44 - FBCC: The Happiness Advantage

In this month's episode for the Full Book Cup Club, we read"The Happiness Advantage: How a Positive Brain Fuels Success in Work and Life" by Shawn Achor. Listen to Christina and Meghan discuss the book and all the reasons you need it in your life. Run, don't walk, to buy this book!

Full Book Cup Club Book of the Month:
Each month we choose a book to read together. Join us in reading our next Full Book Cup Club book of the month: "Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance" by Angela Duckworth

Transcript

00;00;00;03 - 00;00;26;06
Christina
We've mentioned before people buying plants for us when our loved ones die. And I received a couple of different plants, but my mother in law received a cycle I'm in, it's a flower. And her house, she just doesn't it's not conducive. She likes her home warm. And I think the plants tend to struggle. So she so sweet. She will pass the plant on to me.

00;00;26;17 - 00;00;27;09
Christina
So she loves.

00;00;27;09 - 00;00;27;15
Meghan
That.

00;00;27;18 - 00;00;51;03
Christina
Woman and I'm like, okay. And it's thriving where it's sitting. Well, three years later, I went on vacation for a month and I had moved it to a different room in my house. And when I came back, I thought it was a total goner. I mean, I like was so sad about this plant, but I really examined it close and I'm like, maybe, just maybe.

00;00;51;03 - 00;00;55;11
Christina
And so I watered it and I put it in the sun on my desk. And lo and behold, you.

00;00;55;11 - 00;00;59;29
Meghan
Gave it some words of encouragement. I didn't. How can do it, little plant?

00;00;59;29 - 00;01;06;26
Christina
I talk to her and my goodness, she is coming back. And I think like she's gone. She's coming back strong.

00;01;07;05 - 00;01;11;13
Christina
And better than ever. Yeah, and what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

00;01;11;19 - 00;01;12;17
Christina
Exactly.

00;01;14;05 - 00;01;16;11
Meghan
Hi, I'm Megan, and I am Christina.

00;01;16;20 - 00;01;19;02
Christina
And this is a full cup club podcast.

00;01;19;16 - 00;01;28;24
Meghan
We're here to talk through the good, the bad and the ugly of loss. Whether that's losing a loved one, a job, a dream, or even your marbles.

00;01;29;16 - 00;02;01;00
Christina
So whether your cup has coffee, tea or vodka in it. Welcome to the Full Cup Club. Hey, friends. On this episode of the podcast, we are doing another book review and it is a book that I has a lot of meaning to me and I'll share a little bit about that later. But it's called The Happiness Advantage by Sean Achor the before we get started as as always Megan what is physically filling your cup and what is physically in your cup and then what is metaphorically filling your cup right now.

00;02;01;06 - 00;02;23;16
Meghan
Mm. Okay. Okay. Today I have diet Dr. Pepper, Iraq air soda moment for me and we're recording this in the afternoon. This is absolutely going to keep me up at night. Caffeine in the afternoon. Choices are being made today. It's fine. And so, yeah, just a just a diet. Dr. Pepper it's a it's a do you like soda?

00;02;23;22 - 00;02;24;14
Meghan
Do you drink soda?

00;02;24;20 - 00;02;34;17
Christina
On an occasion? Because I used to have a really big soda addiction. And so, yeah, I, I wind myself off. But yes, a Pepsi is my heart desire. Yes.

00;02;35;17 - 00;03;00;14
Meghan
For me, it's occasional also. Yeah. So yeah. Diet Dr. Pepper and then what is metaphorically filling my cup is I am and so we're recording this at the end late November tis the season for Christmas shopping and everything so the holidays and all that and what is filling my cup right now is like I am just like almost on Christmas shopping.

00;03;01;16 - 00;03;02;12
Christina
My gosh.

00;03;03;00 - 00;03;22;26
Meghan
And I love it. I love being early and prepared and have having my ducks in a row. I am just like, yes, I am organized, I have lists, I have checkmarks, I use different emojis for like, you know, like I'll have the list of gifts and then like I'll use the Santa emoji or the little sock emoji or the woman emoji.

00;03;22;26 - 00;03;41;07
Meghan
So it's like whether it's me, a Santa or a stocking stuffer, right? And like a label, everything. My goodness. It is giving me life. I love it. That is so awesome. Oh, God, I love a list. I love a list. So what is filling your cup physically and metaphorically today?

00;03;41;07 - 00;03;59;18
Christina
Well, actually, I am sitting here with three cups to be honest. I have ice water, I have coffee, and I have in my brand new never before here in the studio I got my yeti is it is a coke koozie what is this called.

00;03;59;26 - 00;04;00;27
Meghan
I call it a can.

00;04;00;27 - 00;04;08;08
Christina
Cooler and cooler. And in my hand killer. It's it's bright. It's like canary yellow. Is that it's.

00;04;08;08 - 00;04;11;08
Meghan
Bright. It's coming through kind of mustard.

00;04;11;25 - 00;04;22;05
Christina
It kind of is, but it's got my very favorite that I have added to my refrigerator is the Lacroix key line. I am. It is my official favorite.

00;04;22;05 - 00;04;23;11
Meghan
So the one.

00;04;23;11 - 00;04;24;27
Christina
Yes. So I've got those.

00;04;24;27 - 00;04;28;17
Meghan
I don't care for that one. But that's okay. You can like.

00;04;28;17 - 00;04;30;02
Christina
Exactly. Exactly.

00;04;30;24 - 00;04;54;01
Christina
So what is filling my metaphorical cup is that I just got my greenhouse ready for winter. I yeah, you did. I mean, I just went out there and I thought, okay, to spend 20 minutes. Do you ever do that to yourself? Like, okay, just just. Yes, 20 minute. 3 hours later and like the last 20 minutes, I'm like, okay, I could I could come back.

00;04;54;01 - 00;05;15;08
Christina
I finish this tomorrow. And I was like, no, just do it. And I got it knocked out and it looks good. And I'm excited because in the winter here, it's dreary and I still need light, obviously, because I'm like a plant. But now I can go out there and sit in my greenhouse and it will be a little bit warmer than the outside and I can get light.

00;05;15;08 - 00;05;17;19
Christina
So I am doing the happy dance. It is done.

00;05;17;19 - 00;05;21;10
Meghan
It's great. Great job. I love that. I see you checked it off the list.

00;05;21;10 - 00;05;28;12
Christina
Yes, I did. So, friends, as we said on today's episode, we are reviewing another book and I love.

00;05;28;12 - 00;05;33;00
Meghan
It as well. Wait a minute. Okay. Today's episode of the full Book Club. Club?

00;05;33;02 - 00;05;54;20
Christina
Oh, yes, I forgot. Yeah, I forgot our fancy name for that cup club. Yes, yes, yes. I was having dinner the other night with some friends and there was a widow in the group and she said that she had listened to one of our episodes where we reviewed a book, and she was definitely getting the book. And so that was exciting to hear that.

00;05;54;20 - 00;05;58;07
Meghan
That's awesome. Yeah, it was the hot Young Widows Club book.

00;05;58;10 - 00;06;01;11
Christina
I believe it was. Yes. So, I mean, that wasn't.

00;06;01;11 - 00;06;18;09
Meghan
So, but it may have lost anybody. I just cannot recommend it enough. It's short and sweet and just full of so much wisdom. And it's like and it's not lame, like, you know, because sometimes books like that, they get a little too, like, lame. Yes.

00;06;18;09 - 00;06;51;14
Christina
And she's funny, you know what I mean? Come on. She is funny. Yes. So, Nora McInerney, if you are are if you're not aware and you haven't read that one, go back a few episodes for me and we'll link it in the bio for you to read. But honestly, with her book and some of these that we're recommending, I'm going to say something and this might sound weird, but a lot of these books I had read before Michael died and I shared why that was this because again, grief is not just that someone die.

00;06;51;14 - 00;07;16;05
Christina
Grief is losing, you know, friendships, it's losing the community. It's maybe you've lost your job and that social circle, you you transferred with a job and now you live on the other side of the country and you're grieving the loss of those relationships because there's distance involved. And so for me, I read a lot of books because I had changed in my community that I was involved with.

00;07;16;08 - 00;07;37;00
Christina
And so if you're listening to this and you're like, I haven't lost anybody, I still recommend you read these just as having these tools in your toolbox. I think that they're good for a lot of different things, and I think today the book that we're doing is 100%. This is not a book about grief and loss. It's called The Happiness Advantage and it's by Shawn.

00;07;37;18 - 00;07;41;02
Meghan
It's so good.

00;07;41;02 - 00;07;51;08
Christina
So it's how a positive brain fuels success in work and in life. So before we get started, I am going to introduce you to the author. He's here in the studio with us today.

00;07;51;17 - 00;07;52;04
Meghan
Just kidding.

00;07;53;03 - 00;07;54;07
Christina
We are not that cool.

00;07;55;03 - 00;07;56;17
Meghan
The authors are that cool.

00;07;56;18 - 00;07;57;05
Christina
We are.

00;07;57;05 - 00;07;57;22
Meghan
I think where.

00;07;57;22 - 00;08;20;03
Christina
That found us yet. Great great review and subscribe so we can be that cool. Sean Core is one of the world's leading experts on the connection between happiness, success and potential. His research on mindset made the cover of Harder Harvard Business Review and his TED Talk is one of the most popular of all times. With 16 million views.

00;08;20;14 - 00;08;53;09
Christina
He is well with over one third of the Fortune 100 companies, the Pentagon and the White House, and lectured in more than 50 countries. His happiness advantage training is one of the most successful successful corporate training programs in the world. And his research has been published in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Forbes and Fortune Without further ado, just as an overall review, before we get started, tell me, like, how many stars would you give this book going in seven?

00;08;53;09 - 00;08;55;12
Meghan
Ten? Like out of what? Out of five?

00;08;55;24 - 00;08;57;01
Christina
I love it. I love.

00;08;58;05 - 00;09;21;18
Meghan
It. This book is so good. This is a book that I think I personally need to revisit annually. I think I agree it needs to be. I listen to it on Audible, so I think it's something I need to listen to every year. Just as a refresher, I'm sure there will be little things that I pick up from it that I missed or forgot about, right?

00;09;21;18 - 00;09;24;25
Meghan
Is this one that would make a good refresher?

00;09;24;28 - 00;09;48;08
Christina
I agree. I wholeheartedly agree. So my history with this book and why this book is so special to me is because about six months before Michael died, he and I read this book, someone had suggested the TED talk that he did. Actually, it wasn't the TED talk. It was he was a guest on Oprah. And we listened to it and then we were like, Oh, my goodness, we need to read this book.

00;09;48;08 - 00;10;06;00
Christina
And we read this book. And it had come in a time in our life where, again, we were we had removed ourself from a community that we were involved in. And it was this big change and it was some hard things that we were going through. And so this book really helped us to shift our perspective on a lot of things.

00;10;06;00 - 00;10;30;00
Christina
And in that time, the next seven months of our life were the happy best. I felt like the happiest in our life. And so this book means a lot to me because it helped us learn to refocus on positive things, not to do more hard things, but to refocus. And at my funeral, I recommended this to 500 people.

00;10;30;00 - 00;10;37;07
Christina
And so, yeah, I literally anybody I know I recommend this book. So I recommended it to you a long time ago. Right?

00;10;37;07 - 00;10;38;22
Meghan
You gave it to me. You sent it.

00;10;38;22 - 00;10;41;06
Christina
Okay. Okay. I was thinking I did because.

00;10;41;06 - 00;11;05;07
Meghan
Oh, yeah, yeah. You did know you touched on something that I wanted to talk about, though, is this book is not about ignoring hard things. So it's like you hear the happiness advantage and you're like, oh, it's like all about like, oh, find the positives and reframe things so that everything's great. And, you know, that's a lot easier said than done a lot of the time.

00;11;05;15 - 00;11;32;19
Meghan
But the author comments on that and he talks about not living with Rose colored glasses, but living with rose tinted glasses. So those big problems and issues still come through. You know, you still see them and you can address them using these tools that you learn in the book about changing your perspective and reframing and showing gratitude. And now all of these things that he goes through.

00;11;33;05 - 00;11;45;06
Meghan
So I thought I thought that was good that he touched on that like that. What's it called? Toxic positivity. He kind of like went there a little bit. But but yeah, it is not it is not like that. It is a great book.

00;11;45;28 - 00;12;02;09
Christina
It's solid. The book breaks it down. He breaks it into three parts. This is a less than 200 page book. So it's very easy to get through. And I love I love, love, love that he backs it up with research and he breaks.

00;12;02;09 - 00;12;05;16
Meghan
Oh, my gosh. Yes, yes.

00;12;05;16 - 00;12;06;12
Christina
That makes our heart.

00;12;06;13 - 00;12;21;06
Meghan
Talk to hear. Oh, my gosh. I, I like to read about people's personal stories and anecdotes and stuff, but the books that have actual research and studies backing them up, I will read those over and over and over. Yes. You know.

00;12;21;24 - 00;12;41;27
Christina
Yes. And and it's not boring for those of you who are like, I don't want to read stuff like that. It is not boring. They're very interesting stories. And he is I think he does a really great job. The author of Painting Pictures as you're listening to this story and he breaks it down into three parts. Part one is part oh, the can't even talk.

00;12;43;10 - 00;12;55;21
Christina
We interrupt this podcast in two months. Is it two months or three months? I get my break. Smart people. I might actually be able to speak for the first time on this podcast.

00;12;56;18 - 00;12;57;19
Meghan
It's pretty exciting.

00;12;57;22 - 00;13;08;20
Christina
It is exciting. Okay. Back to back to our regularly scheduled program. So positive psychology again. Psychology at work. I can't even talk. Holy moley, psychology.

00;13;08;20 - 00;13;09;16
Meghan
I'm sick of it.

00;13;09;16 - 00;13;32;01
Christina
It's every day. Just take a deep breath with us, okay? Part two is the seven principles of the happiness advantage. He breaks those down. And then part three is the ripple effect. So what in the first part did you did you have like something in the first part that you were like, okay, that really stuck out to me?

00;13;32;29 - 00;13;54;16
Meghan
Well, okay. So I, like I said, I listen to it on Audible. So I have notes and bookmarks, bookmarks and the like. I don't know where they are in the book. You know, it doesn't say part one or whatever, but I did make lots of notes. Part one was what was refresh me on what it was called.

00;13;54;16 - 00;13;57;21
Christina
It was an introduction positive psychology at work.

00;13;58;12 - 00;14;16;11
Meghan
Oh, my gosh. Okay. So that's actually what this book is kind of build for is like a how to how to have how to do better at work, how to become more successful in your career at work. So that's like the vibe of the book. And I mean, I even think the tagline of the book is something like that.

00;14;16;18 - 00;14;43;21
Meghan
Yes, I want all of my coworkers to read it. I want every boss I've ever had past, present, future to read this book, every manager. If you manage employees, no matter where you work anywhere from, like hospitality, food service industry to like just corporate America to whatever, I think that this book will be useful, like every single person who manages other people.

00;14;44;07 - 00;15;17;26
Meghan
And then also, I think just employees, just if you are not a manager, it it gives you tools to think about how your job is. It's not just a job. It's like if you reframe it like I am changing lives. Yeah, in whatever way you're doing, I am making people's lives better by whatever it is, by cooking these fries to the perfect temperature, you know, or like managing the appointment times in the dentist office so people don't have to wait, you know what I mean?

00;15;17;28 - 00;15;44;20
Meghan
Yes. Thinking about it, like how you are impacting how you're making an impact on other people's lives. It makes your life better. Yes. Like it makes you your it makes you happier and then it makes your life better because you are happier. And then, I mean, there's even science. I don't know if it was in the first part or not, but he talked about how that is just as good for you as other ways you manage stressful things.

00;15;44;20 - 00;15;45;04
Meghan
Yes.

00;15;45;24 - 00;16;06;09
Christina
And it look like the big part for me in the beginning of this book is where he talks about and where where he watched students and this this whole thing about seeing how people and for some people going to school, they look at it as like, oh, I have to go to school rather than, oh, my goodness, this is a privilege.

00;16;06;09 - 00;16;40;19
Christina
And the way that people framed the hard things that they were doing made a huge impact on their well-being and that process and so sometimes I really like I'm more of that, like this is a privilege type thing and I've seen people are who, who frame it as this is something that I have to do and it does you can tell like the, the, the positive vibes versus I mean energy versus like the just soul sucking, you know, energy.

00;16;41;11 - 00;17;03;06
Christina
And yeah, I liked that. He explained that in the very beginning. And so that is something that I've I've taken away from this book is, is that point that he makes the very last line and really quick before I read this, I want to say, if you are somebody who listens, here's how I do audible. I love listening to Audible.

00;17;03;22 - 00;17;27;22
Christina
And because I don't have like my home is 1200 square feet, so I don't have a bunch of room for a ton of books and I love to read. So with Audible or a Kindle, I especially with Audible, if I really, really like a book and I revisit it, I think this is probably honestly the sixth time I've listened to this book in three years or three and a half years and I'm not I'm not kidding.

00;17;27;23 - 00;17;45;14
Christina
It really is that good to me is that I will physically you buy the book and if you go into the library on Audible, you can actually see the the corresponding chapter and I'll say at chapters. And then what I do is like as I listen, I will go back to that chapter and highlight. So that's how I do it.

00;17;45;14 - 00;17;53;10
Christina
I just thought I'd let you guys know for anybody listening that likes to do that type of thing, but it has to be a really good book for me to buy it. The physical copy.

00;17;53;11 - 00;18;02;12
Meghan
This is a book I would for sure buy the hard copy of, and I haven't because I use the audible version. But it would be nice to go back and, like, make notes. Mm hmm.

00;18;02;18 - 00;18;29;16
Christina
My favorites. I do that. So I like that. He says happiness is not the belief that we we don't need to change is a realization that we can. And one of the things he covers in the opening of this book is this idea and we've talked about it here before, is neuroplasticity that you do have were that for many years we were told that we had just this fixed thing that once you hit 20, your brain does not change, you're stuck that way.

00;18;29;25 - 00;19;01;04
Christina
And that belief is very limiting. For many, many years it was how we operated under that idea. And what they found is that's actually not true. Our our brains are malleable. And so when we we can learn new things and make new pathways in our brain. And so it's exciting to know that if you're in a place where you are struggling or you're unhappy or whatever hard space you find yourself, maybe you just lost a person or you've lost your job.

00;19;01;14 - 00;19;14;23
Christina
Your brain is malleable. You can train it to focus on positive rather than negative. And it doesn't mean, again, that you don't feel that, but that's exciting that we have the opportunity to for growth.

00;19;14;28 - 00;19;31;26
Meghan
Yeah, you can teach an old dog new tricks. Yes. So if you are stuck in a habit that's not great or you feel like, oh, this is just it, this is my life, this is what I have to deal with. It doesn't have to be that way. You can retrain your brain to focus on positives and happy stuff and all that.

00;19;31;26 - 00;20;00;09
Christina
Absolutely. So I'm part two. He goes over the seven principles and the first one he calls the happiness advantage. Part of what he says is under the science of happiness advantage. And I'm I'm cutting this down. It says, happiness is relative to the person experiencing it. It's subjective well-being. How we each feel about our own lives. And so I think when we look at other people, sometimes we think like, oh, that person's not happy or whatever.

00;20;00;09 - 00;20;22;21
Christina
And, and it's interesting to understand that that subjective and to find what it is that makes you happy. And we don't always pause to maybe we look outside of ourselves at what's on TV or what's, you know, on social media of like what makes me happy. And so that's something that I'm going through right now is reevaluating what actually makes me happy in my life.

00;20;22;22 - 00;20;23;09
Christina
And so.

00;20;23;09 - 00;20;42;03
Meghan
You know, and that's something that I think we all do or I mean it that's not fair to say, but it's what I did after I lost Jason and I think it's something that a lot of us do where it's like, okay, well, now it's just me by myself. What, what do I want from my life now that it's different from what I thought it was going to be?

00;20;42;03 - 00;20;43;17
Meghan
I went through that, too.

00;20;44;00 - 00;20;51;15
Christina
It's kind of this gift of our world getting shaken up and going like, Wow, a lot of that stuff doesn't matter. We've talked.

00;20;51;15 - 00;21;00;13
Meghan
About that. Yeah, I made a lot of notes in this section. In principle number two, I don't know what that principle is called because I can't see it.

00;21;00;13 - 00;21;02;23
Christina
And it's the fulcrum and the lover.

00;21;02;23 - 00;21;30;21
Meghan
Yeah. So he talked about changing your there's that quote from Archimedes about change that if you have a full criminal lever, change the world. I don't know I don't remember the quote, something like that. I thought it was so interesting. This section he talks about how weird our brains are, like, okay, let me give you an example. He talks about expectancy theory where our brain is trained to react based on what we expect to happen.

00;21;30;21 - 00;22;02;14
Meghan
So if we expect something is going to be bad or whatever, we're going to react that way. Right. He also talked about they did a study or maybe he didn't do is he talked about a study that was done where people were given placebo medication and real medication for a condition and the placebo medication was 55 to 65% as effective are the users that took it were were well just like the people who took a regular medicine because they expected it to work.

00;22;02;20 - 00;22;25;20
Meghan
They thought they were taking the medicine so they expected it to work. How crazy is that? And then there was another study he talked about where they they rubbed people's arms with poison ivy and their arms became itchy, but it turns out that it wasn't poison ivy that they rubbed their arms with. So they were expecting it to be itchy because it was poison ivy.

00;22;26;01 - 00;22;42;26
Meghan
But they were like, oh, like this was actually some other leaf, you know? And then they rubbed another group of people's arms with actual poison ivy, but they told him it was something else. And their arms didn't get itchy. And these were people with the allergic reaction to poison ivy.

00;22;43;06 - 00;22;48;09
Meghan
So like their arms didn't fit into even though it was poison ivy.

00;22;49;28 - 00;23;09;02
Christina
It's honestly, one of the reasons I don't read side effects on a medication is because you can trick yourself into believing that like, oh, I had the side effect. I mean, unless like something starts weird, starts happening, then I will go look at the side effects and maybe other people are like, why don't you do that? I mean.

00;23;09;14 - 00;23;11;07
Meghan
I like I understand. I get it.

00;23;12;03 - 00;23;38;28
Christina
I love how he talks about the different research on things like where they took a group of older gentlemen and they put them in it. This was like a research that one of his professors did that in 1979. They took a group of gentlemen who and they basically took them back to the age of 55. So they took them back several years and they had newspaper articles.

00;23;38;28 - 00;24;19;04
Christina
They often dress the way they used to dress when they were 55, the act, the way all of these different things. And because they put them in that situation, all of these different things, and like their mobility improved all of these different things. So again, it's that thing of like expectancy of and that. And so yeah, I think like if you, you know, if you expect positive things, if you expect like I think that I hope that if you are, you know, watching us, that we're a good representation of that when life, you know, comes at you and knocks you down that you can't get back up.

00;24;19;04 - 00;24;35;15
Christina
And I hope that that's something that you live expectant of, is that you can get back up in, you know, it's it's hard and it sucks and all of those things. But if you expect to that, I think that that's really what spoke to me in this Yeah. Section.

00;24;35;15 - 00;25;01;15
Meghan
I think that arguably one of the most important things that he talked about was that he said external experiences predict only 10% of your total happiness. That means that your circumstances, what's happening around you and to you is not where you're getting happiness. It's not about pursuing happiness. It's about creating happy. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. I love it.

00;25;02;07 - 00;25;03;27
Meghan
I love it so much. I'm just kidding.

00;25;05;00 - 00;25;05;19
Christina
It's great.

00;25;05;20 - 00;25;43;25
Meghan
This book is so good. And this so we are you know, this is with the past couple of books have been about loss write books about grieving. This one isn't and we've already talked about that. But this is a great book to read. I don't think it's good to read if you've lost somebody immediately, immediately after like hot young widows club, you know, as a, you know, six months out, kind of, but maybe 4 to 6 months when you kind of like out getting out of that really hard initial fog, if that's the kind of loss that we're talking about, if you've lost a person, but if you have lost a job or you know

00;25;43;26 - 00;25;48;13
Meghan
something like that, I think this is immediate. You can read this book immediately.

00;25;48;15 - 00;25;56;26
Christina
And if you're somebody who just you haven't experienced loss, this is this isn't a book about loss like she said. And put this in your tool bag.

00;25;57;02 - 00;26;06;24
Meghan
Read it every year we'll make a party of it week. I'll just I'll send everybody a Google calendar invite you know, every November we read this book. There you.

00;26;06;24 - 00;26;29;26
Christina
Go. Okay. So three is the Tetris effect. And in this part, he talks about the things that you focus on. He talks about an employee, two employees, and one says it's a nice day and it's sunny. And the other one said, I wish it weren't so hot. So both of these were factual statements. It's just what the person focused on.

00;26;30;16 - 00;27;06;19
Christina
And he says, constantly scanning the world for the negative comes with a great cost. It undercuts our creativity, raises our stress level, and lowers our motivation and ability to accomplish goals. And I don't know if you've ever been in a really, really stressful, overwhelming situation, but all of that stuff goes out the window in those times. And so what we focus on, just like before Michael died and we were going through that, it was just that thing of like when I would start to struggle, he would he would remind me about what I was focusing on.

00;27;07;01 - 00;27;31;07
Christina
And recently I'm going through some stuff and half in refocusing, catching myself. When I start to go down a negative pathway or go into something that I bring myself back around, okay, let's refocus. Let's focus on the positive things that we're grateful for. So what about you? What did you find interesting in that section?

00;27;31;12 - 00;27;52;09
Meghan
You know, that that same thing where he talked about the different ways to view a situation. So he also talked about people who are naturally optimistic and then people who have to work at it. And it's not that you can't become that way, but they're you know, they're just people who are naturally better at it. Right? Yeah. I am one of those people.

00;27;52;09 - 00;28;07;14
Meghan
I have always been optimistic and I always thought, oh, okay, well, now I, I have to come down. I'm too high. I have to come down and meet these people because like, I'm being ridiculous. But no, I don't think so. I think that's incorrect.

00;28;07;14 - 00;28;09;06
Christina
They just need to raise their vibration.

00;28;09;17 - 00;28;31;15
Meghan
Hello, right? Yes, you are you. But. But, yeah. So he talked about that and then that same interaction where it was like, oh, the weather is so beautiful today and yeah, oh, but I wasn't, I wish it wasn't so hot. And it's like, ooh, okay, well, let's, let's refocus, let's think about what we're grateful for, what's awesome, you know, because why are we focusing on the negatives?

00;28;31;22 - 00;28;37;16
Meghan
He also talks about I'm talking so fast, I think it's the caffeine. And also I really liked this book.

00;28;39;00 - 00;28;42;27
Christina
I'm here because I just listened to you into speed all the time.

00;28;42;27 - 00;29;21;03
Meghan
So, yeah, this is like normal for you. He also talked about how your brain can't process multiple, multiple things going on. And so there were studies that they did. And y'all are just going to have to read the book because I don't have the the verbatim information. But he talked about how if you were focused on like dieting, giving up some kind of like treat, right, your focus on that, then your brain is actively focused on doing that task and it is taking away focus from doing other tasks like solving problems, work, whatever.

00;29;21;03 - 00;29;35;04
Meghan
And the study that they were doing that showed all that proved that your brain resources are all coming from the same place. So if you are happier, well, if you're happier, then it makes everything better.

00;29;35;04 - 00;29;36;17
Christina
Yes, yes, yes.

00;29;36;17 - 00;29;47;07
Meghan
Like that was like the gist. Y'all are just going to have to read it because I know that didn't sound intelligent, but he he does. Yes. Just like listen to him. Say it. Yes.

00;29;48;20 - 00;30;12;02
Christina
And I forgot to explain. The Tetris effect is and if you played Tetris or Bejeweled, you will know what he's talking about is that when you're playing these games, what happens is when you close your eyes later, you're like seeing this game happen. Or maybe you're at the grocery store and you've played Tetris and you're like, Oh yeah, that cereal box would fit perfectly.

00;30;12;02 - 00;30;20;06
Christina
And so your brain just searching it. So it's what you've been focused on, your brain just automatically goes into that place.

00;30;20;06 - 00;30;26;04
Meghan
Yeah. And then it's like when you buy a car, you suddenly notice everybody. Yes. All the other cars that your car on the road.

00;30;26;04 - 00;30;27;03
Christina
Yeah. Exactly the.

00;30;27;03 - 00;30;46;23
Meghan
Same thing. Exactly. So what you're taking in the media you're taking in is what you see. It's kind of like what you take in, you put out, right? Like what your so this is why I don't listen to murder podcasts or like true crime stuff. I can't I don't like to watch scary movies. I want to be happy.

00;30;47;07 - 00;30;48;28
Meghan
I only watch comedies.

00;30;49;13 - 00;31;11;22
Christina
I get it, but I feel like I'm so naive. I have to be on the lookout for these people to get murdered. So I know what you email. I like one of the things he says in this. It says, your brain has a spam filter that is the section this is under. And he says, we see what we look for and we miss the rest.

00;31;12;00 - 00;31;37;26
Christina
And he talks about a study that they did. And many of you have probably seen it where that they tell you to watch the screen. You're watching a basketball be passed back and forth during a game and people watch it. And I think there's like 13 times in basketball. I don't even know why I remember that. I think the basketballs pass like 13 times and then later they ask the people watching it, Did you see anything unusual in this basketball game?

00;31;38;03 - 00;31;57;21
Christina
And what they don't realize is there is a mascot that walks through the basketball game and you don't notice it because what you are primed to look for is to count how many times that's been passed back and forth. So I really like that part of this book is encouraging you what you focus on and why that is so important.

00;31;57;23 - 00;32;04;00
Meghan
Yeah, y'all just. You just need to read this book. You need to get it. You need to read this book. I highly recommend.

00;32;04;07 - 00;32;09;12
Christina
Take a drink every time we say that and you might end up in the emergency of a drink.

00;32;09;28 - 00;32;14;26
Meghan
Of good water. And you'll be right. There we go. You're welcome. A water.

00;32;14;26 - 00;32;42;16
Christina
Drinking book. The next section is falling up and man, if he thought we didn't like it before, I'm going to read one section from this. It says, Success is about more than simple resilience. It's about using the downward momentum to propel ourselves in the opposite direction. It's about capitalizing on setbacks, adversity, adversity to become even happier or even more motivated and even more successful.

00;32;42;16 - 00;32;50;00
Christina
Goodness, those braces, it's not falling down. It's falling up. Okay, tell us how much you love this section.

00;32;50;01 - 00;33;15;16
Meghan
Oh, my gosh. Okay, so I made all I the only note I made was it's not falling down. It's falling up. I just love that phrase so much. And I feel like I can be, like, as excited and chipper about this as I actually feel. I don't usually let it all out because. Because I'm so naturally optimistic and just happy and perky, I bring it down.

00;33;15;16 - 00;33;20;03
Meghan
But like y'all, you got to read this book. It is. It's so good.

00;33;20;10 - 00;33;49;10
Christina
Yes. Okay. The next section is the zero circle. And just talking about what we focus on and how important that is. So it's just this whole thing where he talks about the idea of control and what we can control and what we can't control and focusing on like what we can't control. Yes. And part of this, I am going to read a group of nursing home residents to give them more control over simple tasks in their life and like putting them in charge of their own House plan.

00;33;49;11 - 00;34;17;10
Christina
Not only did their levels of happiness improve, but their mobility rate actively. Oh, my gosh. Okay, you guys, I'm having a hard time seeing not mobility. It's a morbidity rate actually dropped in half. Okay. It's hard to find a circle of control smaller than caring for a houseplant, and yet feeling mastery over even that tiny test actually expand.

00;34;17;16 - 00;34;37;21
Christina
You know, it extended their lives. And so it's amazing. The zero circle was this thing where that Zora was taught to fight in a circle. Correct. Am I remembering this right? And so it's just mastering that small circle that you're in. And I know that if you've lost somebody, you feel like the whole world is out of control.

00;34;37;22 - 00;34;59;12
Christina
I mean, it's just your life was just thrown into chaos. And if you can master something small, we've talked about making a list of what you did do that day, but mastering like I mean, for me it was getting up and making coffee and that one little thing maybe, it's that you made your bed for the day. Just something simple.

00;34;59;12 - 00;35;04;22
Meghan
Tiny little things. That's what I did. Little things. And then I just would add to it.

00;35;04;23 - 00;35;36;14
Christina
Yes. And then they talked about self awareness and how important that is, that when things get out of control, if there's something really hard happening, being self-aware to and writing stuff down and seeing what can I control and what can't I control and focusing on that. And I mean, I know that's what I just said, but that was the gist of the zero circle was was that in I don't like writing stuff down and I don't like journaling, but honestly it's helped.

00;35;37;01 - 00;35;46;20
Christina
I just I journaling is a bad word to me. But I do think it's important to be self aware of like, hey, this is something I'm struggling with and.

00;35;47;07 - 00;35;53;24
Meghan
It can be a phone note like, you know how you can do notes through a phone. It doesn't have to be sitting down with a journal.

00;35;53;26 - 00;36;03;19
Christina
Exactly. Post-its, whatever. You know, make notes like what can I control in this situation? Why can't you know, we can't always control all of the things in our life, right?

00;36;03;19 - 00;36;24;24
Meghan
Like you can't control, you know what Susan brings to Thanksgiving. But what you can control is your mood and your attitude during the family meal. Right. You can't control what politics or whatever they bring up, but you can control your own mood and your own voice.

00;36;24;24 - 00;36;36;05
Christina
Right. And what you're focused on. Yes. And the next one is the 22nd rule. So the 22nd rule was this idea of keeping things close to you. So say your.

00;36;36;06 - 00;36;36;19
Meghan
Yes.

00;36;36;25 - 00;37;00;16
Christina
Master a new skill or whatever that is. I think he is the example of playing the guitar. And if your guitar is put in its case and it's in a different room versus an I have adopted this rule in my life and my crochet sits right next to my chair. My ukulele is on the wall next to like my chair in the living room.

00;37;00;23 - 00;37;19;06
Christina
And if I want to accomplish a task, I, for example, I want to change out my chalk art that's on my board. I take the chalk and I sit on the board. And so even when I'm ready to do that, when I walk by all of that stuff is there. And I honestly don't remember how he brought this all full circle.

00;37;19;14 - 00;37;26;06
Christina
And maybe it's just what you're focusing on and keeping all of that stuff together. But do you remember like how he pulled that in to happiness?

00;37;26;14 - 00;37;37;17
Meghan
He talked about creating habits or how we fail at creating habits and how to make it easier to create those habits.

00;37;37;17 - 00;38;05;00
Christina
I think the last one of this is the most important to me is if when we are talking about losing a spouse and he talks about the social investment and how important it is to have your community around you. He talks about how important linebackers are in a football game and that we don't wear their jerseys, but really they are the support and then Joe Montana talked about that.

00;38;05;00 - 00;38;34;18
Christina
Everybody gives him the credit, but really it was the people who were, you know, there that we were that we're keeping him safe. And I wholeheartedly can say that the people in my life that have been supporting. Yeah. Like coming in and that has made all of the difference in this journey of the last few years of having people who genuinely care and check on you throughout the day and see how you're doing.

00;38;34;18 - 00;38;38;28
Christina
So I think that was one of the big things of this book.

00;38;38;29 - 00;39;01;13
Meghan
Yeah, I agree. Community is important. Support is important. I still think that just knowing that happiness is not something that is like you have to chase, it's something you create. That to me is absolutely the most important thing taken from this book. It's something you can create no matter what your circumstances.

00;39;01;13 - 00;39;24;18
Christina
And I think along those lines, I am really community is a really big thing. Yeah. And one of the things is that we want to hide our community, we want to run away. And he talks about that. And really the important thing is to run towards and even right now in my life, I'm in a really different place in life right now than a lot of people.

00;39;24;18 - 00;39;51;00
Christina
My kids are grown. I live in a community. My husband's died, all of these things, and I could turn inward and not, you know, choose to find community. And I think, like you're saying, creating that that you create happiness is making a list of, okay, what can I do to build community in my life? Even though I don't want to reach out, even though I want to just stay in my house and be happy?

00;39;51;09 - 00;40;28;01
Christina
Can I go find a new hobby? To do that involves people like I want to take up playing a sport in town. I want to take up, you know, being involved in some different community things. And so it's just that reality of like you're saying, you create this positive environment. And in we do want to turn internal. I think a lot of times and it's you you need fight that and I am the one of the most people that you know that believes in community and connection and I fight that.

00;40;28;01 - 00;40;39;14
Christina
So for those of you like Meghan who are introverts, I understand. I know what that feels like. And I would just encourage you to fight it because it's so important.

00;40;39;14 - 00;41;00;12
Meghan
I think building community is this big, scary word for introverts. It's a big, scary thing. All these people like. What do you mean? You know? But community is not like. It's not like that. It's your best friends, you know, it's like, yes, those three people you text all the time. Yes. You're community. It's not like it's.

00;41;00;12 - 00;41;01;08
Christina
Not 150.

00;41;01;08 - 00;41;06;02
Meghan
People, congregation, a church or whatever. It it's it's your next door neighbor.

00;41;06;02 - 00;41;06;12
Christina
Yes.

00;41;06;12 - 00;41;17;09
Meghan
It's not this big scary thing. We most of us already have a community. It's not something you have to necessarily build. It's something you have to maintain. Mm hmm.

00;41;17;22 - 00;41;27;09
Christina
We're not going to go over part three. We're just getting encourage you to read this book. Who would we recommend this book for this?

00;41;27;09 - 00;41;49;26
Meghan
I recommend like I said earlier, this book is so great. If you work with people, if you manage people for sure, if you are an employee like you and you work with people, you go to a job where there are people. I think that this book is awesome. I think it's great for everyone. Everyone can get valuable insight from this book.

00;41;50;08 - 00;42;06;26
Christina
I think it would make a great gift as well for someone who loves to read and it doesn't matter if they like research or not that's not what this the core of this book is, but it is for it would be a good gift for somebody who does appreciate appreciate research.

00;42;07;06 - 00;42;30;04
Meghan
Yeah. And growth and that type of. Yes. Book, you know, but like this is not necessarily a self-help book that you you know, that's like people like turn their nose up, you know what I mean? Like, I feel like that's a category of or a genre of reading that people are like, okay like, you know, you know what I mean?

00;42;30;04 - 00;42;34;25
Meghan
But I don't think that this necessarily fully fits into that.

00;42;34;28 - 00;42;49;16
Christina
Yeah, I think a lot of people would enjoy it. And here's another random thing. When people get in my car and we're going to go on a long trip together, I don't care who you are, this is the book that I'm going to play. Okay.

00;42;50;01 - 00;42;53;25
Meghan
So if you are, how many people have you forced to listen to this?

00;42;54;02 - 00;43;06;12
Christina
A few. A few people. Even if your kids are in the car. Like, how valuable would it be for your kids to learn this? So, yeah, I, I agree. Like everybody, everyone should read this book.

00;43;06;24 - 00;43;15;11
Meghan
So now that we've finished this month's book, what book are we going to read next month for the full book cup club?

00;43;15;28 - 00;43;49;26
Christina
Okay. For the full backup club next month, which is the month of December we chose gripped by Angela Duckworth. And it is another one that was in my toolbox going into a hard season that I highly recommend. I have listened to it twice and again. I think this is a powerful book that you will enjoy and it also will help you in your, you know, when life kicks you down to help you remember to get back up, which is what we always want people to do.

00;43;49;26 - 00;44;19;06
Meghan
Yep. Okay, friends, while the time has come. So whether your cup is empty, half full or overflowing, raise it up. Here's to the craziness of life after last cheers. Thank you so much for being here with us. Please subscribe to our podcast. If you found it helpful and you can also find us on social media, on Instagram, at Full Cop Club podcast, and if you search Full Club Club podcast on Facebook again, thanks friends and we'll see you next time.