Full Cup Club Podcast - Getting Back Up After Getting Knocked Down With Grief

33 - How to Memorialize a Person You Have Lost

September 13, 2022 Full Cup Club Episode 33
Full Cup Club Podcast - Getting Back Up After Getting Knocked Down With Grief
33 - How to Memorialize a Person You Have Lost
Show Notes Transcript

Christina and Meghan share ways they have memorialized the people they have lost, and some new ideas they have picked up along this adventure. Plus, Meghan learns something shocking about Christina!

Full Cup Book Club!
Each month we will choose a new book to read together as a community. Join us for the very first book of the month, The Hot Young Widows Club by Nora McInerny.

Links from this episode
Tiny Keepsake Urns: https://amzn.to/3S3xN9S
Simple Urn Pendant Necklace: https://amzn.to/3xn9Nqu
Rings of Loved Ones on Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/RingsOfLovedOnes
Custom illustrated artwork: https://nerkyart.com

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00;00;00;04 - 00;00;26;24
Meghan
Okay. So I have been cleaning my garage out, not really cleaning it out, just like organizing it, you know? And I moved all of my tools from one tool cabinet to this, like, much cooler, much nicer other tool cabinet that I have, you know, and hanging up this, this rack for all of my extra lumber, because I am a person who has extra lumber and got to have somewhere for it to go, you know what I mean?

00;00;26;25 - 00;00;46;05
Meghan
So anyway, says that it's really heavy. So you want to make sure you, you screw that rack into, like, a stud right in the wall. You don't want to just, like, go into the drywall and I cannot find my stud finder for the life of me like I just to handle all of my tools because I moved them, you know, couldn't find it, had to go buy a new one.

00;00;46;05 - 00;01;05;15
Meghan
So I went to the store and I, I really like walking into a hardware store. I like shopping in them. I like the way they smell. It is just like I just like it. I like going to Home Depot and Lowe's, you know what I mean? And as I was looking at the the stud finders, actually, I wasn't looking at the stuff.

00;01;05;24 - 00;01;21;05
Meghan
I was looking at screws, but I needed to, like, attach this to the wall. A man like that worked there, approached me and I was looking all the while. I was like, I think I think this will work. I know he was like, You need some help. And every single time, I don't think he was being mean. He was actually really helpful.

00;01;21;13 - 00;01;43;17
Meghan
But every single time a man asks me if I need help in a hardware store, I like bristle a little bit because I'm like, Why do you think I can't do it? You know? Like, I just immediately go to like, why? What you what what do you what are you looking at? Like, you know, for a guy. So anyway, I'm an asshole.

00;01;43;17 - 00;02;01;11
Meghan
And I was so nice like him. He really did help me. I actually want to buy different screws than the ones I was looking at. He, like, guided me in a better direction. So shout out to that guy. Thank you. I'm sorry if I came off as an asshole. I really tried not to like, but it's just. It's like an internal thing.

00;02;01;11 - 00;02;16;28
Meghan
It's not external. I didn't. It's like that outburst I had, it was like happening in my head, not. Not out loud, you know what I mean? So anyway, I got the screws, I bought a stud finder, and everything is peachy. And now I just have to hang the thing up.

00;02;18;08 - 00;02;19;13
Christina
And go to therapy.

00;02;20;01 - 00;02;20;26
Meghan
Maybe.

00;02;21;23 - 00;02;32;28
Meghan
Maybe I'm talking about everything's fine. It's all fine. So why do you think I can't do it myself? Christina Hi, I'm Megan, and I'm Christina.

00;02;33;07 - 00;02;35;19
Christina
And this is a full cup club podcast.

00;02;36;03 - 00;02;45;10
Meghan
We're here to talk through the good, the bad and the ugly of loss. Whether that's losing a loved one, a job, a dream, or even your marbles.

00;02;46;03 - 00;03;07;19
Christina
So whether your cup has coffee, tea or vodka in it. Welcome to the Full Cup Club Friends. On today's episode we are chatting about ways to memorialize or create memorials for a person that you have lost. And as always, before we get started, make it what is in your cup?

00;03;08;05 - 00;03;24;21
Meghan
I am drinking fizzy water again this week. As per usual. Summer is winding down here. It is still very hot out, but it's not like, you know, Satan's anus hot.

00;03;24;21 - 00;03;30;23
Meghan
I have never heard this other thing.

00;03;30;23 - 00;03;32;08
Christina
I just picked that up.

00;03;33;18 - 00;03;39;12
Meghan
I, I. Well, I'm either proud or ashamed to say it. It's not the first time in my life I have said that.

00;03;40;29 - 00;03;42;04
Meghan
Oh, my gosh.

00;03;43;02 - 00;03;48;15
Christina
When we create t shirts that needs to go on a T-shirt.

00;03;48;15 - 00;04;03;13
Meghan
So anyway, it's not like that hot. But I still have a lot of fizzy water. And anyway, so I have a it's my favorite brand. I like San Pellegrino. I've blood orange and black raspberry. It's pretty good. I like it. I recommend it. What are you drinking today?

00;04;03;22 - 00;04;04;28
Christina
I am drinking water.

00;04;05;02 - 00;04;09;06
Meghan
And burning pretty. And what? And what level of hot is it there?

00;04;09;13 - 00;04;37;22
Christina
Oh, my goodness. It's like 50 something outside. It's so stupid. I forgot to ask you. I'll ask you this one question. Are you because apparently September or maybe it's the last day of August is the start of pumpkin spice latte season. So are you a pumpkin spice latte person? Ah, or are you an apple cider?

00;04;37;22 - 00;04;38;26
Meghan
Like, which.

00;04;39;02 - 00;04;39;13
Christina
Do you.

00;04;39;13 - 00;04;40;28
Meghan
Prefer? Those are the choices.

00;04;41;05 - 00;04;41;15
Christina
Yes.

00;04;41;15 - 00;04;54;02
Meghan
And there be more. That's it. I'll tell you that my favorite thing about Fall is to have a caramel apple. I love caramel.

00;04;54;02 - 00;04;55;15
Christina
That's going to say I like.

00;04;55;18 - 00;05;12;26
Meghan
Mm absolutely my everything. So at Starbucks I don't, I don't care for their pumpkin spice latte. It's too sweet for me. I like it if it has half of the sirup. So I think the ground has four pumps of sirup if you order it with too. I like that. But it's not it's not a drink. I tend to order.

00;05;13;29 - 00;05;29;04
Meghan
They have one that's like some kind of like apple. Apple drink. It's coffee, though. It's not cider. Oh and I remember trying it last year and thinking it was pretty good, but now I'm reminded. Do you know what wassail is?

00;05;29;13 - 00;05;30;15
Christina
Yes.

00;05;30;20 - 00;05;46;20
Meghan
So tasting this is pretty good. Yes. So, yes, kind of an apple and Apple ish vibe. It's not. It's got alcohol in it. So. Well, not always. It doesn't have to. What are you. So you answer the same question.

00;05;46;21 - 00;06;04;13
Christina
Okay. So I would prefer definitely prefer the apple cider with like you're saying, caramel. So there is a place and if they're, if they are not all over the country yet, they're coming to a location near you called Dutch brothers here. And I know you have them in Texas now.

00;06;04;25 - 00;06;08;24
Meghan
When just opened pretty close to me. Yeah, long ago. That's right.

00;06;08;25 - 00;06;36;05
Christina
Yeah. It is a an organ based company and they do a slushie type thing. I don't know what you would call it, a smoothie and it's green apple. And then they drizzle. It's a cold drink, some smoothie, but they drizzle caramel around the edge of it and make it green apple. So that's kind of tasty. So if you're somewhere Oh yeah, and you got a kid, you just pretend you have a little kid, just be like, this is true.

00;06;36;05 - 00;06;38;10
Christina
My kids in the backseat that you can't see.

00;06;38;21 - 00;06;56;16
Meghan
Oh, I. Well, you know, speaking of, you know, adult drinks, have you ever had a caramel appletini? I know I'm a teeny bit with caramel, so go. Why are they all that way? Why? Who would ever get a plain appletini? When a caramel appletini is an option, it.

00;06;56;16 - 00;07;04;18
Christina
Makes sense because it's so pretty caramel. So pretty drizzled around the edge. So yeah.

00;07;04;18 - 00;07;25;10
Meghan
I am a caramel person. I like the caramel macchiato at Starbucks, so I get it iced most of the time. But sometimes, you know, it does get cold here. It's just when it is, you know, 110 degrees in August. It is. Yeah. To remember wanting like a hot beverage. Yeah. It's hard to remember what that's like.

00;07;26;13 - 00;07;57;14
Christina
But friends, on today's episode, as I said, we're going to talk about memorial ideas for someone you have lost. And we have a couple of different ways that we've listed that we can memorialize someone. We're going to start with around your home ways that you can do memorials around your home, outside and inside. So Megan, what is one way outside your home that you have memorialized?

00;07;57;14 - 00;08;23;21
Meghan
Jason Well, I'm not I'm confident I've talked about this before, but I don't remember. I planted Jason's ashes in a tree so the tree would grow up from his ashes. And he thought that was a cool idea. Like when he was alive. And so that's what I wound up doing. And I planted them in a pot so that I could take the tree with me when I, you know, if I were to move right that way, I didn't just leave him here, you know?

00;08;23;21 - 00;08;32;06
Meghan
Yes. Now, I will say that the tree died and I see you laughing.

00;08;33;00 - 00;08;35;22
Meghan
I'm trying not to laugh so people don't judge me, but.

00;08;35;27 - 00;09;02;10
Meghan
Know the tree definitely died and I think it might be related to maybe the ashes making the soil too acidic. And it's not. It was in a pot, so it wasn't in the ground where there's like more space than everything, you know? So I will say that if you do do a tree, maybe don't put all of the ashes in the soil, maybe just some of them, or maybe planting it in the ground is a smarter idea.

00;09;02;29 - 00;09;03;26
Christina
Now, I.

00;09;03;26 - 00;09;31;14
Meghan
Ordered from this place called a living urn, and they send you stuff to like neutralize the ashes. I'm. I don't know. I don't know what it was. And so I, I think that that was probably the problem with it, though. So anyway, that is just a an aside. I think it's a cool idea, really beautiful idea to have life growing from the ashes of your person.

00;09;31;14 - 00;09;48;10
Meghan
That's so cool. It kind of along the lines of like a memorial garden, right? But you know, in this case, it didn't work in the pot. And I have not bought a replacement tree yet. I do plan to because I still I still want to do it. But, you know. Yeah. So there's that.

00;09;48;15 - 00;10;12;20
Christina
That makes sense. I did for Maya, which a few episodes ago we talked about Pat Loss. I did a memorial garden and the front alongside the yard and then more recently I've been working on Michael put a little pond in our backyard and so I've been working on that to get that straightened up as a outside memorial for him.

00;10;12;20 - 00;10;35;01
Christina
But we also did a tree for Michael and my community when Michael passed, that was what I asked for was gift certificates, which I think that if you're listening to this and you've lost somebody and you're like, I, you know, my mom said to me, Christina, people are going to want to send you flowers. And if you don't give them direction, they're just you're going to get a bunch of flowers.

00;10;35;01 - 00;10;57;28
Christina
You're not, you know? And so I publicly said, okay, and reach. I reached out to our local nursery and said, Can I send people to buy gift certificates from you? And they said, Absolutely, we will keep track of it. Even so, Michael wanted to plant a mature tree on the property that we were going to be moving on to his family's property.

00;10;58;09 - 00;11;24;11
Christina
And so my community did that. They rallied and they gave me, I believe it was about 1400 dollars because a mature tree, a tall, mature tree is a very expensive. And so we were able to put the tree that he wanted, which was a white oak tree on the property. And so yeah, we did that as well. So very cool.

00;11;24;11 - 00;11;24;19
Christina
But you.

00;11;24;19 - 00;11;25;16
Meghan
Didn't plant his.

00;11;25;16 - 00;11;27;00
Christina
Ashes. I did not. I did.

00;11;27;00 - 00;11;29;01
Meghan
It is. It is, yeah. Just a memorial.

00;11;29;01 - 00;11;29;27
Christina
Tree. Yes.

00;11;29;27 - 00;11;33;13
Meghan
But we not like just a memorial or something. I meant by that.

00;11;33;13 - 00;11;52;29
Christina
But yeah, his family has a family cemetery so we put it right next to the family cemetery. But I do know what you're talking about. So for people who are not familiar, I think Megan brought up a really great thing to know is that there when you go to plant a tree, you have to mix the soil with some different things.

00;11;52;29 - 00;12;04;18
Christina
And so knowing that would be really important because yeah, it would be very like, what happened? What did I do wrong? And you didn't do anything wrong. You just didn't, you know, you just didn't know. So.

00;12;04;21 - 00;12;21;16
Meghan
Yeah, right. I think, I mean, I did mix the stuff, but I think my problem and you know, maybe somebody else had this problem too, but my problem was that it was in a pot. So it was mixed. Right. But maybe there wasn't enough soil to, like, ash ratio.

00;12;21;16 - 00;12;22;25
Christina
Yeah, that totally makes sense.

00;12;22;25 - 00;12;41;13
Meghan
You know what I mean? Yeah, because, you know, it wasn't planted in the ground. So anyway, bummer. But it's all right. I, you know, what I did is I, you know, the tree died, right? So I like scooped the soil off the top and I got his ashes out of there. So it's not like he's lost forever. Yeah, you know what I mean?

00;12;41;13 - 00;12;52;09
Meghan
Yeah. So that's cool. And instead, I actually put them in small urns to give to, you know, each of his kids and other family members.

00;12;52;09 - 00;12;54;29
Christina
Those are so cool. Definitely. Please link those.

00;12;55;05 - 00;12;56;04
Meghan
Little mini urns.

00;12;56;17 - 00;13;10;18
Christina
For us. So people can find those are really cool looking and I thought that was such a neat idea. A couple other really quick ways. Bird feeders are really nice way to remember someone outside and I.

00;13;10;18 - 00;13;13;03
Meghan
Shall attract a cardinal. Yeah.

00;13;13;24 - 00;13;22;08
Christina
When chimes are another one or even putting a bench outside is another nice way to just a place to sit and remember your person.

00;13;22;18 - 00;13;48;20
Meghan
So I can hear the joke Jason would make about that. Yeah. If I were to have a memorial bench for Jason. I love the idea. I think it's very cute. But Jason and we both have a definitely like a dirty and a dry sense of humor. And I'm confident if you have listened to more than one episode of this podcast, you have picked that up from me.

00;13;48;28 - 00;14;03;04
Meghan
But Jason was that way too. And so I can absolutely hear him make the joke and his, you know, Southern in his Texan accent about Yeah, I just have people sitting on my face all day like.

00;14;03;04 - 00;14;04;27
Meghan
Oh my gosh.

00;14;05;12 - 00;14;08;17
Meghan
That's what I hear that he would be very excited about that.

00;14;08;26 - 00;14;17;02
Christina
Is there any way that you guys have a little memorial or anything set up in your home for Jason?

00;14;17;19 - 00;14;37;03
Meghan
No, I don't really have like I mean, I have pictures and then I have the things that he made and but it's not like an all in one place. Okay. You know what I mean? It's just kind of like there's like a touch of Jason in each room, you know, whether it's a picture or, you know, something that he made.

00;14;37;03 - 00;14;51;12
Meghan
But it's not like taking over and it's not like a shrine or anything. I will say that every time I build something with all of the lumber that I talked about in the beginning of the episode, a lot of it's from him like he bought it or, you know, he had plans for it and then didn't end up using it.

00;14;51;12 - 00;14;53;00
Meghan
I always use a piece that he bought.

00;14;53;05 - 00;15;15;03
Christina
That's cooling a piece of something. Yeah, that's cool. I have a somebody called it a shrine. I don't think of it as a shrine. I guess I think of as as a tribute. And someone had purchased a memorial. It it's made out of wood. It's a flag and it has the scripture. Blessed are this has blessed are the peacemakers.

00;15;15;03 - 00;15;40;14
Christina
My husband was a peace officer. And so that sets with the flag from his funeral is in a case. And then there's a photo of him and his badge, as well as a candle that we've linked before, which is a nice thing that I turn on in the morning and I turn off at night as a memorial. So, I mean, I don't really think of it as a shrine.

00;15;40;14 - 00;15;51;23
Christina
Somebody has called it a shrine, and I'm like, I don't think of it that way, but just as a nice memorial. Yeah. So yeah, that is something how I have done that in the house. So it's a nice little.

00;15;51;23 - 00;15;53;06
Meghan
And you have pictures too.

00;15;53;06 - 00;15;57;01
Christina
Yes. Around the house we have pictures hanging up. So. Yeah.

00;15;57;14 - 00;16;16;22
Meghan
You know what is one thing I did, I just forgot about it until this moment right now. But after Jason died, so he died in June and for Christmas that year, I gave all the kids photo books like I you know how you can go online. Oh, yes. Or Shutterfly or whatever and make a book. I put pictures of them.

00;16;16;22 - 00;16;33;15
Meghan
And Jason are like all of us as a family, like they were in the picture. They got it like and I made photo books for all of them. And so each book was different and they all have this like memory of them with their dad, like all the pictures that I had of them.

00;16;33;17 - 00;16;42;08
Christina
That's cool, because they were they're younger. For people who are just listening for the first time. Yeah, they were all of the kids under 18 six.

00;16;42;17 - 00;16;44;12
Meghan
Yeah, yeah, they're all under 18.

00;16;44;12 - 00;16;51;07
Christina
Yeah. That's a cool idea. I love, I think the idea of the memorial tattoo and I think it's just because.

00;16;51;08 - 00;16;52;20
Meghan
Oh, I have, I have one of those.

00;16;52;20 - 00;16;56;29
Christina
Yeah, me too. And I just I love that. That is something that stays with you.

00;16;57;00 - 00;16;58;11
Meghan
You have a tattoo, too?

00;16;58;12 - 00;17;00;18
Christina
What are you for real?

00;17;00;18 - 00;17;02;08
Meghan
You do not have a tattoo.

00;17;02;09 - 00;17;05;11
Christina
Are you kidding me right now? You don't know that I have a memorial tattoo.

00;17;05;16 - 00;17;09;00
Meghan
Why don't I know that? What? When did you get that?

00;17;09;01 - 00;17;11;07
Christina
I got it a couple months after he died.

00;17;11;12 - 00;17;12;08
Meghan
Oh, we weren't friends.

00;17;12;08 - 00;17;14;16
Christina
Yeah, that's funny. Wow. Friends.

00;17;14;16 - 00;17;19;28
Meghan
You had never seen that? Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Mine's on my forearm, too.

00;17;19;28 - 00;17;21;25
Christina
Oh, it's on the same arm. Is that your left arm?

00;17;21;25 - 00;17;22;22
Meghan
It's my left arm.

00;17;22;22 - 00;17;44;08
Christina
Yep, it's on my left arm. I didn't know that. You didn't realize that? Yeah, I did research and I found a somebody who they would do very fine lines. If you are having a tattoo and you've never had one before, the lines and you're going to do handwriting or anything minus handwriting. So I went back through. If you don't know, this is kind of a cool story.

00;17;44;29 - 00;18;07;22
Christina
I went back through letters. Michael has written me letters since we were kids and I never realized that Michael spelled his name capital m i c h capital a l. There was always a capital A in his name. I don't know why I never rose all the paperwork, everything that life insurance type stuff from his work, anything like that.

00;18;07;22 - 00;18;27;17
Christina
It always had this. And then I look back and it was the same way when he was little. And so and then as an adult, when he would sign his name, he would write love Michael. And so my memorial tattoo says, Love Michael It is his handwriting that they put on my arm and did it and really fine handwriting.

00;18;27;17 - 00;18;28;13
Christina
So, yeah.

00;18;28;13 - 00;18;32;05
Meghan
I had no idea that you had a tattoo. Is that the only tattoo you have?

00;18;32;05 - 00;18;57;23
Christina
It is the only time it was my very, very first tattoo is the tattoo. So I think that memorial's. Yes, it was not terrible. Mine is on my forearm like my right, my left forearm right above my watch. And no, it wasn't rough. My daughter has a memorial tattoo as well, which is really cool because she Michael, raised her.

00;18;57;27 - 00;19;17;07
Christina
The word that is on her arm is actually in Michael's handwriting as well. She found a place that he had written the word chosen. And so she has. And the same spot that my memorial tattoo is on her arm, she has the same it's in the same spot right above her wrist, on her left hand. And her says chosen.

00;19;17;13 - 00;19;21;29
Christina
So I think that's so cool because you chose this had you.

00;19;21;29 - 00;19;50;15
Meghan
Were talking about you found a tattoo artist that does fine lines. I'll tell you that it's important that if you are going to do handwriting or even a word, anything that the artist doesn't do, the line's too thick because over time that ink like spreads and then the words kind of like mash together. Yes. That with a tattoo, I got in 2006 can't even read it, but it says faith.

00;19;50;15 - 00;19;56;25
Meghan
So anyway, I was just going to just reiterate that it's important to find a tattoo artist that specialize is is in that. Yes.

00;19;56;29 - 00;20;13;23
Christina
Because if you've never had one before and you just your you might be emotional and you're like, I just want to have this and some research before you go through that process. Do your research because yes, fine line tattooing, especially with handwriting. You don't want it to be muddy. A few years down the road.

00;20;13;25 - 00;20;17;13
Meghan
My tattoo is is the Millennium Falcon.

00;20;17;14 - 00;20;20;18
Christina
Follow us on Instagram and Facebook if you would like to see photo.

00;20;20;18 - 00;20;41;10
Meghan
There you go. Yeah, it is the outline of the Millennium Falcon and Black. Jason was a huge Star Wars nerd. Like, absolutely the biggest one you've ever met. Like he loved Star Wars. So I like Star Wars, too. I mean, I'm super into sci fi. I, I think I'm a little bit more like like I like sci fi as a whole, you know what I mean?

00;20;41;10 - 00;21;01;02
Meghan
I like all the sci fi shows like pretty equally. Jason was like hardcore Star Wars, you know? So I got the outline of the Millennium Falcon because our joke was always like we were Han and Leia, you know, like that was kind of like the running theme. And then inside it is like a watercolor style space because I am an artist.

00;21;01;15 - 00;21;08;14
Meghan
So like I kind of combined the two things like the watercolor and the art with the Star Wars. So yeah.

00;21;08;23 - 00;21;10;28
Christina
That's cool. Yeah, I like that.

00;21;10;28 - 00;21;14;14
Meghan
That's, I want to get more like I feel like I'm like ready for another tattoo.

00;21;14;22 - 00;21;50;05
Christina
Me too. I've been thinking about that lately. Like, what else would I get? I would probably do little stuff. I probably wouldn't do big but cool at all. Yeah, little stuff. Another way that you can kind of carry a person with you memorializing them is jewelry. You can do jewelry. There's lots of different ways to do that. We've also talked about jewelry as in and while link it, there is someone who she's a widow and she has a social media is called Adventures After You and she has an Etsy shop where she does bands.

00;21;50;05 - 00;21;56;16
Christina
And we've talked about this before where it's the wedding band and you can lock your wedding band into this really cool leather band.

00;21;56;16 - 00;21;56;23
Meghan
Yeah.

00;21;57;25 - 00;22;07;17
Christina
They're their wedding band. So I thought that was really cool. But there's also I think, have you purchased any of lockets or anything that hold ashes? Those are another.

00;22;07;26 - 00;22;27;23
Meghan
Yeah, I have not to wear. I bought them as options for the kids if they wanted them. But yeah, that's okay. That's an option. Like they have little, little necklaces that will hold ashes. And then also I was thinking I haven't done this yet, but I still have my wedding ring. I thought it might be cool to melt it down.

00;22;27;23 - 00;22;31;07
Meghan
And, you know, the one he bought me on Valentine's Day. Were you listening?

00;22;31;15 - 00;22;32;20
Christina
We we you talking to.

00;22;32;20 - 00;22;38;19
Meghan
Us about that? So I still have it. I was thinking melting that down and turning it into another piece of jewelry might be cool.

00;22;38;26 - 00;23;01;19
Christina
Okay. Yeah, that's cool. Some ways that you can memorialize someone in your community are things like some places have bricks where that you can put your loved one's name on it. Next thing that I know here locally we have a bench that's in the park. I know at Disneyland you can even there are bricks. I don't know if they're still available, but I've seen people do stuff like that.

00;23;01;19 - 00;23;11;22
Christina
There's just like a lot of ways just like look into a way in your community, signage at special events, stuff like that is a great way to remember your person or.

00;23;11;23 - 00;23;13;15
Meghan
Scholarship, you know?

00;23;13;17 - 00;23;15;10
Christina
Yes, I love that.

00;23;15;19 - 00;23;26;16
Meghan
It doesn't have to be to a university either. It could be a scholarship to whatever like sport, gymnastics or, you know, it's like, you know what I mean?

00;23;26;19 - 00;23;48;02
Christina
Yeah. Ah, you know, think of what it, what was it that was important to your person. Were they an artist? And maybe you want to give a scholarship for a student to go take some art classes. It doesn't have to be thousands of dollars and, you know, maybe it's going to a trade school, maybe. And also you can do walks.

00;23;48;19 - 00;24;15;03
Christina
You know, there's sometimes there are fun runs or walks. And I know for our family, my brother completed suicide in 1997 and my family did a walk out of darkness was something that they did were it to, you know, to do support for people who are struggling with suicide. So that is a way that you can.

00;24;15;08 - 00;24;16;19
Meghan
I've done that memorialize.

00;24;16;19 - 00;24;17;07
Christina
Your person.

00;24;17;16 - 00;24;21;06
Meghan
I think that's like a that's like a nationwide. It's like saying.

00;24;21;06 - 00;24;21;27
Christina
Yes, it.

00;24;21;27 - 00;24;22;25
Meghan
Is in November.

00;24;22;25 - 00;24;27;26
Christina
I think. Right? Yes. And so you can help raise funds for that by doing the walk.

00;24;27;26 - 00;24;34;01
Meghan
Yes, I know someone whose husband committed suicide. And so I did that walk with her that first year.

00;24;34;11 - 00;24;46;17
Christina
So yeah. So you don't have to reinvent the wheel for some people, they do like to create something in honor of their person. But you know what? If you're struggling, I just want to take a side.

00;24;46;24 - 00;24;52;16
Christina
And say you do not need to go out. And if you lost your spouse to heart disease.

00;24;52;20 - 00;25;00;19
Christina
You do not need to create something. It is doesn't have to be your lifelong legacy to write, bring awareness to heart disease.

00;25;00;19 - 00;25;31;12
Meghan
It might be a thing where people feel like, okay, well, they died and this is this makes their death have purpose, you know, and that's. Mm. That's not true. Their life had purpose and your relationship was important and you loved them. You had a beautiful life together. Whether or not you raise awareness for whatever charity after they died, you don't have to do that to give their lives meaning purpose.

00;25;31;19 - 00;25;48;28
Christina
Yes. And we want to let you, you know, just give you permission to know that it feels very big and overwhelming in the beginning. And maybe you bring awareness once a year by creating a social media post, but you are not obligated to take this on as a cause in your life. So we want to release you from that.

00;25;48;28 - 00;26;08;00
Christina
And maybe, you know, here's the other thing. Maybe you only do something like a walk out of darkness or some sort of way that you support that for a year, or to give yourself permission to only do that for a few years. You do not have to do it for the rest of your life. Right? So you want to you know, give you permission.

00;26;08;00 - 00;26;13;01
Christina
If you need permission, give yourself permission to do that for a season and then move on.

00;26;13;01 - 00;26;39;03
Meghan
Yeah, exactly. When you're talking about having some kind of party or celebration or big event in your life and that person's not there, what are some ways you can memorialize them for that? Like, I'm thinking weddings, I'm thinking graduation parties, big, big events like that where, you know, you want all of your family and friends there and there is a key person missing.

00;26;39;19 - 00;27;01;25
Meghan
You know, what are some ideas that I've seen? I've seen at weddings having a memorial table, you know, where there's pictures of everybody who has passed a lot of the time it's grandparents. You know, it could be other family members, parents, friends or whatever. And it's a whole table of pictures of these people that, you know, couldn't be with us in person, but they're there in spirit, is the idea.

00;27;01;25 - 00;27;06;22
Christina
Yeah, I love that. I mean, like that chair or whatever.

00;27;06;22 - 00;27;11;13
Meghan
Yeah. Just like that seat open, you know, and just. Yes. Have their picture that we.

00;27;11;16 - 00;27;13;02
Christina
I love that with that picture we.

00;27;13;02 - 00;27;34;20
Meghan
Took Jason's picture to graduation for his oldest son. He he graduated high school like a week after Jason died, which was really hard. And we just took a framed picture of him. And then we did graduation pictures where he was holding the framed picture of his dad, which was sweet and also hard, you know? Mm hmm.

00;27;34;24 - 00;27;41;20
Christina
Yeah. I thought that was a great idea that you guys did that. There's also you can do toast at a wedding. Doing a toast.

00;27;41;22 - 00;27;44;13
Meghan
You can print out for your homie, you know?

00;27;45;26 - 00;28;09;14
Christina
There you go. Doing a butterfly release. That's sweet. Like that. And one that I really love that I just love this so much. And it's something that you did for me when I. We lost Mia a few weeks ago. Is that you did a memorial picture? Yeah, you did a minimal. Is that called minimal.

00;28;09;14 - 00;28;14;26
Meghan
Yeah. For pets. I do minimalist artwork. Yeah. So as an illustration, love that.

00;28;15;10 - 00;28;39;25
Christina
Yes. So that is a really nice way to do that. I've seen where and we can link this as well where, you know, some of them will have the person in the picture and then maybe they have wings or or you know, what I love so much is to do a memorial that I've seen where it's like maybe there are grandchildren now, maybe it's the grandparents in the picture.

00;28;40;02 - 00;28;57;13
Christina
And these are illustrated. These are not real pictures. Yeah, but they've taken and put people into pictures. So maybe it's a wedding and the grandparents are on one side representing the people who have gone on. And then maybe there's the bride and the groom and the rest of the family on the other side. I love pictures like that.

00;28;58;05 - 00;29;05;22
Christina
And so if you have something like that, I think that those are just such cool ways to remember a person and have them in your home.

00;29;05;22 - 00;29;11;14
Meghan
Yeah, I agree. And not just because I draw them.

00;29;11;14 - 00;29;20;24
Christina
I'm going to just shamelessly plug Megan. It's going to be and I'm going to have her link it in the bio. But those are just really cool pictures that you do and I appreciated that so much that you sent that to me.

00;29;21;08 - 00;29;47;14
Meghan
So cool together. Yeah, you can also incorporate their favorites. Maybe it's a dessert, maybe it's a food that they like, you know? And then this is like Dad's special touch or a family recipe from grandma or, you know, little touches like that incorporate those and and that's meaningful and powerful and, you know, reminds everybody of this dessert that grandma always made, or your mom's favorite flower is in the bouquets.

00;29;47;14 - 00;29;53;05
Meghan
And maybe it's just, you know, a little something for you to remember. But that's a that's a thought for big events.

00;29;53;05 - 00;30;13;27
Christina
I love that. That's great. That's a cool idea as well. And then wearing jewelry, a piece of jewelry maybe or, you know, that's something borrowed, something blue, maybe it's, you know, grandparent's shoes or just like, you know, something special. But that's a way that you can remember your person, someone special that you were close to in your family.

00;30;13;27 - 00;30;20;06
Meghan
So, yeah, I do have any other ideas for how to memorialize people, for celebrations.

00;30;20;24 - 00;30;41;04
Christina
I think that I would just we've talked about this before for holidays. I would just say think of a way and I love this example that my counselor gave our family when we were coming up on our first holiday, which was Thanksgiving. Right after losing Michael, he asked as to what we were going to do and gave us some ideas.

00;30;41;04 - 00;31;15;01
Christina
And one was a family who had the dad always ate pumpkin pie for breakfast the day after Thanksgiving. And so as a memorial to the dad of a way to remember him on a holiday was to they all had pumpkin pie for breakfast the next morning so you know it's not just always the physical weighs very tangible you know in stone literally that we remember somebody it's also memorial, you know, actually activities or doing something or having experiences that we remember someone.

00;31;15;01 - 00;31;47;21
Meghan
So yeah, I love it. Okay, friends. Well, the time has come. So whether your cup is empty, half full or overflowing, raise it up. Here's to the craziness of life after loss cheer shares. Thank you so much for being here with us. Please subscribe to our podcast if you found it helpful and you can also find us on social media on Instagram, at Full Cop Club podcast, and if you search Full Club Club podcast on Facebook again, thanks friends and we'll see you next time.