Full Cup Club Podcast - Getting Back Up After Getting Knocked Down With Grief

12 - Nobody is Coming to Save You: Part 2

April 12, 2022 Full Cup Club Episode 12
Full Cup Club Podcast - Getting Back Up After Getting Knocked Down With Grief
12 - Nobody is Coming to Save You: Part 2
Show Notes Transcript

In this episode we talk about what you can physically do to move forward after loss. What can you do today to start living your life again? What do you need to learn how to do? You're still here, so move forward into a life you're proud of.

The biggest takeaway we want for you: Don't be afraid to fail at something new. Jump in and try your best with confidence! 

Be sure to listen to part 1 (episode 11) to learn some coping strategies and ways you can comfort yourself mentally so that you can move forward into your new life.

If you find this podcast helpful, please subscribe and leave us a review! Having reviews is the best way for people to find this podcast. New episodes are available every Wednesday. Thanks for being here!

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00;00;00;09 - 00;00;24;04
Christina
So I'm looking into getting a green house and I really debate because Michael used to go hunting and I would tease him about like all this money that he spent on hunting. We could have just taken it to the grocery store and bought meat. So I feel like I'm in the same boat. Like, will I actually you grow enough stuff to justify the amount I'm spending on a greenhouse.

00;00;25;14 - 00;00;48;03
Meghan
Well, speaking of, you know, it's not just the greenhouse expense because I was left unattended at the Garden Center and my local Lowe's. And this cannot happen with me in the springtime because I will buy all of the flowers. So I don't really grow like vegetables and, you know, stuff to nourish my body

00;00;50;12 - 00;00;59;27
Meghan
I like to grow flowers and things that are beautiful to look at. Right. So I spent way too much money the other day. At Lowe's.

00;01;00;10 - 00;01;13;09
Christina
That's funny. Like, I like the things that like I don't want things that are freeloading. Like, I could buy flowers, but, like, I want you to, like, serve a purpose. I want you to be produce like a vegetable that I can consume. So that's why.

00;01;13;22 - 00;01;18;05
Meghan
That's not me. I think that flowers do serve a purpose. They are beautiful.

00;01;18;06 - 00;01;27;25
Christina
Do they do I want to get better about them, but my chickens eat them, and I'm just like, oh, so maybe this year I'll invest in some hanging baskets.

00;01;28;05 - 00;01;30;24
Meghan
Oh, yeah. Hi, I'm Meghan.

00;01;30;24 - 00;01;34;02
Christina
An I'm Christina, and this is the Full Cup Club podcast.

00;01;34;16 - 00;01;43;23
Meghan
We're here to talk through the good, the bad and the ugly of loss, whether that's losing a loved one, a job, a dream, or even your marbles.

00;01;44;16 - 00;02;06;01
Christina
So whether your cup has coffee, tea, or vodka and welcome to the Full Cup Club. Hey, friends, welcome to the full Cup Club. On today's episode, we're continuing to talk about this idea that no one is coming to save you. And you probably noticed on the last episode, we didn't laugh as much as we usually do and joke around.

00;02;06;02 - 00;02;23;27
Christina
And we know this is a really hard, serious subject. Some of you find yourself in this place. And so we take this very seriously. We have been there and we really want to help you in this part of your journey. So today we're going to talk about what do you do to move forward?

00;02;24;26 - 00;02;50;25
Meghan
Mm hmm. So what does what does that look like? You know? Does it does it look like picking up the slack where your person maybe did all of these things around the house or handled certain tasks? Right. And now you have to do them. How does that fit into your schedule? How do you how do you handle all of this, these extra things you need to do?

00;02;50;25 - 00;03;29;28
Meghan
Or maybe that's not the case. Maybe you're looking for a way to, you know, have an impact. Maybe you you want to share your gifts with the world. Maybe it looks like volunteering somewhere for you. Maybe it just looks like comforting yourself. Maybe it just looks like waking up and getting through the day. Yes. If that's the case, refer to the episode 11 the one right before this one, because we talk a lot about comforting yourself and and self-soothing and how to how to move forward in that manner.

00;03;30;21 - 00;03;52;22
Meghan
Does it look like hiring people to help you with things, whether it's around the house, maybe it's hiring an assistant if you have if you're running a business or something or, you know, what does that look like for you to move forward? I can say that for me this last weekend. Now, it has been almost four years since Jason died.

00;03;53;15 - 00;04;23;05
Meghan
This last weekend, I fixed part of my fence where my dog would bark at the neighbor's dogs and they would like try to attack each other. I replaced the temperature sensors in my pool equipment, and I planted a whole bunch all of those flowers I talked about buying at Lowe's. I planted all of those in the garden and what those three things have in common, as they all would have been on Jason's To-Do list.

00;04;23;20 - 00;04;49;22
Meghan
They were all tasks that Jason would have handled if you would have told me, Hey, Meghan, I need you to replace the temperature sensors in the pool equipment. You know, even a year ago, or while Jason was alive, I would have been like I'm sorry. What? That sounds like a job for an electrician. I don't know. That sounds way to way too much I don't even.

00;04;50;00 - 00;05;11;28
Meghan
How does anybody do that? Right. But in my experience, what I have had to do, what moving forward looked like for me was picking up that slack. I want to continue moving forward in this life that I have. So I have to take care of my house and my yard and things like that. So for me, it looks like learning how to do all of this.

00;05;12;12 - 00;05;33;18
Meghan
I used a weed eater for the first time after Jason died. You know, I used an axe to, like, get some roots out of the ground to, like, hack at the roots and pull up this, like, dead plant. So doing all of these outside things was something that I had to learn how to do if I wanted to continue living here, you know?

00;05;33;18 - 00;05;55;03
Meghan
And I did so. So it's like, what -  What is it that you need to do? So I think it's helpful to think about the future because I wanted to stay here in this house. Like I said, I had to learn how to take care of it. I had to learn how to do all of the things that Jason would have done.

00;05;55;03 - 00;06;18;11
Meghan
That's what it looks like for me. Replacing the air filters in my AC units up in the attic. Right. Like I had to learn how to do all of this stuff. So what does it look like looking forward into your future? What does that look like? Are you looking forward to having children? Are you looking forward to having grandchildren?

00;06;18;22 - 00;06;33;19
Meghan
I think - I read a quote. I think it was a poem, but I don't know that I could find it again. But it said what a beautiful thought it is to think that some of your best days are still ahead of you.

00;06;33;21 - 00;06;34;19
Speaker 3
Mm hmm.

00;06;34;25 - 00;06;58;00
Meghan
So it doesn't feel like it right now. Probably. Or maybe it doesn't feel like it that you're going to have good days again. But you are. So what does it look like for you in the future? Are you traveling? Are you, you know, playing with your grandkids? Are you volunteering somewhere? How are you going to have an impact with the rest of your life, you know?

00;06;58;03 - 00;07;01;28
Meghan
So you you still have a lot to offer, right?

00;07;02;08 - 00;07;24;12
Christina
You do. You do. And sometimes, again, like we want to acknowledge that it's not going to feel like it right now. This is really, really hard sometimes. And you you just sit and picture like, what are the things what are the steps that I need to take to get there and to recognize, like Megan said, there are still better days, right, to come ahead.

00;07;24;22 - 00;07;32;14
Christina
And there are maybe grandbabies to hold in places in the world that you never saw or live to impact.. So, yes. Right.

00;07;32;20 - 00;07;55;04
Meghan
What's getting you up out of bed in the morning? Is it that that nagging, unfinished degree, you know, maybe you started it and then, you know, how many? However many years later, you're like, I'm going to go back and I'm going to finish that degree. I'm going to take the time and do it now. Is it saving up money to go on that vacation that you didn't get to take?

00;07;55;12 - 00;08;31;01
Meghan
Maybe maybe that's something you can do. You know, so you and your person were planning to go on this trip and then they tragically died. But maybe you can still do it. You can still go to those places, right. Is it hobbies that you have? Is that your family, your children find something that is motivating you to get up every single day and you might have to reach and grasp that and just really hang on to that one thing, especially in the beginning that really, you know, it pulls you up out of bed and motivates you to get going.

00;08;31;10 - 00;08;57;21
Christina
This year would have been our 25th wedding anniversary and we never went on a honeymoon and never really took trips together that we didn't take any big trips together, that weren't business trips or for other, you know, things that were not just us choosing to do something. And I've really started to think about what does our 25th wedding anniversary look like?

00;08;58;13 - 00;09;25;05
Christina
Do I buy something special to commemorate that, or do I take our kids somewhere special? You know, what does that look like? So, you know, for, for someone who is facing those things, maybe it would have been an anniversary, a special event, a wedding that you were going to go to. One thing might be researching those things or planning that trip to help you.

00;09;25;05 - 00;09;50;14
Christina
You know, you can still celebrate that. You can still celebrate that love or that birthday of someone. But, you know, just take those little steps to move forward. For me, you talked about finishing a degree. I was in process to do that. And I think like if you have goals, if you are someone right now that's listening to this and you haven't lost somebody, I hope that you can hear this.

00;09;50;15 - 00;10;16;01
Christina
I had goals already before Michael passed. And so it really helped me to have goals to go like, okay, I was already like this, this was our plan, and I can still continue with that. Plan. But if you're not somebody that's okay, like it's okay to sit down and go, Hey, I want to like Meghan said, said, get this degree or I want to learn this new hobby.

00;10;16;07 - 00;10;19;18
Christina
So, yeah, I think we both you and I both have done that.

00;10;19;27 - 00;10;43;00
Meghan
Yeah. Like, that's like that quote attributed to C.S. Louis. You're never too old to set another goal or dream another dream, right? So if you even if you weren't working towards something why not now? You know, why not start something now? If you have the bandwidth, then you know you're mentally okay to move forward with something like that.

00;10;43;00 - 00;10;47;06
Meghan
Do it. Do it. Now is now is the time. Now is your moment.

00;10;47;10 - 00;10;53;17
Christina
Yeah. Perfect your chocolate chip cookie. Perfect. Your Chili Verde,  both are my parents like. I love that about them,

00;10;53;17 - 00;10;57;14
Meghan
I will volunteer to the taste test.

00;10;59;05 - 00;11;17;13
Christina
My parents are both like that. They like especially my dad. Like, he'll perfect he will perfect a recipe. So maybe for somebody that's like, I make this chili and like, I am going to perfect this whatever that looks like, whatever your creative thing is to do.

00;11;18;20 - 00;11;38;22
Christina
Give this time, let this bloom. Ask people around you what you are good at. That type of thing because you can find real joy in it. Again, I want to say this. This is hard. This is not easy. If you're listening to us and you're thinking these girls are like they have too much joy when they talk about this.

00;11;38;22 - 00;11;56;23
Christina
I mean, we're trying to, you know, tone it down this week, but I promise you, like, you will find moments of joy in this stuff. You will find a passion again and you just trust yourself that you're going to find that.

00;11;57;26 - 00;12;22;28
Meghan
So for me, what it looks like, like I said, what moving forward looked like was taking on everything that Jason used to do, learning how to do it, just jumping in. And I don't always nail it, but I am willing to try. I am open to learning, and I'm not special. I have the same Internet that you do.

00;12;22;28 - 00;12;53;18
Meghan
I can access the same YouTube videos that you do. You know, it's just that I have the audacity to believe that I can do it, whatever it is. You know, I'll at least try and I'm not, not afraid to fail. In fact, recently I failed pretty hard. I had to replace a toilet in my house, and it was a difficult situation.

00;12;53;21 - 00;13;15;28
Meghan
And like a difficult process overall, like, just kept running into roadblocks, but I was almost done and the the pipe or the, yeah, the pipe that comes out of the wall where the water comes from, the wall. I was connecting that to the back of the toilet. It was the last step well, the last step before, like, caulking around it.

00;13;15;28 - 00;13;38;07
Meghan
It was the last step, too, like fully connect it. And I broke the pipe. The the pipe that is connected to my house wall is like, oh, my gosh, what do I do? I called my neighbors to see if they had a plumber recommendation. And she was like, she did. And I got, I got a plumber to come out.

00;13;38;07 - 00;13;49;20
Meghan
It was a problem a plumber had to solve. It was not something that I could do. And but she was like, you know, I was telling my husband that you are just you sure are willing to try.

00;13;54;25 - 00;13;55;24
Christina
And I was like.

00;13;56;09 - 00;14;05;05
Meghan
Yup. And I, you know, don't always nail it, but, you know, now now I know that you can't tighten that part that hard or else you.

00;14;05;05 - 00;14;06;02
Speaker 3
Might break your pipe.

00;14;07;16 - 00;14;08;00
Christina
That's funny.

00;14;08;05 - 00;14;37;16
Meghan
So but you know what? The thing is? I failed. I messed up, but it still wound up okay. I had to call a plumber. The plumber came to fix that, he explained, you know, explain how it all worked and everything. And, you know, I learned something, right? So I think that just jumping in and trying the thing is, is how I have had to, you know, move forward.

00;14;37;24 - 00;15;01;04
Meghan
So there's another quote I want to share. It's from Nelson Mandela. It says, Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. So it might be scary jumping in to try to fix or do some of these things. That you're not used to doing.

00;15;01;12 - 00;15;28;19
Meghan
And maybe it's not just about fixing things around the house. Maybe you lost your person who always did the grocery shopping, right? Or always did the cooking. And you're like, I don't know how to make this. I didn't do I didn't cook right. Yeah. So it's about jumping in, not being too scared to learn something new and not being afraid to fail at it either.

00;15;29;07 - 00;15;48;19
Christina
Yes. Don't be afraid to fail. Recently, someone helped me. I moved -  I have miniature pigs, and for the first four years of their life, they were indoor. Pigs are very clean, by the way. If you don't know this, they only get into mud puddles to cool off because they can't sweat.

00;15;48;20 - 00;15;51;13
Meghan
That's a fun fact. And they're also very smart, right?

00;15;51;17 - 00;16;11;05
Christina
They're incredibly smart. They're smarter than dogs. I know that's hard to believe, but they are. And so they slept in our house. They played outside all day, and they would come in and they slept. They had crates in my office, and recently I moved them outside and someone helped me. I actually built them what I call a pig palace.

00;16;11;19 - 00;16;33;06
Christina
I had assiatance, and I was not unsupervised with power tools, but I honestly, in the past would have just stood there and kept Michael Company while he did something like that. And in this case, you know, the person that came alongside with me never doubted for a second like just was like, yes. And like, watched, you know, me do things and and helped.

00;16;33;20 - 00;16;53;20
Christina
And I was just like, oh, my goodness, this is so fun and so sometimes the stuff that you're going to learn to do like that is going to be fun. And then there's other things for me I can't do all of the things I have an autoimmune disease. I can't always physically do some of the more demanding tasks.

00;16;53;20 - 00;17;14;29
Christina
I would love to be able to do them. I'm able to mow my lawn, but the reality is I really need somebody to do it for me. So I've had to hire someone and something that I recently did as I had to hire somebody to power wash it like clean my roof and power, wash my house. And that would have been something that Michael could have easily done.

00;17;15;11 - 00;17;30;08
Christina
So in some cases, depending on your situation, you may have to hire somebody, you might trade with somebody. You may be like, Okay, I can't do this, but maybe somebody else needs some some child care done or they need some meals cooked. And you can trade with somebody to be able to.

00;17;30;16 - 00;18;05;20
Meghan
You know? Yeah. What is your gift? How could you trade in a scenario like that if money is an issue? So a lot of times fixing things was cheaper for me. It still continues to be. So as a single parent, I am looking for ways to save money. So I will jump in and try to fix something before hiring it out just because I'm trying to save money, you know, like I was quoted like $200 to fix these pool sensors, but I just ordered the part on Amazon.

00;18;05;20 - 00;18;29;04
Meghan
$10 each. So for $20 total, I was able to do it myself, you know? So I think it just takes some level of just being open to trying something new. Maybe you've never done it before. Maybe it seems really outrageous and scary because you've never done it before. And it doesn't have to be dealing with, you know, things like that.

00;18;29;04 - 00;19;08;18
Meghan
Like I said, it could be like you weren't the person who went to the grocery store. Maybe, you know, it's, it's scary for you to have to shop for these things, right? Because that's just was not on your to do list, you know, so you are learning to do this these new things and it's just important to have an open mind, be kind with yourself when it doesn't go your way, when things happen and you fail like I failed, I regularly mess up when I try to fix things and do things, but just continuing to get back up and keep trying is important.

00;19;09;08 - 00;19;29;12
Christina
One of the things that I would add to that is trust yourself I've had a couple of experiences that I'd like to share with you guys. Our dishwasher, we Michael always would have a repair person come out. And so I knew to do that. I knew who to call, and I had that happen a couple of times after he passed were that things broke.

00;19;29;24 - 00;19;54;16
Christina
And so I called our repair person and he came out and at one point he looked at our dishwasher and he said, I have a Bosch dishwasher. And he said, they don't even make the parts for this dishwasher like it's a newer dishwasher, but they don't make the the board that was needed. And my daughter figured out almost as like Arthur Fonzarelli move on her dishwasher that tricks the dishwasher into starting.

00;19;54;28 - 00;20;18;09
Christina
And you know what, two and a half years later, the dishwasher still runs. So it's like I want to stay on that part. Like don't just run out and buy something new. Our, our and Michael like our I can't even tell you how many times he had like the washer repair person come out. It's scary when you lose your person and you have these big you know, you talked about your AC and stuff.

00;20;18;17 - 00;20;44;06
Christina
For me, it was large appliances. And so my washer, something happened and again, I called the repair guy, confidently called the repair guy because I knew to do that. And he came out and he was like, hey, I've done all I can do. Like, this is a situation where this is dead. So I would really encourage you. I've had people I have this happened recently with another appliance.

00;20;44;06 - 00;20;49;06
Meghan
Or get multiple quotes on something. So have multiple people come look at it.

00;20;49;06 - 00;20;58;13
Christina
Salespeople will try to talk you into stuff. They're there to sell you stuff. So I would encourage you, call a repair person, find people that you trust.

00;20;58;24 - 00;21;24;07
Meghan
Like I said earlier, before I have the audacity to believe that I could do it, I could fix it, I could build it, I could do it right. You also should have that audacity. You can do it. Trust yourself. You know, you talked about your dishwasher. My friend texted me the other day and she was like, hey, my dishwasher is not running.

00;21;24;08 - 00;21;48;29
Meghan
She sent me a couple of pictures and she was like, Do you know what can be wrong with it? And I was like, you know, I told her to try a couple of things. Like sometimes dishwashers are connected to like a light switch. So if the light switch is turned off, it's not getting power. Right. You know, I told her, you know, try a couple of things, and then I was like, or do you have, you know, a handy person that you could call and they could come look at it?

00;21;48;29 - 00;21;54;04
Meghan
And she goes, You are the handiest person I know. And I was like, oh, my goodness.

00;21;56;29 - 00;22;00;27
Meghan
So that made me feel really good.

00;22;01;04 - 00;22;21;21
Christina
And I mean, there's so many people out there that could potentially be listening that, you know, we we have older, different generations that are listening. And for some of you, you may come from a generation where there were very traditional gender roles in your house. And maybe it is your wife who passed away and she was the person who did your laundry.

00;22;21;21 - 00;22;56;20
Christina
She was the person who did all of those things. And maybe you were the breadwinner and when she passed, you are lost. And I know someone who shared with me that when their mother passed that the father showed up at her front door with his laundry. And so if that's you like, do you hear us as young women, I hope you hear this as as this younger generation saying, like, we picked up power tools like female and we picked up our power tools and we watched YouTube and we figured it out.

00;22;56;29 - 00;23;06;09
Christina
So I, I feel very strongly and saying, like, you can figure this out. I promise you, you can figure out how to cook yourself a healthy meal. You need to take care of yourself.


00;23;06;24 - 00;23;10;26
Christina
She would have wanted you to take care of yourself.

00;23;10;27 - 00;23;22;29
Meghan
Yes. And there's a YouTube video for everything - you don't know how to do your laundry. YouTube it. There's absolutely going to be a video showing you how to use your machine, you know.

00;23;23;03 - 00;23;44;23
Christina
And if you don't know how to use the Internet, if that's something, finding a young person, friend, one your grandchildren, find your neighbor, find somebody. And just here's the deal. It's that old thing. Like rather than giving somebody a fish, like teach them to fish. Ask someone to teach you how to fish. Ask someone to help you learn how to cook.

00;23;44;23 - 00;23;57;13
Christina
Ask someone to give you the tools you're we do not intend for you to be dependent on somebody in this situation. You are strong and you are capable of doing these things. And that is what we want you to hear.

00;23;57;24 - 00;24;24;27
Meghan
Mm. Yes, exactly. One thing I had to hire out recently is so well, let me start by saying Jason was really good at electrical type things and wiring and whatever. So he, I've talked before about how he set up the TV and all that wiring, and he added surround sound speakers. He wired all of those. He added Ethernet ports into the bedrooms in my house he wired all of those.

00;24;24;27 - 00;24;49;05
Meghan
Well, two of those stopped working recently. And I was like, I don't know, man. I did. I did all I could do to, to try to figure out figure it out. All I could figure out is that they weren't working. I couldn't figure out why, you know, because I don't know, I just don't have that knowledge. I tried to Google it, couldn't find it, so I had to hire somebody to come fix these.

00;24;49;05 - 00;25;02;14
Meghan
And he did. He did a great job. But that's one thing where I was like, well, I tried to Google it. I tried to figure it out. And I'm still, you know, as much in the dark as I was in the beginning.

00;25;02;18 - 00;25;05;22
Christina
Yeah. You're going to have to ask for help. Yeah, sometimes.

00;25;05;29 - 00;25;06;06
Meghan
Right.

00;25;06;28 - 00;25;28;07
Christina
If you're not somebody who is comfortable with that in the in the past of asking for help, this is a good time to learn to do that. I had to do that. I had to learn to ask for help and ask for what I needed that I'm very much one of those people that I'm going to have you teach me and then I am going to like, I'm sorry, I'm not going to be codependent, on you?

00;25;28;13 - 00;25;42;28
Christina
I'm sorry. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm going to figure this out. Thank you for your assistance. I'm going I'm going to do this so you can you can do these things, but you might have to ask for help. And that's okay.

00;25;43;02 - 00;26;08;10
Meghan
Yeah. And you might take a class. You know, there are classes at like hardware stores for different DIY things, you know, how to use different tools or build a garden or whatever. There is craft classes where you can just if you wanted to learn a new hobby, you can learn to paint or, you know, macrame or whatever. There's cooking classes, there's all sorts of classes, and it's a really good way.

00;26;08;11 - 00;26;16;17
Meghan
Now, I'm saying this as an introvert, I don't really want to take a class to meet people. If I take a class, I'm probably not going to talk to anybody in it because I


00;26;18;22 - 00;26;20;29
Christina
I'm oing to be in that class and I'm going to talk to you.

00;26;22;18 - 00;26;45;07
Meghan
Know, it is a good way to meet people if that's the goal. If you. Yes, if you wanted to meet other people, that's a good way to do it. Take a class or just maybe you just want to learn how to do something new. I remember I took a class to learn how to make leather earrings. So like, you know, it was just a little craft class, like in one evening and I was just like, I don't know.

00;26;45;07 - 00;26;46;27
Meghan
That sounds cool. Let's try it.

00;26;47;02 - 00;26;56;00
Christina
Yeah. You don't have to make this like your hobby for the rest of your life. You can try something new and be like, Yeah, that wasn't for me, but you. You did something fun.

00;26;56;07 - 00;26;58;03
Meghan
Yeah, but you tried it. 

00;26;58;03 - 00;27;17;24
Christina
I'm going to tell on you. I'm totally going to tell you about something that I admire about you. So Meghan talks about, like, hiring somebody to come out. One of the things I find fascinating about Meghan is she wants the person to show her what they're doing so that she can learn. She doesn't just say, I'm going to go in the house and lay on the couch and fan myself.

00;27;18;00 - 00;27;42;19
Christina
She's like out there in the heat of the day, like, show me how this works. And I admire that about you, that you are, like, brave and you're like, I am capable, and I would like to know how this works. And I will say, like, also to any repair people out there, can I just say how much I appreciate that the people who have come out, I'm going to say 99%.

00;27;42;19 - 00;28;15;24
Christina
Okay. 100% of them have been male, and none of them have treated me like I was not capable they have all been very respectful and contractors have explained to me what they're doing. They've never talked down and been, you know, condescending. And I appreciate that. And it could because I live on the West Coast. I don't know where we're like that around here, but I appreciate, you know, if you're if you are somebody in a relationship with a contractor or somebody that's a repair person and they are male, you know, encourage them.

00;28;15;24 - 00;28;33;18
Christina
Let them know that we appreciate that, that you respect us enough to not think that we we're not capable that and explain like this is how your plumbing works and yes, yeah. I just want to say I appreciate all of the people who have done that.

00;28;33;22 - 00;29;12;05
Meghan
Yes, I have had a I've had both experiences where, you know, the repair person is helpful and kind and encouraging and just just not even any of that. Maybe it's just they just straight up explain what's happening, but they don't treat me differently because I'm a woman. You know, I have had that, which is my favorite. But I have also had the other the other side of it where I get really short answers to the questions or I, I feel like I'm bothering them by watching them or whatever, you know, so but I really appreciate because I do Christina's right.

00;29;12;05 - 00;29;35;11
Meghan
I am out there watching, learning, asking questions. And that's probably annoying. So I appreciate when a repair person is kind and explains things so that I can maybe it's not even so that I replace it myself next time. It's just so that I learn how it all works. You know, I've never had to take care of a pool before.

00;29;35;11 - 00;29;51;21
Meghan
I don't know how well, I mean, I know how pool equipment works now, but I didn't, you know, so. So yeah, I super appreciate kind and compassionate. Just just repair people who don't treat me differently because I'm a woman.

00;29;52;00 - 00;30;12;18
Christina
Yes, very much. I appreciate that. We talked a little bit about, you know, setting the goals and going to school and all of that kind of stuff. And I really would love to see people, you know, picture your future. There is as far as learning, there's a quote, but I think it's AZA is a ASA 

00;30;13;17 - 00;30;14;19
Meghan
I would assume Asa.

00;30;15;03 - 00;30;38;18
Christina
Asa. Asa Hutchinson says you're never too old to start learning and you're never too young to aim high and achieve great things. And we talked about this earlier in just take some time to picture yourself. What are you doing? What does this new life look like? It hurts that your person is gone. It hurts maybe all of the dreams that you had.

00;30;38;23 - 00;30;48;09
Christina
Maybe it was a child that you lost and your world has been shattered. It's like you've ended up in this alternate universe is the best way that I can explain it.

00;30;48;29 - 00;31;13;18
Meghan
And I like to think of it like if my life with Jason was the Titanic, him dying was the iceberg. That life, the Titanic that one is over. And I've started a new life with my son on the lifeboat. Now, how do I how do I build it back up? How do I get to shore? What do I need to do.

00;31;13;18 - 00;31;14;06
Christina
I love That.

00;31;14;28 - 00;31;15;17
Christina
Love that.

00;31;15;19 - 00;31;17;00
Meghan
To move forward?

00;31;17;00 - 00;31;41;11
Christina
Wow. I love that. That is that's awesome. Yeah. And so think about yes, it shattered an iceberg. Just hit you and you are swimming to shore. When you get to shore, what is it going to look like? What life are you going to build for you and your children? Or your grandchildren or whhatever that you know that looks like for you.

00;31;41;12 - 00;32;11;26
Christina
How are you going to honor their lives? They would not, as I said earlier, your person loved you. They would not want you to sit and lay down and not give back up. For many people, they worked really hard to make sure that you were parented well, that you were loved well, that they left a legacy behind that they intended for you to pick up and to teach the next generation or teach the people around you that they that you love.

00;32;11;26 - 00;32;38;16
Christina
So does that mean going and getting education? Does that mean a new career? Does that mean starting an organization or join in an organization, a nonprofit that helps, you know, in some way to something that they loved? What does that look like for you? And to think about that and let that be the thing that drives you that you're passionate about, that helps you build that life for the future?

00;32;38;25 - 00;32;43;01
Meghan
Yes. All right. Well, do you have anything to add this episode?

00;32;43;24 - 00;32;51;16
Christina
You know, I think in closing, one thing that I would like to share is, you know, you hear us and you hear us being upbeat, but I want to be really honest, like.

00;32;53;12 - 00;32;59;07
Meghan
I'm two and a half years in. And it's still hard. It's still really hard. And I hope.

00;32;59;07 - 00;33;21;21
Christina
You guys hear that. I hope you don't hear us and think, oh, like they're just doing great. They're knocking it out of the park. You will still have hard days. You will still have memories, but you have to keep moving forward. You cannot lay down, just like Meghan said, put one foot in front of the other and never think that we don't still struggle with this.

00;33;21;27 - 00;33;42;24
Meghan
Right. But I think that it is hard it and it's scary having to do those things or figure out a way to get those things done that your spouse would do or that your person, whoever would do. And it's hard to do those things without them because when you have these big wins, you're like, Oh my God, I did it.

00;33;43;03 - 00;34;10;29
Meghan
But then you don't have them to tell. So it is hard, but but it's also fulfilling and it's also good. It's also happy. So it can be all of it. It's like in the movie Inside Out where the memories are, you know, the happy memories also have a little bit of sad with them too. It's all of it all at once.

00;34;12;04 - 00;34;35;27
Christina
If you have not watched that. Please. Yes. And yes. Thank you so much. That is a great movie. That's I'm so glad you brought that up. So if if you're listening to this and you have never watched the movie Inside Out and you're struggling, there is a part where that they learn to sit with sadness and say, you're going to say with that sadness and you can sit with sadness and you can still have joy and learn.

00;34;35;27 - 00;34;43;20
Christina
So. Yes, yes. So I just want to make sure that we acknowledge that this is not easy no. But you can do this.

00;34;44;16 - 00;34;47;01
Meghan
And that it does get easier with time, though.

00;34;47;16 - 00;34;50;07
Christina
Yes, absolutely. Absolutely.

00;34;50;09 - 00;35;16;27
Meghan
So I would like to in closing, if I could leave you know, if I could leave you with something it's that I want you to feel capable. I want you to believe in yourself. If I can offer a challenge, try something that you haven't had to do yet. Try something that maybe the person that has left this Earth, maybe they did it.

00;35;17;03 - 00;35;42;06
Meghan
You know, maybe it's cooking your mom's signature casserole or, you know, fixing something that is broken that your husband used to do or is something that your person handled. Try it. Just try it. Google it. See if you can figure it out and try it. And then tell us. Share it with us. We want to hear about those wins.

00;35;42;06 - 00;35;52;09
Meghan
And we also want to hear about the struggles. We are here to cheer you on and to help and and yeah. So that's my challenge for you.

00;35;52;09 - 00;35;52;25
Christina
I love it.

00;35;52;25 - 00;35;53;16
Meghan
Try it.

00;35;53;24 - 00;35;58;08
Christina
Tell us if you failed because we want to celebrate those failures as well.

00;35;58;15 - 00;36;07;14
Meghan
Right? Because it's about trying, it's about getting back up and doing it and learning something and moving forward. So failure is part of that.

00;36;07;26 - 00;36;08;14
Christina
Yes.

00;36;09;02 - 00;36;13;23
Meghan
You know what? We didn't talk about what we're drinking today.

00;36;13;23 - 00;36;16;13
Christina
Oh my goodness. Meghan, what are you drinking today?

00;36;16;21 - 00;36;26;08
Meghan
Well, another sparkling water, actually. I think this is the same one I was drinking last week. It's the cherry and pomegranate flavors San Pellegrino sparkling water. It's tasty.

00;36;28;19 - 00;36;30;03
Meghan
What are you drinking today?

00;36;30;03 - 00;36;35;04
Christina
I am drinking a black tea. I love me a black tea. So I am drinking a black tea.

00;36;36;17 - 00;36;52;20
Meghan
All right, friends. Well, now that we've discussed what we're drinking. Finally, the time has come. So whether your cup is empty, half-Full or overflowing raise it up - here is to the craziness of life after loss.

00;36;53;04 - 00;36;53;23
Christina
Cheers.

00;36;54;07 - 00;37;16;16
Meghan
I'd also like to add that if this is helpful to you, if our podcast is helpful to you, the best way to help others find us is to leave a review. So if you if we have helped you in any way, it will be so helpful for us if you can leave us a review wherever you listen to podcasts.

00;37;16;22 - 00;37;38;02
Meghan
We're so grateful for that. And that will help make it easier to find. Thank you so much for being here with us. Please subscribe to our podcast if you found it helpful and you can also find us on social media, on Instagram, at Full Cup Club podcast. And if you search Full Club Club Podcast on Facebook. Again, thanks friends, and we'll see you next time.