27 - PTSD After Loss

PTSD after loss is real. Christina and Meghan share their experiences with PTSD and grief in this episode, with some laughs and book recommendations along the way. Grief sucks. It's hard, and then you add in PTSD and/or anxiety?! We get it. We understand, and we want you to know that you're not alone and that there is help available. This is a heavy topic, so how are we laughing, joking, and talking about sci-fi? Because we're living breathing humans who are dealing with grief and PTSD while living regular lives. It's hard, but we're moving forward and you can too.

Books we talked about in this episode:
1. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. - https://amzn.to/3ORhwmy
2. The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker - https://amzn.to/3Qb7A8C

Meghan's sci-fi book recommendations:
Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir - https://amzn.to/3vzrimB
and if you haven't read The Martian by Andy Weir, read that one first! - https://amzn.to/3zswtpm

If you find this podcast helpful, please subscribe and leave us a review! Having reviews is the best way for people to find this podcast. New episodes are available every Wednesday. Thanks for being here! You can also support the show by buying us a coffee :)

Transcript

00;00;00;06 - 00;00;37;04
Christina
Monday would have been Michael's 49th birthday. And I invited his family over and some friends over to have dinner. And what I found interesting was he didn't realize until later that evening when I was looking at, you know, how Facebook will bring up memories from the previous years. That last year I had really struggled on Michael's birthday. It was the second year of not having him, and that day I had to take Xanax like it was a rough day.

00;00;37;20 - 00;00;43;09
Christina
And this year actually like it wasn't. I had a a good day.

00;00;44;11 - 00;00;44;22
Meghan
Yeah.

00;00;45;03 - 00;01;08;11
Christina
But what was really interesting to me was that other people in his family were struggling that day. It had been a very triggering day for them, and that caught them off guard. That was not something, I think after a few birthdays that they weren't expecting that. And after this amount of time, he and one of their family members shared with me that this had never happened to them before.

00;01;08;12 - 00;01;31;12
Christina
Date had never been triggering with other losses. And so I found that really interesting. One fun thing that we did at the end of the night after everyone had gone home, I really just a lot of people released balloons on somebodys birthday. They do interned or something like that. I released 6000 ladybugs into my greenhouse.

00;01;31;22 - 00;01;35;26
Meghan
And so I'm so much better for the environment and for your greenhouse.

00;01;36;00 - 00;01;46;07
Christina
Yes. And so, you know, they're they're doing double duty, remembering Michael and eating aphids. And they bring me joy. So, you know, there it goes.

00;01;46;15 - 00;01;57;11
Meghan
You know, it's the it's the trifecta eating aphids, bringing joy, remembering Michael. Very good. Hi, I'm Megan, and I am Christina.

00;01;57;20 - 00;02;00;04
Christina
And this is a full Cup Club podcast.

00;02;00;18 - 00;02;09;26
Meghan
We're here to talk through the good, the bad and the ugly of loss. Whether that's losing a loved one, a job, a dream, or even your marbles.

00;02;10;18 - 00;02;36;01
Christina
So whether your cup has coffee, tea or vodka in it. Welcome to the Full Cup Club Friends. On today's episode we are chatting about PTSD after a loss. If you have lost someone, you may not be aware that you have PTSD. Maybe you don't. Maybe you're doing great. But for those of you who have experienced this, or maybe you're going to find out today, whoa.

00;02;36;01 - 00;02;49;13
Christina
I didn't realize that was something I was struggling with. Today is the day for you. But before we begin, Megan, what is in your cup today?

00;02;49;13 - 00;03;01;01
Meghan
I have something different. I am drinking a Vietnamese iced coffee. I just went out to eat and. I love. Have you had any enemies? Iced coffee.

00;03;01;14 - 00;03;08;23
Christina
I feel like. I feel like I have. Like I stayed somewhere and they had it. Yes. Yes, I have.

00;03;08;28 - 00;03;31;03
Meghan
Yeah. So we like we like fire in my house, which is like a soup. And two things happened that were notable at lunch today when I got an iced coffee. I love it. It's. It's like a stronger brew than typical. But then you add sweetened, condensed milk. So it's, like, really sweet. It's good. So that's what Vietnamese iced coffee is.

00;03;31;03 - 00;03;53;15
Meghan
But the other thing that happened to me besides ordering coffee in the afternoon, so I'm going to be up until four in the morning. The other thing is that I dumped a bowl of soup into my lap. It wasn't hot, so it wasn't burned, but it was wet on me. So it spilled all over my lap, all on the floor.

00;03;54;07 - 00;04;10;13
Meghan
It was like a whole thing and I was just like, I immediately just went in a mop mode, like, clean it up, clean it up. You know, I'm like, down on the floor, like, scrubbing with a napkin. They didn't even come over to me. I felt like I was maybe like that efficient about it, where I was like, Oh, got a mask, got to clean it up, you know?

00;04;11;18 - 00;04;12;28
Christina
Now, like, she's got this.

00;04;13;01 - 00;04;16;15
Meghan
Yeah. Bummer. Bummer that I didn't get to eat that.

00;04;16;15 - 00;04;17;05
Christina
Sorry.

00;04;17;18 - 00;04;25;20
Meghan
That's all right. That's all right. I survived. What are you drinking today? And you know what else? What's filling your cup? Metaphorically.

00;04;26;03 - 00;04;45;19
Christina
Oh, my goodness. Okay, so I'm going to answer what's in my cup, and then I'm going to I'm going to shoot it back to you and sort of what is metaphorically in your cup. And then we'll come back to me. I am drinking an iced coffee. I'm just like that is also, you know, just helping my life right now that some days I make extra coffee.

00;04;45;19 - 00;04;50;21
Christina
In the morning I put it in the fridge and yeah. So iced coffee this afternoon.

00;04;50;21 - 00;04;59;05
Meghan
Did you just say refresh? Did you just put the emphasis on the wrong syllable?

00;04;59;05 - 00;05;06;14
Christina
How do you know? I said so. There, fridge. I don't know. I don't know. Did I make that up? I don't know what's happening.

00;05;06;15 - 00;05;11;03
Meghan
I think you did. I think you coined this.

00;05;11;03 - 00;05;16;23
Christina
Oh, yeah. There you go. It's the braces. So what is metaphorically filling your cup currently?

00;05;16;23 - 00;05;21;26
Meghan
Meghan Oh, my goodness. What is filling my cup? I feel.

00;05;22;19 - 00;05;27;13
Christina
I feel like it just should just pop to mind, but yeah, it should.

00;05;27;13 - 00;05;51;00
Meghan
I have had a very busy, very overwhelming week, so I think my cup is actually kind of empty. And, you know, we do see that whether your cup is empty half full, you go glowing. You know, I don't think I'm having an overflowing week. I'm having an empty cup week just because I'm I just have a lot going on, so that doesn't mean I'm, like, upset or sad or anything.

00;05;51;00 - 00;06;05;28
Meghan
It's just that, like, I'm just busy, so I need to work to slow down. And that will be my goal this weekend is to just kind of take a deep breath and rest and try not to plan too much. What about you?

00;06;05;29 - 00;06;31;09
Christina
Okay, so I figured out a personal life hack and that is to do things backwards. There's so many things in my life that I just can't. I won't say bored, but, like, get overwhelmed with doing. And I never get to the end result. And so yeah, I've decided that I'm going to flip those things. So for example, I will clean my house and by the end of the day I'm just like to work out to do my bedroom.

00;06;31;09 - 00;06;50;18
Christina
And that has happened for years. And I put it out and I feel like what that has been doing is putting myself on the back burner for a lot of years. And, you know, they always say to put your oxygen mask on first, but you don't think about something like your bedroom being the oxygen mask. And so I did that the other day.

00;06;50;18 - 00;07;08;21
Christina
I cleaned my bedroom first, and that is just like giving me life. So there's a lot of things that I've been doing, just like flipping the, you know, flipping that and doing the thing. The other thing first, the last thing, the thing that I would usually do last for. So that has really brought me a lot of life.

00;07;08;21 - 00;07;11;17
Christina
Yeah. And yeah. So that's, that's the thing right now.

00;07;11;24 - 00;07;14;20
Meghan
Yeah, that's awesome. I think that's a great idea. Great job.

00;07;14;21 - 00;07;43;09
Christina
Thank you. It only took me 48 years, so friends were going to jump right in and start talking about the super fun just kidding and topic are PTSD. So PTSD stands for post-traumatic stress disorder. And if you are not familiar with it, I am I'm happy for you that you are not familiar with it. Some of you may have experienced it after the loss of a spouse.

00;07;43;22 - 00;08;03;07
Christina
I experienced it before I lost Michael. I had something happen when I was 11 years old and it was not triggered until almost 25 years later. The dad, the post-traumatic stress, didn't get tripped off until many, many years later.

00;08;03;10 - 00;08;18;15
Meghan
That is so interesting to me. I didn't realize that you could have PTSD without without knowing, you know, or or have so much time between the event, the traumatic event, and then the PTSD kicking in.

00;08;18;28 - 00;08;46;24
Christina
I didn't either. I mean, this is this is just my experience with this. And so 25 years later, something happened that was almost identical to the traumatic event that happened. And it sent me into this. Really, it's the way that I explain to people what PTSD is like to me is like you are trapped in a box with that traumatic event and it's happening on repeat.

00;08;46;24 - 00;09;13;22
Christina
And when this happened as an adult, when that event was triggered, I spent three months in this cycle of reliving this event with him up in the middle of the night, wide awake and right back in the middle of this traumatic event that had happened as an adult and I lost weight very rapidly. The people around me, I could tell they had no idea how to help me.

00;09;14;01 - 00;09;38;28
Christina
And my husband was around me. My husband's family was around me, but no one in my circle recognized what was happening. I didn't even recognize what was happening. And a lot of sleepless nights, really. It's amazing what your brain will do to protect you. Three months later, I go into the doctor. I'm still experiencing this, but I go in to the doctor and I'm having a mole removed.

00;09;39;03 - 00;10;20;11
Christina
And I wasn't super fond of the idea of having this mole removed, so she gave me a sedative. And the moment that that sedative kicked in, that PTSD, all of that was happening, stopped. And I was like, Whoa. And that is the moment that I realized something was going on. And so that was kind of the beginning of getting help and so if you are reacting in ways, maybe you're just like reliving this moment, maybe you lost your person and it was traumatic and you found them or you experienced this really hard thing in your life.

00;10;20;23 - 00;10;47;29
Christina
And we're going to talk about some of those things today, but maybe you're reliving it. Maybe you're reacting to things that other people don't react the same way, too. And they're looking at you like, what the heck is why is why are they looking at me like this? It may be because you you've experienced something really hard. And so to me, that's kind of what PTSD does, is you're trapped in this cycle of reliving this thing.

00;10;48;17 - 00;10;53;01
Christina
And it gave me very real sights, sounds. All the things come back instantly.

00;10;53;01 - 00;11;20;05
Meghan
Yeah, I think that that is a good way to describe it. And this is just our experience. Yes. With PTSD. Yes. Right. So just just kind of what we know from our lives, there are probably other ways you experience PTSD that we're not familiar with or won't go into. But for me, in my experience, I thought I felt a PTSD number one.

00;11;20;05 - 00;11;38;25
Meghan
I thought it was like something only veterans experi Ernst I thought it was like only soldiers coming back from war were allowed to have PTSD. Like, I just thought that that was Oh yeah, PTSD is only for this group of people. They're the only ones that experience it. And that's not true at all. It can be any traumatic event.

00;11;38;26 - 00;12;17;28
Meghan
Yes. It doesn't even necessarily have to be loss related. It can be anything. In my experience with loss, I just the way PTSD manifests for me is a fear that an unexpected tragedy is going to happen kind of all the time. So I just always I didn't have anxiety as bad as I do now before Jason died. So that it's it's it's kind of an always it's it's really triggered a lot more anxiety for me, just about just anything bad that is unexpected.

00;12;17;28 - 00;12;41;00
Meghan
And that's because Jason died in an unexpected way. He was healthy in his forties. His heart shouldn't have stopped. So now my brain is like, oh, my gosh, anybody can die at any time. Yes. Oh, no. That means somebody I love is going to die. Oh, no. You know what I mean?

00;12;41;02 - 00;12;49;26
Christina
I'm curious, do you mentally plan for that? Like when you think of like, oh, my goodness, this person could die, do you mentally plan for how that would play out?

00;12;49;29 - 00;12;55;17
Meghan
No, I don't do that. That would I think that would be really bad for me instead.

00;12;55;17 - 00;12;59;06
Christina
So just so we're clear. Yeah, no, I do. So share.

00;12;59;07 - 00;13;23;17
Meghan
Like. No, I think that that would make it worse and I would like just spiral if I did that. I, I generally recognize when it's happening and I, I like, I take deep breaths and I say, No, I'm safe, they're safe, they're healthy, we're healthy. Like whatever it is, like, I have to, like, almost like meditate on those phrases like, I'm safe, I'm healthy.

00;13;23;17 - 00;13;51;21
Meghan
I do like breathing exercises. Like when it gets really bad and it does like pretty regularly. So, and I'm laughing, but like it's, it's totally real something that I absolutely have to deal with. And I just, you know, deep breaths and then like, I'm safe, my son is safe. My family is safe. We're all healthy. No, I don't smell smoke.

00;13;51;21 - 00;14;07;12
Meghan
That's just my brain trying to take me. We're all you know, our blood pressure is fine. We are not going to have a heart attack like know. I just have to logically say those things to myself that mean, like, sometimes out loud. But. But, yeah, almost like you're meditating.

00;14;08;00 - 00;14;31;26
Christina
Okay, for me, I will literally lay it out in my head like worst case scenario. And I think the reason I do that is to get to the conclusion that like, I will be okay if this happens, I will survive this, I will be okay, we will be okay. And so that is that's how I've always I don't know, maybe other people don't do that.

00;14;31;26 - 00;14;52;23
Christina
I literally am. I remember, you know, when my friend Carlos and I first started chatting like that was it was pretty early on after my uncle passed probably five, six, seven months down the line. And he and I would talk on a regular basis and my brain was just like, okay, what would if Carlos died, what would I say at his funeral?

00;14;52;23 - 00;15;14;13
Christina
Like, who would be at his funeral? And I mean, that is how, you know, when you have gone through something really hard, that's how my brain dealt was dealing with it. It's not so bad now, but I do I think of like well, like I recognized something. I was like, okay, this is from losing Michael suddenly and realizing, like, I could I could lose this person.

00;15;15;08 - 00;15;30;15
Christina
Yeah. So I think my brain just, like, plays out can kind of handle that and it gets to the place versus, you know, worst case scenario, you. Absolutely. I love that scene. We've lived through the worst days of our life like we survived the worst days of our life. So I think that that's that's just how I.

00;15;30;15 - 00;15;53;26
Meghan
Yeah, unless there's worse ones coming, that's how my brain works, you know? So your brain protects you by saying, okay, now let's, let's play this out. You're going to be fine. Even if that is happening, right? My brain protects me by being like, no, you're being ridiculous.

00;15;53;26 - 00;16;27;13
Christina
Oh, my goodness. Yeah. I mean, I, I have been there. Other scenarios that I have been rocketed back into. So what happens if you've ever experienced that as you are rocketed back into a space? I had this happened about six months ago. I was rocketed back into a space because something triggered me and I and I talked to my counselor about it and he asked me, have you considered MDR?

00;16;27;13 - 00;16;51;14
Christina
And if you're not familiar with it, if you have PTSD, what's happening is your brain is jumping back to that. Your brain doesn't remember as a memory. It's experiencing it like it really happens right then. And so most things we remember, we think back, we remember something, but we're not actually like experiencing the smells in the room, what the temperature was, all of those things.

00;16;52;17 - 00;17;16;15
Christina
And so EMDR is eye movement desensitization and response therapy. And what they do is I'm not, again, not a professional. This is what I have read. This is what I understand is that it is a counselor going through a traumatic somebody who is trained, goes through this traumatic event with you or talks you through it, and there you're recalling it.

00;17;16;15 - 00;17;41;21
Christina
And as they do, they're having you do eye movements. They're doing some things to have your eyes move in specific ways. And what that does is it helps your brain to record that as a memory rather than something that is happening to you in the present moment. And so there is help if you have it are having that, maybe you lost your spouse like we did suddenly.

00;17;41;21 - 00;17;51;01
Christina
And sometimes you're in that room with them experiencing that trauma. There is help out there. So I want to make sure people are aware of that.

00;17;51;03 - 00;17;58;07
Meghan
That is so cool. I mean, that that exists. Yes. It's something that. Yeah, that is really neat.

00;17;58;10 - 00;18;20;09
Christina
The way I found out about EMDR is through a book called The Body Keeps the Score. Sometimes we don't realize that. We may say, Well, this happened to me when I was a baby and I don't remember it. But this book talks about this is a famous book. This is a bestselling book. This isn't, you know, some flake writing a book to my doctor.

00;18;20;23 - 00;18;47;24
Christina
And that's all. Zander Clark, if I'm seeing the name correctly, the body keeps the score as the book. And they talk about in this book that, you know, our body remembers those traumas, even though we don't. And so things like this can trigger those responses that we don't recognize. And EMDR is something that in this book that they talk about and that where I became aware of it.

00;18;47;24 - 00;19;11;22
Christina
And then later my counselor has talked to me about having it done. I really I have taken it pretty seriously and I've reached out to some local in our state people to go through that process. I have not yet been able to find somebody that can treat me. But yeah, I think it's it's a it's a it's an amazing.

00;19;11;26 - 00;19;13;02
Meghan
Thing you're going to do.

00;19;13;12 - 00;19;25;29
Christina
You actually. Yes, because I don't like living like that. It's not necessarily the loss of my goal that is triggering some of these things, but some hard things that I've gone through in my life. And so, yeah, yeah.

00;19;26;18 - 00;19;51;03
Meghan
So when you are referring to your own PTSD, does it happen for you for a long period of time? Like you said, you went a few months and then you took that sedative and you felt better or is it like something that kind of happens on and off kind of sporadically, like you're having a PTSD today, you know what I mean?

00;19;51;03 - 00;19;55;03
Meghan
So is it something that's like here and there or is it like an extended thing for you?

00;19;55;05 - 00;20;23;11
Christina
So when this happened in 2008, the first time that I was I will say triggered is the only word I can use all the time. It was sent off. That was a three month. What I would call a cycle. Since then. Yeah. If it happens, it can be just something. Shut it off. And I can recognize eventually like, oh my goodness, I'm back in this room specific space or this happened or a parallel thing and I can walk myself through it.

00;20;23;11 - 00;20;44;08
Christina
I recognize now, but I didn't because I didn't know what was happening before. I didn't know like there was a problem. I didn't I didn't know. I just thought it was my new reality of the way I was living. But yeah, it can be days. But I think because I'm aware of what's going on, I can get help and I can deal with it.

00;20;44;08 - 00;20;52;13
Christina
And but before, when you don't recognize that you have it, yeah, I think that recognizing it and getting help is.

00;20;52;23 - 00;20;53;17
Meghan
Is a good first.

00;20;53;17 - 00;20;56;13
Christina
Step, as they say in other arenas.

00;20;57;27 - 00;21;21;03
Meghan
You know, I suspected that I had it for a while after Jason died, but then, you know, it was confirmed years later by a doctor. But but, yes, like I feel like now now knowing that that's what that feeling is, that it's PTSD, that it's trauma that's causing that. And it's not just my broken brain being paranoid.

00;21;21;05 - 00;21;22;28
Christina
Mm Yes. You know.

00;21;22;28 - 00;21;30;14
Meghan
That, that, I think just that has helped me feel better because I'm like, okay, it's not me, it's what happened.

00;21;30;14 - 00;21;52;19
Christina
To me. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And I think that that is a really good way to put it, is just recognizing like sometimes we think like, oh, my goodness, I'm broken, there's something wrong with me. And it's like, this is something that happened to me. And to know that there's help out there is huge. Your doctor can talk to your doctor.

00;21;52;19 - 00;22;12;03
Christina
They can refer you to someone if you have a counselor and you know they can help you. Just different thing. There are resources out there. So if you are listening to this and you've you're like, I, I knew I was going through something, but I didn't recognize it. You do not have to be a veteran in order to have PTSD.

00;22;12;03 - 00;22;25;20
Christina
They do not they did not cornered the market on that. And I think, like, what's interesting is there's a couple of things that my startle response that's another thing that this might sound strange.

00;22;25;20 - 00;22;27;20
Meghan
I've mentioned that yeah, I.

00;22;27;20 - 00;22;50;03
Christina
Had such a touchy you know you've watched videos where people are startled that they jump. You know, people try to scare people. That was literally somebody could walk into a room and I didn't hear them walk into a room and they start talking and I would jump. And what would happen was my body would just be flooded with I don't know if it was chemicals, but my I don't know what it was.

00;22;50;03 - 00;23;15;15
Christina
But my whole body, I could fill it, be flooded with, you know, probably adrenaline or something. My body went into fight or flight. I was like, we got to we got to protect ourselves here. And that happened for many, many years. Honestly, that happened up until gosh, I would say that was a 20 year journey after that of getting to the place where I got help.

00;23;15;19 - 00;23;35;00
Christina
And until that startle response, it's only been a couple of years to where I don't start out like I used to. And it was embarrassing to be in a movie theater and something happened and you just to jump and, and tell my friends and family knew to be very careful about not startling me.

00;23;35;06 - 00;23;45;13
Meghan
Yeah so the startle response is related to your trauma, to your PTSD. Like that is how PTSD kind of manifested for you.

00;23;45;13 - 00;23;55;01
Christina
There are different yeah, there are different things. But I was surprised because I was like, why is this happening? And then when I looked it up, it was like, okay, it's related to that. So when you.

00;23;55;07 - 00;23;55;16
Meghan
Yeah.

00;23;55;27 - 00;24;18;20
Christina
It also helps me to understand that like, gosh, this is what it has to be like for a veteran who was hearing fireworks go off on the 4th of July. You know, there's a car that backfires and I don't know that it's going to happen. Like, that can be like very startling to me now. And I it's gotten better in the last few years.

00;24;18;20 - 00;24;34;09
Christina
I don't jump like that. I'm just like aware of, oh, a car just backfired right before. Like, I would jump and it would be like, seen a little. If you ever think of a little kid being startled, you see, like people take videos of little kids being startled and then the kid, they jump so hard and then they start crying.

00;24;34;20 - 00;24;36;18
Christina
That was what you would've seen in me.

00;24;36;22 - 00;24;51;28
Meghan
Yeah, but now do you think that you just manage it better? Do you think it's because you know what's happening, that you don't have that, you know, extreme response anymore? Or is it just like time has kind of helped heal that a little bit?

00;24;52;01 - 00;25;15;00
Christina
I don't know the answer. I, I know that it I feel like there has been healing in some of those areas. I feel like I have really done a lot of work in a lot of different year. I don't I couldn't tell you like pinpoint one thing other than like I really am careful about preserving my peace and yeah, you are.

00;25;16;03 - 00;25;17;23
Meghan
And that you know, which is great.

00;25;17;23 - 00;25;30;13
Christina
Yeah. Positive energy who is around me those types of things because I just, I recognize like I'm, I'm delicate. I'm a little bit more fragile and it's, you know.

00;25;30;14 - 00;25;40;22
Meghan
And you can feel the energy of other people, you know, when when somebody chaotic comes into the room, it's like you can you can feel that chaos.

00;25;40;22 - 00;26;11;20
Christina
Yes. Yes. Which as a random note, I mean, maybe this isn't a good place to insert this. But I had I, I had something happen the other day, and you and I had just had the conversation about safety and Indi and I had something happen and it reminded me of a book that was suggested to me. So the book is called The Gift of Fear and because it's by Gavin de Becker and I mean it jump back a little bit and explain this.

00;26;11;29 - 00;26;35;10
Christina
Sometimes when you have PTSD or you've gone through something traumatic, you respond differently. This is one of the things that happens with me is that I respond differently to something than other people. And I recognize people are looking at me about, good, why is she getting so, you know, worked up about this? And I recognized it. It's from past trauma.

00;26;35;10 - 00;26;46;11
Christina
But then also at the same time, I told space for the fact that like this actually could be a scary event. So my brain is trying to figure out, is this scary or are you overreacting, if that makes sense?

00;26;46;11 - 00;26;59;14
Meghan
Yes, that's what my brain does. That's why I'm like, okay, no, I am safe. I am healthy, you know? So that's what my brain does. It's like, this is a scary thing. And then I have to be like, wait, is it? Mm.

00;27;00;18 - 00;27;22;15
Christina
Yeah, yeah. So when I'm, you know, when I'm confronted with something that is actually like in my case, the others are imagined. And this particular case might be like a real scenario that could potentially be scary and I don't know how to judge it. And so I went back, my dad had suggested a book called The Gift of Fear.

00;27;22;26 - 00;27;47;12
Christina
And so I am reading that. And if you are somebody who is listening in that, you listen to our last episode on dating, mixing grief and dating. We did a part, I believe it's for where we talked about safety and dating. That is a good book to read because I feel like sometimes I don't know how to judge and a scary situation and having to go back and trust my gut.

00;27;47;12 - 00;28;01;09
Christina
So that's kind of like this really messy part of having PTSD and then, you know, and mixing certain anxiety and there and then how do I judge this? Because I want to be able to trust my gut in these situations.

00;28;01;09 - 00;28;25;20
Meghan
So yeah, that I haven't read that book. You did recommend it to me, but I'm at a point right now where I just need like I need to escape into a book. I need like a fiction, just something just like like a story, something easy because my life is very busy right now. And so I don't I don't have the bandwidth to learn from a book, so I just need to hear a story.

00;28;25;27 - 00;28;51;26
Christina
I definitely go through this. It's like, what can I handle today? What can yeah. So if, if you're listening to this like and you've been through hard stuff, just remember, like you are a little bit more fragile, you are healing. There is help out there and some days you can't handle as much as other people. You can't handle listening to, you know, heavy material like The Gift of Fear.

00;28;51;26 - 00;29;00;07
Christina
But maybe you need to say, okay, I need some fiction in my life right now. I just need to, like, relax and not think of hard things.

00;29;00;09 - 00;29;04;28
Meghan
So I have a book recommendation. Speaking of fiction, okay.

00;29;05;02 - 00;29;05;05
Christina
I.

00;29;05;06 - 00;29;18;27
Meghan
Just I just finished a book called Project Hail Mary by Andy. I think it's where w e i r Andy Weir. But he also wrote The Martian. Have you read that book or seen the movie?

00;29;18;27 - 00;29;20;17
Christina
I seen the movie, yes.

00;29;20;24 - 00;29;39;12
Meghan
Yes. So good. I love space movies and I really like sci fi just in general. But The Martian is like one of the best ones, I feel like. But anyway, so I just finished Project Hail Mary and I liked it. It was it was entertaining. And so if you were just looking for a book, it's a good it's a good sci fi space situation.

00;29;39;12 - 00;29;52;16
Meghan
It's not quite The Martian, but it's it's you. You can tell this guy wrote The Martian, you know, it's like it's similar in style, you know, and, and it's also in space. So anyway, I, I recommend it.

00;29;53;00 - 00;30;01;20
Christina
So yeah, if you get the panel but the stories. Yeah. And the body, the score. Like The Martian or what. Oh what the hell. It was.

00;30;01;20 - 00;30;02;16
Meghan
Called Project.

00;30;02;16 - 00;30;04;11
Christina
Project Hail Mary. Okay.

00;30;04;20 - 00;30;21;16
Meghan
Honestly, if you haven't read The Martian, read that 1/1, because the book, I feel like it was really cool. I listened to the books as an audiobook, but I listened to it after I watched the movie. So it was like then I could kind of like I was like kind of playing the movie in my head to as the book went.

00;30;21;16 - 00;30;27;24
Meghan
And then there was, you know, there was more stuff that they didn't include in the movie. All right. Do you have anything else to add to this episode?

00;30;28;04 - 00;30;55;21
Christina
Okay, friends. So what I would really want you to know is that if you are experiencing something where you just don't feel like yourself, you've lost your person, you've lost your loved one, and you're going to feel weird, like you're going to feel like you're not yourself. But this is beyond that. This is your reaction is going to be so out of character to stuff maybe is completely.

00;30;55;21 - 00;31;18;20
Christina
I felt like when this happened the first time to me that my my personality completely changed to the opposite. I felt like I was very dark. I was in a very dark place and this trauma was on repeat. If that's you, if you're hearing this and any of this resonate, go and find there's help out there. Maybe you didn't know that there's help out there.

00;31;18;21 - 00;31;40;13
Christina
Maybe you thought this is just how my life is going to be forever. And the people around you, you may not recognize what this is they're looking at. You are like, something's different, but they may not realize how severe this is. So talk to your doctor and talk to your counselor. Find someone to talk to.

00;31;40;23 - 00;31;58;21
Meghan
I think also even you should talk to your the people close with you. So your your spouse, your significant other, your, you know, if you have like adult children, probably not little kids, but yes, adult kids. Siblings, you know, parents.

00;31;58;26 - 00;32;19;13
Christina
Yes. And I mean, I think in that my only caution when I'm thinking about it is if you're describing this to someone and and you're not feeling like you are, they are not taking you seriously because this would be very foreign to someone when you are describing like I'm waking up in the middle of the night and this is happening and I'm reliving this trauma.

00;32;19;22 - 00;32;37;09
Christina
If people don't have the language around you to understand what PTSD or any sort of knowledge or any sort of, you know, mental health awareness, then please don't think that just because other people don't understand doesn't mean that there isn't a real thing going on with you.

00;32;37;17 - 00;32;59;11
Meghan
Yes, I'm sorry. You are totally right. I meant, you know, after you have been diagnosed. After you have. Okay. Yeah. So that's my bad for not introducing it that way. But but yeah. After you have spoken with a counselor or a psychiatrist, then it's like time to share those feelings with the people. Just your inner circle, the people closest with you.

00;32;59;11 - 00;33;02;08
Meghan
So then so they can help you, you know, so they know.

00;33;02;11 - 00;33;15;10
Christina
And I appreciated that when I explained to I remember there was a situation where someone around me thought it was funny. They just some people like to scare people and.

00;33;15;11 - 00;33;18;03
Meghan
I hate that. I hate those people who just want.

00;33;18;03 - 00;33;36;25
Christina
To punch him in the face. But there was someone that I worked with that, you know, he was really fun loving and he liked to scare people. He thought it was funny. And my mother in law and I were talking about it and she said, You need to explain to him that you have PTSD. And this your startle response is very touchy.

00;33;37;04 - 00;33;45;24
Christina
And I did. And, you know, he was very receptive. He made sure not to scare me if he walked into your room, he could answer. Yes, yes, yes.

00;33;46;00 - 00;33;47;10
Meghan
Thank you for listening.

00;33;47;10 - 00;34;11;25
Christina
Yes, sir. Yes. So when like Meghan said, you know, after you find out what's going on, please share with your family, educate the people around you, because then they can they will know how to love you better and they will know how to take care of you. And when they see something like this happening, they can say, like, hey, how can how can I you know, be of help?

00;34;11;28 - 00;34;26;26
Christina
What can I do to help you as you're going through this rather than looking at you like you are a foreign object that just landed in the room? So that would be my what I would really want listeners to know today.

00;34;27;01 - 00;34;54;07
Meghan
Yeah, I think that also it's important to know that you're not alone. You don't have to be you don't have to be a war veteran to experience PTSD. And you're also you don't have to experience it alone. It's you know, it's not just you. Lots of people who lead, you know, regular, ordinary, everyday lives who go to work every day and have families and and, you know, do life have PTSD.

00;34;54;07 - 00;35;10;20
Meghan
Yeah. So, you know, and it's just a matter of knowing that's what it is, which was, you know, what I had to what I had to learn. And then, you know, dealing with it, managing it so you can get to a point where you can have that sort of normal memory day again.

00;35;10;21 - 00;35;19;13
Christina
Because there is there is help and there is recovery and there is having, you know, being able to heal from that. So that is out there. Yeah.

00;35;19;14 - 00;35;51;02
Meghan
All right. While the time has come. So whether your cup is empty like mine have full or overflowing, raise it up. Here's to the craziness of life after loss. Cheers. Thank you so much for being here with us. Please subscribe to our podcast if you found it helpful and you can also find us on social media, on Instagram, at Full Cop Club podcast, and if you search for Club Club podcast on Facebook again, thanks friends and we'll see you next time.