Full Cup Club Podcast - Getting Back Up After Getting Knocked Down With Grief

16 - Five Unexpected Things That Happened After Our Husbands Died

May 10, 2022 Full Cup Club
Full Cup Club Podcast - Getting Back Up After Getting Knocked Down With Grief
16 - Five Unexpected Things That Happened After Our Husbands Died
Show Notes Transcript

We are talking about some totally off the wall things that happened to us after our husbands died - wait until you hear what happened at Christina's husband's funeral! If something like this happens you you, just know you're not alone.

If you want to share (we would love that), DM us on Instagram or Facebook, or send us an email with your story! With your permission, we will share it anonymously on a future podcast.

If you find this podcast helpful, please subscribe and leave us a review! Having reviews is the best way for people to find this podcast. New episodes are available every Wednesday. Thanks for being here! 

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00;00;00;01 - 00;00;10;20
Meghan
Do you have the Amazon devices, the Amazon like robot assistant in your house? Do you have those? I don't want to say her name because I don't want her to wake up.

00;00;11;07 - 00;00;11;19
Christina
Yes.

00;00;11;20 - 00;00;37;12
Meghan
Yes, I do, too. And the way we have gotten around it, my son made this up actually a long time ago, years ago at this point. He started calling her John Cena when we were talking about her so that we didn't have to say the name so she didn't wake up. You know, and it's funny because he has no idea who John Cena is.

00;00;37;20 - 00;00;57;25
Meghan
I don't know, I don't know where he heard the name. Maybe it was like from a meme, but he was like six years old. Oh, OK. Just started calling it John Cena, right? You ever hear me talking about John Cena? You'll never know if it's the guy or, you know, my household device. Yeah. Hi, I'm Meghan, and I'm Christina.

00;00;58;04 - 00;01;00;19
Christina
And this is the Full Cup Club podcast.

00;01;01;02 - 00;01;10;09
Meghan
We're here to talk through the good, the bad and the ugly of loss, whether that's losing a loved one, a job, a dream, or even your marbles.

00;01;11;02 - 00;01;41;22
Christina
So whether your cup has coffee, tea, or vodka in it. Welcome to the Full Cup Club, friends. On today's episode, and we are going to I don't know if this feels a little juicy or not, but we're going to we're going to do something a little bit more behind the scenes. I don't know how you'd put it, but a shift a little bit to things we didn't expect that were surprising to us after losing our spouse. I don't know any other way to put it.

00;01;41;22 - 00;02;05;27
Christina
It just was shocking things. Now, we've talked a little bit about, you know, what it looked like in the first 90 days. Where we are now, just life stuff. But these were literally things that we were shocked about. And I suspect that those of you who are listening have had things happen like this. But first, before we get started, Meghan, what are you drinking?

00;02;06;03 - 00;02;32;17
Meghan
I well, first I want to say it is raining here and storming. So if you hear thunder or rain, it's not because that's what's happening outside the window. But I am drinking a sparkling water today. It is Kirkland Brand once again, shout out to Costco. And, it is grapefruit flavored. I feel like grapefruit is a like a solid - 

00;02;32;17 - 00;02;47;00
Meghan
It's always a solid choice. You know, it's not my favorite, but it's also never bad in any brand that you get. I feel like it's always like a good one. Like it's, like it's like an even keeled, always like a good choice.

00;02;47;01 - 00;02;47;21
Christina
Can't go wrong.

00;02;48;08 - 00;02;57;13
Meghan
If you're unsure. Can't go wrong with a grapefruit sparkling water. So that is what I'm drinking today. What are you drinking?

00;02;57;13 - 00;03;18;27
Christina
I'm having an iced coffee. I'm still on my iced coffee kick. I'm loving it. I'm just doing it again. Yes, again. I don't know if I shared this, but I made ice cubes for the first time with my left over iced coffee. And then when I went on a trip, I just filled my cup with these ice cubes of that are made out of coffee.

00;03;18;27 - 00;03;33;17
Christina
And then I put my half and half in there and then took off for the day. It was my Yeti cup. And then later on in the day, when I was in the valley, which is about two and a half hours from here, it's usually warmer. It was perfect for the afternoon for an iced coffee.

00;03;34;08 - 00;03;35;11
Meghan
So I have a question.

00;03;37;10 - 00;03;57;19
The reason I feel like that might not work for me is, I want my iced coffee. I don't want to wait for the ice cubes to melt. And then number two, Yetis are famous for keeping ice cubes, ice cubes. You know, they're famous for like trapping that cold, so.

00;03;57;21 - 00;04;04;16
Christina
Well, OK, so I had my I had my coffee in the morning. This was a little something something for the afternoon when I was far from home.

00;04;04;16 - 00;04;08;22
Meghan
Oh okay, it was purposefully for later.

00;04;08;22 - 00;04;09;05
Christina
Yes.

00;04;09;27 - 00;04;33;17
Christina
Which I know somebody who, a friend told them, they for anybody listening that needs this life hack they bought a big yeti, like there's a big one and they put like burrito is in there for lunch to keep a burrito warm. But they also buy and put ice cream in it or like if you're out on the lake and you can put popsicles in it for your kids.

00;04;33;17 - 00;04;41;17
Meghan
You know, for all those times you want to travel with ice cream. But I guess yeah, I guess that makes sense though because you can't really, yeah.

00;04;41;17 - 00;04;53;14
Christina
Well, if you're working well, think about it. If you're working outside like some people work outside in the summer and they're far from. Yeah. And they want a little, a little something cold in the afternoon. Like they put that in their yeti.

00;04;53;14 - 00;04;56;25
Meghan
And it keeps it keeps it cold. Like cold.

00;04;57;00 - 00;04;59;12
Christina
Yeah. Apparently it keeps it frozen. Yeah.

00;04;59;29 - 00;05;10;16
Meghan
That's awesome. I don't have a I don't have a yeti. Oh, no, I do. I have I have that one coffee cup and it makes me want to try it like now I want to put ice cream in my yeti.

00;05;10;16 - 00;05;18;13
Christina
For the one time you leave your house. Meghan rarely leaves, she's an introvert. So Meghan's like, I don't even understand. Why would you have ice cream outside your home?

00;05;19;27 - 00;05;37;18
Meghan
I'm sorry, what? People leave their homes, I don't understand. Can you please explain this? Yeah. No, I work from home and I live at home, and so I don't understand why people leave - why would you leave, all of the things happen here?

00;05;37;18 - 00;05;40;09
Christina
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. What do you mean they work outside?

00;05;42;19 - 00;06;02;25
Christina
Who are these people? Oh, my gosh. So, you know, we've talked, this is episode 16. We've talked so many times about what we're drinking. What's in our cup. But I want to start asking this question metaphorically, Meghan, what is in your cup? What is bringing you life right now? What is filling your cup? What is bringing you joy right now?

00;06;04;25 - 00;06;37;13
Meghan
So, yeah, we talk literally about what's in our cups, but what's figuratively in our cups. It is springtime in Texas, which means all of my roses all of my irises, all of my lilies, my whole garden in my front yard, in my backyard. Everything's blooming and I love flowers. So much. It is my favorite thing to see. I think they're so cool because like, they start as like like a root and then they grow into like leaves and then all of a sudden there's this beautiful, like, colorful thing.

00;06;37;13 - 00;06;49;03
Meghan
Like, I just, it blows my mind. I think it's the coolest part of, like, the earth. And so all my flowers are blooming and it is giving me life right now. What about you?

00;06;49;18 - 00;07;07;14
Christina
I'm going to say the same thing. You and I haven't talked about this, but literally just being able to go outside. I live in the Pacific Northwest and it rains. Currently it is raining, but I forgotten. It's like you come to life, there is sunshine and you're just like, what? You feel like a whole new person this time of year right here.

00;07;07;29 - 00;07;14;27
Christina
And yeah, I hear here there are other parts of the world that it doesn't rain this much.

00;07;15;12 - 00;07;27;02
Meghan
Ironically it's raining here today. But yes, I live in one of those parts of the world where it's just like we get sunshine a lot and it's fantastic.

00;07;27;04 - 00;07;35;14
Christina
Yeah. So that sunshine and being able to go outside is bringing me so much joy right now. So yeah, same thing.

00;07;35;29 - 00;07;44;25
Meghan
Yeah. That's awesome. All right, well, let's get into it. What is tell me a an unexpected thing that happened to you after Michael died.

00;07;45;13 - 00;07;49;24
Christina
OK, so where do I even start? I'm just going to like I'm just going to dive right in.

00;07;49;24 - 00;07;51;00
Meghan
Just let it rip.

00;07;51;19 - 00;08;25;17
Christina
The very first unexpected thing that happened within 24 hours of Michael passing were people trying to get me to sell my home. That was completely unexpected. And shocking, it was family members that were. I just was very caught off guard on that one that they were so, like, adamant about, like trying to get me to sell my home. I'm trying to frame it.

00;08;25;17 - 00;08;31;16
Christina
I was like, look at it this way. Like somebody else could, you know, another family can live here.

00;08;33;22 - 00;08;45;00
Christina
Yeah, that was totally mind blowing. I was in shock. I mean, it's 24 hours, like you're just trying to wrap your head around anything at that point. That was that was the most shocking. Like, right off the bat.

00;08;45;10 - 00;09;19;15
Meghan
I had a similar thing happen, too, you know, it was, I don't know that it was people trying to get me to sell my home so much as giving me options for when I sell my home. It was like, well, this is you're obviously going to sell your house, so. You know, I mean. Oh, yeah. But then I had the flip side of that where I had some people give me advice that were like, you know, they say not to make big, big decisions in the first year, you know, and then kind of flip flopping back and forth.

00;09;19;15 - 00;09;35;21
Meghan
But like, why wait a year if, you know, you're going to move and I think that for me, I didn't know that I was going to move. You know, my son was in school, so I was like, well, wait a minute. I don't want to just bounce around all over the place. Like I want to I to make sure I'm providing stability.

00;09;36;02 - 00;09;46;16
Meghan
So that that happened to me, too. Just I think it was less people trying to get me to do it. And more people just that was just the expectation. Well, you're going to, you're going to sell your house, you know?

00;09;46;29 - 00;10;06;00
Christina
And I think if if you're listening and you're are a family member of someone who lost someone, I think give that person time. And let's pause for a moment and put this into perspective, because I am somebody who lives in a different community away from my family. And what we don't always realize is we just think like, oh, that person's going to move close to us.

00;10;06;00 - 00;10;26;18
Christina
But the reality is, if I had picked up and moved closer to a family, family has a life. Family is not going to have all the time in the world to be supportive. I have built over the last 24 years a community here and that's the community I know and love. And there's stability here. And so I can understand why family -

00;10;26;18 - 00;10;37;29
Christina
But it's like pause for a moment and think about that other person because that's that is their community, their support system. It's they need that stability at that point. So yes.

00;10;37;29 - 00;11;02;22
Meghan
Yeah I think, you know, I didn't really have like difficult people in my life during this process. Like I, I had a lot of support and I think a lot of that came from a place of wanting to help and wanting to just, you know, because I was definitely in shock and not thinking straight and just not able to process easily.

00;11;02;22 - 00;11;16;19
Meghan
And so I think it was definitely from a place of wanting to help. But I think that it, you know, it was I don't I don't know, I guess I don't want to say it was surprising. It was unexpected, but not surprising. Yeah. Does that make sense?

00;11;16;19 - 00;11;36;27
Christina
Yeah, I had I had one person that was like, oh, just just sell your home and then move to, you know, this place. And then you can spend, and it was an obscene amount of money. And so it was just like it was clear that this the reality for this person was very different than my reality.

00;11;36;27 - 00;11;46;08
Christina
And so it was like yeah. So it's that happens just yeah. This just not and and know that you are not alone in that experience.

00;11;46;08 - 00;11;49;11
Meghan
So yeah. Not alone. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's our whole thing.

00;11;49;11 - 00;11;58;20
Christina
Yeah. We want you to know when you hear these things that it's like you can just think, OK, this is one of those things that Megan and Christina talked about and just like, smile and nod your head.

00;11;59;23 - 00;12;51;06
Meghan
And like, the thing is, maybe selling your home is the right answer for you, you know? But it it was not for me or Christina. Yes. So I had somebody try to convert me to Christianity which, OK, like, I'm not a religious person. So when I say convert me, I mean, I don't know, I guess introduce me or I don't really know how to phrase that correctly, but I had, it was a pastor who I think was just using the opportunity of, like, what happens when a person dies to illustrate that I should join that faith because then I would get to see my person again, because that's that's what happens when you die

00;12;51;12 - 00;13;19;10
Meghan
according to that faith. Right? So it was, I felt as a person who does not practice Christianity, I felt that that was just a huge violation of the responsibility of being a pastor. Yeah. You know, I feel like there's a lot of responsibility there. And because when I said, oh, no, that's not you know, that's not something that I believe, they didn't stop.

00;13;20;09 - 00;13;47;19
Meghan
And so it just it felt very like, oogie? And there's, I'm not saying there's anything against Christianity. Not at all. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I I'm not a person who practices that. So my choice, my religious choice is just as valid as a Christian person's religious choice. And so in that moment, my choice then should you know, my saying oh, no, that's not how I wanted it.

00;13;47;19 - 00;13;49;29
Meghan
That should have been a full stop. But it wasn't.

00;13;49;29 - 00;14;18;11
Christina
Yeah. And as somebody from a faith background speaking to other people on here that hear this, I would say, yeah, when I heard you share that, it was like, well, yeah, that should be a, you know, if you are talking to somebody. Yeah, full stop like end that conversation. So if you're listening, you know, and you are someone from a faith background, be respectful of that.

00;14;18;11 - 00;14;43;19
Christina
Because it was not something that I had thought of until after it happened. I know that my counselor is a Christian counselor and I when the first time I went in, he asked me, he asked for, you know, what I was comfortable with. Are you comfortable with me praying with you at the end of this or not? And I imagine that he is respectful of that with people that are not.

00;14;43;19 - 00;14;51;06
Christina
So do it that what you will? But that is not a comfortable situation for people who have lost somebody to try to be converted.

00;14;51;13 - 00;15;20;28
Meghan
It's not that I have a problem with Christianity. That's not it at all. It was the timing. And I was, you know, dealing with my husband who just passed away unexpectedly. It just was not the moment for me to make a big life decision like joining a faith and and to and to join a religion on the basis of, oh, OK, well, if I do this, then I'll get to see my husband again.

00;15;20;28 - 00;15;41;11
Meghan
Like, that's not the right, that's not the right reason anyway. You know? So, yeah, absolutely nothing against different faiths or religions. Like, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying it was not the right time to try to get somebody. It was, this was not the time to hand out pamphlets about your religion.

00;15;42;23 - 00;16;11;22
Christina
I agree. Another thing that was shocking to me was how quickly I got letters in the mail from realtors wanting, soliciting to sell my home. That was so shocking. And I can understand that maybe if it were an older person that had passed away and it was, you know, the children needed to sell a home, these were not people that knew me.

00;16;11;26 - 00;16;30;13
Christina
So if you were a realtor, and you are doing this, be aware it fels really crappy to receive a letter like that. And I know it's a reality, but it feels like an ambulance chaser situation and it feels awful for the spouse that's receiving that letter. It's just kind of like another hit.

00;16;30;23 - 00;16;38;06
Meghan
I think, I received those also. I don't know how they get your information, to be honest. Maybe it's like.

00;16;40;11 - 00;16;57;03
Christina
I think they go through the obituaries, to be honest. Oh, yes, I know. I know a realtor, I'm related to a realtor and yes, that's what when I reached out and said, what in the world? Yeah. They said, this is this is what they're doing.

00;16;57;14 - 00;17;04;09
Meghan
Oh, I don't like it. It just feels so, it just feels so slimy.

00;17;05;03 - 00;17;20;04
Christina
I mean, if you are a realtor and you're listening to this and you know somebody this, you know, reach out. I had an attorney. This is just a side note. I had an attorney that I know that I've known for years. They reached out and all they said was, let me know if there of any way I can support you.

00;17;20;13 - 00;17;31;01
Christina
Now, did I expect that that attorney to do it for free? Absolutely not. But I, I appreciated the way that they approached it. Like I'm going to keep, you know, keep me in mind if you need any help.

00;17;31;01 - 00;17;54;19
Meghan
Yeah, I was going to I was going to say something like that, but then I didn't. So but now that you did, I'm going to, you know, agree and say, yeah, there if that is part of your the way you get new clients, there is a way that you can do it, that it's not gross. You know, so yeah, you can exactly, like you said, just reach out if you need support.

00;17;54;19 - 00;18;20;27
Meghan
I'm happy to help. And then maybe you get a new client or maybe it's like maybe that person isn't selling their house, but they're like, hey, I was really impressed with how this realtor reached out to me and they give your info to their sister who is selling a house. You know, I just think that there is a much better way to approach it from like a customer service standpoint than just sending a flier, that's gross.

00;18;23;00 - 00;18;43;03
Christina
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It was, it was, there was clearly an awareness in the wording of this letter that my spouse had passed and they were offering their services and they did not know me from Adam. So yeah, that was really surprising. And another letter that I received in the mail that I still receive in the mail that is shocking.

00;18;43;03 - 00;19;15;11
Christina
And I know another person who lost their spouse that lives in my neighborhood and receives the same letter. It is a handwritten letter from a religious organization handwritten full page letter, and it is addressed to Michael and myself, and Michael's been gone for two and a half years and I still receive these and the other person that lost their spouse, their spouse has been gone for seven years and they still receive these.

00;19;15;27 - 00;19;23;11
Christina
And it is just like again, it goes back to that, like they're not even checking. But these are

00;19;23;23 - 00;19;27;13
Meghan
I don't know how you check that, do you? I don't know how to check that.

00;19;27;13 - 00;19;34;22
Christina
But I mean, I feel like if you do not have a personal relationship with somebody you don't get to, you don't get to do that.

00;19;34;28 - 00;19;35;08
Meghan
Yeah.

00;19;35;26 - 00;19;44;18
Christina
You know what I mean? Like, don't send those letters. If you are a business owner and you do not know the person who lost someone, don't do that.

00;19;44;19 - 00;19;45;05
Meghan
It's gross, it's slimy.

00;19;47;29 - 00;19;58;19
Christina
And it feels really awful when you open a letter in that, you know, in that scenario. So, yeah, just just letting people know these things happen.

00;19;58;27 - 00;20;26;15
Meghan
I can't remember if I've talked about this before or not, but after Jason died right afterwards, my food tastes changed. Now they're kind of back to normal. Like, I kind of like the same stuff, but I would go to restaurants and the things that I would eat when Jason was alive sounded so gross to me. And I would order, like, entirely different things from the menu.

00;20;27;01 - 00;20;33;17
Meghan
I don't know what that is, some kind of like something in my brain, but it was so weird.

00;20;33;23 - 00;20;34;26
Christina
That's interesting.

00;20;34;27 - 00;20;35;16
Meghan
Right? It was weird.

00;20;35;17 - 00;20;46;21
Christina
Wow. I, I love really strange things like that. That's just, like, so unexpected, and it must have something to do with your brain processing. And then it's putting so much energy into processing that it's like.

00;20;47;09 - 00;21;04;03
Meghan
Yeah, yeah. I don't know if it's that or if it's like, oh, this food triggers this memory, and we can't handle that right now. And, like, I don't know, but but yeah, it was definitely, it was something I experienced, like, every time I would eat out.

00;21;04;13 - 00;21;14;05
Christina
Yeah. Wow. OK. Something I did not expect was hair loss. I did not expect to lose hair.

00;21;14;10 - 00;21;18;16
Meghan
I didn't experience that, but I've heard that trauma can cause that.

00;21;18;27 - 00;21;43;08
Christina
Yeah. And I was surprised to find out that trauma in your body. And I think it's about six months later, if I remember correctly, I went to have my hair done and my person who does my hair has experienced loss profound loss in her life. And she was like, yes, like this is, you know, this is what happens.

00;21;43;08 - 00;22;06;29
Christina
And so yeah, and I know a lot of people are experiencing that with C0VID right now. They're seeing that, you know, a couple months down the line, their body has gone through this trauma and they are experiencing hair loss. So if you are somebody that's like, what in the world my hair is coming out or my hair is thinned all of the sudden, yeah, I I didn't expect that.

00;22;06;29 - 00;22;09;13
Christina
So yeah, that was an unexpected thing.

00;22;09;13 - 00;22;15;14
Meghan
How long did it take for you to realize it? And then how long did it take for your hair to grow back?

00;22;15;21 - 00;22;38;20
Christina
I mean, my hair didn't completely fall out. It was just I kept noticing in the shower, you know, or when I would brush my hair. Like my brush was so full of hair. And I have a friend who has alopecia, and I remember her talking about that. They would have you count the hairs like an after you hit a certain amount then they would consider like, you know, that's how they would determine alopecia.

00;22;38;20 - 00;23;00;19
Christina
This was 20 years ago, but I was like seeing all of this hair in my brush, and that was like, do I count this? What's going on? And so my hairdresser was actually the person who confirms, like, hey, no, you're not. You know, this is normal. This is totally normal. And your body has experienced trauma. And it came back.

00;23;00;19 - 00;23;10;25
Christina
I mean, I have all these baby hairs like standing up, and now you know, but I didn't go I would I didn't have any bald patches. It was just hair falling out like crazy.

00;23;10;28 - 00;23;21;20
Meghan
I see. I have said such naturally fine hair to begin with, like, I can't afford for that to happen.

00;23;23;02 - 00;23;49;17
Christina
Your body is like, no, I can not do this. That's funny. Another one that surprised me was when months later, six months later, that family was really surprised or people here in my community were actually surprised. So I'm going to go back a little bit. I am not from this community. This is a community that Michael was born and raised in.

00;23;49;17 - 00;24;10;18
Christina
I lived here one year as a child, so my roots are in Southern California, and it really surprised a lot of people. And it surprised me when, you know, six months a year later, people said to me like, wow, we really expected you to move. And these weren't people who like right off the bat saying like, oh, sell your home.

00;24;10;28 - 00;24;25;15
Christina
They just didn't expect me they just genuinely did not expect me to stay here. So that was something that kind of caught me off guard. Like, oh, no, this is this is home. This is home to me. So, yeah, that was a surprising thing.

00;24;25;22 - 00;24;45;19
Meghan
I wonder if that kind of stems from I mean, you have said before that your house is Michael's childhood home. So maybe people see that as not like your home, but it's like your together home, your home as a couple. So now that he is gone, why would you stay there? Like, you know?

00;24;45;21 - 00;24;48;06
Christina
Yeah, that that makes sense.

00;24;48;13 - 00;24;54;06
Meghan
I am such a devil's advocate. I can always see multiple sides of every scenario, you know.

00;24;54;19 - 00;24;56;12
Christina
Friends listening. This is so true.

00;24;57;23 - 00;25;02;25
Meghan
It is my superpower or I'm sorry.

00;25;05;14 - 00;25;22;11
Christina
It is. In this case, the funny and I guess I like I've never filled people in on this piece of it. I'm the one who picked the house out. So when it came down to it, his parents were not living in this home. He grew up in it, and other family members had rented the home. And I came to that place.

00;25;22;11 - 00;25;25;17
Christina
I'm the one who picked it. I don't think Michael would have picked this home.

00;25;25;22 - 00;25;26;22
Meghan
Oh, I see.

00;25;26;26 - 00;25;33;04
Christina
Because he was always like, oh, my gosh, if you understood, like, how much work this house needed. So, yeah, this is 

00;25;33;05 - 00;25;37;20
Meghan
Didn't he want to, like, go live in the mountains or something. He wanted to live off the grid.

00;25;37;20 - 00;25;46;02
Christina
Yes, he did. Eventually. Yes. That was always his desire. So we would have lived in the boonies, as my people would call it.

00;25;47;12 - 00;25;52;00
Meghan
And you're like, but Amazon doesn't deliver there. We can't. 

00;25;52;12 - 00;25;57;05
Christina
Exactly. We're like, is there Internet yet? Keep us posted when we get high speed internet. 

00;25;57;05 - 00;25;57;16
Meghan
Yeah.

00;25;58;12 - 00;26;02;19
Christina
So yeah, that one was surprising.

00;26;04;26 - 00;26;18;21
Christina
The other a surprising one for me and this is these are the ones that like, man, if you have these stories, we could, we want to do. I would love personally to do a whole entire episode on this of other people's experiences.

00;26;19;04 - 00;26;27;14
Meghan
We would keep it anonymous too. Oh, I know. Because if you've gone through it, chances are somebody else has to.

00;26;27;14 - 00;26;52;18
Christina
So we're going to - these are going to start getting a little bit more juice here. So there were things that happened at Michael's funeral that like if you're friends with me, you could ask me in private, but I would never publicly say the crazy stuff that happened at his funeral that if there were not other people with me that witnessed it, I would be like, was did that really happen?

00;26;52;18 - 00;27;12;25
Christina
Like there were people standing by me when some of these things happened. So I know I didn't imagine it. But like, we literally as a family sometimes are like, did that did that just really happen? So I can't, I don't want to tell these stories because I love these people. And but yeah, there is some crazy stuff that happened yes.

00;27;13;03 - 00;27;37;06
Meghan
I didn't have that experience. We didn't have a funeral. We had a celebration of life, and it was just at my house. So lots of people came over. And I think the most surprising thing that happened to me was that I did not feel like I was in my body for any of that. I like, it's like this weird, sort of like fuzzy, surreal, blurry memory.

00;27;37;13 - 00;28;08;15
Meghan
I know I was there, but I wasn't like, I'm a person who is, I can balance multiple things at once. At once. I am a multitasker. Like, I'm, you know, like running a business raising a kid. Like, I usually have all my ducks in a row. So to have that flip flop opposite feeling where I feel like I'm just kind of floating through life and like not in control of anything, that is something that happened to me.

00;28;08;15 - 00;28;33;06
Meghan
And I guess thinking about it now, it shouldn't have been surprising because everything I was balancing just kind of crashed down. But that is something that I dealt with like for a while after Jason died. Definitely through the celebration of life. Like, I remember there were people at my house, there was a tent in my backyard, and then the people were gone.

00;28;33;06 - 00;28;37;14
Meghan
Like, I don't, I don't remember like hardly at all.

00;28;37;17 - 00;29;08;12
Christina
Yeah, there were like, I will share one crazy thing that happened at the funeral in the middle of my husband's funeral a couple minutes before the funeral started. People, public does not know this. So if friends and family, or family knows, but they came over to me a couple of minutes before the funeral started, and I had been very clear that the funeral I this funeral was going to be from this time to this time because my husband worked at an institution where people work around the clock.

00;29;09;00 - 00;29;12;11
Christina
And so we tried to overlap it, I don't know if I've told this part.

00;29;12;11 - 00;29;12;23
Meghan
Oh, the shift change.

00;29;12;24 - 00;29;29;18
Christina
Yeah, yeah. But he actually two weeks before he passed, said to me, because someone else had passed, like these are the times that I think a funeral like it would work for a funeral. I asked him, I said, What time do you think would be good for a funeral? So, so random, you guys.

00;29;29;19 - 00;29;35;23
Meghan
Oh, my gosh. I thought you were going to say I asked him what time I should do your funeral.

00;29;35;24 - 00;30;01;23
Christina
Oh, no. It was weird because we had lost an officer two weeks prior to cancer, and my husband wasn't able to make it because he was working on a shift and they didn't have coverage for a bunch of the officers to leave. And so he was really bummed. He came home and he was so bummed. And, you know, just you could see, heartbroken that he didn't get to attend the funeral.

00;30;02;04 - 00;30;20;22
Christina
And he came and he sat down. He was sharing this with me. And I could see that. And I said, well, what would be a good time? And he said, between 11:00 and 2:00 because and he explained the way that the shifts change over and first watch and second watch and third watch. And I think this would, he gave it some thought.

00;30;21;06 - 00;30;38;22
Christina
And so I did that. So I had explained to the funeral directors like this is why we're doing this. And 5 minutes before the funeral started, they came up to me and said, the funeral started at 11, they said, we have to have his body out of here by 12:00.

00;30;38;22 - 00;30;42;10
Meghan
What in the world, why?

00;30;42;10 - 00;31;05;27
Christina
Like I have like a whole funeral, like a whole service, I should say, service planned here. Like we have you know, we had a montage, we had, you know, some people speaking, we wanted to have open mic and all of this stuff. And so in the middle of my husband's service, yeah, I wanted to retire his badge. And so I, they had to come up and open his coffin.

00;31;05;27 - 00;31;26;15
Christina
It was not an open coffin at that point. They had to like open his coffin and the like. There was an audible gasp in the room. 500 people gasping at one time is something everybody notices. And I, you know, removed his badge and they wheeled him out, his body out, in the middle of the service. So.

00;31;26;24 - 00;31;28;27
Meghan
Why, what was the reason.

00;31;29;03 - 00;31;51;16
Christina
I don't, I do not know. I do not know. To this day. I do not know. And I was so upset. I have never gone back and like said something I am aware that I have friends who are have said something, but I've never publicly talked about that. But that was so shocking because they were very aware that means that, like, people didn't get to go up and, like, pay their respects.

00;31;51;16 - 00;32;13;18
Christina
It was, it was in the middle, dead stop in the middle because my husband it was an officer's funeral there's like a whole, you know, the playing of Amazing Grace on the bagpipes. And there's, you know, this I think it's like a salute, like the gun salute, all of this stuff. It is more involved in a military funeral.

00;32;13;18 - 00;32;32;14
Christina
And we had to, like, stop in the middle of the service. And it was crazy. So if you have crazy stories like that, we we want to hear them, we want to hear the dirt. But, yeah, that was like people didn't even realize, but it was shocking to people that we had to, like, stop and do that. And then the funeral just went on without his body there.

00;32;32;24 - 00;32;38;26
Christina
And we still don't know why. I've never asked, but yeah, it's yeah.

00;32;38;26 - 00;32;54;05
Meghan
Oh my gosh. Just the lack of regard for people going through something like I don't, I don't know the reasons the body has to, you know, be in certain places. It may have something to do with like refrigeration. I don't know.

00;32;54;05 - 00;32;57;18
Christina
Oh, no, no. I'm with you. I have no idea.

00;32;57;20 - 00;33;05;06
Meghan
But it just seems like that could have been addressed before the funeral. They knew it was going to be 12 to 2. Right. So.

00;33;05;26 - 00;33;10;14
Christina
Oh yeah. It was in writing. So yeah, that was rather shocking.

00;33;10;18 - 00;33;36;21
Meghan
So that reminds me of something like you're definitely not on the same level that happened to me, but I, Jason was cremated and my credit card information was compromised at and at some point in the cremation place. So because I had put that on a credit card, I don't use very often. So it was the only thing I had charged.

00;33;36;21 - 00;33;57;16
Meghan
And then suddenly I'm getting all these other charges. So my info was stolen like from, I don't know, I mean, I don't know how it happened, but I know that that's where it happened because it was the only thing, the only place that had my card info. I don't want to be accusatory, but that wasn't cool. 

00;33;59;27 - 00;34;11;09
Meghan
I, at least I was. I remember being grateful that I didn't use my main regular credit card because then I have to go through and like change it on every thing when you get a new card, so.

00;34;12;04 - 00;34;30;17
Christina
I think people were also surprised. This was another thing that I didn't sell all of Michael's valuables. We see that like the memes on Facebook where people are like, Oh, I hope my wife doesn't sell my guns for whatever, what I told them they were worth.

00;34;31;01 - 00;34;31;23
Meghan
Oh yeah.

00;34;31;23 - 00;35;04;18
Christina
But like things of value that Michael had, I knew they were valuable. And so that was surprising. To people because I think that they assumed that because they were things of value. I don't, I don't know how to say this because I want to be vague about it, but I think that surprised people. They were like showing up at my door like, hey, if you want to sell this, then let me know or if you want to sell that.

00;35;04;18 - 00;35;07;07
Christina
And that was surprising to me.

00;35;07;17 - 00;35;33;05
Meghan
I got that to where it was like it was like people wanted to be sure they were first in line for whatever thing, you know, and I really yeah, I really put my foot down because like, if you are not one of the kids, you're not, like the answer is no, you know? Yeah. Because like, I had somebody tell me, Jason promised me that he would give me this when he died.

00;35;33;05 - 00;35;43;20
Meghan
And I was like, well, he didn't notify me, so. Yeah. And I'm like, you know, and like I said, if you're not one of Jason's kids, then sorry.

00;35;44;15 - 00;36;16;09
Christina
Yeah. Give people time and, you know, kind of on the same lines. Another shift was I had been warned very quickly, my dad warned me that he had seen where people would try to take advantage of people who had lost someone. And since this time, I've heard other stories of this happening to people. But I had been warned rather quickly, people will try to take advantage of you and someone here in town that, Michael had introduced me to this person.

00;36;16;09 - 00;36;40;25
Christina
And so I knew it was somebody I could trust. They worked with Michael, and they were they told me a story about how that in their industry, they had a widow come in with somebody who wanted to buy something of value, and the person wanted to buy something that the widow had that was the husband's. And this person told the widow in front of this person, this person is taking advantage of you.

00;36;41;00 - 00;37;18;03
Christina
And it made the buyer angry. But they they were trying to take advantage of the person that they didn't know the value of the object that their husband had. And so I think, like, my thing to people would be, hey, like people will do this to you. It happens and find people around you. I have had this happen since then in the course of the last couple of years where people think you do not understand the value of something and they will just assume that, OK, I'm I'm going to I'm going to do this.

00;37;18;03 - 00;37;47;12
Christina
And it's like, no, no, no, no. And so my encouragement would be reach out to people if your, if your person had something of value, this could be your dad, it could be your uncle, you know, your mom, whatever it is, do a little research. And if it can't be, you ask a friend to do research. Can you find out this broach right here, is this broach of any value is, you know, this car of any value, what is the value, and ask somebody to help you do your research.

00;37;48;03 - 00;38;12;15
Christina
I reached out to someone who I knew, Michael had something and I was looking at selling it, and I reached out to people in that industry and said, hey, like, this is your field, this is your specialty. Can you this is my research. Can you confirm that I'm on the right track with this? And they said yes, and do not sell this for any less than this.

00;38;13;01 - 00;38;25;27
Christina
Do not, you know, that type of thing. So do a little research would be my suggestion, but people will, it will shock you or you may not realize it's happening, but people will try to take advantage yeah.

00;38;25;27 - 00;38;36;08
Meghan
And that's so gross. It's gross to even have to, like, warn people of that. But it's true. I mean, for sure. Did you have anybody flirt with you?

00;38;36;14 - 00;39;01;01
Christina
I didn't. I honestly did not. Immediately after Michael died, within weeks of Michael dying, you know, I went to a counselor. The counselor warned me, my dad within like a week of Michael dying was like, hey, you could have, you know, men come into your life that try to take advantage, my counselor within like literally the second week of going to my counselor, he warned me.

00;39;01;14 - 00;39;26;04
Christina
I did not have that. What I did have that was shocking was somebody, and I'm going to preface this by saying, if you know me, you absolutely do not know the person that this happened with, but that a childhood acquaintance reached out to me and was like, I want to leave my wife for you and.

00;39;26;04 - 00;39;28;03
Meghan
Yikes on a bike, oh my gosh.

00;39;28;22 - 00;39;56;22
Christina
Yeah. And when I say that there was absolutely nothing on my part, it was like, I don't even know how to explain this, but imagine like somebody calling you and saying, this is what I want to do. And you're like, what? Like, I've never given you any reason. Any reason. I haven't even talked to you in, you know, 35 years, where in the world does this come from?

00;39;57;13 - 00;39;58;05
Meghan
Oh my gosh.

00;39;58;25 - 00;40;24;18
Christina
And so for me, my automatic instinct is, it's to start singing like a bird. Like tell as many people as I knew, like immediately picking up the phone and saying, Oh my goodness, this is what just happened, because how freaking scary that you lost your person. And now somebody is like, they're there telling you they're going to leave their spouse and show up at your door.

00;40;24;18 - 00;40;36;22
Christina
And you're like, what the actual heck just happened? And are people going to think if this person, and you're just saying, no, no, no, what what are you talking about? Do not. So, yeah, that was crazy.

00;40;37;00 - 00;40;45;02
Meghan
Oh, the disrespect. Like, just to you, to the spouse, like, ugh.

00;40;45;21 - 00;40;47;15
Christina
It was shocking and gross.

00;40;47;15 - 00;40;52;07
Meghan
Yeah. Yeah. We've talked a lot of gross things on this episode. Gross behaviors.

00;40;52;21 - 00;41;18;22
Christina
Yeah. I, you know, and I, you know, we talked about earlier, if you are an attorney or, you know, something like that and reach out to somebody. But I know there was a widow that shared with me about that their attorney, like they thought like the attorney invited them out to lunch and they thought that they were going to be discussing, you know, maybe the the estate and stuff like that.

00;41;18;22 - 00;41;26;26
Christina
And and then they finally realized like this was not a work lunch. This was, you know

00;41;26;26 - 00;41;27;05
Meghan
Like a date? Gross.

00;41;27;05 - 00;41;47;29
Christina
Yeah. Like a - gross, yeah. So if you find yourself in these situations, we're just like, again, think back and go, oh, this is this is a story for Meghan and Christina. I'm going to send this, I'm just gonna chalk it up. But yeah, if you find yourself, you are not alone in the awkwardness of these, these things.

00;41;48;06 - 00;41;48;15
Christina
Yeah.

00;41;48;15 - 00;41;57;20
Meghan
So I didn't really have anybody flirt with me, but I am also someone who is, like, always fully oblivious to, oh, when flirting happens. 

00;41;58;00 - 00;42;05;17
Christina
Yes. Yes. And I think like you know, I said, nobody flirted with me. I don't know that I would have known. I'll be honest.

00;42;06;07 - 00;42;17;02
Meghan
Yeah. Well, you know, I also like don't leave my house. So unless you just like appear in my living room, like.

00;42;17;11 - 00;42;20;09
Christina
Oh, my gosh, that's funny.

00;42;20;11 - 00;42;35;08
Meghan
I do remember when I was, like, ready to start dating and, like, thinking about that, I was like, I don't really know how to do this because I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to download an app. So I guess somebody is just going to have to appear like, I don't know.

00;42;38;13 - 00;43;06;07
Christina
That's awesome, you know, this is like I mean, that's kind of an interesting segway into the last one on my list. And and it, this is not any reflection of my marriage. Let's, I'm going to, I'm going to start by saying that I think the thing that shocked me like was the biggest overall shock that took the longest time to wrestle with in my brain, is that being single was not terrible.

00;43;06;21 - 00;43;07;21
Meghan
You know.

00;43;08;25 - 00;43;17;07
Christina
It's not - I love, I loved Michael. I will love Michael until the day I see him again.

00;43;17;15 - 00;43;17;27
Meghan
Mm hmm.

00;43;18;13 - 00;43;28;17
Christina
So it's not a reflection of that. But I think that that is something that if you are listening and you lost somebody you may have experienced, where it's like.

00;43;28;25 - 00;43;43;26
Meghan
We talked about this, we talked about like not having to check in on the different sense that you purchase for like your wax melter, right? Like, yeah, little things like that. Just you show that you're like wait, this is OK. This isn't all bad.

00;43;44;13 - 00;44;12;27
Christina
Yeah. I mean, it doesn't mean that you're not grieving. It doesn't mean, but like, I think that if you see people that stay stay single for a while and you're like, why? I think there's an entire generation of people and we're going to do a future episode about this about being single and dating, that that was not something that's something that shocked me after a while, and that was something that I had to grieve, that I was like, Wait, what?

00;44;13;10 - 00;44;22;25
Christina
I miss him terribly. But at the same time, I was like, OK, I understand why people are single, you know, like, it's it's not awful.

00;44;22;28 - 00;44;53;03
Meghan
It's not, it's like this weird feeling to balance where you're like, Yeah, I miss this person. But I also don't really hate my life right now. Like, I'm, yeah, I am enjoying the single life and not not in, like, a way where you're just dating a bunch, but just like, being on your own and figuring things out and not having to ask to do things or not like in a permission way, but like checking and or the Back and forth

00;44;53;04 - 00;44;53;12
Christina
Exactly.

00;44;53;14 - 00;45;01;25
Meghan
You're not having to do all that. You're just like fully responsible for your choices. And you're like, sweet. I can get whatever smelly wax I want.

00;45;03;23 - 00;45;05;16
Christina
I can eat ice cream for dinner.

00;45;05;23 - 00;45;10;00
Meghan
Yeah, sure can. I can put it in my yeti cup. 

00;45;12;09 - 00;45;32;03
Christina
Exactly. Exactly. So I think that the whole point of us sharing the things like that, is that if you find yourself in that position and you don't want to talk about it like I, that's a little scary for me that like I'm like, if, if I say what I just said, are people going to judge me and be like, oh, she didn't love her husband?

00;45;32;03 - 00;45;32;23
Christina
Absolutely.

00;45;32;24 - 00;45;33;09
Meghan
No.

00;45;33;18 - 00;45;37;23
Christina
Absolutely not. But I just want you to know you're not alone. If you find that

00;45;37;23 - 00;45;55;12
Meghan
What good does that do? You know, you have lost your husband. He's gone. So what? You're not allowed to, like, appreciate the good things happening in your life now, like, because you're your husband died. You're not allowed to be grateful for these little moments of happiness that you have. No, that's ridiculous.

00;45;55;12 - 00;46;20;06
Christina
Yeah. Like getting up in the morning and like, the dishes, you know, being, you know, there's not somebody else that you're you know, that you're taking care of or, same thing. He was taking care of me, like you both just yeah. It's a really different space. And and I'll be really honest, like, and we're going to have to talk about this on a future episode, but, like, I used to think like, oh, I feel sorry for people who are single.

00;46;20;06 - 00;46;26;07
Christina
Like, that must be tough. I wish you could see my face right now. Like, friends. It's not as tough as, like, you might think.

00;46;26;07 - 00;46;26;17
Meghan
Yeah.

00;46;26;26 - 00;46;34;10
Christina
So if you're experiencing that, that's all I'm saying. If you go through any of this, we don't want you to feel alone, and we don't want you to feel ashamed of that.

00;46;35;13 - 00;46;35;24
Meghan
Yeah. Exactly.

00;46;36;06 - 00;46;40;14
Christina
I know I'm not the only one that experienced that, that was a shock to me.

00;46;40;23 - 00;46;41;03
Meghan
Yeah.

00;46;41;11 - 00;46;45;07
Christina
So was there anything else on your list? Like, I've been, like, running down mine?

00;46;45;16 - 00;47;11;03
Meghan
No, I didn't have anything else. I didn't have anything else unexpected. And I think it's maybe partly because I can't remember. You know, for me, it was four years ago when Jason died, and the whole experience was like, you know, I was in shock. I was finding my footing and everything was unexpected. So it's hard to cherry pick these things out of there.

00;47;11;03 - 00;47;15;01
Meghan
That felt weird, but I really enjoyed hearing your stories.

00;47;17;23 - 00;47;35;15
Christina
I was just like, I want to hear everybody else's. It will be totally anonymous if you send your stuff in. What are the awkward, super awkward? What the heck just happened? Did that really happen? Was anybody else around to confirm that just, I did not imagine that happened. That's, we want to hear those things.

00;47;35;15 - 00;47;44;05
Meghan
Yes. You can email us or you can DM us on social media. Wherever you follow us, you can contact us that way.

00;47;44;15 - 00;47;56;05
Christina
And then maybe I'll read them, I'll just read them like and you can hear them and it could just be like your blind reaction. Or we could just like blind react. You could blind react to them.

00;47;56;12 - 00;47;58;18
Meghan
OK. Yeah, that sounds great.

00;48;00;18 - 00;48;02;07
Christina
So send that. Send us all the things.

00;48;02;16 - 00;48;05;21
Meghan
Do you have anything else to add? Any other weird things that happened to you?

00;48;06;09 - 00;48;27;09
Christina
Not that I can think of. I mean, the dreams like dreaming about that was, yeah, we need to do a whole episode on like, I don't know if I want to say paranormal or just like unexpected things like that. That will be a future episode. Yeah. So that's, that's like a little teaser. So OK, it's like send us stuff like that.

00;48;27;09 - 00;48;40;27
Christina
Like, did you dream about your person? Did you have an experience were that you that. Yeah, yeah. Send us, send us those things too. So I think, I think that's all I have. I'm going to go do my, write my paper, my last paper.

00;48;40;27 - 00;48;41;24
Meghan
You're so close.

00;48;41;24 - 00;48;45;27
Christina
That I ever have to write for college. I'm going to go and study for my last exam that I

00;48;46;21 - 00;48;54;27
Christina
Ever have to study for. So that's what I'm going to go do right now. I'm looking forward to that. That is, that is truly what's bringing me life right now is that I can see the finish line. 

00;48;54;27 - 00;48;56;17
Meghan
You are so close to being done.

00;48;57;17 - 00;49;03;29
Christina
So fun. What about you? Anything else that you would like to add? Oh, look at you holding your precious, your precious fizzy water.


00;49;04;14 - 00;49;24;10
Meghan
My precious fizzy water. Well, I was about to do our toast at the end, so. I was getting ready. No, I don't have anything else to add to this episode. I wish I had more fun stuff to add in general, but I just, I guess I just want to say thanks. Thanks for being here. You know, thanks for listening.

00;49;24;10 - 00;49;42;18
Meghan
Thank you for leaving us a review. If you feel so inclined to help other people find us. And thank you for subscribing to our little podcast. All right, friends. Well, the time has come. So whether your cup is empty, half full or overflowing, raise it up, Chee-***

00;49;47;09 - 00;49;51;23
Meghan
Here's to the craziness of life after loss. Cheers.

00;49;54;06 - 00;50;11;07
Meghan
Thank you so much for being here with us. Please subscribe to our podcast if you found it helpful. And you can also find us on social media on Instagram at Full Cup Club podcast. And if you search full cup club podcast on Facebook again, thanks, friends, and we'll see you next time.