21 - Grief and Father's Day: Ideas to Keep Their Memory Alive

Christina and Meghan talk about what Father's Day looks like now for their kids, and give some ideas about how to honor your husband or dad on Father's Day if they have passed away.

Links we mentioned:
Meghan's Illustration Shop: https://nerkyart.com

Harmony Design Shop: https://www.instagram.com/harmonydesignshop/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Pine Zen Pottery (Christina's cool mug with "character"): https://www.pinezenpottery.com/

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Transcript

00;00;00;01 - 00;00;11;24
Christina
So in episode 17, I talked about that I had never seen a cardinal in real life. And this past week I got to see a cardinal in real life. I was visiting with my sister.

00;00;12;02 - 00;00;15;13
Meghan
Oh, OK. I was going to ask you, was it in Brookings?

00;00;15;14 - 00;00;35;27
Christina
Oh, no, no, no. I was in Texas. Like we recorded in Texas the last couple of episodes, and I was in Texas. I was visiting my sister. We're sitting outside just a lovely evening where we're getting eaten by mosquitoes. But there's you. And it's it's just, you know, the company is so good, you don't want to get out, and you're just like, I will be in alive for this.

00;00;36;16 - 00;00;57;18
Christina
And I mean, somebody was in mid-sentence and I looked up and I was like, Oh, excuse me. What is that really? I was like, is that a cardinal? And they're like, yeah. And they just at the they probably thought I was a little crazy at first. And I was like, I've seen one in real life. And then they got it, I think for a moment, they were like.

00;00;58;14 - 00;01;02;03
Meghan
What you obviously, Christina.

00;01;03;03 - 00;01;22;10
Christina
I know, but they are like, you know, you don't think about it when you live or you travel a lot or you've been to different places. You just don't think about that. In some parts of the US, you're not going to have the same birds. Like in L.A. When I was visiting my sister in L.A., they had these beautiful these songbirds.

00;01;22;10 - 00;01;34;02
Christina
I mean, they could have been ugly. I never saw them. They were in the trees, but they would sing. And that's also something you guys have in Texas. You have these birds that just like there's like an orchestra going on in the backyard.

00;01;34;06 - 00;01;43;12
Meghan
Well, you know what else we have in Texas? Cicadas. Oh, yeah. If you're talking if you're talking an orchestra in the background, I think I think they overtake the songbirds.

00;01;43;22 - 00;02;05;05
Christina
Oh, they do. They're so loud. Friends of you have never been to Texas. And it's a very specific time of year, correct? It's kind of this time of the summer, and they're so loud. You know, I remember getting out at the first time I was in Texas, and I got out of the vehicle, and we were at a a pharmacy.

00;02;05;05 - 00;02;20;26
Christina
It was like a CVS and just feeling like I was in the jungles, like this is what it's like to be in the jungles of Africa. Like, I was like, something is going to pounce on me any second. It's just sounds like you're in a jungle. But yes, that was another. Yes. Oh, my goodness.

00;02;21;27 - 00;02;41;12
Meghan
I kind of tune them out at this point. I don't I don't actively hear them they're just part of the ambient background, you know? Well, well, we have our wasps. Oh, that is my main issue right now. WASP nests and howling. What's the biggest birds? Hi, I'm Megan, and I'm Christina.

00;02;41;22 - 00;02;44;04
Christina
And this is a World Cup Club podcast.

00;02;44;18 - 00;02;53;25
Meghan
We're here to talk through the good, the bad and the ugly of loss, whether that's losing a loved one, a job, a dream, or even your marbles.

00;02;54;18 - 00;03;25;25
Christina
So whether your cup has coffee, tea, or vodka in it. Welcome to the World Cup Club, friends. On today's episode, we are talking about Father's Day slash Mother's Day. And we wanted to touch on this because it's coming up this next week. And we know there are many of you who may be listening who have lost your father or you are anticipating losing your father, or maybe it's your parent teen children who have lost their father.

00;03;25;25 - 00;03;51;03
Christina
And so today we want to touch on that and give you some ideas and hopefully point you in a healthy direction of how to navigate this season or the seasons when Mother's Day and Father's Day are approaching. But before we get started, I saw a fancy cup. Meghan, what is in your cup today?

00;03;52;17 - 00;04;16;02
Meghan
It's so the cup isn't fancy. It's a can, but it's in a can cooler, OK? Because at this time of year, it's so hot and I don't drink beverages fast enough for them to remain cold over the course of finishing it, you know? So I use these little can cooler things, especially like out by the pool and stuff but I have a sparkling water.

00;04;16;02 - 00;04;31;26
Meghan
It is peach flavored Waterloo, a vast improvement from last week. It's very good. I super like it. That's cool. I'm super into it. Yeah. What are what are you drinking today?

00;04;31;27 - 00;04;38;19
Christina
OK, before I ask, before I say do the can coolers actually work? That's my question. Do you feel like it keeps a cold?

00;04;38;19 - 00;05;05;23
Meghan
OK, yes. So it's a can cooler and this one has a twist hop and you just drop your can down in there. Oh, and this one fits like a regular 12 ounce can or one of the tall cans like like an energy drink. OK, like a toddler can. And then I actually it's funny, I actually just ordered one for a slim can like, OK, like the other sparkling is my like, the true owners.

00;05;05;23 - 00;05;06;07
Meghan
I like.

00;05;06;11 - 00;05;06;22
Christina
Stuff.

00;05;06;22 - 00;05;09;07
Meghan
Yeah. Like a truly or. Yeah, like a skinny can.

00;05;09;08 - 00;05;10;06
Christina
OK, OK.

00;05;10;18 - 00;05;22;25
Meghan
Because, you know, particularly out by the pool it can don't stay cold long, you know? So, yeah, it's like a hard it's not like Jacuzzi. It's like a hard plastic on the outside.

00;05;22;25 - 00;05;23;12
Christina
So like a yeah.

00;05;23;13 - 00;05;24;06
Meghan
No, on the.

00;05;24;06 - 00;05;24;24
Christina
End they get.

00;05;25;05 - 00;05;26;02
Meghan
Kind of like a yeah.

00;05;26;03 - 00;05;28;06
Christina
OK, OK, OK, that's cool.

00;05;28;06 - 00;05;40;04
Meghan
It works. I mean it was 109 degrees yesterday. And wow, my sparkling water was, it was in the shade to be fair. But it did stay cold for 2 hours. Oh.

00;05;40;16 - 00;05;58;27
Christina
Wow. OK, well, friends now you know what to do if you have a small child who's drinking out of a can and like you can't like I noticed my niece was using one and I was like, oh, that would be smart. Because, you know, if it gets warm, you're kind of like and I'm done. So that's smart. OK, so it doesn't work.

00;05;58;27 - 00;06;23;00
Christina
OK, so I am drinking my morning coffee. We're recording a little bit earlier today, so I'm just barely getting my coffee. So I'm not actually awake yet. I'm only a third awake according to this cup. But I have to tell you about this cup just for fun really fast. I think I've shared this with you. I had been admiring this this creator's work, this artist's work, and it's oh, my goodness.

00;06;23;00 - 00;06;48;04
Christina
It's so terrible. I'll have Megan link it in the comments and section, but it's pine something. Anyway, I just love the fact that this woman quit her job and became she, like, put it in, she became an artist or she was an artist and just, like, became a full time artist. But she made this mug, and I've been admiring these for a long time, and one of she only drops every six weeks.

00;06;48;04 - 00;07;06;26
Christina
She'll drop her work. And in that process, this mug was had a crack or something, that separation in it, and she lowered the price. But to me, as an artist, something that is damaged or broken and been repaired, to me it has more value. And I feel so.

00;07;06;26 - 00;07;07;28
Meghan
Much that character.

00;07;07;28 - 00;07;20;21
Christina
Dies and you can't even see the break, man. You can't see the break. I mean, there are some I think there's there's an art form like in some countries where they actually fill the cracks and with gold or something like that. Yeah.

00;07;21;01 - 00;07;21;24
Meghan
I've seen that.

00;07;21;24 - 00;07;29;19
Christina
They always leave a little piece undone or a little piece flawed. It's part of the artwork. And I think that that is so beautiful. I feel like.

00;07;29;19 - 00;07;33;22
Meghan
It was like a Japanese style of art, but now I'm not 100.

00;07;33;22 - 00;07;51;28
Christina
Percent yet. That's why I'm not saying which one it is, but I just think there's something so beautiful and I feel like sometimes as a widow, as someone who's been through some really hard things in my life, that I feel like this cup, I feel a lot of times like there's parts of me that you don't always see that are broken.

00;07;51;28 - 00;08;08;19
Christina
But there's also I know it's there and I'm still very functional. The art, this artist like patched it up and I feel like that, like I'm going to fix this. I'm going to like I'm we're going to put some we're going to heal this part of us and we're going to keep on going. And we're still very useful and we can still be very productive.

00;08;08;28 - 00;08;22;12
Christina
But that scar is still there. And so that's what I love about this cup. She charges like ten x ten less dollars. And I'm like, I would have paid you extra dollars for this because to me she's more valuable.

00;08;22;12 - 00;08;29;13
Meghan
So well, hopefully she will get more, more sales by us linking her shop in the in the show notes that.

00;08;29;22 - 00;08;31;06
Christina
We love a woman owned business.

00;08;31;13 - 00;08;38;29
Meghan
I looked it up. We were right. It is a Japanese art where they mend ceramics with dates back to the 15th century.

00;08;38;29 - 00;08;43;18
Christina
So yes, yes, I love it. I am mended with gold man. I to tell.

00;08;43;18 - 00;09;08;28
Meghan
You, you talked about you talked about character. Well, I tossed in that it builds character and something broken that reminds me of a story that when after Jason died, I went to I joined it while I was already part of a gym, but I got a personal trainer that I wanted to experience that. And this guy was like 22 years old, never had a hard day in his life.

00;09;08;28 - 00;09;32;23
Meghan
Like he was just always so precious, still precious, just very fit, never struggled with weight or anything like that. Just was a, you know, one of those people that just always fit. And so this gym's really close to my house. I could walk to it and so I did. Sometimes I would walk or ride my bike just to get that extra either warm up or cool down.

00;09;32;23 - 00;10;03;16
Meghan
And on the way a one day it was raining and I drove instead and he asked me why I didn't walk or bike. And I was like, Oh, it's raining. And he was like, What are you talking about? Walking in the rain is it's called character. Building. And I was like, no, I, I have plenty of character based on the events I've lived my life walking in the rain is not going to sprinkle any more character.

00;10;03;22 - 00;10;19;01
Meghan
Like, maybe you walk in the rain you like but for me, that's not going to work. I'm just going to go ahead and take this little bit of comfort and anyway, I canceled training with him shortly after that.

00;10;20;10 - 00;10;31;10
Christina
That is so interesting. We could just probably do an entire thing. Like, my curiosity is when you've gone through something hard, even stuff like that, like, I don't need I don't need that little bit of character building.

00;10;31;10 - 00;10;32;13
Meghan
Like, No, that's good.

00;10;32;20 - 00;10;40;08
Christina
Yeah, I'm good. And I live in the Pacific Northwest. If I get sprinkled on even for 2 seconds, I'm going to scream. I know. I was.

00;10;41;08 - 00;10;42;17
Meghan
Like, always raining.

00;10;42;17 - 00;10;44;04
Christina
There. Keep your character.

00;10;44;26 - 00;10;47;03
Speaker 3
I mean, guys.

00;10;47;11 - 00;11;15;20
Christina
On today's episode, we are going to be chatting about Father's Day slash Mother's Day. For those of you who have lost a father and we know that this is coming up on a day that can be very difficult. We have not experienced Megan and I have not lost our fathers. And so our lens that we're looking through this is as mothers, parenting, children who have lost that father figure in their life.

00;11;15;20 - 00;11;42;16
Christina
And so we wanted to chat about that and then as well as bringing to light, you know, things like maybe you haven't lost your father and you're listening to this, but you work at a school and maybe some things that or in media or somewhere like that that you can we can talk about being sensitive to some of those things as well as if you're anticipating the loss of a parent.

00;11;42;26 - 00;12;05;05
Christina
And this this applies to Mother's day as well. So as we get started, you know, Megan and I know there are a lot of fathers dads coming through and social media right now and because I have not lost my father, that did not occur to me that that could be triggering for some people. My children are both adults.

00;12;05;14 - 00;12;14;18
Christina
And so I don't think of helping a small child make a Father's Day gift. So it's not as much on my radar. What about you? What have you experienced with ads right now?

00;12;14;25 - 00;12;43;26
Meghan
So it's funny you say that because I have taken a break from social media actually for the past. I don't know, couple of weeks so I have not seen social media ads, but I have seen email marketing, lots of email marketing for Father's day. Right. And one ad I opened up because I was going to it's from a company called Love Pop, and they do these cool 3D cards.

00;12;44;27 - 00;13;11;20
Meghan
And I opened up the email and I was just looking at like what they had on sale. I actually wasn't even looking for Father's Day. I was looking for an end of the year gift for my son's teachers. So I thought that would be a cute little card. Anyway, at the end of the email, it said a little message about how we know Father's Day can be triggering, can be is difficult for some people.

00;13;11;20 - 00;13;32;22
Meghan
And if you don't want to receive email messages about Father's Day, you can just opt out of those. So it's not like you're opting out of all of their emails. If you like a company but I thought it was really cool that you could just opt out of Father's Day messaging if that was just hurtful to you or or difficult right.

00;13;32;26 - 00;13;33;23
Meghan
I thought that was so cool.

00;13;33;28 - 00;13;58;03
Christina
Wow. I just I love that we live in a time where people are becoming more aware and more sensitive to what other people are going through. And it probably took somebody in that company recognizing for themselves and bringing it to life. So good for whoever spoke up. And I think like that's so important. If you work for a school, you know, think about that.

00;13;58;03 - 00;14;25;29
Christina
And I think some they're becoming more sensitive just because of everything you know, how much things have changed. But if you work in a school or a church or anywhere a business, anything that you know that there's Father's Day or Mother's Day coming up and there are children who might be living with grandparents or their caregiver just passed away it is something to use your voice.

00;14;26;06 - 00;14;34;24
Christina
That's what I want to say is use your voice and speak up and advocate for other people because you have no idea what they are experiencing.

00;14;34;24 - 00;14;46;12
Meghan
I've heard of teachers calling or saying your grown ups or your adults as opposed to your parents to their class. I think that's so cool. When I remember is when.

00;14;46;12 - 00;14;47;10
Christina
I was so your.

00;14;47;10 - 00;14;48;23
Meghan
Parents or guardians.

00;14;48;27 - 00;14;56;26
Christina
I love that. I feel like that is so much better it's just that makes my heart happy because yeah, when I hear guardians, it's just.

00;14;56;26 - 00;14;57;28
Meghan
It's kind of cold.

00;14;57;28 - 00;15;25;24
Christina
So, like, it says different to me. Yeah. It still points out different. Yeah. So I like that. That's really cool. I have to look for that on emails. The other thing, we've talked about this a little bit in the past one thing we really want to encourage parents are adults in children's lives just across the board is to continue to talk openly about the person that is lost to use their name.

00;15;26;03 - 00;15;46;15
Christina
With my children, I so openly will still say, Oh my goodness, like this is, you know, do you remember when Dad and I did this? Or we just it's almost like he's still very much this presence in our life or, oh, go get that out of Dad's drawer or Dad's cabinet. Like he had certain spaces where he had his stuff.

00;15;47;06 - 00;16;03;07
Christina
Yeah. I don't I don't act weird about it. And so I really think that that's important in your family is it might feel awkward at first, but it's so important to kids continue to speak their name.

00;16;03;07 - 00;16;18;23
Meghan
Oh, yeah, totally. Yeah, we are we are not awkward about it either. We talk about Jason all the time, like it is it is super not weird. It's just a regular part of our life, you know? And I think that's really important.

00;16;19;08 - 00;16;51;16
Christina
Also, and if you're someone who struggles with it, I know there are people out there who struggle with it that they cannot they can't they feel like they can't talk about it at all. Signed away, assigned away, find the courage, find a counselor to talk to. And this this is something that you're struggling with to be able if you cannot talk about and talk about your spouse, to be able to take your children to a counselor so that they could talk about it.

00;16;51;25 - 00;17;12;29
Christina
Schools, a lot of times will have an in school counselor and they're really good. There have been some great counselors that I'm aware of who have walked children who were still in school through grief when their parent could not and was not emotionally available for that child. Counselors and schools can do that. So shout out to all the counselors, shout out to everybody.

00;17;12;29 - 00;17;26;29
Christina
You know, if you are not able to do that, it's OK. I want to give you permission. It is OK if you are not able to do that, but help your child find someone who they can talk openly to about those things.

00;17;26;29 - 00;17;47;19
Meghan
It is. Yeah, it's OK. I, I am really glad that we did that from the beginning. I was like, I want to keep talking. Even if you see me becoming sad about talking about Jason, I still want to do it. So we'll work through it, and then now it's just so easy. So I'm really.

00;17;47;19 - 00;18;07;27
Christina
Glad I remember you saying that. I thought that was really cool that you told the kids that that early on. Like, even if you see me cry, like, it's ok. I think a lot of us want to hide from our kids. I am one and I've heard other widows talk about this, that it's like, the only time I felt like I could I would cry in the shower.

00;18;08;12 - 00;18;14;00
Christina
Like, that was the big place to cry was in the shower. And my kids have seen me cry.

00;18;14;01 - 00;18;15;24
Meghan
You shower more often than I do.

00;18;18;22 - 00;18;33;16
Christina
I don't know why in my bathroom. It's just like, kind of like I felt like it was like the safe space. I don't know why I would break down so much in my bathroom, but you know, if if you are excited that it is good for your kids to see you cry. I mean, my kids have seen me cry.

00;18;33;16 - 00;18;51;11
Christina
They know like Braydon sees, you know, and he will come up and and sometimes he'll come out of his bedroom. He'll hear me crying and he will come out of his bedroom and just give me a hug. So it is good and I think that that's really cool that you did that with your your kids. So good on you, mate.

00;18;52;25 - 00;18;53;17
Meghan
Thanks, man.

00;18;55;11 - 00;19;20;26
Christina
I think father's day, Mother's Day, the anniversary of somebody last. These are really good times to come back to your kids and revisit. Like, honestly, my kids are adults. And so I don't always think of this. And it's something I have to purposefully be mindful of that. Like, I haven't lost my father. So on Father's Day, I don't think of, you know, I'm not making a gift with my kids for Father's Day, right?

00;19;21;02 - 00;19;30;09
Christina
So to be mindful for me to check in with my kids, that that might be something let's check in on your kids. How are you doing? Father's Days coming.

00;19;30;09 - 00;19;39;26
Meghan
Up. So do you have any traditions that you either did while Michael was alive on Father's Day or since he's passed that you do with your kids?

00;19;39;29 - 00;19;44;07
Christina
I would say no. I check in with them to see how they're doing. Mm hmm.

00;19;44;11 - 00;19;50;08
Meghan
I remember I feel like the first year after he died. I think you sent your daughter flowers or something.

00;19;50;09 - 00;20;09;25
Christina
I met like I'm trying to remember, but, like, I remember checking in with them and I feel like maybe we watched a movie or something like that. I honestly, I would have to go back and look, and that's this is part of having widow brain a lot of times until I go back and look at stuff, I'm like, oh, my goodness, yeah, we did this.

00;20;09;25 - 00;20;30;05
Christina
But I recognize, like, that's something that I. I forget because they lost their dad. And they are adults, and I'm not sitting down making or going and buying a Father's Day card with them. I know last year we went to lunch with, I think the last couple years, I know we've gone to lunch with Michael's dad. And so that has been a nice thing for us too.

00;20;30;06 - 00;20;39;16
Christina
Like we're celebrating Father's Day, but we're like we're honoring Michael's dad at the same time. So that kind of gives us a place to direct that energy.

00;20;39;25 - 00;20;59;01
Meghan
Jason's younger kids, they watch Star Wars movies on Father's Day, and it was actually so they live with their mom and their stepdad. And it was actually the step dad's idea to honor Jason in that way. On Father's Day. And I thought that was really cool. Just a cool thing they do. Jason was a huge Star Wars nerd.

00;20;59;01 - 00;21;22;00
Meghan
If that's if this is the first episode you're listening to, like that was, you know, how as people age, they just sort of like have a thing. It's like for every for every holiday, for every gift you always get, you know, Grandpa Joe you you t gear or football related stuff like so Star Wars was Jason's thing.

00;21;22;02 - 00;21;23;02
Christina
That's so cool.

00;21;24;17 - 00;21;50;05
Meghan
So that's why watching Star Wars movies is significant. And speaking of all of the new Star Wars stuff, coming out on Disney Plus like the Mandalorian and the book of Boba Fett, Jason would have like flipped out about he would have been so excited. I watched the Mandalorian. I liked it. The book about that I thought was really boring.

00;21;51;10 - 00;21;57;24
Meghan
I haven't even finished it, but the Obi-Wan Kenobi show that's out right now. So good.

00;21;57;25 - 00;21;58;25
Christina
You haven't started that.

00;21;58;25 - 00;22;05;02
Meghan
One, so it's so good. I look forward to it every week.

00;22;05;07 - 00;22;27;29
Christina
Can we just go back for a second to the fact that the kids like Bonus Dad, the little kids Bonus Dad, like, has them watch that show together. Can we just, like, shout out all of the good humans in the world who are bonus parents and who actually are so incredibly kind working together? They yeah.

00;22;27;29 - 00;22;49;17
Meghan
You know, I think it took it took us a while as sort of like a bigger family. You have all the bonus people to, like, get into that groove, you know? But we called each other Step Wives and Step Husbands at one point there. Bonus Dad. Hi. We're going to coach the little ones soccer team.

00;22;49;17 - 00;22;50;16
Christina
Oh, my gosh.

00;22;50;19 - 00;23;03;05
Meghan
It it fell through. He I don't remember what happened. He wound up not wanting to play or whatever, but we were like signed up to coach this team, like to co coach it together. And that's when the we called each other step coaches.

00;23;03;15 - 00;23;04;24
Christina
Oh.

00;23;05;14 - 00;23;16;12
Meghan
And so that's when that started. But but yeah, yeah, it's it's really cool. I'm so glad they have a supportive bonus, dad, you know, so.

00;23;16;12 - 00;23;20;03
Christina
Yeah, yeah, it's like, be a good human. It's not hard to be a good human.

00;23;20;03 - 00;23;22;18
Meghan
And you know, sometimes it is.

00;23;22;20 - 00;23;29;04
Christina
That's true. I mean, there are moments. There are moments. But when you can be a good human.

00;23;29;04 - 00;23;29;18
Meghan
It's cool.

00;23;29;18 - 00;23;39;24
Christina
To see. Yeah. And it really is inspiring. And I mean it just like, yeah, that I, I just had to, like, give a shout out to those people because that's pretty awesome.

00;23;39;24 - 00;23;41;10
Meghan
Yeah. Yeah. That's really cool.

00;23;41;20 - 00;24;05;12
Christina
We talked about a couple of different things. One thing I wanted to touch back on was the counseling aspect. I've mentioned this before when Michael passed, I encourage my kids to go to counseling. I started counseling, and I've been in counseling for two and a half years I had my kids go to counseling because Brayden was like, I don't need counseling.

00;24;05;12 - 00;24;28;20
Christina
I'm fine. He was 21 years old when my goal passed and I asked him to go three times because I wanted him to understand that some day he may need counseling, and I wanted him to know what the experience was like. I wanted him to have something to reflect back on and be like, You know what? I could really use somebody who doesn't have any skin in the game.

00;24;29;16 - 00;24;56;09
Christina
To sit with me and to talking about this. And so this is a time of year for Father's Day where you can go back and say, Hey, I can come back and say, hey, you know, it's it's almost Father's Day. Would you be interested in me scheduling your appointment? I offer because I go to counseling every week and just touching back on that because I think someday, you know, I've told him someday when you become a father, this could be hard.

00;24;56;18 - 00;25;19;18
Meghan
Yeah, that's a really good point. That, you know, it's maybe he's fine now. Maybe your kids are fine now, but when they become a dad, maybe that's what's going to be the triggering thing. Yeah. Not having their dad to ask questions or, you know, all those years of experience and, you know, whatever they could pull from is gone.

00;25;19;18 - 00;25;36;20
Meghan
So that's a good point. Yeah, I remember actually. So my mom died when I was a baby, so I grew up without a mom. So it wasn't that I I lost her, but it wasn't like I grieved, you know, that was baby. So it was just like, you know, when you're a kid, it's just like, well, you are given your reality.

00;25;36;21 - 00;25;57;29
Meghan
It's not like I knew any different, right? Because I was a kid. So but I remember I got from people in my family when I had my son, they sent me Mother's Day cards after I had my son. And I thought that was really cool. Oh. Because I was experiencing something that I didn't get to experience. As a kid.

00;25;58;19 - 00;26;22;03
Meghan
And I thought it was really cool. It was not something I struggled with or, you know, needed to I didn't need to, like, go to therapy or anything, but I just thought it was like, oh, cool. So actually, I could speak to that because I did not have the experience of having a mom growing up and that is what made me want to be the kind of mom I am now.

00;26;22;19 - 00;26;44;10
Meghan
I want to be present at every school event because I didn't get that. I want to be able to do fun things and have fun experiences. So we try weird fruits and we go out for Froyo and you know, we have a kind of a more fun, I think, life then than maybe some other kids that have like more rules and structure.

00;26;44;10 - 00;27;05;11
Meghan
Like we have rules, but as long as my son, you know, gets good grades and does all his chores, then will we get to, you know, have fun and stuff. So anyway, that I think that not having a parent growing up is what made me a good parent now because I saw what I missed out on and now I want to give those things to my son.

00;27;05;11 - 00;27;06;18
Meghan
You know, that's interesting.

00;27;06;25 - 00;27;31;03
Christina
I think that's it's so interesting that I ever thought about that as we talked about in the last episode, these positives of grief. And this is what that is, one of those things that's like this really awful gift that you got. I don't know if that I don't I never know how to put this is that it's just like you got this really crappy gift.

00;27;31;03 - 00;27;42;04
Christina
But out of that really crappy gift came this other thing of this different perspective on life and how to parent your child. And and you look at.

00;27;42;14 - 00;27;48;18
Meghan
The gift as the perspective. Yeah. The gift is the perspective. It's not the the loss. That's just something you have to go.

00;27;48;18 - 00;27;49;17
Christina
Yeah, exactly.

00;27;49;17 - 00;27;55;20
Meghan
But the gift is the new perspective, the new lens. You're looking at it. Yeah. Mm hmm.

00;27;55;20 - 00;27;58;20
Christina
That's interesting. Yeah. Thank you for sharing that with us.

00;27;58;26 - 00;27;59;22
Meghan
Oh, you're welcome.

00;28;00;07 - 00;28;29;06
Christina
So we've talked about staying off of social. We've talked about advocating for people if you work in an industry or field for people who have experienced loss, let's talk about some ways. We've talked about maybe how that we have celebrated, but maybe what some other things that we have found or heard of other people doing to celebrate the loss of a parent, to honor that parent on that day.

00;28;29;17 - 00;28;59;10
Christina
And a couple of things that I've seen. There are people who are who go and visit the cemetery. If the person was buried, they go to the grave and they decorate. And that's something some people will do. I've seen people make memorial books. It can be a day where people sit down and they do memory books. Another one that I think this is what I plan to do this year is that in a little bit different way.

00;28;59;10 - 00;29;22;15
Christina
But some people plant trees, which I think is such a cool thing to be able to plant something in memory of someone. And you've talked about you have a Jason tree and we have Michael's tree that we planted because Michael was cremated and so we planted a tree up near his family, has a private cemetery, and we planted a tree up there.

00;29;22;15 - 00;29;47;13
Christina
But this year, the way I plan to honor Michael for Father's Day is he he made a very makeshift pond and and it has served well. And the pump just went out and there's some stuff. And so for this week for me, I am going to plan to just really give it a really good makeover. It is spring here.

00;29;47;13 - 00;30;13;02
Christina
It's uniform. And so that's the way that I plan to I mean, ask my son to help me. But that is something that Michael did and he loved and that we had. And so what are some other ways that you have seen that people have honored parents for Father's Day? Like I mean, have you seen here's another one and you do this.

00;30;13;02 - 00;30;34;08
Christina
So can we just have a moment? I'm just going to shamelessly plug your business that you do this. You actually do photos and stuff like that. And there's other people who. Oh, artwork. Artwork. Yeah. And that is a really lovely way that you can do it. So so talk about can you talk about those? Do you mind talking about.

00;30;34;09 - 00;31;07;00
Meghan
Oh, no, no. Sure. Yeah, I so I do custom illustrations, right? So I and people order them for their pets or for I have had tons of Father's Day orders and usually it's the ones where I put I draw you in a pop culture setting. So like in a cartoon that you really like, I draw you in the style of that cartoon and you know, whatever you're the, your husband or, or dad or whoever, whatever their favorite t shirt was or, you know, whatever.

00;31;07;00 - 00;31;29;14
Meghan
So I really make them personal to the person. So those are really fun. I really love doing those just as a as a little side note, like they're so fun to do anyway. So that is a good way to memorialize a person or to give a gift to somebody who has lost someone with their person. In it. Right.

00;31;29;14 - 00;31;54;04
Meghan
Because, I mean, for me in my business, I just draw from photos. So it's not like a, you know, a real life. So but yeah, that's one way to memorialize someone for sure and to remember them. And then you have a cool piece of artwork on the wall, or you can have it printed however you want, like on a blanket one time for one of my, one of my pieces, it was, it was a couple.

00;31;54;04 - 00;32;09;13
Meghan
So this was not like in, in memory of anybody. It was just like a couple who wanted it. They had it printed on a cake. So it was like the guy's birthday. And so I had sent them the picture file of the artwork and they had it printed on a cake. Now it's cool.

00;32;09;13 - 00;32;28;11
Christina
Can we just as we were talking about this, it is reminding me, OK, so for those of you who are listening to this who are like, I'm going to have like a wall sized photo made of somebody and give it as a gift, let's let's pause for a moment. I love the cake idea. I love the fact that I think that you even can send it to somebody as a file.

00;32;28;11 - 00;32;57;25
Christina
If I'm not if I'm. Yeah, OK. And so I do that as a screensaver or something like that. But when you are giving someone a gift for Father's Day, Mother's Day, something like that, and you give them a very large piece of artwork, we experienced this when my brother passed. They had a large poster back in you know, 1997, which, you know, that you didn't see that very often, but it was a large poster of my brother and it's like this, it's so big that it's kind of awkward.

00;32;57;25 - 00;33;13;06
Christina
And then what do you do with this after this person passes? You know, it was from the funeral. So just something to think about that if like if you're going to give somebody something, make sure that it's usable, like I like the cake or like it's a screensaver.

00;33;13;06 - 00;33;14;02
Meghan
Or something like.

00;33;14;02 - 00;33;14;26
Christina
That. Yes.

00;33;16;02 - 00;33;18;12
Meghan
Have you have you seen Schitt's Creek?

00;33;18;26 - 00;33;24;05
Christina
I start it and then I get distracted because I was in school. But I that is my plan to watch. Yes.

00;33;24;12 - 00;33;54;20
Meghan
There's a there's a part in it where they have this huge family portrait. It's probably like nine feet tall by like 12 feet wide. Like it is massive. And they're like, where do we even put this now? And so that that reminded me of what you're saying. I will say about Schitt's Creek, it is hard to get through the first season, I felt like, because the people are so unlikable once you once you can get in the groove, once you get past the first is probably like nine episodes right?

00;33;55;12 - 00;34;03;20
Meghan
Then it is so funny. It is probably my favorite show. So I watched it through several times like I recommended.

00;34;03;25 - 00;34;24;09
Christina
I just keep forgetting about it, but I definitely need to go back to it. But yes, it's when you have those, I mean I have stuff like that in my life where that people took a large photos and then I'm just like, now like, what do I do? I'm so yeah, just a note to self. Like when you're giving somebody a gift like that, just to be mindful of that mm hmm.

00;34;24;19 - 00;34;39;06
Meghan
Well, one of my friends had a piece, had artwork done for me after Jason died, and he was like, he usually he has ordered artwork from me before. So he was like, I feel like I art cheated on you because he had somebody else do it.

00;34;39;29 - 00;34;46;04
Christina
You have that cool piece of art. Was that the one with the with you guys in the setting, with the moons in the background?

00;34;46;17 - 00;35;10;11
Meghan
That's what I'm talking about. That's the one. Yeah. Yeah. So he had that done, and I thought that was really cool. It's Jason and me, but it's like the backs of our heads, so it's not like facial features kind of thing. But you can see his full head of gray hair and my blond hair and we're dressed like Han Solo and Princess Leia looking at the sunset on tattooing.

00;35;10;11 - 00;35;16;10
Meghan
So there's the two sides yeah. It was really cool. I thought that was like a really unique piece of artwork.

00;35;16;10 - 00;35;42;21
Christina
And I've seen where people if if you're listening and you've not seen this go onto Etsy and look for this stuff, check out Megan's site. I'm shamelessly plugging it and leaving it. She will link it. But the deal is one of the things that I love about some of the new artwork like this is that say you lost your mother and your mother never got to meet your children, or it's the great grandchildren.

00;35;42;21 - 00;36;01;12
Christina
And you want to give that to see your daughter as a gift. An artist can add those children into a photo. Yeah, it can be real. Or it could be, you know, a drawing or a painting or something like that. And I think that that is there. That's so neat to actually see them in a photo together. Yeah.

00;36;02;11 - 00;36;24;26
Christina
Yeah. And so that that's why I wanted to bring that up. If you've never seen that, check that stuff out. There's another artist and I can't remember her name right now. It's Harmony something I'm sorry, on Instagram, and she does a lot of those. And I just think that it's so beautiful and it's such a thoughtful gift for somebody who has experience loss.

00;36;25;00 - 00;36;29;11
Meghan
Yeah, I'll link it and I will link that one too. I'll find it and link the one you're talking about.

00;36;29;23 - 00;37;03;18
Christina
So as we come to a close, I think I just want to encourage people to ask your kids how they're doing this week or someone who's experienced loss. Reach out, send a text message. I have a couple of friends who recently lost their their their parent in the last year. And as Father's Day approaches I am mindful of them and want to send them a text or a private message on that day and just say, hey, thinking of you, it's very simple, but I know for me that means a lot when I get texts from people like that.

00;37;04;21 - 00;37;30;05
Christina
But to be proactive in this upcoming week of preparing for that and recognizing that the day of could be really hard for some people and just reaching out or making a plan of what are you and your family are going to do on Father's Day or Mother's Day, or if this is a birthday or you have a death of grocery coming up.

00;37;30;17 - 00;37;33;26
Christina
And I always just encourage you to be proactive. Yep.

00;37;33;26 - 00;38;03;04
Meghan
I agree. Talking about them having that open conversation even if it's something where even if they died years and years ago, if you can find it in yourself to just start the conversation in either with your family or with a therapist, ultimately it winds up so much better. Like I'm I'm saying it's been four years since Jason died, and my son and I talk about him easily now.

00;38;03;10 - 00;38;20;13
Meghan
It's not even a thing. It's not hard, it's not sad. It's just like someone we talk about you know, so and that's because, you know, we did it when it was hard. We did it when it was hard in the beginning. So anyway, that's my little that's my little $0.02. And if you're.

00;38;20;13 - 00;38;47;13
Christina
Struggling to do that, there's really simple things that you can just ask questions. Hey, tell me your favorite memory of your dad. What is your favorite memory of dad? Or do you remember what Dad's favorite food was? Stuff like that. And if you are someone who is talking to an adult, maybe a friend who has experienced loss, I don't know where you're coming in on our podcast and stuff, but I always want to encourage people ask good questions.

00;38;47;18 - 00;39;09;10
Christina
If you're meeting somebody who's lost their spouse, it's really simple. Oh my gosh, nobody asks you, how did you meet your spouse? That's a great question. You know, ask an older person in your life, your grandparents, Hey, how did you meet this person? I spent a lot of years doing nails and asking learning to ask questions, and it helps people do that to talk about it.

00;39;09;25 - 00;39;20;16
Christina
So if it's awkward for you, ask the art of asking good questions. Is there? Yeah, work on that. Think of good questions. To ask people because.

00;39;20;23 - 00;39;40;21
Meghan
Questions that will spark a happy memory, you know, because then that's going to trend that conversation into a positive, happy moment where the person you're talking to is like, oh my gosh, I loved it so much with that word, whatever. And then you're like, Oh, I loved it when he did that, too, you know? And then you're both smiling.

00;39;40;21 - 00;39;42;22
Meghan
You're both having a positive moment.

00;39;42;22 - 00;40;14;00
Christina
Yes. And if you're somebody who didn't have and we want to recognize that there are some people out there who did not have this may be difficult. You may have not had a good relationship with your parent and that is stress. And again, we want to encourage you and just recognize that you are not alone in that and encourage you to reach out and talk to a friend or a counselor or somebody, because these days can be very difficult.

00;40;14;16 - 00;40;19;08
Christina
And so we don't want to ignore the fact that that's a reality for some people. So. Right.

00;40;19;10 - 00;40;28;00
Meghan
If you just need to take the day off from talking to people, from doing anything, do something that makes your heart happy, take the day and do that.

00;40;28;00 - 00;40;31;24
Christina
Give yourself permission to do what you need to do. Take care of yourself.

00;40;31;24 - 00;40;54;17
Meghan
Yeah, exactly. All right. Well, thank you so much for being here. We appreciate every single listen. If you find this podcast helpful, please leave us a review. It helps other people find us, kind of puts us on the map since we are our new little baby podcast. And we're so grateful for you coming to listen with us every week.

00;40;54;26 - 00;41;05;13
Meghan
And that's all I wanted to say. So whether your cup is empty, half full or overflowing, raise it up here. As to the craziness of life after loss, cheers.

00;41;07;19 - 00;41;24;20
Meghan
Thank you so much for being here with us. Please subscribe to our podcast if you found it helpful. And you can also find us on social media on Instagram, at Full Cup Club podcast. And if you search for Club Club Podcast on Facebook again, thanks friends and we'll see you next time.