11
Christina
But I pulled my stuff out and I'm just like, It's okay. It's going to be okay.

00;22;58;11 - 00;23;00;10
Meghan
It's fine. It's totally fine.

00;23;00;11 - 00;23;03;29
Christina
Spoken like a true nine is fine. It's fine. Solely fine.

00;23;03;29 - 00;23;07;11
Meghan
Everything's fine.

00;23;07;11 - 00;23;42;03
Christina
I love that you have done well. I guess I shouldn't say that you have it written down, but practicing gratitude this time of year is a good thing. I know for me that when I feel really overwhelmed, when life is just, you know, I remember very specifically when Michael died having a bit of an anxiety attack as I was walking into a situation that a certain situation and practicing gratitude in that moment just was telling myself all the things that I was grateful for about him.

00;23;42;08 - 00;24;09;05
Christina
And so if you're walking into something and you walk into the season, gratitude is just this amazing thing that helps give you perspective and kind of can shift your brains, focus on what's happened yet that moment and I and I don't think that means to have like this false sense of positivity in a situation but really where we focus and we talked about this in the happiness advantage, it really makes a difference in our lives what we're focusing on.

00;24;09;09 - 00;24;31;05
Meghan
Yeah, for sure. Yeah. That's what I was going to say. It shifts your perspective so you can think about the great times that you've had and not necessarily what you're missing out on right now, you know? Yes. So think about what you're grateful for. Think about happy moments that you've had and and what you're grateful for about those moments.

00;24;32;01 - 00;25;05;03
Meghan
And I'll probably put a smile on your face. Another way to take care of yourself during the holidays is to avoid triggers. So like we have talked about some movies that maybe you shouldn't watch right after you've lost somebody, you know. But so avoiding movies or TV shows or going certain places that have a lot of difficult memories, but just avoiding those triggers that could dampen your mood, you know, could bring you down because you don't you don't need that.

00;25;05;04 - 00;25;07;27
Meghan
You don't need it right now. There's too much other stuff going on.

00;25;08;05 - 00;25;26;07
Christina
You're going to have enough triggers as it is. And and in those moments when you do, we've talked about this before. Allow yourself to feel it. Don't try to push it away. Allow yourself to feel it when those things happen. And then I would say, take a deep breath, you know, relax your shoulders and then continue on.

00;25;26;27 - 00;25;54;22
Meghan
Think about what you're grateful for, you know, practice that gratitude. And so that brings brings us to our next point is acknowledging your grief. You know, if you're sad about something, don't stuff it down, feel it, acknowledge it and consider maybe if this is your first Christmas without somebody setting a spot for them at the table or still hanging their Christmas stocking or, you know, just putting their pictures out.

00;25;54;27 - 00;26;10;04
Meghan
Right. So maybe it's several people if you have a little almost like an ofrenda, but like if you have, you know, multiple people, you've lost your grandparents or, you know, whoever, you just set their pictures out so that they're part of your celebration, too.

00;26;10;07 - 00;26;11;17
Christina
That's a really cool idea.

00;26;11;23 - 00;26;35;26
Meghan
Yeah. And then consider making new traditions if this is your first holiday without somebody that's I really leaned into that with my son because I wanted to make sure that Christmas was still going to be fun. So we started coming up with new traditions that we do. I mean, one of them is the Christmas tree forest. Instead of putting up one big one, we have a lot of little colorful ones.

00;26;36;04 - 00;26;58;11
Meghan
And then, of course, we have our Advent calendar, which is which I've talked about briefly before, but it's a claw machine that he gets to pick a little numbered ornament out of every every day from December 1st through the 24th. And then that is associated with a little gift or a family activity or something. So that has been a really fun tradition.

00;26;58;11 - 00;27;32;26
Meghan
But starting your new life with new traditions for me was really helpful. It actually helped me focus on gratitude. It helped me realize what I have to be thankful for. Even though Jason was gone and my whole life was flipped upside down when he died and Christmas was like, Wait, different between, you know, not having all the kids and then, you know, it, you know, it really shifted my perspective and it was helpful for me.

00;27;32;26 - 00;27;38;14
Meghan
Did you create any new traditions after Michael died? I mean, I know your kids are grown, but still.

00;27;38;21 - 00;28;15;29
Christina
I think for me, what looked like self-care at Christmas time was actually kind of like you making it my own. Michael, you know, it's just like, okay, I'm going to put up Christmas lights. I hadn't done that in quite a few years, that type of thing. So I think, yeah, it looks part of that self-care practice at Christmas time was figuring out This is my home and that's a hard thing if you're going through this that you won't understand of like all of those things change and you have to like begin that process because every day you live in your home and every day you're getting used to this.

00;28;15;29 - 00;28;39;17
Christina
But the holidays only roll around once a year. And so it's this is a whole new thing to process and that self-care is figuring out, you know, and for me, it was putting up Christmas lights and putting up inflatable pigs and making sure. Here's another thing that we don't always think of when we're in the holidays is a Christmas tree.

00;28;39;17 - 00;28;56;16
Christina
You know, if you have somebody that helps you with the Christmas tree. And then for me, it was I have a Christmas tree that is manageable for me to put up. And so that is part it was part of my self-care is this is something that I can do. And so that's what I look like for me.

00;28;56;19 - 00;29;28;04
Meghan
Yeah, well, that I kind of rolls into another point I was thinking about is knowing your limits. Mm. Which kind of touches on the lot of things we've said is, you know, we don't have to overextend ourselves for the holidays financially with our time buying gifts, always being everywhere, going to every party or whatever. We don't have to do that, you know, we can just not yeah, you know, so knowing your limits as far as like in your example, you just said putting up a Christmas tree that's manageable for you.

00;29;28;04 - 00;29;50;15
Meghan
A smaller Christmas tree, right? Yes. For me, it was hiring somebody to put up my Christmas lights, not doing that myself. That among other things, I, I let go of a lot of stuff around the holidays because I just I didn't have the time or the bandwidth to do it. And just doing that, just knowing that was knowing my limits, you know?

00;29;50;15 - 00;30;11;17
Meghan
Yeah. I have a final a final thought for or a final idea for self-care during the holidays. And what I want you to do is things you love to do. And what I don't want you to do are things that you don't want to do, do the things you love. I watch love, actually. Every single year around the holidays.

00;30;11;26 - 00;30;41;18
Meghan
It's a cute movie. I love doing it. It's like 2 hours of my time and I'm usually doing something else while I'm watching it. I'll be playing a video game on my switch or doing some kind of crafty thing, or just like scrolling on my phone even. But I just enjoy it, I like it. And then things that don't spark joy or stopped sparking joy was feeling obligated to bake around the holidays, baking cookies and and decorating treats and all that stuff.

00;30;41;18 - 00;31;04;11
Meghan
You know, it's something I in general like to do, but it's too much around the holidays. There's too much going on. So, you know, if it's if you want to bake for everybody in your life, maybe you give them Saint Patrick's Day cookies, right? Maybe it's just another time of year where everything else isn't happening. So what's something you love to do during the holidays?

00;31;04;11 - 00;31;07;09
Meghan
What is it? Do you have, like an annual thing? You always have a list.

00;31;07;09 - 00;31;33;04
Christina
Of annual things, yeah, that we do during the holidays. And it's funny over the years, I think cooking during the holidays is something that I've really scaled back on. I talked about this about Thanksgiving and same Costco and some as I as I'm listening to you, it reminds me that again, we're in different phases of life. And I don't know if it was just age that like with age I got to where it was like I let go of stuff.

00;31;34;17 - 00;31;55;25
Christina
Yeah. And you know, not doing as many things. Plus I don't have kids at home, all of those things. But yeah, there is, there is a lot of wisdom in letting go of things, of letting go of other people's expectations, of you, you know, making, you know, people putting pressure on you. Oh, you you do such a good job doing this.

00;31;55;25 - 00;31;58;26
Christina
And it's like, well, I have to set a boundary around.

00;31;58;26 - 00;32;00;24
Meghan
Well, you can learn. Yeah.

00;32;01;09 - 00;32;25;03
Christina
It's like, I'm not going to be able to do that this year. So thank you so much. However, that's not you know, I don't have, you know, the bandwidth to do that this particular year. So yeah, yeah. Give yourself permission, take care of yourself. It is so vitally important, especially if you have, you know, younger people who are dependent upon you during the season is to be able to let go of those things.

00;32;25;03 - 00;32;40;29
Christina
But yes, I have a laundry list of things that I love to do during the holidays and watching Christmas movies, putting out all my stuff, my mugs, all of that stuff. And so I've made some new traditions since my uncle passed. Like all of my holiday mugs.

00;32;41;17 - 00;33;13;05
Meghan
I like to do the claw machine. It's the calendar that's really fun for us. It's a little bit of work, you know, upfront for me because I have to come up with all of the ideas and everything, but I enjoy it. So I think that that was a really fun new tradition for us. And yeah, you're right. I mean, even if you are older than me, but even in my aging and just like life experiences, I have come to that realization where it's like, no, letting go is actually great.

00;33;13;17 - 00;33;39;11
Christina
And, and I guess I should have brought it back around to it's almost like because as you lost Jason, you got that life lesson really fast where you probably like accelerate. Yeah. You, you would have had several more years of baking cookies and holiday school, all of that for like five kids. So that's yeah, I didn't bring that full circle but yes, you, you know, got that life lesson whether you liked it or not.

00;33;39;15 - 00;33;40;01
Christina
Yeah.

00;33;40;15 - 00;34;02;28
Meghan
Love it. Love that for me. I love that journey. No, it is great though, because now I have lots more years going forward of not feeling obligated to do all of this stuff, you know? So it's fantastic actually. And I want that for everyone else is to just not feel obligated to be everywhere, to do everything. You don't have to be that.

00;34;02;28 - 00;34;22;05
Christina
Person and you don't have to lose somebody to Yeah. To gain that. And I hope that that you can hear that from us is, is if we can, you know, that's one of those things in life where they say like on people's deathbed, these are the things that they say if you're a widow or if you've lost somebody, these are the things we want you to hear is take care of yourself.

00;34;22;08 - 00;34;37;19
Christina
None of that stuff is going to matter. I don't remember who made me cookies ten years ago when my kids were, you know, right here. I don't remember all of that stuff, but I do remember putting them in the car and driving them around and seeing Christmas lights, those types of things.

00;34;37;19 - 00;34;37;28
Meghan
Yeah.

00;34;37;28 - 00;34;39;04
Christina
So focus the.

00;34;39;04 - 00;34;40;23
Meghan
Times you spent together. Yeah.

00;34;40;23 - 00;35;05;24
Christina
Focus on your kids and do simple things that do not use a lot of bandwidth during this holiday. And yeah, you know, pick just a couple and if you are struggling during the holidays with self-care, you know, know you are not alone in that. And we just, you know, want to send, you know, a big hug out to you during the season and give you permission.

00;35;06;08 - 00;35;25;17
Christina
Brené Brown talks about writing yourself a permission slip. And as you go out during these holidays, if you need to take a little tiny piece of paper before you leave home and write yourself a permission slip, you know, write yourself a permission slip to say no, to tell people no, I'm not going to be able to do that.

00;35;25;17 - 00;35;44;17
Christina
You know, thank you for asking and I'm not going to be able to do that. Give yourself permission to not go to a party if you're feeling overwhelmed, I'm not going to be able to make it. Thank you for inviting me. Whatever your permission slip needs to look like, write yourself a permission slip. Stick it in your pocket and take care of yourself.

00;35;44;23 - 00;36;11;10
Meghan
I agree because it's important to focus on your family and the things that you actually want to do. So that's it's not a we're not saying don't do anything during the holidays because sometimes you you need a little push to get up and and go out and, do something that you enjoy, even if even if it's something you enjoy, particularly after you have lost somebody because you don't want to leave the house, you want to just cook.

00;36;11;10 - 00;36;25;27
Meghan
Yes. Right. So I think it's important to just find those things that you love doing, what however many it is. Maybe it's just one thing and do that, but let go of everything else. So do you have anything else to add to this episode?

00;36;26;16 - 00;36;42;26
Christina
Just a reminder, if you are looking if somebody is like, hey, I, I want to get you something for Christmas and you can't think of something. Order. Great. Which is our next book for folks. Oh, my goodness. How do you say it for book?

00;36;43;20 - 00;36;44;28
Meghan
The full book club club.

00;36;44;28 - 00;36;47;05
Christina
Book Cup club. I to. It's a mouthful.

00;36;47;05 - 00;36;49;12
Meghan
I think we messed it up. We must.

00;36;49;14 - 00;36;50;11
Christina
Yes. And we just kept.

00;36;50;11 - 00;36;52;20
Meghan
Stumbled them, we just kept it just like.

00;36;52;20 - 00;37;10;01
Christina
Yeah. So, so our book is Grit by Angela Duckworth that we're doing for the month of December. So if you want to read along, we've also done some on past episodes which were great last month was a huge hit with listeners was happiness advantage and.

00;37;10;10 - 00;37;11;03
Meghan
So you can.

00;37;11;03 - 00;37;33;04
Christina
Get these books on Audible. Another place that I just want to shout out is your local library. Utilize your local library, and if you really like an audible audiobook, a lot of times there are apps out there. I know I use Libby and Libby. I just put my library card into Libby, which is an app and you can check out audiobooks on there.

00;37;33;04 - 00;37;46;23
Christina
So you don't have to go buy this. You can go and to your local library and it will definitely be at your local library. It is a very popular book and we look forward to sharing that with you later on this month.

00;37;46;24 - 00;38;16;07
Meghan
Yeah. Okay, friends. Well, the time has come, so your cup is empty, half full or overflowing. Raise it up. Here's to the craziness of life after lost cheers. Thank you so much for being here with us. Please subscribe to our podcast if you found it helpful and you can also find us on social media on Instagram at Four Cup Club podcast, and if you search Full Club Club podcast on Facebook again, thanks friends and we'll see you next time.